I'm new here so please excuse me if I don't word things right. My bf of 3 years is a addict. I have helped get him in many rehab places. He even got kicked out of a few because testing dirty. This year he has O.D twice on herion. He just got out of detox yesterday. I won't let him live with me because he had stolen things from my home. So I rent him a weekly room buy food . This has been going on for 3 years he won't work. Now this is what I need advise on today he borrowed some one truck a drug buddie of his. Well he told me he needed gas so he could work hauling things to a dump. I gave him 25.00 so he calls me later saying all food is gone and he is starving and wanted more money. Well 1st thing I ask is why aren't you working he said he had to wait on another man to get there which by the way is a drug addict. He said he go work around 3pm. I told him that was late to start to work he brushed me off. And again said he was hungry I told him since he didn't have to pay to go to a dump he should had money left to get a sandwhich and plus I was broke from paying his rent buying food and giving him money today. He then said I'm bored I'm not just going sat around. Now when I was in family meeting that was one thing he said he gets in trouble when he's bored. So I think he just said that thinking Id come over give him money. Because he knows I don't want him to use drugs again. But I said well we all get bored he then said well I'm not sitting here really hateful toward me and said I wouldn't be able to reach by cell either !!! Am I reading to much into this or is he just playing the pity act on me?? Normally I'd go running to him but I'm so tired now mentally and financially he has cleaned me out. Am. I just wasting time thinking it'll be different because from today he already starting it back all over again. Or maybe I just got my guard up and reading more into it. I'm sorry this is so long but anyone out there have advise ?.
Hello - your post is not nearly as long as the ones I post!!
So sorry about your situation. as a mom I know we want to help, but get pushed in deeper and deeper, and don't get much in return. (I know you are the gf not the mom) ..
when my son was using he said the same lines.... always STARVING. always BORED... always hear I'M NOT SITTING AROUND HERE.... it is SOOO HARD to get out from under it without cutting them off completely. since you are the gf - I don't see what you owe to him. you are also adding to his guilt when he takes advantage of you. You have taken on a big task... the best thing for him and you is to put his responsibilities elsewhere, off your back. Addition is TOO BIG for us compassionate humans. steer him to sober living home, where he is responsible to others to get his life together. you can help with rent - step down - pay less each month and he has to make the difference. also he buys his own food, etc .. that way you have one fixed amount to spend. nothing more. you can also cut him off completely and not pay anything. they don't seem to comprehend when we say we have no more cash.
PS - I am hearing those responses much less each passing month. I think the things your bf is saying is common in addiction.
my son is 3 months clean. we have supported him for a few months while he has been going to meetings and therapist and IOP. I still have weekly fear he will relapse and all of our work and $$ spent will be worthless. he has been working, and we do ask for small amount each week to cover car insurance. but I still pay his school loans and I have the drag the tiny amount of cash out of him each week.... it is better than before, so I don't want to create drama about the issue, but maybe that is what he thinks too. maybe he knows I am hesitant to ask so he hopes I wont.... in other words.... the behavior still goes on... ours and theirs, until WE CHANGE IT.
Recognizing it is the first step... now put a plan into action.
hope this helps - I think he is playing the game. you do to. you need to get out of it.
Sorry -- I know it is heartbreaking, emotionally and financially. save yourself. and be safe.
ps - one of the rules of helping is to only do so if they are clean. If they are using, you do not help. it is hard to play that game too. most likely he will not leave you alone until you completely do not answer your phone or door.
So sorry about your situation. as a mom I know we want to help, but get pushed in deeper and deeper, and don't get much in return. (I know you are the gf not the mom) ..
when my son was using he said the same lines.... always STARVING. always BORED... always hear I'M NOT SITTING AROUND HERE.... it is SOOO HARD to get out from under it without cutting them off completely. since you are the gf - I don't see what you owe to him. you are also adding to his guilt when he takes advantage of you. You have taken on a big task... the best thing for him and you is to put his responsibilities elsewhere, off your back. Addition is TOO BIG for us compassionate humans. steer him to sober living home, where he is responsible to others to get his life together. you can help with rent - step down - pay less each month and he has to make the difference. also he buys his own food, etc .. that way you have one fixed amount to spend. nothing more. you can also cut him off completely and not pay anything. they don't seem to comprehend when we say we have no more cash.
PS - I am hearing those responses much less each passing month. I think the things your bf is saying is common in addiction.
my son is 3 months clean. we have supported him for a few months while he has been going to meetings and therapist and IOP. I still have weekly fear he will relapse and all of our work and $$ spent will be worthless. he has been working, and we do ask for small amount each week to cover car insurance. but I still pay his school loans and I have the drag the tiny amount of cash out of him each week.... it is better than before, so I don't want to create drama about the issue, but maybe that is what he thinks too. maybe he knows I am hesitant to ask so he hopes I wont.... in other words.... the behavior still goes on... ours and theirs, until WE CHANGE IT.
Recognizing it is the first step... now put a plan into action.
hope this helps - I think he is playing the game. you do to. you need to get out of it.
Sorry -- I know it is heartbreaking, emotionally and financially. save yourself. and be safe.
ps - one of the rules of helping is to only do so if they are clean. If they are using, you do not help. it is hard to play that game too. most likely he will not leave you alone until you completely do not answer your phone or door.
I think your boyfriend is using. I have heard all of these excuses. Stop giving him money.He is using you. His next move is to blame you for his relapse because you didn't do (fill in the blank).
It's not your fault. Get out of his life.
It's not your fault. Get out of his life.
Agreed. Sometimes the most simple thing seems so complex. The very best thing you can do for him is to stop all assistance.
Hi Guilty, Im sorry your going through this with your boyfriend but this is your life if you keep him. Im 19 yrs into trying to cure a drug addict. Things get better then bad again. Its like a roller coaster. Stop paying his rent and dont let him move back in with you. Dont feed him, give him money or go to him when he wants your help. They always want help because they want to constantly string your emotions along by making you feel sorry for them. Their always hungry because any money they have they spend on drugs, food isnt important to them. The only thing an addict wants is drugs. They have no interest in anything else or anyone. Trust me on this as Im a mother and can tell you that my daughter doesnt care if I was alive or dead. What she does care about is what I can do for her or give her. If I have nothing to offer she isnt around. Your bf will move onto anyone who will listen to his sob stories and give him handouts. Hell always find somewhere to stay because they look out for each other. He doesnt care that you got him a room because if and when hes in it hes too high probably to notice. Its terrible Im saying all this to you but please for your own sanity, get rid of him now before you turn around 5 years from now and realize youve wasted too much time on this guy. Find someone whos not a drug addict and have a good life. This will go nowhere and wont get better.
