Hello.
I came across this site in hopes of connecting with others going through alcohol and drug related issues. I've tried many things to get my head on straight - in house rehab, years of counseling, a sponsor, etc.
My longest stint of sobriety was 9 months. I recently drank enough to kill an elephant and am feeling the repercussions 4 days later. I'm hoping to connect with somebody I can talk to.
Is this the right place?
B.
Hello there :)
Plenty of pleasant recovering folks here.
Been where you were.
I am now clean and sober one day at a time.
There is hope. It is not easy but worth it!
I am also relatively young 29.
I fought it for so long- not anymore, sick and tired of being sick and tired.
What works for me: working my aa program-AA meetings, a sponsor that connects with you and working the steps- and everything that has to do with recovery-
Tell us more, what are you struggling with. Do you really want to get clean for yourself? Are you following any kind of recovery program?
If you need to talk ... londonbeetle (at) gmail
Plenty of pleasant recovering folks here.
Been where you were.
I am now clean and sober one day at a time.
There is hope. It is not easy but worth it!
I am also relatively young 29.
I fought it for so long- not anymore, sick and tired of being sick and tired.
What works for me: working my aa program-AA meetings, a sponsor that connects with you and working the steps- and everything that has to do with recovery-
Tell us more, what are you struggling with. Do you really want to get clean for yourself? Are you following any kind of recovery program?
If you need to talk ... londonbeetle (at) gmail
Well,
I've been through a lot with my addiction issues. At first it started like many others.. I chose to party and things got out of control. I had a bit of a rough up bringing and went through a lot in my early teens. It's no excuse but its the truth. I started using cocaine regularly by age 14/15 and drinking often as well. This continued until I was 19/20. I was in a 5 year relationship with a guy about 7 years older than me. When we broke up I heavily drank and used.
Fast foward a bit and I ended up completing one diploma for college and went onto start another. I got halfway through that one and had to stop because I was the most unhealthiest I've ever been. I went to an in house rehab center after detoxing for 10 days. Also spent a few in the ICU for an almost fatal overdose.
I got clean for about 9 months and met a great guy. We are trying to continue a good life together but my addiction issues sneak up on me and I find myself "binging'" about once a month. I haven't used cocaine in about 4 months however alcohol has been an issue.
I want to get better for me. If I am better than we can be better. But most importantly, I want to stop waking up by opening one eye first and wondering what the hell I did the night before. I want to wake up and be happy to start the day. I feel very weighed down by this obsession to drink and to avoid drinking.
I currently am not in any counseling, I do not have a sponsor and I have just been doing a lot on my own.
I need some motivation to help me get back to that 9 month sobriety point again. I feel so embarrassed for my actions and its started the cycle of guilt - drink - more guilt - more drinking - then what...
Anyways,
that's where I am at.
B.
I've been through a lot with my addiction issues. At first it started like many others.. I chose to party and things got out of control. I had a bit of a rough up bringing and went through a lot in my early teens. It's no excuse but its the truth. I started using cocaine regularly by age 14/15 and drinking often as well. This continued until I was 19/20. I was in a 5 year relationship with a guy about 7 years older than me. When we broke up I heavily drank and used.
Fast foward a bit and I ended up completing one diploma for college and went onto start another. I got halfway through that one and had to stop because I was the most unhealthiest I've ever been. I went to an in house rehab center after detoxing for 10 days. Also spent a few in the ICU for an almost fatal overdose.
I got clean for about 9 months and met a great guy. We are trying to continue a good life together but my addiction issues sneak up on me and I find myself "binging'" about once a month. I haven't used cocaine in about 4 months however alcohol has been an issue.
I want to get better for me. If I am better than we can be better. But most importantly, I want to stop waking up by opening one eye first and wondering what the hell I did the night before. I want to wake up and be happy to start the day. I feel very weighed down by this obsession to drink and to avoid drinking.
I currently am not in any counseling, I do not have a sponsor and I have just been doing a lot on my own.
I need some motivation to help me get back to that 9 month sobriety point again. I feel so embarrassed for my actions and its started the cycle of guilt - drink - more guilt - more drinking - then what...
Anyways,
that's where I am at.
B.
Hi B.. I know it probably sounds like a broken record but there is a solution to your problem. you can find it in the rooms of AA/NA if you are willing. If you are not comfortable with these resources than there are other methods of recovery that you might find useful.When you want to be sober more than you want to be drunk you will find a way. One thing is for certain alcoholism progresses and always gets worse instead of better. Life is to be lived not endured. You have the ability within you to live. It is a choice...
I just thought I would give an update, and also help keep myself motivated.
It's been about 11 days now since I last drank. I am choosing not to. I have been to the gym 5 days this week and I will go again tomorrow to make it 6 in a row. I haven't had too many intense cravings this week but a couple times have been asked if I want to go for drinks. I responded with a firm "no" and made sure I got my a** home as quickly as I could - my support system is within my household. I'm very open with everyone at home about what I am going through. When I go quiet they start worrying.
I've been focused this week on getting my student loans paid off and increasing my savings so that has helped keep my mind set as far as the financial burden alcohol abuse caused me (any many others).
I feel like this is all well and good but my habitual mind is scared for the future. I do everything so well on a daily basis. I'm extremely organized, I save every penny I can besides my bills, I gym and I am in pretty good condition health wise. What scares me is that 2-3 days a month that I go completely off the walls and let my guard down. It's like I do everything so well to stay on track and then I get a "case of the f***-its" and that's where the problems begin again. I clean up all the messes I cause from that night-2 days and then I get back on track again. It's been a terrible cycle and I don't want this to happen again.
Has anyone else had a cycle they're completely aware of? I know its about the choices I have to make to avoid it.. but sometimes I feel like I lose control.
B.
It's been about 11 days now since I last drank. I am choosing not to. I have been to the gym 5 days this week and I will go again tomorrow to make it 6 in a row. I haven't had too many intense cravings this week but a couple times have been asked if I want to go for drinks. I responded with a firm "no" and made sure I got my a** home as quickly as I could - my support system is within my household. I'm very open with everyone at home about what I am going through. When I go quiet they start worrying.
I've been focused this week on getting my student loans paid off and increasing my savings so that has helped keep my mind set as far as the financial burden alcohol abuse caused me (any many others).
I feel like this is all well and good but my habitual mind is scared for the future. I do everything so well on a daily basis. I'm extremely organized, I save every penny I can besides my bills, I gym and I am in pretty good condition health wise. What scares me is that 2-3 days a month that I go completely off the walls and let my guard down. It's like I do everything so well to stay on track and then I get a "case of the f***-its" and that's where the problems begin again. I clean up all the messes I cause from that night-2 days and then I get back on track again. It's been a terrible cycle and I don't want this to happen again.
Has anyone else had a cycle they're completely aware of? I know its about the choices I have to make to avoid it.. but sometimes I feel like I lose control.
B.
Hey
Yes we all have.
One thing our disease does is progress.
With time - gets worse and worse. Soon it will be every week then everyday.
Yes we all have.
One thing our disease does is progress.
With time - gets worse and worse. Soon it will be every week then everyday.
Hi everyone, I found this post because I got up today to drink instead of to get up and live. Thank God for friends and family who won't leave me alone at 10 in the morning. What is wrong? I have to get into that feeling what is it? It's fear.................of what? It's a beautiful day outside and I want to feel black? Everyone around me is getting sober, my daughter, my son, my best friend. I go to AA meetings, I ask for help and I don't get much. My sponsor is lame so now I have to find another one. The 12 steps and traditions book is helpful. Going through this moral inventory now which is not easy. I found this page looking for ideas for medication that can help me with cravings and saw the message board and ya'll going through this too. I hope you can get out of the funk, surround yourself with good people whenever you can. Be honest as possible, get spiritual and have courage. I guess for some of us it takes alot of hard work..........HAVE A GREAT DAY EVERYONE !!!!
Welcome Shefra.. I can relate to the early morning drinking.. I have been sober now for 6 and half years . I found my solution in AA, a treatment center , counselling and working a program that fits me based on all 3.of the above. It took a lot of hard work and dedication for me to get and stay sober. I have accepted the fact that I have a disease which requires me to stay mentally and spritually fit if I am to not drink which is why I take time every day to do some recovery work. Life is meant to be lived not endured.. again welcome and please keep posting. It will help...:)
You sound exactly like me. I have been relapsing every 1 to 8 months. I'm with you on this one and support you in your effort to break out of this cycle. Thanks for your post.
Hi guys,
Still going strong, feeling good. Today I had a meeting with my owner at work.. I have been getting seriously bullied and harassed at my workplace for a couple months now but last night things got heated with another co-worker. So this morning I chose to go speak directly to who I needed to to make myself heard. I let him know I have a drinking problem that I am aware of and I am making all necessary efforts needed to fix things. It went really well. I feel like a weight has been lifted from work anyways.
I've also started reading a book called "the 30 day sobriety challenge" I believe thats the name of it. I've heard good things so I feel hopeful that reading it will give me some guidance. Im trying to take everyday one moment at a time. I still feel extremely anxiety ridden so been uping my gym workouts to release more tension.
A lot of people talk about the spiritual balance needed in life to remain healthy minded.. What exactly does this mean? How do you guys keep "connected" so to speak?
B.
Still going strong, feeling good. Today I had a meeting with my owner at work.. I have been getting seriously bullied and harassed at my workplace for a couple months now but last night things got heated with another co-worker. So this morning I chose to go speak directly to who I needed to to make myself heard. I let him know I have a drinking problem that I am aware of and I am making all necessary efforts needed to fix things. It went really well. I feel like a weight has been lifted from work anyways.
I've also started reading a book called "the 30 day sobriety challenge" I believe thats the name of it. I've heard good things so I feel hopeful that reading it will give me some guidance. Im trying to take everyday one moment at a time. I still feel extremely anxiety ridden so been uping my gym workouts to release more tension.
A lot of people talk about the spiritual balance needed in life to remain healthy minded.. What exactly does this mean? How do you guys keep "connected" so to speak?
B.
Hi B,
I am with you wholeheartedly on the relapse cycle. I can have a few days, weeks or months totally sober and zipping along in life nicely with everything in place and then BAM! I don't just hit the F"""" it button I send that thing nuclear!
Three weeks ago I got a really good job after being three months sober, great salary, great location, great team and what did I do? I 'celebrated'. Fast forward four weeks later, I am nine days out of my last lapse and I am in utter bits.
The job is LONG gone. I am a physical wreck at the moment struggling to cope with the simplest of physical tasks. Four years ago I drank myself into a stroke which took a LOT of work to recover from. I retrained as a Personal Trainer and normally I am insanely healthy, almost like a counter measure and now? Let's just say that the day is going well if I haven't soiled myself (not for six days) or the day is even better if I haven't puked my guts up (not since yesterday).
My symptoms are INSANELY strong this time, they normally dissipate after 48 hours and like I said I am nine days in and they are still going mental in a fluctuating pattern, though at least the hallucinating has calmed down.
The point of my response is that you are not alone my dear, and it's just nice to read that someone else is going through the same thing, even if it is f***ING miserable. You are not alone, I am not alone. There are people who understand. I am so scared of drinking again that I have locked myself (literally) in my house unless I am going out to walk my dogs.
The cravings are kindly sporadic and undulating in intensity (thanks brain) but my house is ridiculously organised and tidy. There is nothing you or I or anyone else in recovery can do other than take it moment by moment. Hang on in there and keep focused on the fact that each day you will feel better, stronger, and more together.
Glad to hear you are making it to the gym, I have to wait until my balance, vision and strength are sufficient before I attempt that. I did make it out to coffee with a friend this week which was lovely, though I was a whisker away from going into a pub afterwards I literally ran home.
Every time someone in recovery relapses it gets harder to fight your way out of it. That's whats keeping me going, the knowledge that if I give in that it will only get worse and I might not actually make it out of the next one alive.
Keep strong, keep focused and well done for every second you are sober so far.
Warm wishes and hugs.
Amberamethyst xxxxxxx
I am with you wholeheartedly on the relapse cycle. I can have a few days, weeks or months totally sober and zipping along in life nicely with everything in place and then BAM! I don't just hit the F"""" it button I send that thing nuclear!
Three weeks ago I got a really good job after being three months sober, great salary, great location, great team and what did I do? I 'celebrated'. Fast forward four weeks later, I am nine days out of my last lapse and I am in utter bits.
The job is LONG gone. I am a physical wreck at the moment struggling to cope with the simplest of physical tasks. Four years ago I drank myself into a stroke which took a LOT of work to recover from. I retrained as a Personal Trainer and normally I am insanely healthy, almost like a counter measure and now? Let's just say that the day is going well if I haven't soiled myself (not for six days) or the day is even better if I haven't puked my guts up (not since yesterday).
My symptoms are INSANELY strong this time, they normally dissipate after 48 hours and like I said I am nine days in and they are still going mental in a fluctuating pattern, though at least the hallucinating has calmed down.
The point of my response is that you are not alone my dear, and it's just nice to read that someone else is going through the same thing, even if it is f***ING miserable. You are not alone, I am not alone. There are people who understand. I am so scared of drinking again that I have locked myself (literally) in my house unless I am going out to walk my dogs.
The cravings are kindly sporadic and undulating in intensity (thanks brain) but my house is ridiculously organised and tidy. There is nothing you or I or anyone else in recovery can do other than take it moment by moment. Hang on in there and keep focused on the fact that each day you will feel better, stronger, and more together.
Glad to hear you are making it to the gym, I have to wait until my balance, vision and strength are sufficient before I attempt that. I did make it out to coffee with a friend this week which was lovely, though I was a whisker away from going into a pub afterwards I literally ran home.
Every time someone in recovery relapses it gets harder to fight your way out of it. That's whats keeping me going, the knowledge that if I give in that it will only get worse and I might not actually make it out of the next one alive.
Keep strong, keep focused and well done for every second you are sober so far.
Warm wishes and hugs.
Amberamethyst xxxxxxx
Yup, whatever works for the individual.
Hope you find a solution soon..some die before they do. one thing to remember ,the solution that will work may be the one that you will find hardest to accept. Our disease is cunning , baffling and powerful ,don't forget that. Wishing you all the best...
When the fear of trying a proven recovery solution becomes less than the pain of the insanity brought about by doing the same things over and over, Contempt Prior to Investigation will be overcome. Ask me how I know.
It was almost a month I made it this time however I relapsed last night. It wasn't as bad as usual, I didn't have a crazy scene or say anything I regret. For some reason, I was really focused on what was happening around me.. I even got myself to my moms house and stayed and talked to her until she drove me home. I remember the evening, which hardly ever happens.
My partner is sad today, he hardly slept last night and is working all day. He's extremely disappointed and I'm scared to see the sadness and pain in his eyes when he gets home. There's nothing worse than seeing the one you love suffer and hurt.
I'm sick today and I have to work tonight. I won't let anyone know I am sick, I will not drag my a**. I'm going to snap out of this quickly this time & pick up the pieces and try harder. I have to be strong for my partner today and be here for him. He's hurting from these episodes just as much as me.
A couple years ago I was diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and I've been thinking of going on some medicine again.. my mood swings have been almost unbearable the last 7 days. I like who I am some days.. that's why I went off the meds, I found they changed me.
I'm not sure what to do except get up and keep going.
My partner is sad today, he hardly slept last night and is working all day. He's extremely disappointed and I'm scared to see the sadness and pain in his eyes when he gets home. There's nothing worse than seeing the one you love suffer and hurt.
I'm sick today and I have to work tonight. I won't let anyone know I am sick, I will not drag my a**. I'm going to snap out of this quickly this time & pick up the pieces and try harder. I have to be strong for my partner today and be here for him. He's hurting from these episodes just as much as me.
A couple years ago I was diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and I've been thinking of going on some medicine again.. my mood swings have been almost unbearable the last 7 days. I like who I am some days.. that's why I went off the meds, I found they changed me.
I'm not sure what to do except get up and keep going.
Don't think of that slip.
You haven't lost progress- you lost clean time days - Get back on track. Try going to meetings. Do not think of past or drown in shame. Focus on now and how you can learn.
One word of advice, you might have made it out of that drunk. Be grateful for that. And if you did not feel "that much out of control". Believe me and beleive me when i tell you it will catch up and become worse and worse and worse- you might not be able to get out. You might be able to handle it for the next one or two drunks if you are lucky but it always catches up and wins in the end.
Get yourself into recovery and stay strong.
You are responsible for your recovery.together- we can
You haven't lost progress- you lost clean time days - Get back on track. Try going to meetings. Do not think of past or drown in shame. Focus on now and how you can learn.
One word of advice, you might have made it out of that drunk. Be grateful for that. And if you did not feel "that much out of control". Believe me and beleive me when i tell you it will catch up and become worse and worse and worse- you might not be able to get out. You might be able to handle it for the next one or two drunks if you are lucky but it always catches up and wins in the end.
Get yourself into recovery and stay strong.
You are responsible for your recovery.together- we can
It has caught up. Exactly what you said happened. I played Russian roulette and I have lost this time. I feel completely off track.
Is anybody able to talk more connected, perhaps an email?
I haven't got a sponsor anymore - it's been a couple years. I really could use a little help by talking to people who understand. I let all my resources slip away thinking I had this.
Is anybody able to talk more connected, perhaps an email?
I haven't got a sponsor anymore - it's been a couple years. I really could use a little help by talking to people who understand. I let all my resources slip away thinking I had this.
google Recovery Coaches - I dont know anything about it, just that the program exists....
the online SMART Recovery is used well by some people.
the online SMART Recovery is used well by some people.
How are you doing?
