Hello everyone. Bless you all for your strength and caring. My name is Shera and I am not sure if I am posting in the right place or not.
You see, my husband is an alcoholic. I have told im several times how his drinking hurts me and he tells me he understands, cuts back for awhile..and then, well I guess you guys know what happens next.
I have been explorng my spiritual side for several decades, having been in an even worse marriage for almost 30 years.
My new husband is truly a wonderful guy and as I understand that we are all wonderful inside I cant just stop loving him. I consider myself pretty strong and I just dont understand why I have manifested an alcoholic husband.
No, I am not saying his drinking is my fault. I am saying that whatever problems appear in my life are there for me to learn from. It is not my husband I need to fix. He is a free individual. I know his life story and I know he has a lot of pain that he burys with alcohol. Without alcohol I dont know how strong one would have to be to heal so much pain. Of course, with alcohol it wont be healed either.
I guess what I am asking is how do I deal with it? I consider that my husband is free to make his own choices, we have no kids living with us. I do love him unfailingly but I must admit that it hurts me that he loves his red wine more than he loves me. I feel hurt when he passes out at family gatherings or at a restaurant, when he gets rude in public or gets angry at me for no significant reason when he is drunk.
I love him whether he drinks or not, he is still the same unfailingly beautiful person inside that we all are. I do not need to fix him. I wish to learn my own strength to deal with this.
Anyone have any suggestions? Are we on the same page?
Again, bless you all!...shera
Welcome!!!
One word answer here:
Alanon
Good luck to you and your husband!
One word answer here:
Alanon
Good luck to you and your husband!
My Husband also had a huge problem with red wine, he would never be able to turn a glass down and was always the last one to leave a party, his hangovers would last for two to three days then he would start drinking again, so he was either pissed or pissed off!.
I started going to ACOA, as my dad was also a drinker. I learned so much there,
learned how not to be with my husband when he drank red wine, how not to mention his drinking to him, how not to feel the need to stay with him in a bar or at a party when I felt uncomfortable with his drinking. Biggest thing for my husband was that I was not at home most of the time when he came home drunk., I started going to visit friends and go out more on my own. He did not know all of the people I was with and i was not going to let him ruin the new part of my life that I had created without his drinking ruining it.
Finally I told my husband very calmy and kindly that i had had enough and that i was leaving because of his love affair with red wine.
It was his suggestion to stop drinking it and although things are not perfect with us, they are much better than they were.
Maybe you should try alanon.
Karen
I started going to ACOA, as my dad was also a drinker. I learned so much there,
learned how not to be with my husband when he drank red wine, how not to mention his drinking to him, how not to feel the need to stay with him in a bar or at a party when I felt uncomfortable with his drinking. Biggest thing for my husband was that I was not at home most of the time when he came home drunk., I started going to visit friends and go out more on my own. He did not know all of the people I was with and i was not going to let him ruin the new part of my life that I had created without his drinking ruining it.
Finally I told my husband very calmy and kindly that i had had enough and that i was leaving because of his love affair with red wine.
It was his suggestion to stop drinking it and although things are not perfect with us, they are much better than they were.
Maybe you should try alanon.
Karen
Hello Shera God bless you .You sound like a beautiful person. And as wiversen said Alanon may be able to help you.There phone number would be in your local phone directory or look it up on your computer. Alanon Web Site
http://www.ncwsa.org/20quest.html
Questionnaire: Are you Troubled By Someone's Drinking?
Millions of people are affected by the excessive drinking of someone close. The following twenty questions are designed to help you decide whether or not you need Al-Anon:
1. Do you worry about how much someone else drinks? ____
2. Do you have money problems because of someone else's drinking? ____
3. Do you tell lies to cover up for someone else's drinking? ____
4. Do you feel that if the drinker loved you, he or she would stop drinking, to please you? ____
5. Do you blame the drinker's behavior on his or her companions? ____
6. Are plans frequently upset, or cancelled, or meals delayed because of the drinker? ____
7. Do you make threats, such as, "If you don't stop drinking, I'll leave you "? ____
8. Do you secretly try to smell the drinker's breath? ____
9. Are you afraid to upset someone for fear it will set off a drinking bout? ____
10. Have you been hurt or embarrassed by a drinker's behaviour? ____
11. Are holidays and gatherings spoiled because of drinking? ____
12. Have you considered calling the police for help in fear of abuse? ____
13. Do you search for hidden alcohol? ____
14. Do you often ride in a car with a driver who has been drinking? ____
15. Have you refused social invitations out of fear or anxiety? ____
16. Do you sometimes feel like a failure when you think of the lengths you have gone to control the drinker? ____
17. Do you think that, if the drinker stopped drinking, your other problems would be solved? ____
18. Do you ever threaten to hurt yourself to scare the drinker? ____
19. Do you feel angry, confused or depressed most of the time? ____
20. Do you feel there is no one who understands your problems? ____
If you have answered 'yes' to three or more of these questions, Al-Anon or Alateen may help. Click here for meeting locations
God bless Lionel
http://www.ncwsa.org/20quest.html
Questionnaire: Are you Troubled By Someone's Drinking?
Millions of people are affected by the excessive drinking of someone close. The following twenty questions are designed to help you decide whether or not you need Al-Anon:
1. Do you worry about how much someone else drinks? ____
2. Do you have money problems because of someone else's drinking? ____
3. Do you tell lies to cover up for someone else's drinking? ____
4. Do you feel that if the drinker loved you, he or she would stop drinking, to please you? ____
5. Do you blame the drinker's behavior on his or her companions? ____
6. Are plans frequently upset, or cancelled, or meals delayed because of the drinker? ____
7. Do you make threats, such as, "If you don't stop drinking, I'll leave you "? ____
8. Do you secretly try to smell the drinker's breath? ____
9. Are you afraid to upset someone for fear it will set off a drinking bout? ____
10. Have you been hurt or embarrassed by a drinker's behaviour? ____
11. Are holidays and gatherings spoiled because of drinking? ____
12. Have you considered calling the police for help in fear of abuse? ____
13. Do you search for hidden alcohol? ____
14. Do you often ride in a car with a driver who has been drinking? ____
15. Have you refused social invitations out of fear or anxiety? ____
16. Do you sometimes feel like a failure when you think of the lengths you have gone to control the drinker? ____
17. Do you think that, if the drinker stopped drinking, your other problems would be solved? ____
18. Do you ever threaten to hurt yourself to scare the drinker? ____
19. Do you feel angry, confused or depressed most of the time? ____
20. Do you feel there is no one who understands your problems? ____
If you have answered 'yes' to three or more of these questions, Al-Anon or Alateen may help. Click here for meeting locations
God bless Lionel
