Hello Everyone,
My name is Dee. In September I started speak to this guy named "Stan" online. He is such a great person, great mind, great heart. He is a recovering heroin addict and has been one off and on for over a decade. We had just been speaking online and he would speak about his addiction, recovery....we talked about other stuff too. I asked him about dating online and he said he had never tried online dating and was not interested whatsoever in dating at the moment. I foolishly and naively teased him about it...saying "darn"...and we continuously made intimate jokes (definitely both ways) and continued to communicate almost on a day-to-day basis. He was doing so well. He worked at the treatment centre he stayed at and was eventually promoted to managing a sober living...all in the span of 5 months. Last week I stopped hearing from him and got really worried. I waited and waited until he finally messaged me two days ago saying that he had relapsed after almost 8 months of sobriety. I was devastated. I have been crying ever since I got the news. He also, of course, lost his job.
I can't help but believe that I played a significant role in his relapse. It never dawned on me what I was doing. I was completely ignorant/naive about addiction. That he needed to focus and that he wasn't to form any type of relationship. Especially not within the first year. I was a distraction and made him lose focus. I've been so destroyed about it since. He stated the he really needed to refocus himself and that it would be his "last message" and that he would "never forget about me"
I responded back and said my goodbyes, but I don't want it to be over. I really want to ask him if we could keep in touch maybe somewhere down the line....it doesn't have to be a relationship. I still want to be friends and I want to support him. Am I being selfish? Was I a contributing factor to his relapse?
You have to ask yourself why you are contemplating a relationship with a heroin addict.
A normal girl would run ... as fast as she could.
Please get help for yourself. Never mind him ... fix YOU !!
All the best.
Bob R
A normal girl would run ... as fast as she could.
Please get help for yourself. Never mind him ... fix YOU !!
All the best.
Bob R
Yep, if mine were not my son, I would not open that door.
I would not go there if I were you. I would move countries rather than get involved with an addict.
If they are meant to be in your life your paths will cross at a time in place that is good for both of you. Work on you staying healthy.
If they are meant to be in your life your paths will cross at a time in place that is good for both of you. Work on you staying healthy.
Please, please learn about yourself through attending Co-dependents Anonymous meetings! Your story is not about a relationship but about you and your needs, which, if left unexplored, will go through this over and over again.
Ok like everyone has said don't get involved with this guy! It is the worst and hardest thing to date and addict. It's not fair to do with yourself. You are great person with a clean slate to start new. But as to your post NO NO NO you did not cause this!!! If he has been dealing with this for over a decade then it's not something new. Regardless if you had been in his life or not he would has relapsed. When it comes to addiction the addict doesn't think of care about anyone else or themselves. They simply have their mind on the drug. Any memory, smell, even driving by a place they got high before can cause a relapse. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. God puts everyone in eachother lives at a certain time for a reason. Just know this is not your fault. And find someone who would never make you feel that way because I know the feeling at it isn't something anyone deserves. Best of luck to you.
Hi dee. I am in sort of the same boat. 8 months ago I went on a date that changed my idea of love. I fell head over heels for this man, in the matter of months. He was an amazing man he treated me the way I have seen in movies and fairy tales. I thought I found the perfect man. But as time went on weird things started happening. Showing up late leaving me places for hours until i blew up his phone. Me as a woman my mind went straight to He's cheating on me' so i watched him close from that moment on. But to my surprise i asked him what was up with him and that is when he told me he was addicted to pain pills. And having pain pill addicts in my family already i wasn't worried. Well months later he told me it was actually heroine. I didn't know what to do. I was 5 months into this relationship, so in love i chose to stick with him. In three month i went through an emotional roller coaster. But he is now on methadone and getting the help he needs he was using for 5 years and decided to quit when he met mem so i feel if you think he's worth it. He very well may be.
