Most folks on here know the score with me and my bloke so I won't bore you all.
He's a long time addict iv..
He's also got some health probs as he's epileptic and that seems to frighten the hell out of all the medical detox people.
He's also in the film business, so he's a bit well known which makes going to places to get help a bit of a nightmare. He keeps it under wraps because he wouldn't get any tv gigs if he came out as an addict. That's basically the situation.
He's been on iv methadone amps for years because the syrup interacts with his epilepsy meds and because it was the one thing that kept his usage down, he had a huge habit. He's desperate to stop injecting so he knows at some point that he needs to change his meds so he can go onto the syrup. He's still scoring and thinks if he can stop scoring and stop the amps at the same time that it might be easier because then he'll have no reason to inject at all. BUT he's terrified that it'll all go pear shaped and without the amps he'll be back scoring 2 bags a day. He could try to stop scoring first but stay on the amps till he feels ready to go onto the syrup. But he injects into his groin and he has to stop injecting quite soon he knows that. He'd really like to go and do a medical detox and while he's there switch from the amps to the syrup in case his epilepsy kicks off. But they won't take him into a detox until he's already off the amps. I haven't got a clue what is best, his drug worker says she'll go with whatever he feels is right for him.
Currently he scored 15 days ago - there is hardly anything around and what there is is rubbish. He hasn't used the H he scored, but he has gone over his bud on the spoons about a million times. I think means he's hooked on the injecting more than the gear. Now tonight he wants to throw away the H which is split into 2 needles and score again to have a fresh bud. Does this make any sense to anyone. If he can have the H there for 15 days and not inject it, only the dregs from the bud surely he can give up scoring.
He's working on a film at the moment picking up the amps daily and he's trying to go forward but scared his life will unravel if he changes anything.
Any thoughts
J
Hi Jazwan, ...
well, I can only speak for myself...im addicted to the inject...for sure...hav done the same as your bloke many times over...I can say I have also held on to the bags and not used them ...usually when things are real dry...its a mind thing maybe...like your bloke...I keep the stash cuz im afraid of running out...use the dregs as best I can....go score more if its available...still hold on to the old bags in case I would need them...inject because I miss it...yes, terribly...dont know why, sounds a bit crazy when I actually write it down...but its the truth for sure...so, ya....Im going to say ya...he's pretty much doing the norm as I see it....warped as that might be...:) sorry your going through it ...sorry he is too...I will keep you both in my thoughts...
Con
well, I can only speak for myself...im addicted to the inject...for sure...hav done the same as your bloke many times over...I can say I have also held on to the bags and not used them ...usually when things are real dry...its a mind thing maybe...like your bloke...I keep the stash cuz im afraid of running out...use the dregs as best I can....go score more if its available...still hold on to the old bags in case I would need them...inject because I miss it...yes, terribly...dont know why, sounds a bit crazy when I actually write it down...but its the truth for sure...so, ya....Im going to say ya...he's pretty much doing the norm as I see it....warped as that might be...:) sorry your going through it ...sorry he is too...I will keep you both in my thoughts...
Con
Geeze Jaz he sounds like he is torturing himself
How the hell do you score and not use, what a head game to have and not do it.
I wonder if he is testing himself in some ways, and if he blows the test then it just further kills his spirit...
That fear, it was all over the hubby's face at times...
I kinda look at the injecting and the love of it like a need to self inflict pain as if one deserved that pain...I don't know why I have that perception but it does look like that in some ways...
Although I don't think the hubby had to much of a love affair with the needle, the cop was his thing. Being in that known drug area with the cops everywhere and walking out with bags in his pocket...
Somedays I do wish I could get a peek in his head...
You hang in there, he will work it out, in time.
Sending big hugs,
Love,
Tina
How the hell do you score and not use, what a head game to have and not do it.
I wonder if he is testing himself in some ways, and if he blows the test then it just further kills his spirit...
That fear, it was all over the hubby's face at times...
I kinda look at the injecting and the love of it like a need to self inflict pain as if one deserved that pain...I don't know why I have that perception but it does look like that in some ways...
Although I don't think the hubby had to much of a love affair with the needle, the cop was his thing. Being in that known drug area with the cops everywhere and walking out with bags in his pocket...
Somedays I do wish I could get a peek in his head...
You hang in there, he will work it out, in time.
Sending big hugs,
Love,
Tina
Tina,
Deserving the pain, oh i can see that in him, that little bit of self loathing never able to really be proud of anything he does.
Con,
If he left the gear in bags i could understand that. But he doesn't, to get down from 2 bags a day to 1 a day and then to 2 bags a week, he's had to devise systems. He burns it up and splits it into 2 needles. Before he's always used a needle ever 3 days or so and then went over his bud inbetween. For the past 2 weeks he's scored once a week split the gear gone over his bud but now he's throwing the gear away. So i think how can he really need it?
We shall see, anyone any thoughts on syrup v amps.
k
Deserving the pain, oh i can see that in him, that little bit of self loathing never able to really be proud of anything he does.
Con,
If he left the gear in bags i could understand that. But he doesn't, to get down from 2 bags a day to 1 a day and then to 2 bags a week, he's had to devise systems. He burns it up and splits it into 2 needles. Before he's always used a needle ever 3 days or so and then went over his bud inbetween. For the past 2 weeks he's scored once a week split the gear gone over his bud but now he's throwing the gear away. So i think how can he really need it?
We shall see, anyone any thoughts on syrup v amps.
k
Jaz, Love I ain't got any advice and I can't help.
Ya know I dig ya though, lady.
Torture, pain and destruction. That's how we do.
Ya know I dig ya though, lady.
Torture, pain and destruction. That's how we do.
| QUOTE |
| Torture, pain and destruction |
Ain't that how everyone does it ;)
Jaz, no advice either, but wishing you and your man all the best, Kev
Thanks everyone.
Never thought Recovery would be as hard as him full blown using but I'm beginning to think it is.
Never thought Recovery would be as hard as him full blown using but I'm beginning to think it is.
