Whoa! Did this ever hit me in the solar plexus this morning.LOL
"Rationalization means providing "good" reasons instead of the true reason.
Addicts seem very adept at it.
Rationalizations divert attention from true reasons.They not only divert others' attention from the truth,but also the addict's.As with denial,rationalization is an unconcious process-that is,the person is unaware of rationalizing."
A fairly reliable rule of thumb is that when people offer more than one reason for doing something,they are probably rationalizing.Usually the true reason for any single action is a single one."
OMG....I can't even tell you how many times I do this.I found myself doing it yesterday with work.There was rain in the forecast but it was not enough to warrant delaying this project.I spent half the day making more excuses.It didn't rain until 5:00PM.
Then there is my drug history.
I can't quit right now because I have to go on vacation.
I'm having pain so I need to take these 40 pills a day
it goes on.............
I'm sure a few of you can identify.LOL
top 'o the mornin' to you, tim ~
rationalize = rationa-lies where i was concerned.
thanks for the great topic!
big hugs to you, my friend ~
sammy
rationalize = rationa-lies where i was concerned.
thanks for the great topic!
big hugs to you, my friend ~
sammy
tim, i appreciate your thoughts. rationalizing and excuses are basically one and the same. just rationalizing sounds like a more positive term.
good morning and have a great day
good morning and have a great day
Moring Blue and Sammy.
Rational-lies ...........I like that.Very clever.
How about.....ration-the-lies?
Rational-lies ...........I like that.Very clever.
How about.....ration-the-lies?
nah - i was never very good at rationing out the lies while in active addiction, tim. my entire life had become a lie!
hugs ~
sammy
hugs ~
sammy
Good post Tim...
I could rationalize with the best of them back in the day....in fact, my home was denial for many, many years but by the grace of God, today I can live in reality and by waking up every morning, praying to my HP, whom I call God, and asking for his help and to show me his will, I also ask for his help with being Honest, Open and Willing....when I apply these 3 things in my day, I find I do not rationalize in my life....honesty, true honesty with myself and being open and willing to see the truth has set me free today and as long as I keep doing what I'm doing, I might have a reprieve tomorrow....I try to live in Today and not miss a single miracle and what a rewarding life I have today....
Happy Holidays, my friend.....
(((hugs)))
Stacey
I could rationalize with the best of them back in the day....in fact, my home was denial for many, many years but by the grace of God, today I can live in reality and by waking up every morning, praying to my HP, whom I call God, and asking for his help and to show me his will, I also ask for his help with being Honest, Open and Willing....when I apply these 3 things in my day, I find I do not rationalize in my life....honesty, true honesty with myself and being open and willing to see the truth has set me free today and as long as I keep doing what I'm doing, I might have a reprieve tomorrow....I try to live in Today and not miss a single miracle and what a rewarding life I have today....
Happy Holidays, my friend.....
(((hugs)))
Stacey
Tim:
Thanks for the food for thought. Rationalizing bad behavior or a bad attitude with the I'm right their wrong-ism is something that I justify. The good news is today, it doesn't feel good to be indignant. It makes me uncomfortable. I use to rationalize everything when I was using. Now what I have to watch is more of the rationalization of bad behavior.
Recently, a colleague asked me for feedback. I gave him honest feedback and he got defensive. He hurt my feelings and I was trying to rationalize it by saying, "He asked for feedback! When I reflected over my part in the situation, I had to look at my motives and my delivery. Was I harsh? Yeah, I was brutally honest. I need to watch my intonation and my motives today.
Thanks for the enlightening post.
~Rachel
Thanks for the food for thought. Rationalizing bad behavior or a bad attitude with the I'm right their wrong-ism is something that I justify. The good news is today, it doesn't feel good to be indignant. It makes me uncomfortable. I use to rationalize everything when I was using. Now what I have to watch is more of the rationalization of bad behavior.
Recently, a colleague asked me for feedback. I gave him honest feedback and he got defensive. He hurt my feelings and I was trying to rationalize it by saying, "He asked for feedback! When I reflected over my part in the situation, I had to look at my motives and my delivery. Was I harsh? Yeah, I was brutally honest. I need to watch my intonation and my motives today.
Thanks for the enlightening post.
~Rachel
Rachel quotes-"Recently, a colleague asked me for feedback. I gave him honest feedback and he got defensive."
That never happens here does it?LOL
It's kind of like the rhetorical question..."Does this dress make my butt look big?"........not that I wear dresses.
That never happens here does it?LOL
It's kind of like the rhetorical question..."Does this dress make my butt look big?"........not that I wear dresses.
Good topic. i wish i could tell you that when I first got sober and decided that I would be "honest," that I all of a sudden became honest in all my affairs. It didn't happen. I was as honest as I was capable of being at the time, certainly cash register honest, but it took -- and still takes -- a long time before i could begin to fully unravel the many ears of self-rationalizations and deceptions. I still rationalize things every day, but not when it comes to pain pills, or alcohol, etc. I no longer have that luxury. Those kinds of rationalizations almost killed me.
But I needed help getting to this point. I needed people around me who could call me on my sh*t, and who I gave permission to do so. That latter point is key for me. I don't think this Board is a particularly effective means for that kind of personal feedback, or "tough love" as some call it. Sometimes it works, especially off-line. More times than not, though, it is misinterpreted, or its not done for the right reasons. It's why many of us on the Board strongly encourage face-to-face support as part of any recovery program.
It's such a relief when you can finally see, then accept without judgment, the truth about yourself and your actions in relation to addiction. And when someone heps you see that truth in a way that you can really receive, and even laugh about, there's a bond that forms that is . . . well . . . amazing, and the relief is almost instantaneous.
Thanks for the topic.
But I needed help getting to this point. I needed people around me who could call me on my sh*t, and who I gave permission to do so. That latter point is key for me. I don't think this Board is a particularly effective means for that kind of personal feedback, or "tough love" as some call it. Sometimes it works, especially off-line. More times than not, though, it is misinterpreted, or its not done for the right reasons. It's why many of us on the Board strongly encourage face-to-face support as part of any recovery program.
It's such a relief when you can finally see, then accept without judgment, the truth about yourself and your actions in relation to addiction. And when someone heps you see that truth in a way that you can really receive, and even laugh about, there's a bond that forms that is . . . well . . . amazing, and the relief is almost instantaneous.
Thanks for the topic.
Tim:
Touche! However, in this case, I don't like this guy, lol. Had someone I liked asked me for honest feedback, I would have couched my answer in a more gentle manner. I came up with a lot of excuses of why I was right but to be honest, this situation made me feel bad. In his defense, he has a lot of pressure and is in a position that he is not suited for. The good news is, the feedback did resonate and he has changed some of his behaviors that clearly were not working.
~Rachel
Touche! However, in this case, I don't like this guy, lol. Had someone I liked asked me for honest feedback, I would have couched my answer in a more gentle manner. I came up with a lot of excuses of why I was right but to be honest, this situation made me feel bad. In his defense, he has a lot of pressure and is in a position that he is not suited for. The good news is, the feedback did resonate and he has changed some of his behaviors that clearly were not working.
~Rachel
None quotes-And when someone heps you see that truth in a way that you can really receive, and even laugh about, there's a bond that forms that is . . . well . . . amazing, and the relief is almost instantaneous.
None.......That is one of the best descriptions I've ever read about the relationships we form in recovery.I'm trully in awe.I will take that with me today.This is one of the reasons why I still come to this board.
Thank You my friend
None.......That is one of the best descriptions I've ever read about the relationships we form in recovery.I'm trully in awe.I will take that with me today.This is one of the reasons why I still come to this board.
Thank You my friend
None:
I love your post! I have a friend who tells me the truth. We have been friends for over 20 years. She has been clean and sober for 21 years. She calls me out and by doing so enables me to see the truth and take contrary action. Sometimes what she says is the exact opposite of what I want to hear but damn her words always envoke action on my part.
~Rachel
I love your post! I have a friend who tells me the truth. We have been friends for over 20 years. She has been clean and sober for 21 years. She calls me out and by doing so enables me to see the truth and take contrary action. Sometimes what she says is the exact opposite of what I want to hear but damn her words always envoke action on my part.
~Rachel
Rachel quotes-However, in this case, I don't like this guy, lol
You got to start practicing somewhere.What better place than someone you can't stand?LOL j/k
Besides, he asked.My problem was that I always volunteered the information.That didn't go down so well.
You got to start practicing somewhere.What better place than someone you can't stand?LOL j/k
Besides, he asked.My problem was that I always volunteered the information.That didn't go down so well.
Good thread...
Thank you None...and for me, with that relief came hope and a realization that I was not unique and didn't have to keep trying to do this on my own...that right there is a miracle for me...for me, f2f support is the only way that I can be clean & sober today...I tried all the easier, softer ways to no avail....
Take care,
Stacey
| QUOTE |
| And when someone heps you see that truth in a way that you can really receive, and even laugh about, there's a bond that forms that is . . . well . . . amazing, and the relief is almost instantaneous. |
Thank you None...and for me, with that relief came hope and a realization that I was not unique and didn't have to keep trying to do this on my own...that right there is a miracle for me...for me, f2f support is the only way that I can be clean & sober today...I tried all the easier, softer ways to no avail....
Take care,
Stacey
this is a GREAT thread, because it applies to all of life. rachel you're right on with asking yourself "what are my motives?" if the truth when one ask is hurtful, watch how you say it. i tend to be like tim and give unsolicited advice. lately i have tried to be more cautious. and before i speak or act ask myself what i expect to convey or accomplish and what is my motive. many times i have backed off after realizing my own intent. as i have previously stated i'm not an addict, but vicodin certainly clouded my thinking and actions. now that i'm off i am much more reasonable, tactful and thoughtful. i praise the Lord for my healing and i imagine everyone around me does. all this said sometimes the truth hurts and is helpful for us all especially if it is from someone we love.
Well duh.
(slapping my forehead)
(slapping my forehead)
lol at cowgirl.
i can't slap mine, cause my head hurts too bad.
ahhhhh....we went from rationalizing to motives in truth giving....
the truth is a difficult thing, isn't it? but in the end, it is so much better than lying...whether it hurts someone or not. lying hurts everyone, everytime. i always say that the lie is usually worse than the crime. i believe in honesty, i just don't know how to live any other way, and i am not interested in learning.
rationalizing...i like the thought that if there is more than one reason why, then we are rationalizing. that really gives me something to think about...because i generally list the pros and cons of things...and i see myself reaching on some of the pro's if it is something i really want, desire, etc. and vice versa.
durn, life is hard sometimes....doing it right requires constant mindfulness, doesn't it?
good thread peeps.
s.
i can't slap mine, cause my head hurts too bad.
ahhhhh....we went from rationalizing to motives in truth giving....
the truth is a difficult thing, isn't it? but in the end, it is so much better than lying...whether it hurts someone or not. lying hurts everyone, everytime. i always say that the lie is usually worse than the crime. i believe in honesty, i just don't know how to live any other way, and i am not interested in learning.
rationalizing...i like the thought that if there is more than one reason why, then we are rationalizing. that really gives me something to think about...because i generally list the pros and cons of things...and i see myself reaching on some of the pro's if it is something i really want, desire, etc. and vice versa.
durn, life is hard sometimes....doing it right requires constant mindfulness, doesn't it?
good thread peeps.
s.
FEAR = F*#* Eveything And Run
F*#* Everything And Rationalize
F*#* Everything And Rationalize
LOL...both are good.
