I am at my wits end with my 10 year old daughter. It's not that she's misbehaving, it's that she isn't opening up to me like she used to. She's only 10 but has already started puberty and just last month she started her period. I knew she would start early, I started when I was 11 and she will be 11 next month. So I don't know if part of this problem I'm having with her is hormonal. She gets frustrated so easily and is so emotional. She used to tell me everything and now I feel like I have to badger her just to get a little information. I try to back off and let her come to me when she wants to talk. I'm not worried that anything is seriously wrong with her because her school teacher tells me that she is wonderful in class. That she speaks up and gets involved and has many friends. She is also a complete Daddy's girl. She adores him and wants to do everything he does. I am thankful she is so close to him because I was not close to my Dad growing up and always wanted to be. I also had a terrible realtionship with my Mom which carries through to the present. I don't want that to happen with me and my daughter. I love her more then anything and I just want her to know that I'm here for her. It just seems like I can't communicate with her very well anymore. I was hoping some of you Moms would have some advice for me. Thanks.
Shelly
shelly
hi! i feel like i was writing this post as we have alot in common.... i have soooo longed for a daddy/daughter relationship too and your daughter is so blessed to have that with her dad, it will make her healthy emmotionally and hopefully she will choose a good life partner for that.
for me i was denied that in my life, and i so resent it, my father chose to violate my privacy and innocence when he molested me everyday of my life when i lived at home. i chose the wrong life partner in life, i have been in a marriage for 24 years where i am mentally abused everyday with his alcoholism and porn addiction, its funny that he is just exactly like my dad in some ways, as i am getting into a recovery program i now am trying to address this problem and want to be free.....
my mom and i do not get along at all, she looked the other way when my dad abused me, she told my dad she hated me and wished i was never born, today i am estranged from my parents and siblings as i had to set boundaries to protect my mental heath and recovery and for that i am deemed the bad daughter.
i too, love my two sons more than anything and i am so blessed with 2 of the best sons a mother could ask for and i am so proud to say that despite my past and my addictions i was able to try so hard and give my sons everything that was not given to me and that is love, respect of their privacy and innocence. NEVER could i violate their bodies like my dad did me and my sister, and also most importantly is i taught them about God, how to turn to Him in times of trouble and give thanks for blessings received, that is a very important key ingredient in raising healthy children that they always can turn to Christ instead of drugs etc.
so i understand what you mean about your 10 year old daughter not wanting to share with you, i just went thru this with my 19 yr old, my children and i have always been very close and like i said i raised them, my husband has only provided financial and medical insurance for them as they grew up, he is in the home but sad for him drinking and porn come first
when my son got his first girlfriend i no longer could share in is life, it hurt, he would not share any details of her, their dates together nothing, and as his mother i wanted to know these things, what does she look like, invite her over, invite her to church and holidays and NO! he said to me, i was like why??? because its my business mom, i am grown up now, you dont need to know. man it hurt, so i backed off and sadly she ended the relationship and broke my sons heart.he was so good to her, flowers, dinner, he has a nice car a good job and he is very handsome so i dont understand why she wanted him soooo bad in the beginning and then later wanted to only be friends, after they broke up she moved in with some other guy, so i guess she must have met someone else. my son did share with me that she got angry at him one time because he wouldnt drink at this block party the neighborhood had, i AM SO PROUD OF MY SON, my boys have addict family roots and they are at high risk and i have prayed and prayed they stay clean and so far so good. Thank you Jesus!
she was getting drunk and he wouldn't join her in that... so i dont know if that had a factor in it either.
but anyway i would conclude that you daughter wants her space now as she will be entering in her teens, yes alot of it is hormonal, i remember myself those days of puberty and how our thinking changes. liking boys etc, my son was trying to break away and be a man and i had to accept that and it is hard for me as they are the only thing in life other than God and my animals who give me great comfort and love that i so truly crave. it hurts mom but we have to let them grow up, i think she is being a normal "tween" almost a teenager yet still a child... love her, respect her need for privacy and let her know you will always be there for her no matter what, tell her to pray and turn her problems and her joys to the Lord. that is what i have done and so far i see the great rewards of that. good luck shelly your a good mom too. love julie/jewels
hi! i feel like i was writing this post as we have alot in common.... i have soooo longed for a daddy/daughter relationship too and your daughter is so blessed to have that with her dad, it will make her healthy emmotionally and hopefully she will choose a good life partner for that.
for me i was denied that in my life, and i so resent it, my father chose to violate my privacy and innocence when he molested me everyday of my life when i lived at home. i chose the wrong life partner in life, i have been in a marriage for 24 years where i am mentally abused everyday with his alcoholism and porn addiction, its funny that he is just exactly like my dad in some ways, as i am getting into a recovery program i now am trying to address this problem and want to be free.....
my mom and i do not get along at all, she looked the other way when my dad abused me, she told my dad she hated me and wished i was never born, today i am estranged from my parents and siblings as i had to set boundaries to protect my mental heath and recovery and for that i am deemed the bad daughter.
i too, love my two sons more than anything and i am so blessed with 2 of the best sons a mother could ask for and i am so proud to say that despite my past and my addictions i was able to try so hard and give my sons everything that was not given to me and that is love, respect of their privacy and innocence. NEVER could i violate their bodies like my dad did me and my sister, and also most importantly is i taught them about God, how to turn to Him in times of trouble and give thanks for blessings received, that is a very important key ingredient in raising healthy children that they always can turn to Christ instead of drugs etc.
so i understand what you mean about your 10 year old daughter not wanting to share with you, i just went thru this with my 19 yr old, my children and i have always been very close and like i said i raised them, my husband has only provided financial and medical insurance for them as they grew up, he is in the home but sad for him drinking and porn come first
when my son got his first girlfriend i no longer could share in is life, it hurt, he would not share any details of her, their dates together nothing, and as his mother i wanted to know these things, what does she look like, invite her over, invite her to church and holidays and NO! he said to me, i was like why??? because its my business mom, i am grown up now, you dont need to know. man it hurt, so i backed off and sadly she ended the relationship and broke my sons heart.he was so good to her, flowers, dinner, he has a nice car a good job and he is very handsome so i dont understand why she wanted him soooo bad in the beginning and then later wanted to only be friends, after they broke up she moved in with some other guy, so i guess she must have met someone else. my son did share with me that she got angry at him one time because he wouldnt drink at this block party the neighborhood had, i AM SO PROUD OF MY SON, my boys have addict family roots and they are at high risk and i have prayed and prayed they stay clean and so far so good. Thank you Jesus!
she was getting drunk and he wouldn't join her in that... so i dont know if that had a factor in it either.
but anyway i would conclude that you daughter wants her space now as she will be entering in her teens, yes alot of it is hormonal, i remember myself those days of puberty and how our thinking changes. liking boys etc, my son was trying to break away and be a man and i had to accept that and it is hard for me as they are the only thing in life other than God and my animals who give me great comfort and love that i so truly crave. it hurts mom but we have to let them grow up, i think she is being a normal "tween" almost a teenager yet still a child... love her, respect her need for privacy and let her know you will always be there for her no matter what, tell her to pray and turn her problems and her joys to the Lord. that is what i have done and so far i see the great rewards of that. good luck shelly your a good mom too. love julie/jewels
Shelly,
When my daughters went through that phase, the best thing I found was to let them have the opportunity to talk to me on a one to one basis when we went shopping and especially when we were in the car coming and going. All that silence gets to them and the excitement of shopping sometimes lets them feel closer....and sometimes not. As a mom, you need to learn to let go. It's kind of like when the child learned to walk and you wanted to catch them and keep them from falling, but they were wanting more and more to be "free". I know you'll miss the closeness you once had and it may come again later, but forcing it won't work. Be glad that dad is involved and she has his support.
When my daughters went through that phase, the best thing I found was to let them have the opportunity to talk to me on a one to one basis when we went shopping and especially when we were in the car coming and going. All that silence gets to them and the excitement of shopping sometimes lets them feel closer....and sometimes not. As a mom, you need to learn to let go. It's kind of like when the child learned to walk and you wanted to catch them and keep them from falling, but they were wanting more and more to be "free". I know you'll miss the closeness you once had and it may come again later, but forcing it won't work. Be glad that dad is involved and she has his support.
Shelly,
My older son and I were really close. When he turned 13, all of a sudden he started sniping at me about everything, was grouchy, debated every point. I figured it was a phase and tried not to take it personally; I'd seen his cousin go through the same thing with his mom. It lasted almost a year and now we're really close again. I think they're just going through a more sophisticated round of the terrible twos when they learn to say, "No," and want to individuate from the parent they feel safest with -- the one who won't reject them no matter what they say or do.
Of course, my younger son has just turned 13, so I'm waiting for round two, LOL. It almost worries me that he hasn't started in on me yet, as if that denotes a lack of security in our relationship. (Maybe it's the divorce, I don't know.)
I've heard that girls are much harder to deal with because they know how to push all your buttons. Good luck to you. You're a good mom for noticing these subtle variations in your daughter's behavior.
Love,
Gina
My older son and I were really close. When he turned 13, all of a sudden he started sniping at me about everything, was grouchy, debated every point. I figured it was a phase and tried not to take it personally; I'd seen his cousin go through the same thing with his mom. It lasted almost a year and now we're really close again. I think they're just going through a more sophisticated round of the terrible twos when they learn to say, "No," and want to individuate from the parent they feel safest with -- the one who won't reject them no matter what they say or do.
Of course, my younger son has just turned 13, so I'm waiting for round two, LOL. It almost worries me that he hasn't started in on me yet, as if that denotes a lack of security in our relationship. (Maybe it's the divorce, I don't know.)
I've heard that girls are much harder to deal with because they know how to push all your buttons. Good luck to you. You're a good mom for noticing these subtle variations in your daughter's behavior.
Love,
Gina
Shelly
I have 10 year old daughter as well, and I too was an early bloomer. My daughter has all the signs of going into puberty. She has a few zits, and omg, her mood swings are crazy. I think this is a tough age for them. On one hand they want to act grown up, but at the same time they want to be little girls. For me I just try to give her the space she needs, and trust that if something really important bothers her, she will come to me.
Our biggest problems stem from her wanting to do things, that I don't feel is appropriate for her age, such as make up. I do allow her to wear lip gloss, but thats it. I have problems with the clothing too. I am just not ready to see my 10 year old stomp around in hooker clothing. I try to pick and choose my battles with her, and pray to God that as she gets older she will learn how to make the right choices without me being there, or come to me when she can't.
Michelle
I have 10 year old daughter as well, and I too was an early bloomer. My daughter has all the signs of going into puberty. She has a few zits, and omg, her mood swings are crazy. I think this is a tough age for them. On one hand they want to act grown up, but at the same time they want to be little girls. For me I just try to give her the space she needs, and trust that if something really important bothers her, she will come to me.
Our biggest problems stem from her wanting to do things, that I don't feel is appropriate for her age, such as make up. I do allow her to wear lip gloss, but thats it. I have problems with the clothing too. I am just not ready to see my 10 year old stomp around in hooker clothing. I try to pick and choose my battles with her, and pray to God that as she gets older she will learn how to make the right choices without me being there, or come to me when she can't.
Michelle
Shelly,
Oh Boy do I understand this so so much!!! My Anne(14) & I have always had such a close special relationship,but a month or so ago,she started being....ANGRY.Which is normal for a teen but like your daughter she sort of shut down.She wouldnt talk,heck she barley came near me(talk about breaking my heart).I like you tried to give her space,I tried different ways of trying to reach her.I was so scared because my oldest & I just have a horriable relationship.
Anyways,you may want to try (I know it may sound silly)but try writing her a letter.Put down whats in your heart & let her know that no matter WHAT you love her,your there for her,that you as her mom want & need to try to help.
It may seem silly but it may help.You have nothing to lose.
At her age Im sure shes going through SO much.Its hard to be a tween or teen now a days.So much more for them to face & deal with,so many emotions.I try with Anne ALWAYS I try to remember being a teen & what feelings I had,& such.My mom & I arent close & my teen years were so very alone.
The MOST important thing & sometimes the hardest for us moms is when she does start opening up(& she will)we need to LISTEN!!.
Not only to the words they are saying but also HOW they are saying it,what they look like saying it etc.
Shelly I wish you the best of luck with your girl.Sometimes its THE WAITING that is the hardest part,but as a mom I do know if you have a relationship with her,she will come to you & she will need her mommy!!!
Let us know how it goes ok?
Molly
Oh Boy do I understand this so so much!!! My Anne(14) & I have always had such a close special relationship,but a month or so ago,she started being....ANGRY.Which is normal for a teen but like your daughter she sort of shut down.She wouldnt talk,heck she barley came near me(talk about breaking my heart).I like you tried to give her space,I tried different ways of trying to reach her.I was so scared because my oldest & I just have a horriable relationship.
Anyways,you may want to try (I know it may sound silly)but try writing her a letter.Put down whats in your heart & let her know that no matter WHAT you love her,your there for her,that you as her mom want & need to try to help.
It may seem silly but it may help.You have nothing to lose.
At her age Im sure shes going through SO much.Its hard to be a tween or teen now a days.So much more for them to face & deal with,so many emotions.I try with Anne ALWAYS I try to remember being a teen & what feelings I had,& such.My mom & I arent close & my teen years were so very alone.
The MOST important thing & sometimes the hardest for us moms is when she does start opening up(& she will)we need to LISTEN!!.
Not only to the words they are saying but also HOW they are saying it,what they look like saying it etc.
Shelly I wish you the best of luck with your girl.Sometimes its THE WAITING that is the hardest part,but as a mom I do know if you have a relationship with her,she will come to you & she will need her mommy!!!
Let us know how it goes ok?
Molly
Hi Shelly,
First let me say I don't envy you and wouldn't go back there for all the money in the world. Little girls in my opinion have it especially hard. I know this from experience. I raised a little girl and a little boy.
Boys are treated differently and that's the truth! As little women especially these days so much is focused around sexuality and body image. They are bombarded with it...TV, magazines, radio, any form of media you can imagine...every time you open your eyes you are seeing some image of a scantly clad young women.
What society is drilling in these young womens minds is disgusting.
With the likes of Brittney and Paris as there role models....is it any wonder little girls of 10 years old want to wear makeup and done high heels. I went through all of this a short 10 years ago...heartbreaking.
I am saddened to see girls this young going into puberty....my gosh that's so little. I was almost 15 years old before I got my period and even then thought I was a freak of nature because all my friends talked of there's and how this is a right of passage into womanhood. It is...but at 10 years old???? What the hell is there something in the water...the food we feed our kids....
Puberty is hard but at 10 years old it must be unbearable for her and you. The only advice I would give would be to keep your cool and keep the lines of communication open. Let her know that it is safe to talk to you or safe to NOT talk to you. She is torn between two worlds right now.....being a little girl and becoming a young women.
She loves and needs you right now so stay strong and don't take it personal that she is not talking. Stay strong and above all...stay her MOTHER....a lot of moms make the mistake of being "friend" to there young daughters and when real discipline and teaching has to take place...its not as effective because of the "friendship".
Kids her age have enough friends! They absolutely need a strong parent that will tell them what they need to know and set boundaries....not what they want to hear. Its a tough job in this day and age...we want our kids to be happy but we have to stay steadfast in discipline and teaching. We do no favours for our kids when we don't stay strong and remain the parent. She will thank you later in life for sticking to your beliefs.
Just relax and try to enjoy her as she is changing...go with the flow and don't push her to open up...she will open up, I promise...but it will have to be unprompted and when it is...well its so much more meaningful!
I wish you all the best...I know you are worried but try to relax just a little and give her time!
First let me say I don't envy you and wouldn't go back there for all the money in the world. Little girls in my opinion have it especially hard. I know this from experience. I raised a little girl and a little boy.
Boys are treated differently and that's the truth! As little women especially these days so much is focused around sexuality and body image. They are bombarded with it...TV, magazines, radio, any form of media you can imagine...every time you open your eyes you are seeing some image of a scantly clad young women.
What society is drilling in these young womens minds is disgusting.
With the likes of Brittney and Paris as there role models....is it any wonder little girls of 10 years old want to wear makeup and done high heels. I went through all of this a short 10 years ago...heartbreaking.
I am saddened to see girls this young going into puberty....my gosh that's so little. I was almost 15 years old before I got my period and even then thought I was a freak of nature because all my friends talked of there's and how this is a right of passage into womanhood. It is...but at 10 years old???? What the hell is there something in the water...the food we feed our kids....
Puberty is hard but at 10 years old it must be unbearable for her and you. The only advice I would give would be to keep your cool and keep the lines of communication open. Let her know that it is safe to talk to you or safe to NOT talk to you. She is torn between two worlds right now.....being a little girl and becoming a young women.
She loves and needs you right now so stay strong and don't take it personal that she is not talking. Stay strong and above all...stay her MOTHER....a lot of moms make the mistake of being "friend" to there young daughters and when real discipline and teaching has to take place...its not as effective because of the "friendship".
Kids her age have enough friends! They absolutely need a strong parent that will tell them what they need to know and set boundaries....not what they want to hear. Its a tough job in this day and age...we want our kids to be happy but we have to stay steadfast in discipline and teaching. We do no favours for our kids when we don't stay strong and remain the parent. She will thank you later in life for sticking to your beliefs.
Just relax and try to enjoy her as she is changing...go with the flow and don't push her to open up...she will open up, I promise...but it will have to be unprompted and when it is...well its so much more meaningful!
I wish you all the best...I know you are worried but try to relax just a little and give her time!
