I guess I can say I am feeling a bit of the birthday blues. Interestingly, the only friends who acknowledged my birthday were my sober friends. I feel a bit sad that my so called friends who aren't in recovery didn't even call.
On a positive note: I am grateful for being sober today and having my recovery friends in my life.
Happy 35 Birthday Zipper!
Happy Birthday To You Happy Birthday To You Happy Birthday Dear Zipper Happy Birthday To You!
I mentioned something on the grateful thread this morning thinking it was your Birthday, wasn't positive. I'm sorry it didn't turn out exactly the way you hoped for. I hope your family was in touch with you today. Especially your sister.
It hurts when our friends don't acknowledge are Birthdays. Look at it this way your making new friends and writing new chapters in your life. Good ones too! Your old friends may have wanted to celebrate in an unhealthy way for you. Still they should have called. But, at least Zipper you weren't alone!
Last year on my Birthday my two girlfriends didn't call. I did receive one card though. Just think if I would have started my recovery sooner, I'd probably had more friends wishing me a Happy Birthday. Yet, I was grateful that I had a family who hadn't forgotten.
I think your on Mountain time, but I hope you read that I'm sending you Birthday smiles and hugs from Oregon.
Glad you couldn't hear me singing out loud. Remember your never alone Zipper!
God Bless You
Love, Chris xxx
Happy Birthday To You Happy Birthday To You Happy Birthday Dear Zipper Happy Birthday To You!
I mentioned something on the grateful thread this morning thinking it was your Birthday, wasn't positive. I'm sorry it didn't turn out exactly the way you hoped for. I hope your family was in touch with you today. Especially your sister.
It hurts when our friends don't acknowledge are Birthdays. Look at it this way your making new friends and writing new chapters in your life. Good ones too! Your old friends may have wanted to celebrate in an unhealthy way for you. Still they should have called. But, at least Zipper you weren't alone!
Last year on my Birthday my two girlfriends didn't call. I did receive one card though. Just think if I would have started my recovery sooner, I'd probably had more friends wishing me a Happy Birthday. Yet, I was grateful that I had a family who hadn't forgotten.
I think your on Mountain time, but I hope you read that I'm sending you Birthday smiles and hugs from Oregon.
Glad you couldn't hear me singing out loud. Remember your never alone Zipper!
God Bless You
Love, Chris xxx
Happy Birthday Zipper!!!!
I know how you feel about "So called freinds ,who arent in recovery"
I have been thru all that as well,
I found that when I was getting sober my so called mates didnt want to know me,
It confused me a bit, but after 3 yrs I now know who my real mates where,
And the ones who stand by you are your real freinds, Zac is a close freind of mine, and he is a legend !!!
I see your new here, this site is really good to help keep ya on your toes!!
Take Care Ginge
I know how you feel about "So called freinds ,who arent in recovery"
I have been thru all that as well,
I found that when I was getting sober my so called mates didnt want to know me,
It confused me a bit, but after 3 yrs I now know who my real mates where,
And the ones who stand by you are your real freinds, Zac is a close freind of mine, and he is a legend !!!
I see your new here, this site is really good to help keep ya on your toes!!
Take Care Ginge
Aweeee there's our {{{ ginger-snap }}} ! Hey bud I got your email. YGM! Happy truckin' pal! :-)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZIPPER!! YGM too!
Zipper,
You will soon find out who your real friends are. Once we get sober people don't see us as the good time girls anymore so they pull away. It's just as well though as they weren't true friends anyhow.
I found that without me to use as a barometer for their own drinking my friends had to look at themselves, which no one liked. No more thinking they weren't as bad as me so they were fine! Keep your chin up and be proud that you are sober for your birthday. Keep up the good work!
:-) Valarie
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZIPPER!! YGM too!
Zipper,
You will soon find out who your real friends are. Once we get sober people don't see us as the good time girls anymore so they pull away. It's just as well though as they weren't true friends anyhow.
I found that without me to use as a barometer for their own drinking my friends had to look at themselves, which no one liked. No more thinking they weren't as bad as me so they were fine! Keep your chin up and be proud that you are sober for your birthday. Keep up the good work!
:-) Valarie
Zipper I am sorry to hear that your friends didn't call you but I guess you know by now they weren't' your true friends to begin with.True friends are there with you always through good times and the bad. I wish you a very Happy Birthday Zipper and take care and be proud of who you are . God bless and take care
| QUOTE |
| Interestingly, the only friends who acknowledged my birthday were my sober friends. I feel a bit sad that my so called friends who aren't in recovery didn't even call. On a positive note: I am grateful for being sober today and having my recovery friends in my life. |
Yeah, sobriety is an all-or-nothing proposition for me, too. As an alcoholic, I was a good-time-Charle--the fun guy. Except when I was hungover, or isolating, or awake, or...
Someone in the rooms said, "I had to change playmates, and playgrounds, and playthings to get sober. And then I found out it wasn't me my friends wanted, it was my toys." I giggled a little bit over that one, because the image of toddlers in a sandbox came to my mind, but the reality is that it's EXACTLY the situation!
Look at it this way: You're growing up. They're still getting sand in crevices...
Sobriety is a lonely business if I allow it to be, but I found a whole new fellowship in AA--friends and love in a far deeper sense than at ANY cocktail party or dark corner of a piano bar. I had to be ready to accept the difference, though, and that took/takes time.
Happy Belly Button Birthday! Don't celebrate--and it DOES get better if you work The Steps. That's The Promises.
Happy birthday to uuuuuuuuu!
Thank you everyone for sharing. Yep, time to accept that new playmates, playgrounds and toys are part of the recovery process...I'd go so far to say, imperative to sobriety. Case in point, I made a selfish choice yesterday since I was alone and didn't want to be, I hung out with DM (ex-bf). The day started out well but I was quickly reminded that we are two individuals going it two different directions. After a scuffle right towards the end of the evening where I made an observation and he threw it right back at me while snickering, I shut down. I came home and got on my knees. I recognize my part...my intentions in hanging out were self-seeking and selfish. I continually relearn that "I'd rather be alone for the right reasons than be with someone for the wrong". I thought DM would be safe since he isn't one of us and supports my sobriety....I've now reconsidered this. Just because a friend isn't using doesn't mean that they are a good influence. We parted ways and I felt drained and disappointed in myself.
I used to drink alone. I never felt that being alone was a problem and I actually relished it. My "friend" was the alcohol. Now that that is gone, I realize that I don't want to be alone so much. However, I learned again last night that if not being alone means I compromise myself, my sobriety, my esteem, my wellbeing, than being alone is the far wiser choice....
So back to square one with the DM situation and putting distance between us for my wellbeing. But I am grateful for my 44 days of sobriety (dang it...just recounted. I thought it was day 47, lol) and for the friends I've made through the program. I even got up the nerve and called the lady I got a number from at the Tuesday night meeting this morning. I left her a message asking if she'd like to meet me at a speaker meeting tonight! Wow...big step for me.
Thanks again for letting me share.
I used to drink alone. I never felt that being alone was a problem and I actually relished it. My "friend" was the alcohol. Now that that is gone, I realize that I don't want to be alone so much. However, I learned again last night that if not being alone means I compromise myself, my sobriety, my esteem, my wellbeing, than being alone is the far wiser choice....
So back to square one with the DM situation and putting distance between us for my wellbeing. But I am grateful for my 44 days of sobriety (dang it...just recounted. I thought it was day 47, lol) and for the friends I've made through the program. I even got up the nerve and called the lady I got a number from at the Tuesday night meeting this morning. I left her a message asking if she'd like to meet me at a speaker meeting tonight! Wow...big step for me.
Thanks again for letting me share.
The whole issue of friends is a difficult one indeed. I became a recluse for a year and a half to distance myself from alcohol and the people involved. It got to a point where I wanted company though, so I dipped my toes in the pool of old friends again. They don't understand or respect sobriety. I was offered drinks, told I was overdoing it by being completely sober and drug free, and encouraged to drink. I went out, watched people get drunk, babysat people who were drunk, watched bad behaviour going on that I don't want to be a part of, and ended up putting on weight and being fed up most of the time.
I realised that even though I am not drinking, being around people who drink still has a negative effect on me. So, yes, it is better to be alone than in company that is not healthy. These people as I have observed - and was one of myself so I can't be superior about it, are immature and irresponsible with no real thought of others, only themselves. They haven't grown up, it is so true.
Happy birthday by the way!!
I realised that even though I am not drinking, being around people who drink still has a negative effect on me. So, yes, it is better to be alone than in company that is not healthy. These people as I have observed - and was one of myself so I can't be superior about it, are immature and irresponsible with no real thought of others, only themselves. They haven't grown up, it is so true.
Happy birthday by the way!!
Happy Birthday zipper!
I was away working for a couple of days so missed the actual event....sorry....
....you know, as I'm slowly healing I am starting to see that the old saying is true....a stranger is just a friend you aven't met yet....and there are billions of 'em out there!
At the same time and at a deeper level, I realise now that I'm only just beginning to be a good friend to myself, and as I heal I find myself feeling that I am never really alone.....I am connected to this world and everything in it in a powerful and unbreakable way....I don't fully understand it, but if I am grateful....and speak my gratitude, I am filled with a love that tells me I am never, ever alone....I just sometimes forget how close He always is....
And we're here too....remember.
Happy Birthday. x
I was away working for a couple of days so missed the actual event....sorry....
....you know, as I'm slowly healing I am starting to see that the old saying is true....a stranger is just a friend you aven't met yet....and there are billions of 'em out there!
At the same time and at a deeper level, I realise now that I'm only just beginning to be a good friend to myself, and as I heal I find myself feeling that I am never really alone.....I am connected to this world and everything in it in a powerful and unbreakable way....I don't fully understand it, but if I am grateful....and speak my gratitude, I am filled with a love that tells me I am never, ever alone....I just sometimes forget how close He always is....
And we're here too....remember.
Happy Birthday. x
Update: my "friend" called ...after nine calls that I avoided I answered the phone today. She didn't mention my birthday and when I eventually mentioned it she said, "I am a bad friend, I didn't even call". I felt this was a great lead-in the express my thoughts and set some boundaries. No sooner did I start talking did she say, "I met a boy last night". Same old same old. I listened and planned to proceed with what I wanted to share when she suddenly had to get off the phone. I didn't press it. I hung up and gave the situation and friendship to God. If she doesn't want to listen.
I truly believe a lot of her inability to listen is because she has always said she believes she has a drinking problem. It just may be too "real" for her to talk with me and hold a meaningful conversation.
For thine own self be true, huh? She did say today, "you sound so good". I can understand that hearing about my sobriety is just too difficult, as she is still actively drinking. Maybe someday we can share an honest, meaningful conversation...it just wasn't today.
I truly believe a lot of her inability to listen is because she has always said she believes she has a drinking problem. It just may be too "real" for her to talk with me and hold a meaningful conversation.
For thine own self be true, huh? She did say today, "you sound so good". I can understand that hearing about my sobriety is just too difficult, as she is still actively drinking. Maybe someday we can share an honest, meaningful conversation...it just wasn't today.
Zipper,
One of the things that going to open meetings at AA did for me right from the start was to help me understand how people genuinely in denial avoid anything that is going to cause them to even unconsciously think about the thing they are trying so hard not to think about. I've heard so many alcoholics share about how they ended relationships, left partners and avoided anyone who didn't drink they way they did and replaced them with people who drank more....I guess it normalises the behaviour..."I can't have a problem, I drink less than anyone I know!".....I know that although I was never judgemental about her drinking to her or mentioned it to anyone else she KNEW that deep down I was worried and disapproved....and even though now the subject is in the open between us I can hear her anxiety rising if our conversation moves towards territory to do with her drinking - and especially the root causes.....she absolutely fleeeeeees off the phone....it's ok if she's in control of the conversation but her radar is on red alert all the time for ANYTHING about alcohol or the things she can't cope with.
It's all understandable and forgiveable and a major cause of confusion and bewilderment and damage done to/by us partners and friends.....
On the other hand, I had a friend who wasn't an alcoholic and who interrupted anyone who phoned her as soon as she picked up, spoke for ten minutes about whatever she wanted to and then had to go before you got the chance to talk to her about why you rang....
Who knows....all you need to do is decide what you want and need and will tolerate from the people in your life. I think it's great that you're thinking about that and it's a help to me that you're sharing about it because it's absolutely what I need to do.
One of the things that going to open meetings at AA did for me right from the start was to help me understand how people genuinely in denial avoid anything that is going to cause them to even unconsciously think about the thing they are trying so hard not to think about. I've heard so many alcoholics share about how they ended relationships, left partners and avoided anyone who didn't drink they way they did and replaced them with people who drank more....I guess it normalises the behaviour..."I can't have a problem, I drink less than anyone I know!".....I know that although I was never judgemental about her drinking to her or mentioned it to anyone else she KNEW that deep down I was worried and disapproved....and even though now the subject is in the open between us I can hear her anxiety rising if our conversation moves towards territory to do with her drinking - and especially the root causes.....she absolutely fleeeeeees off the phone....it's ok if she's in control of the conversation but her radar is on red alert all the time for ANYTHING about alcohol or the things she can't cope with.
It's all understandable and forgiveable and a major cause of confusion and bewilderment and damage done to/by us partners and friends.....
On the other hand, I had a friend who wasn't an alcoholic and who interrupted anyone who phoned her as soon as she picked up, spoke for ten minutes about whatever she wanted to and then had to go before you got the chance to talk to her about why you rang....
Who knows....all you need to do is decide what you want and need and will tolerate from the people in your life. I think it's great that you're thinking about that and it's a help to me that you're sharing about it because it's absolutely what I need to do.
I talked to my sponsor about this and she shared her experience. She pointed out that this is my problem, not my friends, as I am the one fretting over it. My friend isn't losing any sleep over this...I am. So she suggested that before speaking (pause) I should ask myself: 1. is it true, 2. is it kind, 3. does it need to be said? Great advise for me, as I tend to be impulsive. She also said that it is perfectly okay for me to be evaluating friendships...I am changing right now and what used to be acceptable or tolerable isn't now. Friendships I found enjoyable when I was drinking or even not drinking (dry) are already not working for me. This is a spiritual program that I want to utilize not just for alcoholism but for every other aspect in my life. Imagine that...a new way of life. Everyday I am reminded that alcohol is just a symptom. I have every opportunity and deserve every chance to live differently. I feel grateful. Thank you all for your continued support and sharing your ESH.
Gidday Zipper and belated birthday greetings:)
Recovery is so great and to start awakening to our true selves is a blessing, a miracle and one hell of a journey......enjoy:)
light and love zac
Recovery is so great and to start awakening to our true selves is a blessing, a miracle and one hell of a journey......enjoy:)
light and love zac
