So I'm awaken last night for some damned reason and I can't get back to sleep. My mind's racing and it's stuck on a loop surrounding damned F2F meetings again, and I'm churning on resentment over one of the members in the group that simply can NOT STOP praising the vestages of having/being a sponsor and I want so bad to say, "Attraction rather than promotion," but am wrestling with the step of my recovery that says: Stop and listen--don't be so judgemental and Let Go and Let God and all that. I try not to share in meetings because, a) I need to learn to listen, b) I feel so stupid sharing in sort of stream of consciousness things, c) I play the words over and over in my head each time I share which causes LESS serenity in my gourd, and d) I'm afraid I'll show my a**!
I'm working my program with my HP in charge and am very comfortable with my progress and, thanks to this forum, there's another means of communicating--probably too much for some but HEY, I don't see YOU stepping up! ~grin~ KIDDING!!!.
My point it this: Whatever it takes. I use my F2F as my group and sponsor, you folks as my group and sponsor, and it's working. Just please don't TELL me what to do because, sure as I'm able, I'll PROVE to you that I'm an alcoholic if you push me.
:)
peaceness.
And happy Independence Day tomorrow (for you lurking Americans)....
Nice to see you skg. Whatever you are doing seems to be working for you and as such, there's no need for others to force their righteous agendas on you - however subtle they think they may be. I, too, am working on listening more. As a teacher I often tell my students that there's a reason we were born with TWO ears and only ONE mouth =)
Last night my daughter told me I sound angry, even when she knows I'm not. Hmmm....maybe it's time to start listening to myself.
Peaceness~:~MomNMore~:~
Last night my daughter told me I sound angry, even when she knows I'm not. Hmmm....maybe it's time to start listening to myself.
Peaceness~:~MomNMore~:~
Gidday Skg
Great post Skg and amen brother been there done that and burnt the tshirt. The old mate that keeps sharing about sponsoring etc may of found the one share that he feels empowered by or maybe you and he have clashed and he knows this sharing tends to give you the s***es and there is at times personalities in meetings but it is about sharing your experience, strength and hope, let him have the sleepless nights. Maybe all this is stinkin thinkin, see how it can snowball.
I am talking from my own experience and i think the reason i dont have a sponsor is because i like to do it in my own time and way and to be honest i dont really want to study the fu#k out of something i know that works, dont drink and go to meetings.
The next line in the song is till my love comes tumblin through they say if you have a resentment for someone pray for them for 2 weeks, i have done this and at times i struggle to get to the end but it does help, also sometimes when i share this one person would pick my share to bits and put little digs in or was i just hearing this because our personalities had clashed dunno dont care because im still going to meetings they arent, but in saying that i think they are going through a stage of no meetings till they realise that meetings are a great place to listen and share, why do i think this because i have done the same 3 years meetings, 2 years hard balling it on gratitude, 2 years meetings, 2 years off and on due to my little bad head space with this other person and 2 years and counting back at meetings and loving it.
At the start of recovery i thought i had to have the ultimate standing ovation share, then the great message share, or the spiritual awakining share and i listened to my self share.....I still do listen because i now hear what im saying and not what i think i should be saying. I can hear when my higher power is helping because the share just flows and the message im sharing is for me to hear as well, I can hear when im rambling and i just finish with gratitude, i can hear when i am happy, sad etc and i have to share what is causing that emotion and why and sometimes the answers come as i burble.
Skg if you get the chance to share SHARE dont worry about showing your a#s because everyone else in the room is human and there as#sess have been out at some stage. Or god forbid share about all this at the meeting and if the guy you have the problem with still goes on then time will ease the pain because you will get over it by getting it out of your head and it is now only keeping him awake at nights.
I cant really imagine you being worried about pis#ing someone off LMAO and in the long run all of this will help someone else in the future, keep posting Skg as this board has been quiet and this is great because it gets me thinking about my recovery and the good and bad things i do
Example..... you know how you wrote (and this is not the exact guote) at least you are stepping up to the plate and if it pis#ess anyone on the boards off tough etc well my mind can tell me that that statement is directed my way as a result of the first time we had a wee exchange.......or am i letting my stinkin thinkin go into overdrive.... , all i know is that self honesty and a willingness to change will see me through and i have a long way to go. Thanks again Skg
Light and love Zac
Great post Skg and amen brother been there done that and burnt the tshirt. The old mate that keeps sharing about sponsoring etc may of found the one share that he feels empowered by or maybe you and he have clashed and he knows this sharing tends to give you the s***es and there is at times personalities in meetings but it is about sharing your experience, strength and hope, let him have the sleepless nights. Maybe all this is stinkin thinkin, see how it can snowball.
I am talking from my own experience and i think the reason i dont have a sponsor is because i like to do it in my own time and way and to be honest i dont really want to study the fu#k out of something i know that works, dont drink and go to meetings.
The next line in the song is till my love comes tumblin through they say if you have a resentment for someone pray for them for 2 weeks, i have done this and at times i struggle to get to the end but it does help, also sometimes when i share this one person would pick my share to bits and put little digs in or was i just hearing this because our personalities had clashed dunno dont care because im still going to meetings they arent, but in saying that i think they are going through a stage of no meetings till they realise that meetings are a great place to listen and share, why do i think this because i have done the same 3 years meetings, 2 years hard balling it on gratitude, 2 years meetings, 2 years off and on due to my little bad head space with this other person and 2 years and counting back at meetings and loving it.
At the start of recovery i thought i had to have the ultimate standing ovation share, then the great message share, or the spiritual awakining share and i listened to my self share.....I still do listen because i now hear what im saying and not what i think i should be saying. I can hear when my higher power is helping because the share just flows and the message im sharing is for me to hear as well, I can hear when im rambling and i just finish with gratitude, i can hear when i am happy, sad etc and i have to share what is causing that emotion and why and sometimes the answers come as i burble.
Skg if you get the chance to share SHARE dont worry about showing your a#s because everyone else in the room is human and there as#sess have been out at some stage. Or god forbid share about all this at the meeting and if the guy you have the problem with still goes on then time will ease the pain because you will get over it by getting it out of your head and it is now only keeping him awake at nights.
I cant really imagine you being worried about pis#ing someone off LMAO and in the long run all of this will help someone else in the future, keep posting Skg as this board has been quiet and this is great because it gets me thinking about my recovery and the good and bad things i do
Example..... you know how you wrote (and this is not the exact guote) at least you are stepping up to the plate and if it pis#ess anyone on the boards off tough etc well my mind can tell me that that statement is directed my way as a result of the first time we had a wee exchange.......or am i letting my stinkin thinkin go into overdrive.... , all i know is that self honesty and a willingness to change will see me through and i have a long way to go. Thanks again Skg
Light and love Zac
Now see? THIS is what a meeting is all about! Sharing and listening--and there isn't ANYONE that's saying there's only one way to do things! THANK-YOU! And Zac (My son's name is Zachary, BTW): This was just what I needed:
"At the start of recovery i thought i had to have the ultimate standing ovation share, then the great message share, or the spiritual awakining share and i listened to my self share.....I still do listen because i now hear what im saying and not what i think i should be saying."
You know, I ask my HP for words when I share and when I do, I fumble, grovel at greatfulness, and all-in-all feel humiliated when it's all done. Think there's a message in there? :) I've got college degrees, run a company, determine the direction of other peoples' lives, for goodness sake! I give oral presentations to hundreds of people! I've been published! I've been a model, and actor, on numerous Boards of Directors! I was SOMEONE!!!!
And yet, none of is seemed to give me the courage, the humility, the sense of serenity, and the peace I've searched for all my life. A closeness to MY Higher Power that I NEVER thought I'd have even though I've searched for it my entire life. Greatful? You bet your sweet a**. And all it took was hugging the bowl for most of my life, and proving to myself, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that MY God loves me IN SPITE of myself.
"I cant really imagine you being worried about pis#ing someone off"
Me neither, but apparently it happens! ROTFLMAO
"off tough etc well my mind can tell me that that statement is directed my way as a result of the first time we had a wee exchange.......or am i letting my stinkin thinkin go into overdrive.... "
Yup. Contrary to your Stinkin' Thinkin' it's NOT ABOUT YOU! LMAO!!! that was a disclaimer for ME to continue sharing because you folks are more helpful to me than you'll ever know.
Peaceness!
"At the start of recovery i thought i had to have the ultimate standing ovation share, then the great message share, or the spiritual awakining share and i listened to my self share.....I still do listen because i now hear what im saying and not what i think i should be saying."
You know, I ask my HP for words when I share and when I do, I fumble, grovel at greatfulness, and all-in-all feel humiliated when it's all done. Think there's a message in there? :) I've got college degrees, run a company, determine the direction of other peoples' lives, for goodness sake! I give oral presentations to hundreds of people! I've been published! I've been a model, and actor, on numerous Boards of Directors! I was SOMEONE!!!!
And yet, none of is seemed to give me the courage, the humility, the sense of serenity, and the peace I've searched for all my life. A closeness to MY Higher Power that I NEVER thought I'd have even though I've searched for it my entire life. Greatful? You bet your sweet a**. And all it took was hugging the bowl for most of my life, and proving to myself, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that MY God loves me IN SPITE of myself.
"I cant really imagine you being worried about pis#ing someone off"
Me neither, but apparently it happens! ROTFLMAO
"off tough etc well my mind can tell me that that statement is directed my way as a result of the first time we had a wee exchange.......or am i letting my stinkin thinkin go into overdrive.... "
Yup. Contrary to your Stinkin' Thinkin' it's NOT ABOUT YOU! LMAO!!! that was a disclaimer for ME to continue sharing because you folks are more helpful to me than you'll ever know.
Peaceness!
Working on that, too...the all-about-me stuff. Daughter says that to me all the time and I say it right back to her.
Zac, your brief comment about "hardballing it" on gratitude was important to me today, so thank you.
~MomNMore
Zac, your brief comment about "hardballing it" on gratitude was important to me today, so thank you.
~MomNMore
As I've said before, and shared in yesterday's group F2F, I sort of came into the group backwards--or at least feel that way. I tried to be everything for everybody--heavy on the career so I could support my family, heavy on community involvement to get charity points, heavy in the lives of my children to include cooking meals from scratch every night and Sunday Dinners every week. Encouraging them to pick a musical instrument and learn it, to pick a sport they enjoyed and do it, and to be in their lives as their father and discipline (They're wonderfully old souls, btw, so I must've done something right, and they spent time growing up learning about themselves).
At the end of the run, though, and all the alcohol I rewarded myself with, along with whatever addictions I wrestled with, I had no idea who *I* was. 48 trips around the sun and I had no idea who ME was/is. Except that I was alcoholic. It's been the best thing I've ever done, because I'm finally growing and this program is THE MOST important thing in MY LIFE. So yes. Sometimes it IS, in fact, ALL ABOUT ME. And the heck with anyone who's got a problem with it because, for the first time in my life, I mean something to ME.
~pant, pant~
Got a meeting to go to--send me an e-mail! sgramling at hotmail.
At the end of the run, though, and all the alcohol I rewarded myself with, along with whatever addictions I wrestled with, I had no idea who *I* was. 48 trips around the sun and I had no idea who ME was/is. Except that I was alcoholic. It's been the best thing I've ever done, because I'm finally growing and this program is THE MOST important thing in MY LIFE. So yes. Sometimes it IS, in fact, ALL ABOUT ME. And the heck with anyone who's got a problem with it because, for the first time in my life, I mean something to ME.
~pant, pant~
Got a meeting to go to--send me an e-mail! sgramling at hotmail.
Gidday Skg
Gratitude is beautiful and sharing at meetings and on the boards tops gratitude up for me, and yes i have to share about me and no one else because worrying about everyone else (in my mind) helped me to drink because of all the self guilt i was loading.
Keep sharing about you and in time i found i started to share about what answers others were looking for by just sharing from my life experiences and as i listened to myself share i could gauge how good or slow i was progressing in my own recovery.
Skg isnt recovery great, i love it because i belonged......all my drinking life i never belonged and now i do yeeeehah
"One day i looked in the mirror and what did i see surprise surprise someone worthwhile was looking back at Me"
Light and love zac
Gratitude is beautiful and sharing at meetings and on the boards tops gratitude up for me, and yes i have to share about me and no one else because worrying about everyone else (in my mind) helped me to drink because of all the self guilt i was loading.
Keep sharing about you and in time i found i started to share about what answers others were looking for by just sharing from my life experiences and as i listened to myself share i could gauge how good or slow i was progressing in my own recovery.
Skg isnt recovery great, i love it because i belonged......all my drinking life i never belonged and now i do yeeeehah
"One day i looked in the mirror and what did i see surprise surprise someone worthwhile was looking back at Me"
Light and love zac
"Isnt recovery great, i love it because i belonged......all my drinking life i never belonged and now i do yeeeehah"
There's more truth to that than I first admitted to when I came in, too. I'm left-handed. And edu-muh-cated. And a whole lot of other things that I always cited (to myself) as reasons that I was different than anyone else--that there was no place I felt as if I "belonged." Physically OR mentally. I was "speshul," namely because I'd been looking for reasons NOT to fit in. I was ALWAYS encouraged to see differences rather than similarities--a great dis-service I'll have to work on in "resentments" some day while going over 'amends' with my mom (travelling to Vermont in a couple weeks to see my family). ANYwho....
So it took thousands of dollars, thousands of gallons, hundreds of disappointments and plenty of heartaches before finally realizing that the one place I didn't want to go to was the one place I needed to be: AA. And, surprise, surprise, they accepted me just as I was, and exactly like them, and with open hearts and minds.
Ta-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Thanks, Zac. This is how it works...
:)
There's more truth to that than I first admitted to when I came in, too. I'm left-handed. And edu-muh-cated. And a whole lot of other things that I always cited (to myself) as reasons that I was different than anyone else--that there was no place I felt as if I "belonged." Physically OR mentally. I was "speshul," namely because I'd been looking for reasons NOT to fit in. I was ALWAYS encouraged to see differences rather than similarities--a great dis-service I'll have to work on in "resentments" some day while going over 'amends' with my mom (travelling to Vermont in a couple weeks to see my family). ANYwho....
So it took thousands of dollars, thousands of gallons, hundreds of disappointments and plenty of heartaches before finally realizing that the one place I didn't want to go to was the one place I needed to be: AA. And, surprise, surprise, they accepted me just as I was, and exactly like them, and with open hearts and minds.
Ta-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Thanks, Zac. This is how it works...
:)
