i was over my wd, went to church this morning. went to my friends and took some of her pills (she's not an addict). i'm so completely discouraged. i can't believe i did this. where is my conviction?
Honey
If it was all so easy- we wouldnt be here..
The important thing now is you STOP and carry on where you left off...
Its like blowing your diet and eating a slice of cake...then thinking "Oh well...might as well eat the whole thing"
Nope...Wrong...You do NOT want to do that..
Take into account WHY you gave in today, who were you with, what were you doing, feeling at the time...
Didnt your friend know that you had quit??
If she did shes not a very good friend...
Now brush yourself off honey get back in the saddle..
You can do this..
Big Hug,
Ali
If it was all so easy- we wouldnt be here..
The important thing now is you STOP and carry on where you left off...
Its like blowing your diet and eating a slice of cake...then thinking "Oh well...might as well eat the whole thing"
Nope...Wrong...You do NOT want to do that..
Take into account WHY you gave in today, who were you with, what were you doing, feeling at the time...
Didnt your friend know that you had quit??
If she did shes not a very good friend...
Now brush yourself off honey get back in the saddle..
You can do this..
Big Hug,
Ali
Thank you so much. My friend did know that I have a problem, enough to hide her pills 2 months ago when I told her. I just knew where they were. I felt really empty today. The only other friend that knows has been telling me to get on my knees and ask for God's help when I feel a craving. I really have. I have been on my knees so many times in the past 5 days.
I cut off my resources on day one...so I can't eat the rest of the proverbial cake anyway. Thank God. I just better not start going to open houses on Sundays..... i know I won't.
Thank you so much for your encouragement. It means so very much to me.
I cut off my resources on day one...so I can't eat the rest of the proverbial cake anyway. Thank God. I just better not start going to open houses on Sundays..... i know I won't.
Thank you so much for your encouragement. It means so very much to me.
Cici,,
Just wanted to say Hello and to let you know that most of us have been in your shoes many times..
I'de love to tell you that your craving will go away instantly, but i would be lying to you..It takes time Cici. The obsession to use will however subside for the most part,but you need to remember that we will always be Addicts, and as my Brother-in-Law told me.."Addicts don't crave ice cream".For me, it was especially hard in the beginning..and although I now have another 10 months clean,I can't say that I do not think about pills entirely..Some days go by and I do not think about them at all, and other days the thought comes and goes through the day..Sometimes it hits when I having a perfectly good day, sometimes it hits when I tired and sometimes it hits even when I watch Intervention..On those days, although I rarely pick up the phone to call someone from the program,I do my best to get totally lost in some kind of project, wether it be cleaning out my drawers,screwing around with my hair, over tweezing my eyebrows, whatever and eventually I get so exhausted the urge passes.
It's not always easy, but so far so good. Like most of us, I had clean time and lost it and did that again a few times, but this time I have surrounded myself with people who are in the program only...! That took me awhile to do, but that also took me out a few times..
I did notice that anyone I had used with or has a connection with drugs, just gets me thinking that I want to use..Actually whenever I see this one girl,who was my #1 supplier all I see in one big fat vicoden..
I also had to steer myself away from anyone who aggrovates me, including both my boys..There are people out there who (although they basically treat me the same way as they did when I was high) make me feel uncomfortable.They were always a bit rude or liked to make jokes at my expense, and I not only excepted it, but mostly started it..I always had a great sense of humor, but I not longer wanted to be treated as a joke..
So for now, right or wrong, I do what feels good for me.This about my life and as Im learning just what a really good person I am,I allow very little negative people or situations to jeperdize(sp?) my soberiety.
Just hang in there Cici,You just took a little step backwards, Sometimes we need that to see just how easy it is to screw things up again..
Relax Cee,,,,Just remember that Jesus fell three times..
Progress..........Not Perfection.
Hang Tight!
Hugs
Dianna
Just wanted to say Hello and to let you know that most of us have been in your shoes many times..
I'de love to tell you that your craving will go away instantly, but i would be lying to you..It takes time Cici. The obsession to use will however subside for the most part,but you need to remember that we will always be Addicts, and as my Brother-in-Law told me.."Addicts don't crave ice cream".For me, it was especially hard in the beginning..and although I now have another 10 months clean,I can't say that I do not think about pills entirely..Some days go by and I do not think about them at all, and other days the thought comes and goes through the day..Sometimes it hits when I having a perfectly good day, sometimes it hits when I tired and sometimes it hits even when I watch Intervention..On those days, although I rarely pick up the phone to call someone from the program,I do my best to get totally lost in some kind of project, wether it be cleaning out my drawers,screwing around with my hair, over tweezing my eyebrows, whatever and eventually I get so exhausted the urge passes.
It's not always easy, but so far so good. Like most of us, I had clean time and lost it and did that again a few times, but this time I have surrounded myself with people who are in the program only...! That took me awhile to do, but that also took me out a few times..
I did notice that anyone I had used with or has a connection with drugs, just gets me thinking that I want to use..Actually whenever I see this one girl,who was my #1 supplier all I see in one big fat vicoden..
I also had to steer myself away from anyone who aggrovates me, including both my boys..There are people out there who (although they basically treat me the same way as they did when I was high) make me feel uncomfortable.They were always a bit rude or liked to make jokes at my expense, and I not only excepted it, but mostly started it..I always had a great sense of humor, but I not longer wanted to be treated as a joke..
So for now, right or wrong, I do what feels good for me.This about my life and as Im learning just what a really good person I am,I allow very little negative people or situations to jeperdize(sp?) my soberiety.
Just hang in there Cici,You just took a little step backwards, Sometimes we need that to see just how easy it is to screw things up again..
Relax Cee,,,,Just remember that Jesus fell three times..
Progress..........Not Perfection.
Hang Tight!
Hugs
Dianna
Thank you so much with all of my heart. I am bawling right now. Thank you.
CiCi
Im sorry honey..i didnt understand..i though she had given it to you....
yup knowing our friends may or may not have a stash in the bathroom cupboard can be a real test at first....
How are you feeling right now since you first posted this thread i mean..have you stayed off them??
Let me assure you honey that many many people here have done the same thing, in fact there was a thread about just that about a month ago..things we did, places we got our pills that we weren't proud of....
If shes your truly good friend, and she understands the craziness of getting addicted to pills, she would forgive you...
So forgive yourself and move forward love..
tomorrow is a brand new day, and that is a guarantee,,nothing you can do about it.tomorrow will come...
You CAN however control what you do with that day...you can control where you go what you do and if you are going to open a bottle of pills , take on out and put it in your mouth....right???
Put this recent slip behind you honey and surge ahead..
Are you writing a gratitude journal???
Writing things down about this journey can be so useful, and especially during withdrawal, to give you an emotional barometer to see that you ARE getting better...and i think it was Oprah that recently said that until you are truly grateful, nothing else new and wonderful can come into our lives..and IMO from personal experience its so true.....
Keep going forward..
You can do this
Hugs
Ali
Im sorry honey..i didnt understand..i though she had given it to you....
yup knowing our friends may or may not have a stash in the bathroom cupboard can be a real test at first....
How are you feeling right now since you first posted this thread i mean..have you stayed off them??
Let me assure you honey that many many people here have done the same thing, in fact there was a thread about just that about a month ago..things we did, places we got our pills that we weren't proud of....
If shes your truly good friend, and she understands the craziness of getting addicted to pills, she would forgive you...
So forgive yourself and move forward love..
tomorrow is a brand new day, and that is a guarantee,,nothing you can do about it.tomorrow will come...
You CAN however control what you do with that day...you can control where you go what you do and if you are going to open a bottle of pills , take on out and put it in your mouth....right???
Put this recent slip behind you honey and surge ahead..
Are you writing a gratitude journal???
Writing things down about this journey can be so useful, and especially during withdrawal, to give you an emotional barometer to see that you ARE getting better...and i think it was Oprah that recently said that until you are truly grateful, nothing else new and wonderful can come into our lives..and IMO from personal experience its so true.....
Keep going forward..
You can do this
Hugs
Ali
HEY CICI,,,
JUST WANTED TO CHECK IN AND SEE IF YOU TOOK THE WHIP OFF YOUR BACK YET.....
TRY TO TREAT YOURSELF THE WAY YOU WOULD TREAT ANYONE ELSE WHO DID WHAT YOU DID..SAY THE SAME THINGS TO YOURSELF. GIVE YOURSELF ENCOURAGING WORDS,CONGRADULATE YOURSELF FOR EVEN ATTEMPTING TO DO THIS AT ALL... LIGHTEN UP ON YOURSELF..YOU DIDN'T KILL ANYONE...(LOL) (YET)..LOL...
I'VE LEARNED SO MUCH ABOUT PEOPLE, AND MYSELF IN THESE PAST 10 MONTHS..I' VE LEARNED THAT THERES A WHOLE WIDE WORLD OF PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT HAVE THEIR CLOSETS SO FULL OF NEGATIVE,HEARTFUL,HATEFUL,PHONEY S**T..MOST OF THEM PUTTING ON A GREAT BIG ACT OUTSIDE,PURPOSELY MAKING OTHER PEOPLE FEEL BAD TO MAKE THEMSELVES FEEL BETTER...
I ALWAY KNEW THEY WERE OUT THERE, BUT NOT THE MAGNITUDE OF THEM...
I AM A DRUG ADDICT... NOT A HUGE DEAL...MY DIRTY LAUNDRY IN OUT ON THE LINE FOR EVERYONE TO
SEE...AND I'VE NEVER INTENTIONALLY HURT ANYONE,(BUT MYSELF)... I HAVE BEEN MY OWN WORSE ENEMY, AND NOW I AM MY OWN BEST FRIEND...BEAUTIFUL THING!!!!!!!!!.
IT'S ALMOST A SHAME THAT IT TOOK ME 53 YEARS TO FEEL THAT WAY,,BUT AT LEAST I GOT THE CHANCE.
IM A WONDERFUL PERSON..!! I LOVE ME!!!!!!!
AND YOU SHOULD FEEL THAT WAY TOO,( NO MATTER WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH)..
LISTEN CEE,,,SOMETIMES YOU'LL TAKE TWO STEPS FORWARD, AND ONE OR TWO STEPS BACKWARDS, BUT THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT YOUR MOVING KID!!!!
TREAT YOURSELF GOOD CEE... BABYSTEPS CECI..
IT TOOK US A LONG TIME TO GET SO SCREWED UP, AND IT'S GONNA TAKE A LONG LONG TIME FOR US TO GET WELL,,,IT DOESN'T HAPPEN OVER-NIGHT,,BUT IT DOES HAPPEN..
HERE FOR YOU IF YOU NEED TO TALK.
(PHILLYSLADYDI@AOL.COM.
HANG TIGHT
AND SMILE........
HUGS
DIANNA
JUST WANTED TO CHECK IN AND SEE IF YOU TOOK THE WHIP OFF YOUR BACK YET.....
TRY TO TREAT YOURSELF THE WAY YOU WOULD TREAT ANYONE ELSE WHO DID WHAT YOU DID..SAY THE SAME THINGS TO YOURSELF. GIVE YOURSELF ENCOURAGING WORDS,CONGRADULATE YOURSELF FOR EVEN ATTEMPTING TO DO THIS AT ALL... LIGHTEN UP ON YOURSELF..YOU DIDN'T KILL ANYONE...(LOL) (YET)..LOL...
I'VE LEARNED SO MUCH ABOUT PEOPLE, AND MYSELF IN THESE PAST 10 MONTHS..I' VE LEARNED THAT THERES A WHOLE WIDE WORLD OF PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT HAVE THEIR CLOSETS SO FULL OF NEGATIVE,HEARTFUL,HATEFUL,PHONEY S**T..MOST OF THEM PUTTING ON A GREAT BIG ACT OUTSIDE,PURPOSELY MAKING OTHER PEOPLE FEEL BAD TO MAKE THEMSELVES FEEL BETTER...
I ALWAY KNEW THEY WERE OUT THERE, BUT NOT THE MAGNITUDE OF THEM...
I AM A DRUG ADDICT... NOT A HUGE DEAL...MY DIRTY LAUNDRY IN OUT ON THE LINE FOR EVERYONE TO
SEE...AND I'VE NEVER INTENTIONALLY HURT ANYONE,(BUT MYSELF)... I HAVE BEEN MY OWN WORSE ENEMY, AND NOW I AM MY OWN BEST FRIEND...BEAUTIFUL THING!!!!!!!!!.
IT'S ALMOST A SHAME THAT IT TOOK ME 53 YEARS TO FEEL THAT WAY,,BUT AT LEAST I GOT THE CHANCE.
IM A WONDERFUL PERSON..!! I LOVE ME!!!!!!!
AND YOU SHOULD FEEL THAT WAY TOO,( NO MATTER WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH)..
LISTEN CEE,,,SOMETIMES YOU'LL TAKE TWO STEPS FORWARD, AND ONE OR TWO STEPS BACKWARDS, BUT THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT YOUR MOVING KID!!!!
TREAT YOURSELF GOOD CEE... BABYSTEPS CECI..
IT TOOK US A LONG TIME TO GET SO SCREWED UP, AND IT'S GONNA TAKE A LONG LONG TIME FOR US TO GET WELL,,,IT DOESN'T HAPPEN OVER-NIGHT,,BUT IT DOES HAPPEN..
HERE FOR YOU IF YOU NEED TO TALK.
(PHILLYSLADYDI@AOL.COM.
HANG TIGHT
AND SMILE........
HUGS
DIANNA
Hey Cici:
Don't beat yourself up over this. All the posts to you have been vey positive and some great advice. I call it 'reptilian brain' when I do something like that. I just act to feed the addiction without thinking about it until later. I can't tell you how many times I've gone to the ER, called my Doc, ect., until I get what I want, I should say what I need because thats how strong the drive can be for me. I compare it to our drives for food, shelter, etc.,at that time, anyway. If I can somehow stop before I carry it all the way thru, buy some time so I can THINK it all the way thru to the end, sometimes I can stop myself. For me the 3rd - 4th day without is when the repilian brain kicks in. If you can keep trying - as I see you are - the more time you get under your belt, the less likeliness you'll give in (I think) & the stronger you'll feel. Keep reaching out, this forum is fantastic, so much encouragemnt and caring, positve responses. Do you have other support? Hang in there, you're doing great! You fell, but you got back up. That's the important thing, keep getting back up.
Don't beat yourself up over this. All the posts to you have been vey positive and some great advice. I call it 'reptilian brain' when I do something like that. I just act to feed the addiction without thinking about it until later. I can't tell you how many times I've gone to the ER, called my Doc, ect., until I get what I want, I should say what I need because thats how strong the drive can be for me. I compare it to our drives for food, shelter, etc.,at that time, anyway. If I can somehow stop before I carry it all the way thru, buy some time so I can THINK it all the way thru to the end, sometimes I can stop myself. For me the 3rd - 4th day without is when the repilian brain kicks in. If you can keep trying - as I see you are - the more time you get under your belt, the less likeliness you'll give in (I think) & the stronger you'll feel. Keep reaching out, this forum is fantastic, so much encouragemnt and caring, positve responses. Do you have other support? Hang in there, you're doing great! You fell, but you got back up. That's the important thing, keep getting back up.
This thread was excellent! This is why I come back here; to see people helping people. Congrats on your 10 months, Dianna. Those were two nice posts.
No one gets it like another addict.
Cici, sometimes we fall. Like the others said, just get back up. Sometimes relapse can be a learning process; it can teach us where we do not want to be, and show us just how insidious this disease is.
Today is a new day. Let go of the guilt; it really doesn't do you any good. We have all screwed up and sometimes that is just what it is.
No one gets it like another addict.
Cici, sometimes we fall. Like the others said, just get back up. Sometimes relapse can be a learning process; it can teach us where we do not want to be, and show us just how insidious this disease is.
Today is a new day. Let go of the guilt; it really doesn't do you any good. We have all screwed up and sometimes that is just what it is.
