Is he doing better? Did he get to his meeting?
Thanks for asking. He is doing better. I saw him last night at the AA NYE dinner/meeting/party. It was away from his hometown and he only knew a few people there and didn't socialize at all. The meeting was a speaker meeting and there were about 100 people there. So, I'm not so sure that counts as a meeting.
His face looks like crap! He has been to ashamed to go out like that. But a ball cap covered the worst of it (forehead) and he had make up on his nose to tone down the road rash. He said he would go to a meeting today. I hope he does. He did seem humbled and not angry, so I took that as a good sign.
This event took place about half way between where I live and where he lives. It's a 45 minute drive for both of us. I saw this guy there and he looked so familiar. I couldn't place him, and my parents didn't know him.
At the end of the meeting when everyone holds hands and prays I stood beside this guy. When they ended with the "keep coming back, it works if you work it" this guy was kind of shaking my arm and trying to get my attention when everyone was saying this. He really was speaking this saying directly to me. Then the light bulb went off!
Last year I went to a meeting in my town. It was mostly older men and a few teens getting court ordered papers signed. A fairly small group. I was very unwelcome. The short version is that they immediately started talking to me about alcohol and drinking, etc. I was in a very distressed emotional state. I simply said that my problem was pills. One man adamantly tried to correct me by saying that my problem was alcohol and that I hadn't figured it out yet. That alcohol was the root of it all and probably the reason why I abused pills. The men were all gathered around the table at this point.
They told me IF that was true then I was in the wrong place. I needed NA, but nobody knew when or where the meetings were, blah blah. I just said that it was my understanding that both programs were founded upon the same principles and that I could attend either. They didn't kick me out, but they didn't welcome me either.
After the very boring meeting a man, this same man from last night, came up to me and said that the programs are quite the same, blah blah...and basically said I was welcome and that those guys are just old timers set in their ways. He was very nice and gave me his card and told me to call him. He would have some phone numbers for me, women in NA that could help me. I took his card and said "Thanks, but I really wish you would have said this in the meeting." I never did call.
Last night he must have remembered me, but didn't say anything else. I found out later that there are only 2 NA meetings a week in my town. It's all quite sad really. There is no place for pill addicts to go. The AA community here does not welcome people unless they are willing to say they are an alcoholic. I get the whole idea of substituting, in my mind, the word alcohol for the word pills. Not a problem there. But I refuse to say I am an alcoholic when I am not. It's all silly semantics. Since the program focuses on recovery, and not telling tales of our time spent using or drinking, I do not see why this is such an issue.
I was even asked to leave a women's meeting because of this. Same thing. They bombarded me with specific alcohol related questions, and I told them I rarely ever drank, but that pills had consumed my life. They were very catty and told me the meeting was for alcoholics, hence the AA name, and that since it didn't apply to me I should leave.
I blame the area I live in, as I explained before, not the program. My dad's crowd is much more relaxed and nobody cares what substance brought people to them. They don't care if people say alcoholic or addict. My dad has sponsored meth addicts before. Sorry, I'm on a tangent here, but I don't know why it matters to anyone, anywhere, so long as the person respects the agenda of the meeting and doesn't try and change it to suit themselves.
Back to your question....I told dad that the ball cap covered mostly all his injuries and that it cast a shadow on his nose. Plus with the make up, he didn't look THAT bad. I pointed out that nobody was staring, and that he not be ashamed to get to a meeting today. I'm hoping that since he finally got out that he will not be afraid to get out again. I think he needs to go face his home group and fess up and talk about it.
His face looks like crap! He has been to ashamed to go out like that. But a ball cap covered the worst of it (forehead) and he had make up on his nose to tone down the road rash. He said he would go to a meeting today. I hope he does. He did seem humbled and not angry, so I took that as a good sign.
This event took place about half way between where I live and where he lives. It's a 45 minute drive for both of us. I saw this guy there and he looked so familiar. I couldn't place him, and my parents didn't know him.
At the end of the meeting when everyone holds hands and prays I stood beside this guy. When they ended with the "keep coming back, it works if you work it" this guy was kind of shaking my arm and trying to get my attention when everyone was saying this. He really was speaking this saying directly to me. Then the light bulb went off!
Last year I went to a meeting in my town. It was mostly older men and a few teens getting court ordered papers signed. A fairly small group. I was very unwelcome. The short version is that they immediately started talking to me about alcohol and drinking, etc. I was in a very distressed emotional state. I simply said that my problem was pills. One man adamantly tried to correct me by saying that my problem was alcohol and that I hadn't figured it out yet. That alcohol was the root of it all and probably the reason why I abused pills. The men were all gathered around the table at this point.
They told me IF that was true then I was in the wrong place. I needed NA, but nobody knew when or where the meetings were, blah blah. I just said that it was my understanding that both programs were founded upon the same principles and that I could attend either. They didn't kick me out, but they didn't welcome me either.
After the very boring meeting a man, this same man from last night, came up to me and said that the programs are quite the same, blah blah...and basically said I was welcome and that those guys are just old timers set in their ways. He was very nice and gave me his card and told me to call him. He would have some phone numbers for me, women in NA that could help me. I took his card and said "Thanks, but I really wish you would have said this in the meeting." I never did call.
Last night he must have remembered me, but didn't say anything else. I found out later that there are only 2 NA meetings a week in my town. It's all quite sad really. There is no place for pill addicts to go. The AA community here does not welcome people unless they are willing to say they are an alcoholic. I get the whole idea of substituting, in my mind, the word alcohol for the word pills. Not a problem there. But I refuse to say I am an alcoholic when I am not. It's all silly semantics. Since the program focuses on recovery, and not telling tales of our time spent using or drinking, I do not see why this is such an issue.
I was even asked to leave a women's meeting because of this. Same thing. They bombarded me with specific alcohol related questions, and I told them I rarely ever drank, but that pills had consumed my life. They were very catty and told me the meeting was for alcoholics, hence the AA name, and that since it didn't apply to me I should leave.
I blame the area I live in, as I explained before, not the program. My dad's crowd is much more relaxed and nobody cares what substance brought people to them. They don't care if people say alcoholic or addict. My dad has sponsored meth addicts before. Sorry, I'm on a tangent here, but I don't know why it matters to anyone, anywhere, so long as the person respects the agenda of the meeting and doesn't try and change it to suit themselves.
Back to your question....I told dad that the ball cap covered mostly all his injuries and that it cast a shadow on his nose. Plus with the make up, he didn't look THAT bad. I pointed out that nobody was staring, and that he not be ashamed to get to a meeting today. I'm hoping that since he finally got out that he will not be afraid to get out again. I think he needs to go face his home group and fess up and talk about it.
First of all, I'm so glad you're home safe and sound Atlas. Did you have a good time?
It really makes me angry to hear things like this about certain meetings. No wonder people don't ever want to go back. Luckily for me, I held my ground and after awhile a few of the other women in my AA group started admitting to pill abuse. I have never said I am an alcoholic, although if I drank, I would be one I'm sure. There are unfortunately those that are steeped in the old ways and think of it as some kind of "member's only" club. So NOT what Bill W. had in mind. They're ignorant as far as I'm concerned. They are welcome to thier opinion but to turn someone away who is struggling with addiction (any addiction) is wrong on so many levels I don't even know where to start.
Not all meetings are like this. Sounds like you're going to have to go out of town to find them. Have you tried the NA meetings there yet?
As far as your dad goes, sounds like he's doing things in his own good time. He knows what he needs to do and he knows who he can call. I'm sure that once his face clears a bit, he'll be back to meetings on a regular basis. Shame does funny things to us. Just showing up last night was huge. Good for him.
I am so hoping for a better New Year for you.....
Lisa
It really makes me angry to hear things like this about certain meetings. No wonder people don't ever want to go back. Luckily for me, I held my ground and after awhile a few of the other women in my AA group started admitting to pill abuse. I have never said I am an alcoholic, although if I drank, I would be one I'm sure. There are unfortunately those that are steeped in the old ways and think of it as some kind of "member's only" club. So NOT what Bill W. had in mind. They're ignorant as far as I'm concerned. They are welcome to thier opinion but to turn someone away who is struggling with addiction (any addiction) is wrong on so many levels I don't even know where to start.
Not all meetings are like this. Sounds like you're going to have to go out of town to find them. Have you tried the NA meetings there yet?
As far as your dad goes, sounds like he's doing things in his own good time. He knows what he needs to do and he knows who he can call. I'm sure that once his face clears a bit, he'll be back to meetings on a regular basis. Shame does funny things to us. Just showing up last night was huge. Good for him.
I am so hoping for a better New Year for you.....
Lisa
That's good news Atlas.
That's a shame about your experience with the meetings.Is it a really small town?I've heard of that happening before but i've never experienced it personally.
Most AA meetings I've been to here simply don't care.It seems like most people who come in are dually addicted.I could see where a bunch of crotchity old timers would serve some attitude but I've hit this AA club near my house for noon meetings which is full of old guys and I always say "Hi,My names Tim and I'm a drug addict"......even though I consider myself an alcoholic too.I do it more out of spite and trying to bait one of these guys and see if they say something.They never do although you see some of them start shifting in their seats.LOL
I could see how that would turn people away and it always pissed me off.I don't go for anybody but myself anymore.I've met some wonderful people in my history in the program and I've met an equal amount of assholes.It's no different than life in general.
I have very low expectations of people today so I'm rarely dissapointed by bad behavour.
I still cringe when I hear stories like that,especially with newcomers.
I hope your dad starts feeling better.
That's a shame about your experience with the meetings.Is it a really small town?I've heard of that happening before but i've never experienced it personally.
Most AA meetings I've been to here simply don't care.It seems like most people who come in are dually addicted.I could see where a bunch of crotchity old timers would serve some attitude but I've hit this AA club near my house for noon meetings which is full of old guys and I always say "Hi,My names Tim and I'm a drug addict"......even though I consider myself an alcoholic too.I do it more out of spite and trying to bait one of these guys and see if they say something.They never do although you see some of them start shifting in their seats.LOL
I could see how that would turn people away and it always pissed me off.I don't go for anybody but myself anymore.I've met some wonderful people in my history in the program and I've met an equal amount of assholes.It's no different than life in general.
I have very low expectations of people today so I'm rarely dissapointed by bad behavour.
I still cringe when I hear stories like that,especially with newcomers.
I hope your dad starts feeling better.
I just read your post Lisa.
Yeah,I bet you are a lot like me.Just daring them to say something.LOL
Yeah,I bet you are a lot like me.Just daring them to say something.LOL
lol..Naw, you know how sweet and unassuming I am Tim.....
I probably would have given it another go, but the meeting sucked anyway. They all took turns reading the steps, then the traditions and then we listened to a tape recorder; excerpts from a book. B-O-R-I-N-G! I got nothing out of it and did not fit in.
I think my town has about 40,000 people. At the time, I considered going back. It just so happened that there was an almost daily noon meeting at the church right by where I worked at the time. It was the next, much smaller, town over. Our business shared the church parking lot. I would go outside and watch around noon and contemplate going over. Well guess what? It was all the same old farts at that meeting too!
I never tried the NA meetings. A guy my husband knows told him about his addiction to pain pills and the hell it had caused. Hubby told him I had a problem too and had sought help, but didn't go to meetings. He brought my husband a schedule. I was excited at first, but quickly realized most meeting were about 50 miles away. My town has 2 per week. I thought about calling the guy, I had met him a few times before, but I never did. That was many months ago.
The speaker last night introduced herself as a drug addict, and most of her story was about pain pills. It's too bad none of the old farts from my town were there, just the one nice guy who didn't take up for me. This lady had a lot of spunk and I don't think they would have challenged her. Come to think of it, she did mention alcohol, but her whole story was about pain pills and being a nurse at a time when most doctors would write them for almost anything. This was an AA meeting and I didn't hear a single objection about her story.
I think my town has about 40,000 people. At the time, I considered going back. It just so happened that there was an almost daily noon meeting at the church right by where I worked at the time. It was the next, much smaller, town over. Our business shared the church parking lot. I would go outside and watch around noon and contemplate going over. Well guess what? It was all the same old farts at that meeting too!
I never tried the NA meetings. A guy my husband knows told him about his addiction to pain pills and the hell it had caused. Hubby told him I had a problem too and had sought help, but didn't go to meetings. He brought my husband a schedule. I was excited at first, but quickly realized most meeting were about 50 miles away. My town has 2 per week. I thought about calling the guy, I had met him a few times before, but I never did. That was many months ago.
The speaker last night introduced herself as a drug addict, and most of her story was about pain pills. It's too bad none of the old farts from my town were there, just the one nice guy who didn't take up for me. This lady had a lot of spunk and I don't think they would have challenged her. Come to think of it, she did mention alcohol, but her whole story was about pain pills and being a nurse at a time when most doctors would write them for almost anything. This was an AA meeting and I didn't hear a single objection about her story.
And that's the way it is in most meetings, Atlas. Most don't care what you're addicted too, they're just glad you're there. I agree, the meetings where they just read or listen to tapes can be very boooooring. I love speaker meetings but the best are where we share.
You know, why not allow yourself to try one of the NA meetings? Just one. You don't have to make a big deal about it, just go one day and see what you think. You know you can always leave.
I go to one meeting once and awhile that is an hour one way.....it is the best meeting I've ever been too. Sometimes we just have to do and go to whatever length we have too in order to get what we need.
Just a thought.
Did you ever find out about any alanon meetings?
You know, why not allow yourself to try one of the NA meetings? Just one. You don't have to make a big deal about it, just go one day and see what you think. You know you can always leave.
I go to one meeting once and awhile that is an hour one way.....it is the best meeting I've ever been too. Sometimes we just have to do and go to whatever length we have too in order to get what we need.
Just a thought.
Did you ever find out about any alanon meetings?
I don't see any alanon meetings in my near future, but I am going to order some books and learn more about it. I'm also definitely going to order the Dance of Anger (I think that's the title) that you recommended. I went to her website even before you mentioned it. I've had that book suggested to me 3 or 4 times in the last couple of weeks. I must be meant to read it.
I'm going to try to establish some healthy daily routines. I'm in a rut. All I do is eat cereal, nothing else except the occassional pint of Ben & Jerry's. I do domestic chores, play with my dogs, smoke cigarettes and sit on the computer. I hate leaving the house, which isn't all bad because I have no place to go. The computer is good for me. It occupies my mind and releases nervous energy, but I am spending too much time on it. If I'm not here, it's photoshop or email. I should at least go back to ebay again. I've got a zillion things to sell, but I'm so unmotivated to organize and do it. Uggggg
I'm going to try to establish some healthy daily routines. I'm in a rut. All I do is eat cereal, nothing else except the occassional pint of Ben & Jerry's. I do domestic chores, play with my dogs, smoke cigarettes and sit on the computer. I hate leaving the house, which isn't all bad because I have no place to go. The computer is good for me. It occupies my mind and releases nervous energy, but I am spending too much time on it. If I'm not here, it's photoshop or email. I should at least go back to ebay again. I've got a zillion things to sell, but I'm so unmotivated to organize and do it. Uggggg
I hear you...that's so funny about the cereal. It's all I ate too before my surgery. Now I have to eat better but food tastes like dust so it's not very easy. Ice cream is good though..I can definetly do that. lol
That book is a really good one. I wish I still had it, I would send it to you but I lent it out and never got it back.
You are in a rut darlin. It's so obvious and I don't know what to say to make it better. Just know that this too shall pass and life will get better. We all go through our little ups and downs, your's just seems to be worse than most right now. But you are strong, beautiful, intelligent and kind...it will get better, I promise.
I'm off for the day, need to get this body moving. Not an easy task these days but I'm working on it.
Take care
Lisa
That book is a really good one. I wish I still had it, I would send it to you but I lent it out and never got it back.
You are in a rut darlin. It's so obvious and I don't know what to say to make it better. Just know that this too shall pass and life will get better. We all go through our little ups and downs, your's just seems to be worse than most right now. But you are strong, beautiful, intelligent and kind...it will get better, I promise.
I'm off for the day, need to get this body moving. Not an easy task these days but I'm working on it.
Take care
Lisa
Atlas,
So far it sounds like things are on the right road there with your dad. It could be the beginning of building a strength the family needs more than ever. I sure hope so.
Its odd how anyone at an AA meeting could denounce ANYONE for attending. Ive never been to either kind of meeting but its my understanding that the core beliefs of both are the same. Fortunately, you are smart enough to figure that out. I feel for those who go to a meeting and are not met with open arms no matter what their doc is. Hopefully, in time, that old way of thinking will change.
I hope 2007 brings you the happiness you deserve. You have so much to be proud of about yourself. Give yourself a hug and move foward with YOUR dreams.
So far it sounds like things are on the right road there with your dad. It could be the beginning of building a strength the family needs more than ever. I sure hope so.
Its odd how anyone at an AA meeting could denounce ANYONE for attending. Ive never been to either kind of meeting but its my understanding that the core beliefs of both are the same. Fortunately, you are smart enough to figure that out. I feel for those who go to a meeting and are not met with open arms no matter what their doc is. Hopefully, in time, that old way of thinking will change.
I hope 2007 brings you the happiness you deserve. You have so much to be proud of about yourself. Give yourself a hug and move foward with YOUR dreams.
Hi honey!!! Happy New Year! That just sucks how some feel like they can actually kick someone out of a meeting or make them feel unwelcome. I am sure that if that was my experience I would not have went back.
That goes against all the principles of AA/NA.....principles before personalities..the nerve....I always introduce myself as a "drugaholic"...gets a little giggle and sorta wraps things up nice and neat!
Its so easy to get into that "rut" I have alot going on to and somedays just suck...it would be so easy to fall back into old routines...I push and push hard. Its especially difficult when your relationship is in shambles..mine is and I don't even have the energy to go there. We are suppose to attend counselling soon and I waiver....sometimes I just feel like I am so done...others there is hope....its life I suppose.
I am hoping things improve for you....just push...thats what I do....I have recited a few special prayers for your family lately and I am so hoping for a good outcome!
2007...what a trip...here we go again!!!
That goes against all the principles of AA/NA.....principles before personalities..the nerve....I always introduce myself as a "drugaholic"...gets a little giggle and sorta wraps things up nice and neat!
Its so easy to get into that "rut" I have alot going on to and somedays just suck...it would be so easy to fall back into old routines...I push and push hard. Its especially difficult when your relationship is in shambles..mine is and I don't even have the energy to go there. We are suppose to attend counselling soon and I waiver....sometimes I just feel like I am so done...others there is hope....its life I suppose.
I am hoping things improve for you....just push...thats what I do....I have recited a few special prayers for your family lately and I am so hoping for a good outcome!
2007...what a trip...here we go again!!!
I read the title quick, I thought it said, Atlas, whos your daddy? lol
Hope things are better for you Atlas, Happy New Year
Hope things are better for you Atlas, Happy New Year
((((((((((((((Atlas))))))))))))))))
happy new year.
love to you and your dad.
OH OK john dee...........we know how to get your attention and get you posting.
lol
happy new year kind sir..............
thumper
happy new year.
love to you and your dad.
OH OK john dee...........we know how to get your attention and get you posting.
lol
happy new year kind sir..............
thumper
I might be willing to say drugaholic, that's cute. I'd rather find a place that just doesn't give a s***....LOL
JD.....Were you gonna volunteer for the job? LOL J/K
JD.....Were you gonna volunteer for the job? LOL J/K
when i was in rehab july of 06 for drug addiction, the facility that i was hospitalized at was 99 percent alcoholics and very few drug addicts, i chose this facility as they had sub doctors and treated their patients with sub.
most of my education was on alcoholism and i was to attend AA meetings and a few NA meetings were required as well.
i went to an AA meeting one evening, not feeling very comfortable as we had to break up into groups of 5, so here i am sitting at a table with 4 males who are old timers... when it came my turn to share i introduced my self as hi my name is julie and i am an addict, i will not say alcoholic because i am not one and i never drink. i mentioned how NA/AA were similair in the principles and steps and i had no problem attending either AA or NA, they both address the same issues: ADDICTION. when it came time for the next guy to speak, he was like listen here missy, there is a difference between the two and dont you get the two confused! i was flabbergasted! had i not been so vulnerable at that time i would have surely told this old fart off, after the meeting one of the younger guys of AA came up to me and offered some comfort, said that the oldtimers are set in their ways and beliefs. Bull sh*t! that Sh*t needs to change, we are talking about saving peoples lives here, and they should not be able to continue with those beliefs and actions.
NA never acts that way, i have no problem whatsoever with an alcoholic being at my meetings! i am like welcome!
so it is true, it just isnt your area atlas where you were treated that way its nation wide obviously. just wanted to share that i experienced it firsthand. julie
most of my education was on alcoholism and i was to attend AA meetings and a few NA meetings were required as well.
i went to an AA meeting one evening, not feeling very comfortable as we had to break up into groups of 5, so here i am sitting at a table with 4 males who are old timers... when it came my turn to share i introduced my self as hi my name is julie and i am an addict, i will not say alcoholic because i am not one and i never drink. i mentioned how NA/AA were similair in the principles and steps and i had no problem attending either AA or NA, they both address the same issues: ADDICTION. when it came time for the next guy to speak, he was like listen here missy, there is a difference between the two and dont you get the two confused! i was flabbergasted! had i not been so vulnerable at that time i would have surely told this old fart off, after the meeting one of the younger guys of AA came up to me and offered some comfort, said that the oldtimers are set in their ways and beliefs. Bull sh*t! that Sh*t needs to change, we are talking about saving peoples lives here, and they should not be able to continue with those beliefs and actions.
NA never acts that way, i have no problem whatsoever with an alcoholic being at my meetings! i am like welcome!
so it is true, it just isnt your area atlas where you were treated that way its nation wide obviously. just wanted to share that i experienced it firsthand. julie
JD I thought the same thing. LOL
Julie-You are right about NA being more tolerant with that.They say in their preamble that alcohol is a drug so they don't discriminate.I actually switched over to NA a couple of years ago for that reason.
One of the things that bothered me about a particular AA group I attended,I knew for a fact a couple members smoked weed in there and they didn't address the seriousness of people being prescribed pain meds.Maybe they didn't need to be but I sure didn't need to get any ideals.
Yeah,that topic title is right on the edge.LOL.....sorry Atlas.
One of the things that bothered me about a particular AA group I attended,I knew for a fact a couple members smoked weed in there and they didn't address the seriousness of people being prescribed pain meds.Maybe they didn't need to be but I sure didn't need to get any ideals.
Yeah,that topic title is right on the edge.LOL.....sorry Atlas.
