Attitude
There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror and noticed she had only three hairs on her head.
Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today?"
So she did and she had a wonderful day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head.
"H-M-M," she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today?"
So she did and she had a grand day.
The next day she woke up,looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only
one hair on her head.
"Well," she said, "today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail."
So she did and she had a fun, fun day.
The next day she woke up,looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a
single hair on her head.
"YEA!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!"
Attitude is everything.
Be kinder than necessary,for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
Live simply,
Love generously,
Care deeply,
Speak kindly.......
Leave the rest to God
LMAO Danny.....so true and funny , too. Thanks for sharing and have a great weekend!!
Danny, Needed to read those words tonight. Thanks, Shantel
Dear Bullwinkle,
Great post!! Have a great weekend.
Faith
Great post!! Have a great weekend.
Faith
Danny, You still around? Could use someone to talk to. Shantel
Shan..of course I am here..email me..
Thanks Danny, Give me a few. YGM Shantel
I can just picture her putting one strand of hair in a pony tail. LOL
Here Danny I didn't want to start a new thread so I hope you don't mind me putting it here. This is pretty funny!!
WEEK AT THE GYM: ONE MAN'S STORY
> >
> > If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something
> >
> > wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted
> >
> > to get into a regular workout routine.
> >
> >
> > Dear Diary.
> >
> >
> > For my sixty fifth birthday this year, my wife (the dear)
> >
> > purchased a week of personal training at the local health club
> >
> > for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my
> >
> > college tennis team 45 years ago, I decided it would be a good
> >
> > idea to go ahead and give it a try.
> >
> >
> > I called the club and made my reservations with a personal
> >
> > trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old
> >
> > aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim
> >
> > wear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started!
> >
> > The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > MONDAY
> >
> > Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found
> >
> > it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find
> >
> > Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess -
> >
> > with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo
> >
> > Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. She
> >
> > took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She was
> >
> > alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attribute it to
> >
> > standing next to her in her Lycra aerobic outfit. I enjoyed
> >
> > watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics
> >
> > class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
> >
> > Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, all though my gut
> >
> > was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was
> >
> > around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
> >
> >
> >
> > TUESDAY
> >
> > I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the
> >
> > door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar
> >
> > into the air -- then she put weights on it! My legs were a
> >
> > little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile.
> >
> > Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel
> >
> > GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.
> >
> >
> >
> > WEDNESDAY
> >
> > The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush
> >
> > on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I
> >
> > believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as
> >
> > long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO
> >
> > in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me,
> >
> > insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her
> >
> > voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when
> >
> > she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
> >
> > My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on
> >
> > the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to
> >
> > simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda
> >
> > told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said
> >
> > some other s*** too.
> >
> >
> >
> > THURSDAY
> >
> > Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed
> >
> > as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I
> >
> > couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to
> >
> > tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When
> >
> > she was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. She sent
> >
> > Lars to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing
> >
> > machine -- which I sank.
> >
> >
> >
> > FRIDAY
> >
> > I hate that b**** Belinda more than any human being has ever
> >
> > hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid,
> >
> > skinny, anemic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my
> >
> > body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with
> >
> > it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps . I don't have any
> >
> > triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me
> >
> > the M----- f----- barbells or anything that weighs more than a
> >
> > sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health
> >
> > and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone
> >
> > softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
> >
> > SATURDAY
> > Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating,
> >
> > shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just
> >
> > hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner.
> >
> > However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and
> >
> > ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
> >
> >
> >
> > SUNDAY
> >
> >
> >
> > I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can
> >
> > go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that
> >
> > next year my wife (the bit*h) will choose a gift for me that is
> >
> > fun -- like a root canal or a vasectomy.
> > "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
> > arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather
> > to skid in sideways, champagne in one hand - strawberries in the other,
> > body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO -
> > What a Ride
Here Danny I didn't want to start a new thread so I hope you don't mind me putting it here. This is pretty funny!!
WEEK AT THE GYM: ONE MAN'S STORY
> >
> > If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something
> >
> > wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted
> >
> > to get into a regular workout routine.
> >
> >
> > Dear Diary.
> >
> >
> > For my sixty fifth birthday this year, my wife (the dear)
> >
> > purchased a week of personal training at the local health club
> >
> > for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my
> >
> > college tennis team 45 years ago, I decided it would be a good
> >
> > idea to go ahead and give it a try.
> >
> >
> > I called the club and made my reservations with a personal
> >
> > trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old
> >
> > aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim
> >
> > wear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started!
> >
> > The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > MONDAY
> >
> > Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found
> >
> > it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find
> >
> > Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess -
> >
> > with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo
> >
> > Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. She
> >
> > took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She was
> >
> > alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attribute it to
> >
> > standing next to her in her Lycra aerobic outfit. I enjoyed
> >
> > watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics
> >
> > class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
> >
> > Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, all though my gut
> >
> > was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was
> >
> > around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
> >
> >
> >
> > TUESDAY
> >
> > I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the
> >
> > door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar
> >
> > into the air -- then she put weights on it! My legs were a
> >
> > little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile.
> >
> > Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel
> >
> > GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.
> >
> >
> >
> > WEDNESDAY
> >
> > The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush
> >
> > on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I
> >
> > believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as
> >
> > long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO
> >
> > in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me,
> >
> > insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her
> >
> > voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when
> >
> > she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
> >
> > My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on
> >
> > the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to
> >
> > simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda
> >
> > told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said
> >
> > some other s*** too.
> >
> >
> >
> > THURSDAY
> >
> > Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed
> >
> > as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I
> >
> > couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to
> >
> > tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When
> >
> > she was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. She sent
> >
> > Lars to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing
> >
> > machine -- which I sank.
> >
> >
> >
> > FRIDAY
> >
> > I hate that b**** Belinda more than any human being has ever
> >
> > hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid,
> >
> > skinny, anemic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my
> >
> > body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with
> >
> > it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps . I don't have any
> >
> > triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me
> >
> > the M----- f----- barbells or anything that weighs more than a
> >
> > sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health
> >
> > and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone
> >
> > softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
> >
> > SATURDAY
> > Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating,
> >
> > shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just
> >
> > hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner.
> >
> > However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and
> >
> > ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
> >
> >
> >
> > SUNDAY
> >
> >
> >
> > I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can
> >
> > go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that
> >
> > next year my wife (the bit*h) will choose a gift for me that is
> >
> > fun -- like a root canal or a vasectomy.
> > "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
> > arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather
> > to skid in sideways, champagne in one hand - strawberries in the other,
> > body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO -
> > What a Ride
very true rae!
Danny quotes:
Be kinder than necessary,for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
Love it. All of us, every single one of us, fights a battle of our own every day. Some battles are easier and resolve themselves pretty quick, others take years.
My battles lately are disheartening and so hard to know what to do. I'm really tired of feeling like this.
Be kinder than necessary,for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
Love it. All of us, every single one of us, fights a battle of our own every day. Some battles are easier and resolve themselves pretty quick, others take years.
My battles lately are disheartening and so hard to know what to do. I'm really tired of feeling like this.
Sand & Stone
A story tells that two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face. The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand: "TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE."
They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him. After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone: "TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE."
The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone, why?"
The other friend replied: "When someone hurts us we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it."
Learn to write your hurts in the sand and to carve your benefits in stone.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but an entire lifetime to forget them.
A story tells that two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face. The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand: "TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE."
They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him. After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone: "TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE."
The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone, why?"
The other friend replied: "When someone hurts us we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it."
Learn to write your hurts in the sand and to carve your benefits in stone.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but an entire lifetime to forget them.
