Ive just stumbled across this site and feel sick in my stomache and my eyes are welling with tears and I try to hide it from my work colleagues around me. I cant believe how many people are in the same situation as me. I love a heroin addict weve been together over a year and when we met he went strait on to meth and then subutex and was on this for a year thing were great. He relapsed recently and it drove me insaine i wasnt used to it the lying the sneaking around staying up all night. Id lie in bed and hear him smoking heroin and when I'd go out hed hide it all and say wasnt. I cant believe how much he changed and it destroyed me. I looked like the addict, I lost weight was stressed and became obsessed with looking for things, through cupboards and bins and pockets and I usually found evidence. He has stopped now and is taking time of work to try to detox himself as he has had enough of tablets. He says he is going to meetings and he looks clean, but he is still very distant from me. But I dont know if this is beause of my nagging etc. Am I to beleive him that he is detoxing or is he lying and still using??? Any advice?? I love him so much and I cant beleive how much he changed recently I want my boyfriend back, the worst thing is trying to trust again my head is in spins all the time worrying its not good for my health. Any advice on dealing with it and keeping calm etc??? Please help
Dear Helenan I understand your positions as I too struggled with my late bf's addiction to Heroin. I hope the following will help, there are a lot of people on this site with real, knowledgable & useful advice.Trust is something that is built over time through actions. It doesn't come in a giftbox, it's a process. Hopefully you have or will have an open dialogue with your bf where he can accept that. You may want to check out support groups for you as I belive they deal with those issues. My late bf had been clean for a couple of years,relapsed, clean for months, relapse, etc.... though from seeing him relapse several times what he really needed were the mental tools to help him. I needed to learn that anger was not a helpful way to react to the situation. I know it's hard. Hang in there, it sounds like you really care about him. I also saw a 360 in my bfs' personality. When he was back at being an active addict he stooped to lowest forms of humanity that when straight you would never see. Addiction robs the soul. Is he getting any therapy or counselling? Take Care, Dora
To Dora
God this is so nice to talk to somebody who gets what I mean. My friends try but they just dont know how you feel. He is getting councelling once a week and sees the doctor he was doing really well. A friend of his died and his dad contacted him who he hasnt seen for years so dont know if perhaps these were triggers. He is now back on medication and trying to detox in couple of weeks Im scared its gonna go tits up again and getting really clingy and confrontational with him as cant handle it. He is going to meetings every day and wants me to go to some on an evening which is positive. I used to have acupuncture with him before and be more involved but he pushed me away when started using. I feel he is pushing me away now but perhaps he needs space. I know I need to give him space and stop nagging but its so hard im like some nutcase. When he relapsed I felt I lost my life as I didnt want to go anywhere as wanted to make sure he wasnt using but he did anyway so what was the point. I know I need to get things back on track and stop worrying but I find it so hard. Im worried he dosent love me and just tells me he does so that I stay because if I go he'd have no where to go. He assures me that its not true and he loves me but because of how he acted I dont know anymore. He got so violent with me not hitting but pushing and stuff and just really nasty and I was getting violent back throwing things and hitting him and thats not in either of our personalities really? Its f***ed up! I cant beleive Im in this situation when he first told me he'd been an addict for 10 years I thought ok your trying to sort it out we'll see what happens and it was fine not an issue for ages until BOOM it all went out of control Ive lost so much confidence people say ive got thin and I feel so ugly although people are saying opposite. I need to find hobby and focus on that but cant afford the gym. Why do we put ourselves through it?????
God this is so nice to talk to somebody who gets what I mean. My friends try but they just dont know how you feel. He is getting councelling once a week and sees the doctor he was doing really well. A friend of his died and his dad contacted him who he hasnt seen for years so dont know if perhaps these were triggers. He is now back on medication and trying to detox in couple of weeks Im scared its gonna go tits up again and getting really clingy and confrontational with him as cant handle it. He is going to meetings every day and wants me to go to some on an evening which is positive. I used to have acupuncture with him before and be more involved but he pushed me away when started using. I feel he is pushing me away now but perhaps he needs space. I know I need to give him space and stop nagging but its so hard im like some nutcase. When he relapsed I felt I lost my life as I didnt want to go anywhere as wanted to make sure he wasnt using but he did anyway so what was the point. I know I need to get things back on track and stop worrying but I find it so hard. Im worried he dosent love me and just tells me he does so that I stay because if I go he'd have no where to go. He assures me that its not true and he loves me but because of how he acted I dont know anymore. He got so violent with me not hitting but pushing and stuff and just really nasty and I was getting violent back throwing things and hitting him and thats not in either of our personalities really? Its f***ed up! I cant beleive Im in this situation when he first told me he'd been an addict for 10 years I thought ok your trying to sort it out we'll see what happens and it was fine not an issue for ages until BOOM it all went out of control Ive lost so much confidence people say ive got thin and I feel so ugly although people are saying opposite. I need to find hobby and focus on that but cant afford the gym. Why do we put ourselves through it?????
I know how you feel...my boyfriend is addicted to crack..and he tries to get clean but it seems impossible. I worry about him ALL the time, because eventually this drug will kill him if he continues using. Its frustrating as well as upsetting because I just don't really know what to do anymore. He's gone to meetings and I've gone with him at his request as well but he relapsed anyways. I feel like theres no hope for him anymore...
Dear Helena, The fact that he wants you to go to evening mtgs. with him is good. Maybe he needs a spave that you do not yet know to give. Trust me I don't have all the right answers, I wish I did. It seems that he has supports in place , i.e. dr's, counselling, and meetings. Like I said earlier finding a group for you is probably your best bet at learning how to help yourself and in return him. My late bf has never been violent with me with the exception of the evening when he died. If things have been getting physical, that's not good. Both of you are struggling. I found it really hard after my bf went to detox, came out and relapsed, the hard reality to deal with is that he can go to mtgs. get all the help and yes that is amazing it doesn't guarantee that he will never use again. I know how sad this is for you, your & his family. Friends will have a hard time understanding, you need to talk to someone who is proffessional, and objective maybe they can help you. My prayers are with you. Dora
To Dora and Kitty Kat - thanks for your thoughts.
Im sorry to here that that happened to your boyfriend Dora it must be really hard. I think thats the worst thing I could imagine to happen. I should think more positive at least he trying. Im quite lucky I never see him doing things and hes not got so bad that hes injecting although thats what he was doing before we met. I should think of it as a relapse and try to get back to normal (whatever that is). This has made me feel much better. Also got home tonight and my boyfriend asked me to go to a meeting with him tomorrow night and he went to one today so I guess im just stressing from what happened recently. He seems really together cooked me dinner and everything. Sometimes it all gets to me and I cant see that things arent as bad as they seem. I think what if this and what if that and make things up in my own head and get carried away. I should think myself lucky it could be a lot worse but sometimes it feels like the end of the world depending on different moods. The thing that hurt me about his relapse is seeing him change by such a big extreme from as he is tonight to a liar who cant stand to look me in the eye or be anywhere near me and who snaps at things and sits in front of the tv for ages.
Youve both made me feel much better I hope things work out for Kitty Kat. Does your boyfriend want to get help?
Dora I think your brave and beautiful to go through so much for the love of another person. Thats a great thing and Im sure you brought a lot of happiness to your boyfriends life and vice versa. Its great that your using your experience in a positive way to help others THANK YOU! I guess lifes not always that fairytale we are made to believe from what we see in the movies everyone has problems nobody is perfect and we cant help who we fall in love with.
Thanks for replying to me feel so much better. xx
Im sorry to here that that happened to your boyfriend Dora it must be really hard. I think thats the worst thing I could imagine to happen. I should think more positive at least he trying. Im quite lucky I never see him doing things and hes not got so bad that hes injecting although thats what he was doing before we met. I should think of it as a relapse and try to get back to normal (whatever that is). This has made me feel much better. Also got home tonight and my boyfriend asked me to go to a meeting with him tomorrow night and he went to one today so I guess im just stressing from what happened recently. He seems really together cooked me dinner and everything. Sometimes it all gets to me and I cant see that things arent as bad as they seem. I think what if this and what if that and make things up in my own head and get carried away. I should think myself lucky it could be a lot worse but sometimes it feels like the end of the world depending on different moods. The thing that hurt me about his relapse is seeing him change by such a big extreme from as he is tonight to a liar who cant stand to look me in the eye or be anywhere near me and who snaps at things and sits in front of the tv for ages.
Youve both made me feel much better I hope things work out for Kitty Kat. Does your boyfriend want to get help?
Dora I think your brave and beautiful to go through so much for the love of another person. Thats a great thing and Im sure you brought a lot of happiness to your boyfriends life and vice versa. Its great that your using your experience in a positive way to help others THANK YOU! I guess lifes not always that fairytale we are made to believe from what we see in the movies everyone has problems nobody is perfect and we cant help who we fall in love with.
Thanks for replying to me feel so much better. xx
Sorry kitty kat re-read my message and realised sounds bit rude! I can see yes hes tried to get lots of help.
That must be awful to keep going through it over and over, you must be going out of your mind? Sounds like you very close with him. Do you have other people who support you? Is there a physical withdrawl from crack or is it more mental. Crack is quite full on if your doing it all the time I supose you do it over and over cause its such quick buzz? I feel for you that must be so hard.
Is it a bad area where you live? I think thats part of the problem with my boyfriend although he says it dosent make any difference as can get anywhere. We live in bad area where it is on your doorstep. He is lucky in the sence that his friends dont do it so if he does it he does it on his own. It must be harder if your in the environment? Do you do drugs at all? Its funny how some are addicted to crack and others to heroin, like my boyfriend can leave crack alone but his weakness is heroin and someone else I know is the other way round. Supose it different buzz etc. I never used heroin but I have tried crack and used to do a lot of coke and pills etc but never to the extent that it was out of control. Ive done crack with my boyfriend a couple of times and it is addictive but i can leave it the next day. I couldnt be addicted to it, but I supose thats something that happens the more you do it you get more addicted? i think that half my problem i dont understand addiction. I dont do drugs with my boyfriend at all now! His friend advised me he said never do crack with him because crack leads to smack. Drugs arent something I want in my life and I find it hard to understand my boyfriend one because never done heroin and NEVER would but two because it is a part of my life I feel is in the past and I like being sober and want to have good things in life, natural highs. Do you feel like that? are you young? Im 26 and sometimes think cant be arsed with this what am I doing etc. but when you love them its so hard. Has your boyfriend got any other things in his life like interests in music or sport mine has started to learn the guitar and bass guitar and is learning to do music producing on computer and stuff it helps him a lot as hes got different things to do.?
God Im crap at talking about this I feel ashamed to be talking as reading everyone elses stories I am very unexperienced and probably talking a load of s***e. Sorry guys anyway hope things work out let me know.xxx
That must be awful to keep going through it over and over, you must be going out of your mind? Sounds like you very close with him. Do you have other people who support you? Is there a physical withdrawl from crack or is it more mental. Crack is quite full on if your doing it all the time I supose you do it over and over cause its such quick buzz? I feel for you that must be so hard.
Is it a bad area where you live? I think thats part of the problem with my boyfriend although he says it dosent make any difference as can get anywhere. We live in bad area where it is on your doorstep. He is lucky in the sence that his friends dont do it so if he does it he does it on his own. It must be harder if your in the environment? Do you do drugs at all? Its funny how some are addicted to crack and others to heroin, like my boyfriend can leave crack alone but his weakness is heroin and someone else I know is the other way round. Supose it different buzz etc. I never used heroin but I have tried crack and used to do a lot of coke and pills etc but never to the extent that it was out of control. Ive done crack with my boyfriend a couple of times and it is addictive but i can leave it the next day. I couldnt be addicted to it, but I supose thats something that happens the more you do it you get more addicted? i think that half my problem i dont understand addiction. I dont do drugs with my boyfriend at all now! His friend advised me he said never do crack with him because crack leads to smack. Drugs arent something I want in my life and I find it hard to understand my boyfriend one because never done heroin and NEVER would but two because it is a part of my life I feel is in the past and I like being sober and want to have good things in life, natural highs. Do you feel like that? are you young? Im 26 and sometimes think cant be arsed with this what am I doing etc. but when you love them its so hard. Has your boyfriend got any other things in his life like interests in music or sport mine has started to learn the guitar and bass guitar and is learning to do music producing on computer and stuff it helps him a lot as hes got different things to do.?
God Im crap at talking about this I feel ashamed to be talking as reading everyone elses stories I am very unexperienced and probably talking a load of s***e. Sorry guys anyway hope things work out let me know.xxx
Don't be ashamed or embarassed at all about how you are talking. There are a lot of us that are inexperienced and/or naive about this. That is why a lot of us are here.
That's why I came here in the first place. My boyfriend is a recoverying heroin/morphine addict. He's been clean since November 12, 2004, except for a couple of slip-ups with coke. But at least it wasn't with his drug of choice. He has the same attitude you were talking about. He prefers obviously his DOC, but he says he can take or leave coke. Since he says that, I wish he would then just leave it altogether. He's an addict - I would think that any drug could become a problem.
Anyway - welcome and don't worry about your postings. There are no wrong posts here.
Take care,
Mickey
That's why I came here in the first place. My boyfriend is a recoverying heroin/morphine addict. He's been clean since November 12, 2004, except for a couple of slip-ups with coke. But at least it wasn't with his drug of choice. He has the same attitude you were talking about. He prefers obviously his DOC, but he says he can take or leave coke. Since he says that, I wish he would then just leave it altogether. He's an addict - I would think that any drug could become a problem.
Anyway - welcome and don't worry about your postings. There are no wrong posts here.
Take care,
Mickey
Dear Helena, Although I can relate to those feelings of being ashamed at some point or other, please don't. Obviously you care a lot about your bf, he has an addiction and is trying to change his life, that is nothing to be ashamed of. Though again, having been there it's always easier said than done. Wether it's alcohol, crack or other drugs, addiction often leaves those trying to help as best as we know feeling shame. You can learn how to deal with those in healthier ways. When I first met my late bf I also was sooo naive to the signs of hewroin addiction, though after several months started to clue in. When you haven't been exposed to it before, and I know deep down inside I didn't want to beleive it, it takes time for the acceptance to set in. I first came to this site as Mickey said as I was overwhelmed, isolated and confused. I had just split for a couple of months with my bf as he was getting worst and I felt as though I was not helping. It was one of the few places that I didn't fear of being judged & could talk openly.I don't how much my posts help though know this site has helped me, while mybf was alive as well as now. At times I'd read posts, write posts, and at times get scaredas some of the feedback was very truthful of my own actions on how I was trying to help my bf. I learnt that enabling comes in a lot of shades of grey and although I did my best to stop, looking back now I feel I could have done more, though know that may be my grief speaking more than my brain. Heroin addiction is the most devastating & serious thing I've ever dealt with, as in exp. it from a loved ones' point/involvement.Before my bf went into his last detox, he had been using coke to avoid heroin though wound up going back to H in order to come down. I can appreciate how lost and confused you may feel in terms of how to cope and help. Please reach out for yoursaelf and bf, as you will eventually find the help you need. Just be patient & persistent ! You also have a body, a soul, which needs attention! Your bf is lucky to have you in his life. Good luck, Dora
Mickey, I am happy to hear tha your bf is sober as of Nov.12, 2004. It's abig step for him. All the best Dora
Mickey, I am happy to hear tha your bf is sober as of Nov.12, 2004. It's abig step for him. All the best Dora
Don't worry about it Helena, its hard to remember everything someone says in their post..
Anyways yes it is hard to watch my boyfriend do crack over and over again. It seems hopeless, and they do it over and over because the high only lasts about 5 seconds. He doesn't really do it around me, once he was doing it in my apartment and I asked him to leave. He didn't, he just kept doing it and I was getting really angry so I phoned the police on him. He was so high he wasn't even paying attention to me calling the police in front of him. They showed up and he was shocked, they didn't find any drugs on him so they didn't arrest him. But I thought he learned not to do it at my place ever again. Not true..he has sneaked it behind my back, tried to do it in the shower, but I can smell that. He never learned. I came home from work last week to find him high so I made him move back to his moms. He had been clean for a month and he relapsed.
I've never seen him go through physical withdrawals from crack. He is fine after he comes down (when he sweats and gets extremely depressed and sees things like shadows and demons, I believe this is cocaine psychosis).
He's only 25, I'm 34. But I look younger, people think I'm 23.
As far as other interests in his life, he likes shopping he loves buying track suits and he looks and dresses like Eminem. He likes working out, and other than that nothing else he really likes to do.
I'm just waiting till next week when he gets paid and what he intends to do with that money, I have a feeling he'll relapse. Its a cycle, he gets high every two weeks on payday and usually all weekend and of course he expects me to sit at home while he does this.
But I've put my foot down and told him if he continues to use, I'll just go out with friends and distance myself even more. Its not the life I want to continue living. I'm not getting any younger.
Wheres your boyfriend? Is he living with you?
Anyways yes it is hard to watch my boyfriend do crack over and over again. It seems hopeless, and they do it over and over because the high only lasts about 5 seconds. He doesn't really do it around me, once he was doing it in my apartment and I asked him to leave. He didn't, he just kept doing it and I was getting really angry so I phoned the police on him. He was so high he wasn't even paying attention to me calling the police in front of him. They showed up and he was shocked, they didn't find any drugs on him so they didn't arrest him. But I thought he learned not to do it at my place ever again. Not true..he has sneaked it behind my back, tried to do it in the shower, but I can smell that. He never learned. I came home from work last week to find him high so I made him move back to his moms. He had been clean for a month and he relapsed.
I've never seen him go through physical withdrawals from crack. He is fine after he comes down (when he sweats and gets extremely depressed and sees things like shadows and demons, I believe this is cocaine psychosis).
He's only 25, I'm 34. But I look younger, people think I'm 23.
As far as other interests in his life, he likes shopping he loves buying track suits and he looks and dresses like Eminem. He likes working out, and other than that nothing else he really likes to do.
I'm just waiting till next week when he gets paid and what he intends to do with that money, I have a feeling he'll relapse. Its a cycle, he gets high every two weeks on payday and usually all weekend and of course he expects me to sit at home while he does this.
But I've put my foot down and told him if he continues to use, I'll just go out with friends and distance myself even more. Its not the life I want to continue living. I'm not getting any younger.
Wheres your boyfriend? Is he living with you?
Dear Kitty cat, you mentioned cocaine psychosis, I will look this up on the web though, do you have any other info about this? If someone is on crack do they get this when they are coming down? Just trying to understand my bfs' state of mind before he decided to leave this world? I know crack is smoked and coke he would shoot or snort, though will also look on the web for other info, thanks, D
Hi Dora,
Yes cocaine pyschosis is quite common when they are coming down and have been doing drugs for so long. I remember my boyfriend phoning me one day and saying he can see demons, that they are all around him and laughing at him. Also while going through this and coming down at the same time, he has thought of committing suicide. He said he put a bottle of pills in his mouth once but spit them out. He always talks about wanting to die. He doesn't act like this in between doing drugs though.
I may have to look up that pyschosis on the internet as well, let me know what you find out...
Yes cocaine pyschosis is quite common when they are coming down and have been doing drugs for so long. I remember my boyfriend phoning me one day and saying he can see demons, that they are all around him and laughing at him. Also while going through this and coming down at the same time, he has thought of committing suicide. He said he put a bottle of pills in his mouth once but spit them out. He always talks about wanting to die. He doesn't act like this in between doing drugs though.
I may have to look up that pyschosis on the internet as well, let me know what you find out...
Dear Kittycat, I did check out some web sites and articles. I do know that the last drug he was on the evening of his death was not heroin. It lokks like, coke,crack or even meth. He had been shooting up, and one site said though it is rare to shoot crack some peolpe do. My late bf had been snorting though his tarck record & history was always the needle. I did find info. pretty general, basically that on or coming off of coke or crack cocaine the person can hear voices and even hallucinate, almost like having a schizophrenic episode. Something that did catch my eye was Meth, (I guesse Crystal Meth). One article stated that when coming down if there are knives around, or other firearms that they are inclined to get violent. I know this does not apply to everyone, though it makes me think a lot. In October his siter and I had brought him to a Detox. That am, he was sooo f***ed up, saying there were rats in the apt. and being super paranoid like I've never seen him before, deff. not a Heroin buzz. I told him he had to leave... This story may sound familiar as he left with a knife. I soon realized this after he left. He called me from a pay phone to say good bye. I panicked, asked him to come back and with the support of his sister we got him into a detox. That's the only other time he had a thing with knives. My late bf was never violent with me or others, I know what these drugs did to him. And in the end that was his choice. It's weird because when he got out of detox he was still trying to convince me of the rats, in the apt. in his clothes, in my car, etc..... Even after being sober, he still thought it happened.... Until he saw the Oprah show where Robert Downey Jr. was on and he heard it for himself. The other thing I realized tonight is that in the end it won't change what has happened, even if I do get more knowledge or certain answers he isn't coming back. I miss him, I don't want to forget him. I sent a cheque in the mail today for the coroners' office, in 6 mths. (minimum) I'll get their report, at laest I'll know what he used. Like I said before he was not a mean or violent man. I was always afraid of coming home and finding him dead, though I never thought he'd try to kill me. I know that was not him. My counsellor said that my will to live that night was stronger than my will to die. Thanks for listening, by the way vice versa if you come across any info. please let me know, Good night, Dora
Hi Kity Kat
I feel so much better today after having everybody's feedback on this site. Im going to a meeting tonight with my boyfriend for the first time so will be interesting for me. Its really weird I knew he was an addict but it was never a problem as it wasnt real to me until he relapsed. I went throught the mood swings of him dropping his medication but that was nothing compared to when he started using. It finally hit home. I never imagined I'd end up with something this big in my life. But Im open minded and willing to give people a chance as long as I keep to boundaries and try not to let him take the piss, but its easier said than done when you love someone. Im pleased that hes stopped quickly and is seeking help already, but im worried as he is trying to do quick detox over couple of weeks and i know that means mood swings etc but i can cope with that. Its the lies when he uses that I hate, its like he thinks im stupid and believe everything when i know he's lying. It does take over your life but we've got to try not to let it as at the end of the day we can walk away any time. Sounds like your quite strong though calling the police and kicking him out - you dont let him walk all over you. I live with my boyfriend so its hard as its a shared place so when I threaten to leave it dosent have much effect anymore as its a pain for me to leave. i left couple of times to live with parents and came back. I know now that the next time I decide to leave it will be for good. When I was stressing my friends were trying to get me out all the time to make me feel good but when your that stressed its hard to forget about it even when your out with other your wondering what they are doing its a Nightmare. I felt so alone. I know what you mean about getting to old though. You wonder if your just wasting your time and energy and sometimes I think I could be with someone else with out all this and life wouldnt be half the struggle. But then Ive been with other men who are arseholes in a different way and arent half as amazing and loving as my boyfriend. Also hes never ever stolen off me or taken anything he supports me financially. Its just scary to think I could be going through stress again in couple of months and how many times can you or should you take it. But Im gonna think positive and try not to worry about him. The signs will start to show if hes using its just how quick i decided to admit it to myself if he is. Funny how I liked to beleive that he wasnt although he was.
Whats the Co-dependancy thing you talk about does that mean that we are depending on the users and fuelling the habit or something to do with us as partners? Havent heard of this? Any info?
How are you anyway? Are you in america cause times on here funny? Im in England.
I feel so much better today after having everybody's feedback on this site. Im going to a meeting tonight with my boyfriend for the first time so will be interesting for me. Its really weird I knew he was an addict but it was never a problem as it wasnt real to me until he relapsed. I went throught the mood swings of him dropping his medication but that was nothing compared to when he started using. It finally hit home. I never imagined I'd end up with something this big in my life. But Im open minded and willing to give people a chance as long as I keep to boundaries and try not to let him take the piss, but its easier said than done when you love someone. Im pleased that hes stopped quickly and is seeking help already, but im worried as he is trying to do quick detox over couple of weeks and i know that means mood swings etc but i can cope with that. Its the lies when he uses that I hate, its like he thinks im stupid and believe everything when i know he's lying. It does take over your life but we've got to try not to let it as at the end of the day we can walk away any time. Sounds like your quite strong though calling the police and kicking him out - you dont let him walk all over you. I live with my boyfriend so its hard as its a shared place so when I threaten to leave it dosent have much effect anymore as its a pain for me to leave. i left couple of times to live with parents and came back. I know now that the next time I decide to leave it will be for good. When I was stressing my friends were trying to get me out all the time to make me feel good but when your that stressed its hard to forget about it even when your out with other your wondering what they are doing its a Nightmare. I felt so alone. I know what you mean about getting to old though. You wonder if your just wasting your time and energy and sometimes I think I could be with someone else with out all this and life wouldnt be half the struggle. But then Ive been with other men who are arseholes in a different way and arent half as amazing and loving as my boyfriend. Also hes never ever stolen off me or taken anything he supports me financially. Its just scary to think I could be going through stress again in couple of months and how many times can you or should you take it. But Im gonna think positive and try not to worry about him. The signs will start to show if hes using its just how quick i decided to admit it to myself if he is. Funny how I liked to beleive that he wasnt although he was.
Whats the Co-dependancy thing you talk about does that mean that we are depending on the users and fuelling the habit or something to do with us as partners? Havent heard of this? Any info?
How are you anyway? Are you in america cause times on here funny? Im in England.
Hi Dora
How are things with you I read your message board. Sounds like youve been through so much. Glad to hear your councelling was a positive setion for you. Hope you are feeling ok. That night must of been awfull I bet you were very scared.
My boyfriend went a bit violent on me one night he just flipped out and pushed me down stairs and drag me across floor as we'd had an argument and I stayed out without hime he went mad when I came home late. I was really scared but he hasnt done anything since and its not in his character so strange that he did that. He had funny look in his eye it so scary. So cant imagine how you must of felt.
As for his parents and family being mad at you that is just rubbish you know you were good to him and im sure they do too. You stayed with him a long time and Im sure he knows how luck he was to have you in his life for so long.
I dont know if this is of any help but my partner pulled out a knife with his ex girlfriend and threatened her this was years ago and I havent gotten to the bottom of it. He went to prison for it. This was at a bad stage in his life using really full on he was trying to leave her or she was kicking her out unsure of the truth. This is strange though as cant imagine him ever doing that and sure its was to do with the drugs and nothing else at all. Im not scared or feel threatened by him at all and find it odd that he pulled knife he says he only threatened her but i dont get how just go to prison for that so unsure how bad it was. But I will see if can find out from him how he was feeling etc what had taken. Might help! but then all situations different.
Hope thins are ok with you. Keep positive tomorrow is always a new day.
How are things with you I read your message board. Sounds like youve been through so much. Glad to hear your councelling was a positive setion for you. Hope you are feeling ok. That night must of been awfull I bet you were very scared.
My boyfriend went a bit violent on me one night he just flipped out and pushed me down stairs and drag me across floor as we'd had an argument and I stayed out without hime he went mad when I came home late. I was really scared but he hasnt done anything since and its not in his character so strange that he did that. He had funny look in his eye it so scary. So cant imagine how you must of felt.
As for his parents and family being mad at you that is just rubbish you know you were good to him and im sure they do too. You stayed with him a long time and Im sure he knows how luck he was to have you in his life for so long.
I dont know if this is of any help but my partner pulled out a knife with his ex girlfriend and threatened her this was years ago and I havent gotten to the bottom of it. He went to prison for it. This was at a bad stage in his life using really full on he was trying to leave her or she was kicking her out unsure of the truth. This is strange though as cant imagine him ever doing that and sure its was to do with the drugs and nothing else at all. Im not scared or feel threatened by him at all and find it odd that he pulled knife he says he only threatened her but i dont get how just go to prison for that so unsure how bad it was. But I will see if can find out from him how he was feeling etc what had taken. Might help! but then all situations different.
Hope thins are ok with you. Keep positive tomorrow is always a new day.
Hello again Helena,
I live in Canada, so I guess our times are kinda off!
I'm glad you are going to try to keep a positive mind through out this. I've been going through this for so long, 2.5 years now and just like you said, I NEVER thought I'd be involved in something so big and stressful! And I love him too much to leave. Sometimes I'm also scared if I do leave him, he'll die without me that he won't care to get better. But at the same time I have think of my life too.
Ya I don't let him walk all over me either. He had wanted to go to an inpatient rehab for some time and then he had court, so the courts said instead of giving him prison time, he'll just go to this rehab. He lasted 1 week and a half because he was afraid to lose me, because he couldn't talk to me everyday. He was clean for the month he came back but last tuesday I walked in on him after work to find him high. I knew he was high before I came home, I can tell by his voice, ALWAYS. I told him he had 10 minutes to get out. He left in one minute (always goes back to the police thing, he's on probation so if I phone the police, he goes straight to jail).
I've made him live at his moms since then. I refuse to let him move back in with me again.
I know what you mean about friends taking you out. Whenever my bf would ditch me to do crack, they would take me out but I could never really enjoy myself because I'd be worrying about him. I'm always worried I'll come home and find out he's dead.
How did the meeting go? Ive been to a few with my boyfriend too. They are interesting.
About co-dependency, I don't know much about the subject but basically a co-dependent person. Heres what I found out about that subject:
It is also known as relationship addiction because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. They have good intentions. They try to take care of a person who is experiencing difficulty, but the caretaking becomes compulsive and defeating. Co-dependents often take on a martyrs role and become benefactors to an individual in need. The problem is that these repeated rescue attempts allow the needy individual to continue on a destructive course and to become even more dependent on the unhealthy caretaking of the benefactor. As this reliance increases, the co-dependent develops a sense of reward and satisfaction from being needed. When the caretaking becomes compulsive, the co-dependent feels choiceless and helpless in the relationship, but is unable to break away from the cycle of behavior that causes it. Co-dependents view themselves as victims and are attracted to that same weakness in the love and friendship relationships.
I got that info from this website :http://www.nmha.org/infoctr/factsheets/43.cfm
Theres a lot more information on there if you are interested...
I live in Canada, so I guess our times are kinda off!
I'm glad you are going to try to keep a positive mind through out this. I've been going through this for so long, 2.5 years now and just like you said, I NEVER thought I'd be involved in something so big and stressful! And I love him too much to leave. Sometimes I'm also scared if I do leave him, he'll die without me that he won't care to get better. But at the same time I have think of my life too.
Ya I don't let him walk all over me either. He had wanted to go to an inpatient rehab for some time and then he had court, so the courts said instead of giving him prison time, he'll just go to this rehab. He lasted 1 week and a half because he was afraid to lose me, because he couldn't talk to me everyday. He was clean for the month he came back but last tuesday I walked in on him after work to find him high. I knew he was high before I came home, I can tell by his voice, ALWAYS. I told him he had 10 minutes to get out. He left in one minute (always goes back to the police thing, he's on probation so if I phone the police, he goes straight to jail).
I've made him live at his moms since then. I refuse to let him move back in with me again.
I know what you mean about friends taking you out. Whenever my bf would ditch me to do crack, they would take me out but I could never really enjoy myself because I'd be worrying about him. I'm always worried I'll come home and find out he's dead.
How did the meeting go? Ive been to a few with my boyfriend too. They are interesting.
About co-dependency, I don't know much about the subject but basically a co-dependent person. Heres what I found out about that subject:
It is also known as relationship addiction because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. They have good intentions. They try to take care of a person who is experiencing difficulty, but the caretaking becomes compulsive and defeating. Co-dependents often take on a martyrs role and become benefactors to an individual in need. The problem is that these repeated rescue attempts allow the needy individual to continue on a destructive course and to become even more dependent on the unhealthy caretaking of the benefactor. As this reliance increases, the co-dependent develops a sense of reward and satisfaction from being needed. When the caretaking becomes compulsive, the co-dependent feels choiceless and helpless in the relationship, but is unable to break away from the cycle of behavior that causes it. Co-dependents view themselves as victims and are attracted to that same weakness in the love and friendship relationships.
I got that info from this website :http://www.nmha.org/infoctr/factsheets/43.cfm
Theres a lot more information on there if you are interested...
Dora,
Thats weird about the rats that your late boyfriend said he saw. My boyfriend just sees demons, he says they are everywhere and he can hear them. He gets paranoid too, he thinks the cops are out there, waiting for him. He thinks I phoned them, I'll get a call out of the blue and he asks if I called the cops on him even though I didn't. He says he can see them outside. Then he plays what looks like "Mission Impossible" sneaking around the house, peeking through blinds and curtains, ducking in case someone saw him, crouching around...its funny and sad at the same time. But I rarely see this because I never am around when he does crack. When I am, that is what I have to put up with. Also he looks around alot, his eyes dart around like he sees things in the room that I can't.
Pyschosis occurs when someone is binging a lot, that is what I found out. Geez, makes me wonder why they want to do drugs if they see demons and rats?
Thats weird about the rats that your late boyfriend said he saw. My boyfriend just sees demons, he says they are everywhere and he can hear them. He gets paranoid too, he thinks the cops are out there, waiting for him. He thinks I phoned them, I'll get a call out of the blue and he asks if I called the cops on him even though I didn't. He says he can see them outside. Then he plays what looks like "Mission Impossible" sneaking around the house, peeking through blinds and curtains, ducking in case someone saw him, crouching around...its funny and sad at the same time. But I rarely see this because I never am around when he does crack. When I am, that is what I have to put up with. Also he looks around alot, his eyes dart around like he sees things in the room that I can't.
Pyschosis occurs when someone is binging a lot, that is what I found out. Geez, makes me wonder why they want to do drugs if they see demons and rats?
Kittycat.. and others - My bf has also experienced cocaine psychosis. He thinks he hears someone in the attic, and believes I have called someone to kill him. He will bar the bedroom door with something heavy, like a chest or something, and is very paranoid. His stuff is still at my house. I told him I wanted him to leave yesterday, and he said he was going to get my stuff out of pawn and come back to get his clothes. I knew as soon as he left, that I should have insisted on going with him. He was out until 5:15 this morning, broke after he got his check a day early. Also, none of my stuff was back, of course. I told him he had two choices, either leave or I was turning him in. I feel like he is backing me into a corner and I have no choice. I really don't want to have to do this, but I feel like he is eventually going to get arrested anyway, and I don't want any more of my stuff to go missing. I am to the point now where I don't care where he goes, just so he goes!! I am so sorry to hear about your loss, Dor. I don't want anything like that to happen to my boyfriend, but I am beginning to wonder if it isn't inevitable. Jail almost seems like a saving grace at this time..
Cajungirl thats horrible that your boyfriend did that to you. I'm glad mines never stolen from me, he KNOWS I'd phone the police. In fact once when he was high he grabbed my cell phone from me so he can make calls to his dealer and took off. I phoned the police immediately. He did return it, and he's lucky he didn't get charged. So he knows not to steal anything from me. His mom however, lets him get away with it. I hope your boyfriend finally moves out so you can have some peace in your life again.
I just did some research and found out that a lot of people with not only bi polar but also with ADHD turn to cocaine/crack use. If the person doesn't get medication for ADHD, he will most likely never quit doing cocaine/crack. Also they use other drugs. Apparently while having ADHD, they don't produce the "feel good chemicals" from their brains so they do cocaine to get that feeling.
I just did some research and found out that a lot of people with not only bi polar but also with ADHD turn to cocaine/crack use. If the person doesn't get medication for ADHD, he will most likely never quit doing cocaine/crack. Also they use other drugs. Apparently while having ADHD, they don't produce the "feel good chemicals" from their brains so they do cocaine to get that feeling.
That's interesting about ADHD. I have always thought my bf had that - he is so hyper and he is real smart, but not the way he is when he is smoking crack. Anyway, he did go to the doctor last month and the doctor put him on Wellbutrin. Worked for about 3 weeks. He has never been diagnosed with ADHD, but from the stories he has told me about his childhood, I would think he did have it. He gets bored real easy. He is leaving today if I have to throw his stuff out in the rain! Thanks for listening to me - this board has been a real help to me understanding that I am not alone and that supprisingly, all crack addicts seem to be basically the same after they are using. I hate this drug! My bf is the greatest thing in the world when he is not using. I heard there is supposed to be a vaccine come out in 2006. It is supposed to block the cocaine from getting to the receptors in the brain that causes the high they get. I just can't wait that long for it to come out....
