Im new to this forum... I typically dont discuss my problems with others as I hate drama, dont want to call attention to myself or add to the drama by airing my dirty laundry ya know...???... but I am just at a loss for what to do.
my daughter is 30 yrs old, 2 beautiful children and shes an alcoholic and addict.... shes been an addict of drugs and booze since she was 13 yrs old. in an out of rehabs, jail, had kids taken away couple times. She was doing great for about 4 yrs, got her kids back staying sober, being a mom... will "it" hit the fan... shes back to drinking heavily about a year ago, recently had a 20 day stay in the hospital for alcohol induced pancreatitis and hepatitis. she went thru major withdrawals, hallucination, and more while in the hospital. Lost her apt, I moved her and her kids in with me. she was all excited about getting clean, said the hospital stay was the best thing for her...etc... docs told her if she keeps drinking she has less than 5 yrs to live, cuz of the damage to her organs.(shes a binge drinker) she said she was scared and will do aa, see a therapist etc.
well within 2 days of being out of the hospital she was drunk and hi on zanax. I called the cops, they couldnt arrest her or baker act her as she knows all the right things to say...so I had the cops make her leave my property... master of manipulation... she cant go more than 2days without drinking or popping pills. nothing that comes out of her mouth is truthful until she knows Im kicking her out then its Ill tell you everything Ill go to aa, ill do this and that, please dont kick me out, i need to be with my kids... I allowed her back home couple days later as she agreed to seek help... she did see her dr. got into therapy and started aa... but she continues to use....
i got her to agree to giving me voluntary custody of the kids, its just a notarize form that she agrees to me making school, daycare and medical decisions... I am so fearful for these kids!! my daughter is not a happy drunk or happy hi person, shes mean (not violent), mouthy, nit picking, blaming everyone for everything, etc....
I think shes drinking Listerine now since she knows Im watching her like a hawk. she trades one thing for another... if she cant have booze, she seeks zanax or pain pills... its just trading off....
shes been at home with me now for about 1 1/2 months and not one week sober... Im done with the chances, im done with the lies, Im done with the disruption in my home, the havoc she plays on the kids buy nit picking, constantly in their faces for being kids... one child has Asperger and can be difficult... and she is just up his butt on everything, yelling he disrespects her... I had custody of him from 18 months to 6 yrs old.... he doesnt have a good bond with her... She has agree to leave him in my care for good because of this.. but with her living in my home.. they are constantly at it!!!
She has a job... but lies about where her money is going... not getting any help from her.... last two days shes been either drunk or hi on zanax, so last night I told her she needs to find a place to stay as she cant stay here anymore... no more chances... she said shes taken the kids... i said over my dead body.... I could easily reopen the dcf case and have her parental rights taken away (last court hearing said no more changes... they will revoke her parental right if she goes down this path again) Well were here again...
why do I still feel so guilty for kicking her out or having to fight for custody of her kids... i hate this person she is, but I am dying inside for my little girl.... I just dont know what to do... stand my ground on kicking her out? I want whats best for these kids and shes not whats best... but I feel like im abandoning her when she needs help... I hate this... I hate the addictions!!!!
I just want someone to tell me what to do.... what is the right thing... im grieving the loss of this girl while she stands in front of me... this is so messed up!!! how do you turn you back on your own child? I dont have the money to put her in inpatient rehab, insurance doesnt cover it besides she refuses to go anyway... I know I have to and I will do what ever I have to to protect these grandkids... but its so difficult emotionally...
thanks for listening to my dirty laundry... ;(
I'm so sorry for the pain you're having to go through. As hard as it is and as much as it hurts, you have to make her face the consequences of her actions. Out she goes. You have to be firm in the rules of your house, not just for yourself but also for your grandkids, so that they know your house is a safe house, where they don't have to deal with their mother's addiction. I really think you should check out an Al-Anon meeting too. You'd get some great support there. Best of luck.
Michelle
Michelle
I have to agree with Michelle. I know it kills you inside. We all go through that here. It just rips out hearts out that we can't fix our adult kids but we're powerless to do that. We have no control over them.
The only one's you can save and who need you the most right now are your grandkids. They deserve stability in their lives and you can provide that. Do what you have to to get the kids away from her. They need you.
Tell your daughter she's got to leave. Having her around isn't healthy for you or for the kids.
hugs, Laurie
The only one's you can save and who need you the most right now are your grandkids. They deserve stability in their lives and you can provide that. Do what you have to to get the kids away from her. They need you.
Tell your daughter she's got to leave. Having her around isn't healthy for you or for the kids.
hugs, Laurie
oh my gosh gma,
I just read your post and it sounds like a replica of my 31 yr old daughter with her drinking and drugging that goes along with her mental illness.. she never had children though. she lives with her b/f and his mother. he winds up taking more care of her as a child than a b/f and he can't take it anymore.
I hear ya on the hating drugs. I say it too. cause I see what it's doing to my children and how when I did them how it effected my life many years ago.
they're adult children but all four are dabbling and addicted to things and living separate lives but all in the same situation.
I LOVE THEM with all my heart and soul and I myself do not know what to do to stop them from destroying their lives.
we as a mother want to help our kids stay safe no matter what age they're at. it down right effects our lives even if we don't like drama. It will put drama in our lives while being directly involved with them.
It saddens my heart to read everyones stories on the forum.. we are all hurting and suffering.
that's the one common thing we all have as human beings, we are all suffering in some way or another.
I wish I could take your pain away gma. I feel it through your writing.
someone here suggested you go to meetings. AlANON meetings. I was told many years ago by my therapist to go too because they have a lot of parents in these meetings who are going through what we are and they have suggestions and they share things that they've done.
It will give you the support you so much need at this difficult time in your life.
For some reason we are their parents while we're here on this planet. either we have something to learn from them or them from us. I believe we all go through situations for a purpose.
I think you were put on this plant to protect and keep your grandchildren protected.
you are an awesome woman and an awesome parent to your child as well as your grandchildren. you are doing the best you can.
Does your daughter see a psychiatrist and a therapist? because addiction is a mental illness.
once I got on medication for my illness that I fought for years, my life became more balanced.
My daughter is seeing one and she's finally on the right cocktail of meds. but ONLY If she takes them!!! her b/f just told me the the other day that she doesn't take them everyday as prescribed...and that when she does take them that she's the daughter that we have all been wanting back for so long.
I'm glad you shared what you're going through gma. because it's just TOO much to hold in to yourself. you need to get it OUT. It's not drama, it's real. we aren't here to judge each other but we're here to help one another.
if you need to talk, I'm here.. and all the others too.
try the ALANON meetings. there's groups in almost every town.
I wish you the best gma. I send you a big hug through the computer.
I just read your post and it sounds like a replica of my 31 yr old daughter with her drinking and drugging that goes along with her mental illness.. she never had children though. she lives with her b/f and his mother. he winds up taking more care of her as a child than a b/f and he can't take it anymore.
I hear ya on the hating drugs. I say it too. cause I see what it's doing to my children and how when I did them how it effected my life many years ago.
they're adult children but all four are dabbling and addicted to things and living separate lives but all in the same situation.
I LOVE THEM with all my heart and soul and I myself do not know what to do to stop them from destroying their lives.
we as a mother want to help our kids stay safe no matter what age they're at. it down right effects our lives even if we don't like drama. It will put drama in our lives while being directly involved with them.
It saddens my heart to read everyones stories on the forum.. we are all hurting and suffering.
that's the one common thing we all have as human beings, we are all suffering in some way or another.
I wish I could take your pain away gma. I feel it through your writing.
someone here suggested you go to meetings. AlANON meetings. I was told many years ago by my therapist to go too because they have a lot of parents in these meetings who are going through what we are and they have suggestions and they share things that they've done.
It will give you the support you so much need at this difficult time in your life.
For some reason we are their parents while we're here on this planet. either we have something to learn from them or them from us. I believe we all go through situations for a purpose.
I think you were put on this plant to protect and keep your grandchildren protected.
you are an awesome woman and an awesome parent to your child as well as your grandchildren. you are doing the best you can.
Does your daughter see a psychiatrist and a therapist? because addiction is a mental illness.
once I got on medication for my illness that I fought for years, my life became more balanced.
My daughter is seeing one and she's finally on the right cocktail of meds. but ONLY If she takes them!!! her b/f just told me the the other day that she doesn't take them everyday as prescribed...and that when she does take them that she's the daughter that we have all been wanting back for so long.
I'm glad you shared what you're going through gma. because it's just TOO much to hold in to yourself. you need to get it OUT. It's not drama, it's real. we aren't here to judge each other but we're here to help one another.
if you need to talk, I'm here.. and all the others too.
try the ALANON meetings. there's groups in almost every town.
I wish you the best gma. I send you a big hug through the computer.
Go to a FA meeting to get support for yourself and your grandkids. You didn't cause your daughters problems, you can't control what she does, and you can't cure her addiction. Take care of what you can--you and the grandkids...you will still come out in the positive in this life.
