All I Want To Know. . .

i need some answers. i don't think i'm stupid but then again i have been really believing what my husband tells me. . ."he doesn't have a problem" this is just harmless fun. . .and i'm being a goody two shoes demanding that he stop this annoying habit. to him it's like grabbing a cold beer. . .i don't see it this way at all. . .should i? can he be serious telling me this. last year he said (bf at the time) that he just needed some coke to keep him up on his 14 hour work day. . .i agreed not knowing the full extent of his problem. now it's every week-payday-and Ive had it up to here. . .he says he's not hooked. . .just needs his weekly coke night like my friends who play pool! c'mon!!!!!!! somebody respond. now my husband. . .he's off to get his cdl and knowing the demands of this job will his sheer will power be able to get him clean now that he has a goal??? if i recall he couldn't get his cdl last year because of his marijuana problem. . .is there a happy ending for us?
i am not sure about a happy ending but he does have a serious problem.
turn to god, pray and have faith. i know it may seem a little funny to hear that but i do and it has helped me thru my problem with my husband.
it's in god's hands, take care of you.


debora
kcee, there can be a happy ending. it may not be exactly the ending that you planned, expected, hoped for, imagined or prayed for. but there can be.

from the sounds of it, he's an addict. and he's denying he has developed a problem.

also sounds like his failure and refusal to acknowledge his addiction is a real problem for you, and therefore the relationship.

also sounds like he intentionally deceived you in order to induce you into a marriage commitment. i would think that is a real problem. probably only he knows why.

only he can decide to give it up. only you can decide whether you are willing to put up with it if he doesn't. if you are, work on learning detachment and on how to not enable him. otherwise, you are guaranteed to lead one miserabe and unhealthy life as he takes you down with him.

don't mean to sound harse, but step back and out of it a minute find your bearings and your balance. don't make a sudden change, but prepare for what may be necessary for your self preservation.

hope you find peace.
i keep heaing about this detachment . . .i have been there for pc(husband) since we met. during one of our brief breakups was when i suspect he began using. . . i can't get a clear, honest answer as to why he must sell his soul to the devil for this white powder. me like an unsuspecting dummy gave in one night and joined in his new pastime. . .it turned me completely off and kept my nose in a state of emergency for 2 weeks. i hate the smell, the taste, the whole concept of this drug that seems to draw so many folks. . .thank god the spell didn't take hold of me. like i said before pc was doing it like a weekly movie date night minus the movie. then he wanted to have sex all night minus the erection. . .what a catch 22. you want it more and can't get in. . .it was so disgusting and senseless. i finally gave him the ultimatum his new girlfriend(coke) or me. he looked at me like I was crazy. . .?!!? i am totally flabergasted at the power of this senseless drug. . .what is the big deal. obviously my husband has some personal demons that my love and the love of his family and friends just can't reach. . .he admits to a very rough childhood and serious abuse by one of his mothers boyfriends when he was very, very young. unlike other former abusees he is kind and sweet to others (i.e. my kids) but seems bent on destroying himself. when i mention his ultimate demise (death) he retorts at least then i will be at peace. honestly i have no witty comeback for that one. . .detachment. . .i'm all for it cause i just can't go through with another nightmare for a marriage and i'm desperately trying to keep my teenage sons away from this quick fix drug mentality society we live in. . .please respond. . .kcee
Kcee:
Have you read the Detachment posts? They are very helpful.
I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. There a lot of us in the same boat or at one stage or another close to it. You will get a lot of help and advice here, so welcome!
Your husband first has to admit that he has a problem. All you can do is tell him how you feel about it and how it affects you and basically what you will and will not live with. You have to make sure you take care of yourself (and children if you have any) first.
Have you thought about attending Alanon or Naranon or something like that?
In the meantime, keep posting and take care,
Mickey
Kcee, I responded to your post on crack/cocaine board..