I posted a while back about my boyfriend and his new start into a sober life, he's been sober for 6 months now, and he takes his soberity very seriously. We are still together but not really. He has shut out the whole world, he doesn't communicate with anyone but his sponsor and parents. When I see him he looks more lost now then he did while using, he seems depressed and out of touch with reality. I feel a lot of this is because of his sponsor, and I don't feel his sponsor is a good fit for him. I know my boyfriend is scared of relapsing and he is doing everything he can so he doesn't, but that has also resulted in him secluded himself from the world, not seeing friends, not communicating with me. He has put himself in this little bubble and doesn't leave it. I'm honestly more scared for him now than before. His sponsor hasn't shown him how to balance being sober and living life, something the he didn't do for so long because he was under the influence of drugs.
His sponsor has meddled into our relationship and in a way has made demands of him, makes him feel guilty. My BF is in the process of finishing his masters degree and doing a 5 day internship a week. His sponsor expects him to call at the same time everyday in the morning, and expects him to meet him before the meetings to go over step work, then attend the meeting. He does this everyday.
His sponsor has said things like "1 missed phone call leads to 1 missed meeting and then your relapsing" because my BF didn't call him one morning, and told him that he needed to put some time aside to finish his thesis, so he wouldn't be able to go to a meeting every day this week. I feel like by his sponsor saying that is like telling him that he doesn't have faith in him to stay sober, telling him that if it wasn't for him (sponsor) and meetings he would be using drugs, making my BF feel like he isnt strong enough to get through this, telling my BF that he (sponsor) doesn't believe in him.
The other morning he told my BF that he had been "focusing more on teaching and school work more than he was his soberity and what was he going to do when he got a job" isn't his sponsor suppose to be guiding him on how to balance soberity and reality? My BF has worked for 3 years to get his masters, and his sponsor just looks at him like he shouldn't be putting time into that but needs to put time into soberity. My boyfriend has told me he has felt depressed, that he is isolating himself from everyone. He's not living life, my BF won't admit but he has let his sponsor take control over his life and make decisions for him. He allows it because I know he feels like he should trust this man because he is sober but I feel he is making things worse. I can't say anything to my BF about his sponsor, he gets angry and tells me I don't know what I'm talking about, I'm not an addict, I'm not in the program. My BF in the beginning liked me coming to open meetings with him, said it gave him support. His sponsor told him that I have no place in coming and that I shouldn't be there, so now my BF doesn't think I should be there.
I don't know what to do, this sponsor doesn't seem like the right person to be sponsoring my boyfriend, my BF is very outgoing and social, always likes to do things and meet new people, he's been a great boyfriend besides his addiction, we've talked about spending our lives together and starting a family, we've been together almost 4 years, and now I barley see or hear from him, because his sponsor is telling him that his soberity is #1, and I understand that but he's giving up on all the other things he wanted in life. Nothing against his sponsor, but he is 57 years old, never married, doesn't have children and works at night. So his sponsor doesn't know how to help him balance a family or a significant other. I don't know I feel like I'm rambling now.
Does this sponsor sound like he is helping him? Or that his sponsors ego is tied up in sponsoring my BF? Doesn't seem right. Any thoughts?
Hi there,
I see that you posted in August. I'm wondering if you were able to get to a near anon or al anon meeting for yourself? If you haven't I suggest you try and and get to one.
It sounds like you're frustrated with the amount of time your fianc is devoting to meeting with his sponsor and attending support meetings. On the left section under Most Popular Topics is a pie chart of recovery. I think it is very helpful. It shows that at the beginning when of recovery one should be spending a majority of their time working on recovery. It's that important. Over time things will shift, but for now, it seems that that is where he needs to be.
Here's a link to the pie chart:
http://www.addictionrecoveryguide.o...ST&f=19&t=66919
I see that you posted in August. I'm wondering if you were able to get to a near anon or al anon meeting for yourself? If you haven't I suggest you try and and get to one.
It sounds like you're frustrated with the amount of time your fianc is devoting to meeting with his sponsor and attending support meetings. On the left section under Most Popular Topics is a pie chart of recovery. I think it is very helpful. It shows that at the beginning when of recovery one should be spending a majority of their time working on recovery. It's that important. Over time things will shift, but for now, it seems that that is where he needs to be.
Here's a link to the pie chart:
http://www.addictionrecoveryguide.o...ST&f=19&t=66919
