This is one of those mornings where fear and guilt is creeping back in.The committee in my head is having a board meeting and I am wondering if I am responsible for something that is wrong with my oldest daughter. When my oldest daughter was born she was born with a dislocated hip and club feet.and one leg a bit shorter than the other.(probably as a result of my drinking when I was pregnant) I could not totally abstain from drinking even during the 3 times I was pregnant. I know you must be asking yourself how stupid,selfish,and inconsiderate could I have been? I ask myself the same question. Her first year of life was spent in hospitals in traction and in a body cast until she was almost a year old. The hip have caused her trouble all her life. Now she is 25 years old and been having a lot of pain recently in her hip. Tests confirmed that she has a tumor(non cancerous) in her hip that will probably need to be removed.However the docs have told her that her hip is in such bad condition with structure of it from the deformity at birth that to remove the tumor she will probably have to have a hip replacement.All up through the years I have blamed myself for her condition and now I feel more guilt than ever and I feel I should feel it and deserve it. Her career is just beginning (she works in a crime lab collecting dna evidence from crime scenes) she has spent 7 years in unniversity and another year in training for this job. .The surgery of a hip replacement would have a least a 6 months recuperation period. I feel I am responsible and its' my fault for her condition. I am NOT looking for pity here . I just want to unload some of the fear guilt and regret that I am feeling today. thanks for letting me share. God bless and take care
Hi pirate,
I'm sorry to hear about your daughter's hip.
I imagine you are very proud of all the work she put in to get a job like that. I imagine lots of people wouldn't have the energy and dedication it takes to get that education and do that job. It sounds to me like she had a good enough home and good enough parents to enable her to achieve something really worthwhile
pirate, I'm slowly learning something about myself and life in general, which is that we human beings are far from perfect and make mistakes all our lives, but you know, we're all doing the best we can at the time the best way we know how at the time.
Blaming yourself and beating up on yourself for something that happened in the past won't help your daughter and won't help you. What WILL help HER and WILL help YOU is you put your attention and energy into doing the next right thing for you TODAY....ask your HP what that is, and look after yourself.....that's my take on it anyway.
Have a peaceful, happy day.
Martin
I'm sorry to hear about your daughter's hip.
I imagine you are very proud of all the work she put in to get a job like that. I imagine lots of people wouldn't have the energy and dedication it takes to get that education and do that job. It sounds to me like she had a good enough home and good enough parents to enable her to achieve something really worthwhile
pirate, I'm slowly learning something about myself and life in general, which is that we human beings are far from perfect and make mistakes all our lives, but you know, we're all doing the best we can at the time the best way we know how at the time.
Blaming yourself and beating up on yourself for something that happened in the past won't help your daughter and won't help you. What WILL help HER and WILL help YOU is you put your attention and energy into doing the next right thing for you TODAY....ask your HP what that is, and look after yourself.....that's my take on it anyway.
Have a peaceful, happy day.
Martin
I don't understand. Did the doctor tell you her health problems were caused by your drinking or is it just some guilt crap you made up in your head? Hmmmm? Like Martin said, guilt isn't going to do either one of you any good. Work your steps, put it on your list if you must. One of the sheets is harms done others. If you think you harmed her put that on your list. Stop torturing yourself. We can't change the past no matter how hard we try. I'm sure every mother, alcoholic or not, has something they did in their child's past that they regret. I know I did. Can't change it, let it go. Or you can continue to torture yourself until you drive yourself batty and drink over it. Let it go, hon. Pray about it.
If it's bothering you, write it down, who was involved, and how it affected one of the five areas. Then move on. When you're all done, go BACK over the list and do the second part of Step 4.
Yes, it's uncomfy. Yes, it's required. Yes, it gets better. But you gotta DO THE STEPS.
Yes, it's uncomfy. Yes, it's required. Yes, it gets better. But you gotta DO THE STEPS.
Gidday Pirate
Step four is doing its job it is releasing old fears and guilt, yes you will feel these fears etc and then you can do as you are doing vent about it, log it into your step four and look for any triggers, think on it positively and over the next few days allow it to go as you continue the good work you are doing.
Addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful and it will use this period to try and re capture the sub conscious...just pause and think of all the times you have sat and felt warmth and love for your daughter.
Its not meant to be easy and that is why the result when completed properly is so much release
light and love Zac
Step four is doing its job it is releasing old fears and guilt, yes you will feel these fears etc and then you can do as you are doing vent about it, log it into your step four and look for any triggers, think on it positively and over the next few days allow it to go as you continue the good work you are doing.
Addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful and it will use this period to try and re capture the sub conscious...just pause and think of all the times you have sat and felt warmth and love for your daughter.
Its not meant to be easy and that is why the result when completed properly is so much release
light and love Zac
Hey guys here it is a brand new day and I am doing my best to follow my own advice by staying positive and having a positive attitude. I need to vent though.Today is a s...t day for me.For the first time in a while I am having the urge to drink. I KNOW WHY because I want to escape from my problems. I don't want to feel. I don't want to face the things I am facing. The ever powerful cunning deceitful demon is trying it's best to get in my mind and take over. I feel sad,angry,afraid and I just want to escape.I have guilt over what I am possibly responsible for with my oldest daughters' medical condition. Although I have no way of knowing for sure. That is bugging at me. Plus there are problems going on with my youngest daughter who now has decided to backpack to another province to meet with my newphew who though an alcoholic has been clean now for 6 years. I am so worried about her going off alone. She went to the city with a friend and called me this morning telling me of her plans. There is nothing I can do to stop herI feel so frightened.If you remember from my other posts from a few weeks back she was the one that was hospitalized because of suicidal tendencies from prescription drugs withdrawal.Then a few days ago we found out she and the accused has to do a polygraph test for the upcoming court trial. I am worried about that because these things scare me. What if something goes wrong and the test isn't right. There has been so much on my mind this past few weeks that I have reverted back to having bad dreams and I mean horrible dreams. To top it all off then I had an agrument with my husband who is totally pissed at me for not wanting to go to the cabin with him. I just wanted to be alone. I am feeling overwhelmed and I feel I need time just for me to sort some things through in my head. I have to admit I was indulging in self pity when my sponsor called a few minutes ago and he wants me to meet another woman whom he is sponsoring and apparently she is in real bad shape. He thinks we can be good for one another and that I have improved enough to be of help to her. I think so too but there are days where like today I am cautious about doing too much. It seems as if my husband at times don't understand why I need this board and other people that are involved with alcholol because he can't understand that by talking about the addiction and my feelings that it helps me not to drink. He says that how can I forget about it if I am always talking about it. But I NEED to talk about it. It is what keeps me sober. I feel like I'm dammed if I do and I'm dammed if I don't. It seems whatever I do is always wrong and it's like I can't make a decision on what I WANT without been made feel bad about it. I just feel so pissed off right now. Did this sort of thing happen to you guy with your spouses? I think and I could be wrong but I feel like he wanted me to stop drinking and just totally forget it ever happened and to never bring it up again.I can't do that. I really can't . I think he resents the fact that I come on this board so often. I think he resents the fact that I can talk to my sponsor and counselloer and the mental health nurse when I can't talk to him.But talking to him usually ends in an agrument because is solution to the problem is "well how you gonna forget about it when you talking about it all the time" OHHHHHHHHHH this is ONE HELL OF A DAY. CRAP CRAP CRAP. Once again guys thanks for letting me share and please give me some advice and skg if you happen to read this. I don't care if you do kick my a** if it will help me get over this mood. Take care all. God bless
Wouldn't it be wonderful if every day was all peaches and cream and we would never have a bad day again? I think that's what we were looking for when we were drinking, huh? Sadly, we all have bad days. It's ok to have bad days. It's ok to have bad dreams too. OMG When I was on the chantix a few months ago I was having pill dreams every freakin night. (I kinda enjoyed them). So what? I didn't use, you aren't drinking.
I think helping that new chick would be good for you. It'll give you a chance to get out of your head.
You're doing what you can to stay sober. Keep doing it. If hubby doesn't like it, too bad, it's YOUR recovery, not his. Ask him if he would rather have you relapse.
Keep doing what you're doing. And don't worry about the dreams, we all have them. I know people with double digit sobriety that still have them. It's no big deal.
smooches
I think helping that new chick would be good for you. It'll give you a chance to get out of your head.
You're doing what you can to stay sober. Keep doing it. If hubby doesn't like it, too bad, it's YOUR recovery, not his. Ask him if he would rather have you relapse.
Keep doing what you're doing. And don't worry about the dreams, we all have them. I know people with double digit sobriety that still have them. It's no big deal.
smooches
Hi Pirate,
I copy and pasted this from pain pill board, however the graphics like I thought wouldn't paste. If you go to the bottom of forum on pp board and put in dsam name hit enter. Then her posts will show up. It's titled pie chart recovery. I printed this and gave it to my husband. Of course I don't know what he did with it. It helped him understand why I'm in the stage of being obsessed with recovery now. I use to be obsessed with drinking. I'm suggesting you print it and give it to him. Then get it back because you may want to keep it for reminders for you both. That dsam is one smart lady. I always flock to anything she writes. Cynical one to although I don't know why she doesn't post anymore, very intelligent in addiction, co-dependency areas, life. I miss her posts and recycle them and read.
Yes, just last night my hubby was irritated with me for being on here and not eating dinner with him. I know that since I've become sober I'm still not focusing on other responsibilities. I'm undisciplined still. I'm thinking about recovery most of the time. When you look at the pie chart you will see it's normal for us early folks. Plus tell him you don't have access to meetings like many of us and your lonely for other people who are like yourself in regards to addiction and recovery. Of course he may pout like mine has because after all I was quite the p**** cat when drinking. I was also a major B**** to live with. I think I need to pay more attention to him, or something. It's like balancing your needs and other's needs.
As for the full blown neighborhood going off in your soul and heart. Work step one, two and three. I'm serious here, it does work. I can't, He can, I will let Him. I've been in a bad place in my head the last couple to few days myself. I've thought of drink to, but the resolve is so much stronger now not to. My main reason is I want that energy back that alcohol gave me. I'm so tired all the time. Well I played the tape to the end and in the end my energy was false and was taken away. I turned someone that I love in my life over to God. I played in my head over and over Philippians 4:13. After counseling your youngest one. Let her make her own decisions. Even if you think, know they are wrong. They are hers to make and she will find out. Perhaps nothing bad will happen. Maybe her decision will be a good one. Whatever it is it's hers! She is 20 right. I know you worry because your her Mom. You have a good reason to be concerned. But you did say she was doing much better. Please give it to God he can handle it better than you!!!
As for your oldest girl. I didn't drink during my pregnancy's except one glass of wine. But, later on in life I did plenty of damage. I've made amends to them. But, I will do it again when I get to step 8& 9. I'm letting my wrongs as best I can go until then. I tend to future trip and want to skip the steps. Last nights meeting was on step eight and the tradition. Old timers said step 4 is to show you in step 6 your character defects and then you will be coming willing in step 8. The steps are in order for a reason. Go back to the steps you have done and work them honey. They also say if your having trouble with the next one to go back to the previous one as it wasn't thorough. Heres also some loving sister Christian advice. If you asked for forgiveness from him. Do you not believe it's been forgiven? It's been removed as far as the East to the West. Don't you remember this. Marie who besides you wants you to throw this in your face and make you feel guilty from things from the past. I think you know the answer to this. Stop it now and stop being so hard on yourself. Start thinking about all the wonderful good and many sacrifices you have made for you children individually and as a whole within your family. My own kids have told me horror stories of parents that aren't alcoholic, or drug addicts that have done far worse and repeated things to their kids. Crap if I wouldn't have been an alcoholic I could have been nominated for Mom of the year. I think you to Marie. OK, so not every x-mas is perfect, neither is it for normies either. Remember who intervened for you once and for all.
The polygraph I'm pretty sure is not allowed in the states. I'm sure it's illegal in our courts, well depends I think what level of court. I'm surprised they are allowing it. Do STEP ONE< THEN TWO <THEN THREE> Have faith. He Sees all, Knows all. We can pray together again along with others as that time comes. It is powerful weapon. Let me know when. What does the big book say about these things?
Obviously your daughter is one very smart cookie. So you couldn't have drank her into fetal alcohol syndrome. Many babies are born with her condition and worse from no alcohol use. Please quit blaming yourself for things that you will never no for sure. Unsolvable. I bet if your daughter knew what you were thinking she'd reassure you.
Now is there any possible way to get a ride to the Cabin where your husband's at? What a nice surprise that would be, huh. Spending to much time alone is not healthy. I know you know this. Change your perspective. Go surprise him. Come on now make it happen. You know you'd love it. Bring the candles.
I will be praying today, sending , thinking good thoughts, changed thoughts for you my friend. Don't forget to put on some music. I can see the new neurons firing at your frontal lobes now. Just look at all those new wires.
Love,
Chris xoxo
Last February, I wrote these words to "gentlepeace". I'm going to alter this message a little bit and add some graphics, because when I was in rehab, I remember the profound impact this made on me.
My sponsor suggested to me early in recovery that whatever I do, I don't use and to surround myself, every aspect of my life, with recovery. Go to as many meetings as I could - continue working the steps, get involved with others who were seeking the same spiritual growth that I was. She promised me that if I did this, soon I would see that the highs and lows would become a little less frequent and they wouldn't last as long as they had been. She promised me that I would begin to experience some level of balance in time with the action I needed to take.
You may have seen me write this before, but indulge me, as I would like to share it again. I like to think of my life in terms of a pie chart. The ultimate goal is to have equal slices of pie that make up the whole. Each slice represents an area of my life - family - work - recovery - relationships - finances - play or leisure time - religion - spirituality - etc. for quite some time the major portion of that pie was my addiction and the behavior that surrounded it.
If you can picture a pie chart, probably 7/8's of that pie was taken up with drugs and the behavior that surrounded my drug abuse. The other areas of my life - the family, HP, work, finances, relationships etc. were crammed into one teeney tiny sliver of that pie.
user posted image
When I made the decision to stop all drugs I was left with this tremendous void - a huge hole that needed to be filled or I was going to go right back to using as a means to cope with this painful vacumn.
user posted image
I replaced that hole with recovery.
user posted image
Did what my sponsor suggested and did a little more, like seek the help of a counselor and an addiction support group. pretty soon I found that those other areas of my life began to slowly widen and some balance was being restored. To me, this is the promises coming true that we read about in the big book.
user posted image
There is much to be said about surrender. Sometimes we have to surrender the fight to win the battle. How uplifting and empowering it is to read messages from people who ARE doing this thing called recovery and please know it's the journey that counts, not the destination. To those still suffering and held in the grips of of addiction, please know that there is a solution out of this insanity. I'm living proof of this along with countless others. All it takes is a little willingness and a whole lot of action.
Time is something I spend everyday, but it cannot be bought at any price. I spend time on everything: recovery, HP, prayer, myself, loved ones, family, friends, work and co-workers, restoring finances, leisure, etc. The time in my life is priceless. And I ask myself frequently, what determines what I spend my time on?
Guided by Spirit, I use time wisely.
My prayer for all is simply this:
Higher Power,
There are many things vying for my time and attention; my family, job, self-care, prayer and meditation, recovery, each take time and effort.
I seek balance and the best use of the time I have. I accept Your direction for each moment of my lives.
Thank You for speaking to me in ways I understand. May Your will be my will and Your thoughts my thoughts.
So it is.
Amen
The longer I stay in the light of recovery and continue to do the next right thing, more is revealed. And as for that pie chart, it looks more like this today, with recovery still being my number one priority, I'm finding that balance that once eluded me.
user posted image
Thanks for letting me share.
Namaste' ~
Sammy
I copy and pasted this from pain pill board, however the graphics like I thought wouldn't paste. If you go to the bottom of forum on pp board and put in dsam name hit enter. Then her posts will show up. It's titled pie chart recovery. I printed this and gave it to my husband. Of course I don't know what he did with it. It helped him understand why I'm in the stage of being obsessed with recovery now. I use to be obsessed with drinking. I'm suggesting you print it and give it to him. Then get it back because you may want to keep it for reminders for you both. That dsam is one smart lady. I always flock to anything she writes. Cynical one to although I don't know why she doesn't post anymore, very intelligent in addiction, co-dependency areas, life. I miss her posts and recycle them and read.
Yes, just last night my hubby was irritated with me for being on here and not eating dinner with him. I know that since I've become sober I'm still not focusing on other responsibilities. I'm undisciplined still. I'm thinking about recovery most of the time. When you look at the pie chart you will see it's normal for us early folks. Plus tell him you don't have access to meetings like many of us and your lonely for other people who are like yourself in regards to addiction and recovery. Of course he may pout like mine has because after all I was quite the p**** cat when drinking. I was also a major B**** to live with. I think I need to pay more attention to him, or something. It's like balancing your needs and other's needs.
As for the full blown neighborhood going off in your soul and heart. Work step one, two and three. I'm serious here, it does work. I can't, He can, I will let Him. I've been in a bad place in my head the last couple to few days myself. I've thought of drink to, but the resolve is so much stronger now not to. My main reason is I want that energy back that alcohol gave me. I'm so tired all the time. Well I played the tape to the end and in the end my energy was false and was taken away. I turned someone that I love in my life over to God. I played in my head over and over Philippians 4:13. After counseling your youngest one. Let her make her own decisions. Even if you think, know they are wrong. They are hers to make and she will find out. Perhaps nothing bad will happen. Maybe her decision will be a good one. Whatever it is it's hers! She is 20 right. I know you worry because your her Mom. You have a good reason to be concerned. But you did say she was doing much better. Please give it to God he can handle it better than you!!!
As for your oldest girl. I didn't drink during my pregnancy's except one glass of wine. But, later on in life I did plenty of damage. I've made amends to them. But, I will do it again when I get to step 8& 9. I'm letting my wrongs as best I can go until then. I tend to future trip and want to skip the steps. Last nights meeting was on step eight and the tradition. Old timers said step 4 is to show you in step 6 your character defects and then you will be coming willing in step 8. The steps are in order for a reason. Go back to the steps you have done and work them honey. They also say if your having trouble with the next one to go back to the previous one as it wasn't thorough. Heres also some loving sister Christian advice. If you asked for forgiveness from him. Do you not believe it's been forgiven? It's been removed as far as the East to the West. Don't you remember this. Marie who besides you wants you to throw this in your face and make you feel guilty from things from the past. I think you know the answer to this. Stop it now and stop being so hard on yourself. Start thinking about all the wonderful good and many sacrifices you have made for you children individually and as a whole within your family. My own kids have told me horror stories of parents that aren't alcoholic, or drug addicts that have done far worse and repeated things to their kids. Crap if I wouldn't have been an alcoholic I could have been nominated for Mom of the year. I think you to Marie. OK, so not every x-mas is perfect, neither is it for normies either. Remember who intervened for you once and for all.
The polygraph I'm pretty sure is not allowed in the states. I'm sure it's illegal in our courts, well depends I think what level of court. I'm surprised they are allowing it. Do STEP ONE< THEN TWO <THEN THREE> Have faith. He Sees all, Knows all. We can pray together again along with others as that time comes. It is powerful weapon. Let me know when. What does the big book say about these things?
Obviously your daughter is one very smart cookie. So you couldn't have drank her into fetal alcohol syndrome. Many babies are born with her condition and worse from no alcohol use. Please quit blaming yourself for things that you will never no for sure. Unsolvable. I bet if your daughter knew what you were thinking she'd reassure you.
Now is there any possible way to get a ride to the Cabin where your husband's at? What a nice surprise that would be, huh. Spending to much time alone is not healthy. I know you know this. Change your perspective. Go surprise him. Come on now make it happen. You know you'd love it. Bring the candles.
I will be praying today, sending , thinking good thoughts, changed thoughts for you my friend. Don't forget to put on some music. I can see the new neurons firing at your frontal lobes now. Just look at all those new wires.
Love,
Chris xoxo
Last February, I wrote these words to "gentlepeace". I'm going to alter this message a little bit and add some graphics, because when I was in rehab, I remember the profound impact this made on me.
My sponsor suggested to me early in recovery that whatever I do, I don't use and to surround myself, every aspect of my life, with recovery. Go to as many meetings as I could - continue working the steps, get involved with others who were seeking the same spiritual growth that I was. She promised me that if I did this, soon I would see that the highs and lows would become a little less frequent and they wouldn't last as long as they had been. She promised me that I would begin to experience some level of balance in time with the action I needed to take.
You may have seen me write this before, but indulge me, as I would like to share it again. I like to think of my life in terms of a pie chart. The ultimate goal is to have equal slices of pie that make up the whole. Each slice represents an area of my life - family - work - recovery - relationships - finances - play or leisure time - religion - spirituality - etc. for quite some time the major portion of that pie was my addiction and the behavior that surrounded it.
If you can picture a pie chart, probably 7/8's of that pie was taken up with drugs and the behavior that surrounded my drug abuse. The other areas of my life - the family, HP, work, finances, relationships etc. were crammed into one teeney tiny sliver of that pie.
user posted image
When I made the decision to stop all drugs I was left with this tremendous void - a huge hole that needed to be filled or I was going to go right back to using as a means to cope with this painful vacumn.
user posted image
I replaced that hole with recovery.
user posted image
Did what my sponsor suggested and did a little more, like seek the help of a counselor and an addiction support group. pretty soon I found that those other areas of my life began to slowly widen and some balance was being restored. To me, this is the promises coming true that we read about in the big book.
user posted image
There is much to be said about surrender. Sometimes we have to surrender the fight to win the battle. How uplifting and empowering it is to read messages from people who ARE doing this thing called recovery and please know it's the journey that counts, not the destination. To those still suffering and held in the grips of of addiction, please know that there is a solution out of this insanity. I'm living proof of this along with countless others. All it takes is a little willingness and a whole lot of action.
Time is something I spend everyday, but it cannot be bought at any price. I spend time on everything: recovery, HP, prayer, myself, loved ones, family, friends, work and co-workers, restoring finances, leisure, etc. The time in my life is priceless. And I ask myself frequently, what determines what I spend my time on?
Guided by Spirit, I use time wisely.
My prayer for all is simply this:
Higher Power,
There are many things vying for my time and attention; my family, job, self-care, prayer and meditation, recovery, each take time and effort.
I seek balance and the best use of the time I have. I accept Your direction for each moment of my lives.
Thank You for speaking to me in ways I understand. May Your will be my will and Your thoughts my thoughts.
So it is.
Amen
The longer I stay in the light of recovery and continue to do the next right thing, more is revealed. And as for that pie chart, it looks more like this today, with recovery still being my number one priority, I'm finding that balance that once eluded me.
user posted image
Thanks for letting me share.
Namaste' ~
Sammy
"If sobriety isn't first, it won't last."
I spent my life doing for other people. I actually got the "You're not paying attention to me," crap from SU and had to finally say, "If I am not sober, I am not good for anyone." I had to get through the steps, develop a real and lasting spirituality, and the good ME stuff is coming back. I chucked the rest with the fifth (step). :)
I spent my life doing for other people. I actually got the "You're not paying attention to me," crap from SU and had to finally say, "If I am not sober, I am not good for anyone." I had to get through the steps, develop a real and lasting spirituality, and the good ME stuff is coming back. I chucked the rest with the fifth (step). :)
While reading Chris's post it dawned on me, my SO is very happy to see me go off to meetings and such. He remembers what I was like when I was using and I was NOT a very pleasant person to live with. He gladly lets me devote however much time it takes for me to stay sober. When your spouses start seeing the differences in you as you stay sober they will feel the same way. If they don't, send them to watch sports. They'll forget all about you.
The funny thing is with my SU is he actually asked me to go to AA meetings more than once and I refused in the past. He's happy about it now. Of course I make sure theres food for him, or that could change. Although I ask him once in a while to grab a burger. I think he doesn't like it that I go and then come home and go on the PC. I think I should try to take some of my own advice.
He loves sports thats for sure, especially football. He's going fly fishing on the Deschute's river tomorrow with the guys. So I'm free. I need to clean the house, yard and stay off the PC. I must be responsible. I see how undisciplined I've been.
He loves sports thats for sure, especially football. He's going fly fishing on the Deschute's river tomorrow with the guys. So I'm free. I need to clean the house, yard and stay off the PC. I must be responsible. I see how undisciplined I've been.
Thanks a lot guys for the replies and the advice. I actually felt a lot better after I had vented on here. Sometimes I just need to get things out of my system with people that understand where I am coming from.You all give good advice and I know I need it a lot but you all are such help to me. You keep me from indulging in self pity. I am handling my bad days a lot better now than I did at the beginning and a lot of that is due to the advice I get on here. Anyway, went for a walk in the park and came back and painted the deck. Chris I had thought about going to the cabin as well but decided against it . Anyway hubby came home and all is well. It 's just I hate it sometimes how he just don't get it ya know. I agree with skg that sobriety comes first and I have to do whatever it is I am comfortable with and what is right for me at the moment. You see the cabin was a "party" place for me. I could drink all I liked there because of course I was camping and had my friends along and EVERYBODY boozes when camping right? or that was my way of thinking because a lot do.I told him when he came back I will go there but in my own time when I am ready to.I know what I can and can't handle and today was not a good day for me to go there. I have been in there earlier on a few weeks ago and got rid of things that were associated with booze.It's gonna be a whole new change of circumstances for me up there now and I have to do it when I am in a good frame of mind. Anyway today I have learned that working and staying busy helps keep the monkey of your back.I am tired from all the painting but it's a good tired. I applied for work here at a couple of job openings and I am hoping to get something soon. Thank you all for being there for me. I appreciate each and everyone of you!. I really do. (((((( ))))))))))God bless all and take care.
Sounds like you're dong really well pirate. I'm happy for you.
Martin
Martin
One Day At A Time and gidday Pirate
Now is the time to reach in and grab some of the gratitude you have stored and keep doing what you are doing working through all the dust that has been let loose by the walls of your defenses falling as step four gets deeper, keep working forward and be proud you are sober and worth it and remember our higher powers are always there:)
light and love Zac
Now is the time to reach in and grab some of the gratitude you have stored and keep doing what you are doing working through all the dust that has been let loose by the walls of your defenses falling as step four gets deeper, keep working forward and be proud you are sober and worth it and remember our higher powers are always there:)
light and love Zac
