Homeless cold and I won't let him home. Scared that he'll steal get high direspect and continue to do what he wants. So hard sticking to my grounds at 22* degrees. How to get his life back as well as mine. Please help.
Dee
Dee-- No you need to read my previous posts !!!
Lori
Lori
Dee, Look up on the posting list "Parental Ptsd" under the name "BuggingMe". Sounds very similar to what your going through. Maybe if you look into this c-ptsd and see the doctor he will be able to help you. Good luck! Mary.
you said previously - last week ? that he was at a shelter. Can't he go there?
If they are uncomfortable enough, maybe they learn consequences from their actions.
If they are uncomfortable enough, maybe they learn consequences from their actions.
Yes guys your all right!!! Just needed you all at the moment. Thanks and gonna go read what you suggested. Thank you guys
Dee
Dee
As an addict in long(ish) term recovery, I can say unequivocally that you are doing the right thing!
He is an adult. As adults we all have to learn that what we do (or don't do) has consequences. If he is an active addict, then trust me, he has places to go. There are always other users who will let us crash with them or we will manipulate other family members and friends to help us. The problem is, everytime you (or anyone) picks up the pieces of our mess by letting us live with you, or giving us food or money, you rob us of the chance to learn how to do it ourelves. If you do it for him, YOU ARE CRIPPLING HIM!!!
Growth is painful and hard...that is just a fact of life. But protecting him from the consequences of his actions prevents him from feeling the pain..and thus he doesn't learn how to avoid it in the future.
I think enabling is a fancy word for crippling someone's personal growth and responsibility in the world.
I am a mother too, so I know how it feels when your child hurts. It is a mother's instinct to comfort her child..but, your son is NOT a child and your days of comforting him in that "motherly way" are over. If you let him live with you and give him money, food a car...whatever...all you are doing is giving him a comfortable place to use. It might make YOU feel better, but if you allow it, what you are doing, without words, is saying that you do not believe he is smart enough or capable enough to figure out his own life. It chips at his confidence that he can figure this stuff out for himself...and it keeps you trapped in HIS insanity!
You are doing the right thing. Why should you be doing for him what he should be doing for himself. No one in this life gets a free pass..we all must find our way. You just have to be strong enough to let him find it himself!
He is an adult. As adults we all have to learn that what we do (or don't do) has consequences. If he is an active addict, then trust me, he has places to go. There are always other users who will let us crash with them or we will manipulate other family members and friends to help us. The problem is, everytime you (or anyone) picks up the pieces of our mess by letting us live with you, or giving us food or money, you rob us of the chance to learn how to do it ourelves. If you do it for him, YOU ARE CRIPPLING HIM!!!
Growth is painful and hard...that is just a fact of life. But protecting him from the consequences of his actions prevents him from feeling the pain..and thus he doesn't learn how to avoid it in the future.
I think enabling is a fancy word for crippling someone's personal growth and responsibility in the world.
I am a mother too, so I know how it feels when your child hurts. It is a mother's instinct to comfort her child..but, your son is NOT a child and your days of comforting him in that "motherly way" are over. If you let him live with you and give him money, food a car...whatever...all you are doing is giving him a comfortable place to use. It might make YOU feel better, but if you allow it, what you are doing, without words, is saying that you do not believe he is smart enough or capable enough to figure out his own life. It chips at his confidence that he can figure this stuff out for himself...and it keeps you trapped in HIS insanity!
You are doing the right thing. Why should you be doing for him what he should be doing for himself. No one in this life gets a free pass..we all must find our way. You just have to be strong enough to let him find it himself!
Lolleedee--
Well said--well said!!!
(((HUGS))) Lori
Well said--well said!!!
(((HUGS))) Lori
