Hi, I have been a speed user for about 3 years now, I also drink Alcohol everyday for about the last 8 months. It consumes me everyday now and I want to be free of it. I am a mother of 3 girls and I no that my moods are affecting them and that I get self absorbed and need time out alot. Even though I go ahead with my days normal to the outside world, it is tiring me out pretending all the time. I am fine with admitting I have an addiction problem, but because of the girls I never want them to know so I cant book into a rehab or anything. Also I use it behind my husbands back everyday so I dont want him to find that out either. We also use it together, but I seem to use more than he does. I tried to go Natural with a naturopath using high doses of vitamins etc. I did do it but it only lasted about 1 month. Something inside me keeps telling me I can do this, that I am strong enough, it will just happen, but I am struggling and I dont want to go on much longer like this. I dont know who to turn to, my closest friend uses to and she cant help me. What do I do? Other than my addiction, I live a pretty OK life with good family and friends who dont do any type of drugs etc. I have become a prisoner in my own home and I keep to myself mostly. Help!
dear pee-bo,
I am a mother of 3 young babies. I thought I had a great life and marriage until the end of this summer my husband started acting strange. Long story short, he had been doing meth and going to great lengths to hide it. He was a very heavy user for about 7 years. He was 3 years clean when we met and stayed clean 1 and a half more. This time he started back up last March and hid it really well until he got in a car accident and was off work for a month. Can you guess what he did home alone all day for a month. As you can imagine he went downhill very fast and I knew something was very wrong. He lost alot of weight and looked about 10 years older within that month. He was out of control and started getting a really bad temper with me. All I would do is look at him wrong and he would go off. I strongly suspected it, but had no proof and he wouldnt admit it. Finally I didnt feel safe and left with the kids driving 2000 miles back home to michigan from the west coast. I have been here 4 weeks now, and he has been clean for 4 weeks. He was devastated that I left and has really turned things around (so far). We are going to try to work it out. Anyway, the reason I am saying this is to beg you to please find a way to MAKE yourself quit BEFORE you hit that rock bottom that everyone else seems to hit before they will quit. Your precious girls need their mom back- sober and plugged in to them. Meth destroys you and take it from me- IT DESTROYS FAMILIES. If there is any way I can help I would be glad to, but it all boils down to this- which do you really want, to keep living this way, or to fight your toughest battle to say goodbye to drugs and the comfort zone they provide? I know it can be hell. My husband was out of his mind for a couple weeks when he finally quit and started purging this poison from his once strong and healthy body. But even just over the phone and computer he seems to be getting so much better. He said he is feeling true joy again and forgot how good it feels. He doesnt want to be numb anymore. He has a sense of humor again too and is ready to be the great husband and awesome dad he was before he sacrificed it all to meth. If rehab is not an option, there are many great programs even aside from 12-steps. We like life-ring alot. You can go to www.soberforever.com for more on that program. I wish you strength and courage and peace, because there is no such thing as luck. You CAN do this!!
best regards, rachy
I am a mother of 3 young babies. I thought I had a great life and marriage until the end of this summer my husband started acting strange. Long story short, he had been doing meth and going to great lengths to hide it. He was a very heavy user for about 7 years. He was 3 years clean when we met and stayed clean 1 and a half more. This time he started back up last March and hid it really well until he got in a car accident and was off work for a month. Can you guess what he did home alone all day for a month. As you can imagine he went downhill very fast and I knew something was very wrong. He lost alot of weight and looked about 10 years older within that month. He was out of control and started getting a really bad temper with me. All I would do is look at him wrong and he would go off. I strongly suspected it, but had no proof and he wouldnt admit it. Finally I didnt feel safe and left with the kids driving 2000 miles back home to michigan from the west coast. I have been here 4 weeks now, and he has been clean for 4 weeks. He was devastated that I left and has really turned things around (so far). We are going to try to work it out. Anyway, the reason I am saying this is to beg you to please find a way to MAKE yourself quit BEFORE you hit that rock bottom that everyone else seems to hit before they will quit. Your precious girls need their mom back- sober and plugged in to them. Meth destroys you and take it from me- IT DESTROYS FAMILIES. If there is any way I can help I would be glad to, but it all boils down to this- which do you really want, to keep living this way, or to fight your toughest battle to say goodbye to drugs and the comfort zone they provide? I know it can be hell. My husband was out of his mind for a couple weeks when he finally quit and started purging this poison from his once strong and healthy body. But even just over the phone and computer he seems to be getting so much better. He said he is feeling true joy again and forgot how good it feels. He doesnt want to be numb anymore. He has a sense of humor again too and is ready to be the great husband and awesome dad he was before he sacrificed it all to meth. If rehab is not an option, there are many great programs even aside from 12-steps. We like life-ring alot. You can go to www.soberforever.com for more on that program. I wish you strength and courage and peace, because there is no such thing as luck. You CAN do this!!
best regards, rachy
Great advice from rachy.
I am going to be blunt. You have to stop making excuses and get your butt into rehab. Your addiction and behaviour is doing your children far more harm then them finding out ever will.
Dont bring up children in an addict environment and doom them to repeat the cycle.
Tell your husband and family that you need help and get it. If you ever want to talk you can email me at freethepanchenlama@hotmail.com
best of luck
SEan
I am going to be blunt. You have to stop making excuses and get your butt into rehab. Your addiction and behaviour is doing your children far more harm then them finding out ever will.
Dont bring up children in an addict environment and doom them to repeat the cycle.
Tell your husband and family that you need help and get it. If you ever want to talk you can email me at freethepanchenlama@hotmail.com
best of luck
SEan
There is no way your children don't have a clue that there is something wrong with mommy. You have to get counseling from someone who specialzes in addictions.
hi pee-bo,
i really feel for you and know and understand your pain.i to am addicted to speed and have three children,i dont drink but i do have a smoke every night.i have been on speed about 7 years now and to so despretely want to quit without my children knowing.i do not have a partner,but i dont think my children know either ,i never ever give anything away and use only in my bedroom alone.my kids do know that something is wrong with mum,but dont know what it is.my mood swings are all over the place and my kids pick up on that,i blame depression for my excuse to kids.i hate what i do and more so hate me!!i admit i do have alot of underlying problems which need help with but i am so terrified of getting outside help in case my children get taken off me.my sister had her 3 kids taken away through domestic violence,and it nearly killed me i just couldnt forgive her for allowing that to happen.i grew up feeling frightened from as far back as i can remember and that frightening feeling is still as strong today.i have give up speed a few times before,longest was for 12 months.i dont have family or family i can share my pain so i do almost everything in my life alone,and alone in my headi have isolated myself away from everyone for the past 3 years,i dont even know my neighbours..alot of things have happened through out my life,bad things,some real bad,which has taken away trust.i find it so very hard to trust anybody and know i need to work on that.i cry most every night in my room alone when kids have gone to bed,i feel so lonely and confused and genually unhappy in all aspects of my life.i have allowed my life to be taken away from me through my own doing and addiction and dont know how to get it back.i have recently joined a couple of sites,http://www.smartrecovery.org, http://www.soberrecovery.com which i find helpful.i know in my heart i can do this again,for good this time, and started preparing for my addiction free days.all i know at this moment in time is i want so much to be free from addiction and have a normal life again.i will do this and as soon as xmas period has passed i intend to get therapy for my abuse and other hurts. i wish you all the luck in the world,and maybe we could do it together.if you need to chat at any time my email is uber589@msn.com.i really do understand. thinking of you. moe1712 xx
i really feel for you and know and understand your pain.i to am addicted to speed and have three children,i dont drink but i do have a smoke every night.i have been on speed about 7 years now and to so despretely want to quit without my children knowing.i do not have a partner,but i dont think my children know either ,i never ever give anything away and use only in my bedroom alone.my kids do know that something is wrong with mum,but dont know what it is.my mood swings are all over the place and my kids pick up on that,i blame depression for my excuse to kids.i hate what i do and more so hate me!!i admit i do have alot of underlying problems which need help with but i am so terrified of getting outside help in case my children get taken off me.my sister had her 3 kids taken away through domestic violence,and it nearly killed me i just couldnt forgive her for allowing that to happen.i grew up feeling frightened from as far back as i can remember and that frightening feeling is still as strong today.i have give up speed a few times before,longest was for 12 months.i dont have family or family i can share my pain so i do almost everything in my life alone,and alone in my headi have isolated myself away from everyone for the past 3 years,i dont even know my neighbours..alot of things have happened through out my life,bad things,some real bad,which has taken away trust.i find it so very hard to trust anybody and know i need to work on that.i cry most every night in my room alone when kids have gone to bed,i feel so lonely and confused and genually unhappy in all aspects of my life.i have allowed my life to be taken away from me through my own doing and addiction and dont know how to get it back.i have recently joined a couple of sites,http://www.smartrecovery.org, http://www.soberrecovery.com which i find helpful.i know in my heart i can do this again,for good this time, and started preparing for my addiction free days.all i know at this moment in time is i want so much to be free from addiction and have a normal life again.i will do this and as soon as xmas period has passed i intend to get therapy for my abuse and other hurts. i wish you all the luck in the world,and maybe we could do it together.if you need to chat at any time my email is uber589@msn.com.i really do understand. thinking of you. moe1712 xx
