Back Again

I used this site about 2-3 years ago and I was in touch with some lovely helpful people. At the time I was using speed, daily, everything then changed my partner proposed i was overjoyed, positive etc all the happy feelings. I was that positive I didn't come onto this site again as I felt I had conquered my habit. I selfishly thought that web site is history. I wish I had said bye etc but anyway that's the past and I am sorry.
Four years on no change, except deep in depression, weight loss, jobless, still got my family, love em. in denial, taking speed daily, lucky it's not as strong as most speed is meant to be, but still getting ripped off all the same. It depressess me, I live awful thoughts in my head to try and put me off, why can't I just click and be grateful for life and stop what i am doing. ihave done it before it's happier times and much better. i need a kick up the xx a confident and someone to help me through. meanwhile i will help anyone if i can in any
Speed is so hard to stop because of the depression. I just wanted to tell you that if you hold out and don't use again the depression WILL pass. It takes time and work but it passes. What are your plans for recovery once you get clean? Have you been to any meetings, NA or AA?
Hello thanks for your reply, i have no plans to go to any meetings. I know i should be i am ashamed and want this kept private. Have you any ideas, i have tried keeping diaries, target sheets, tried reading awful stuff to put me off. It is ridiculous, any ideas on things to help
Are you doing crank or pills? Either way it's hard. I drank a lot of chamomile tea in early recovery and tried to stay busy. If you don't want to go to meetings what are you going to do? Outside help is important to our recovery. We can't hold all that stuff in. Journaling may help the racing thoughts. I don't know. I was getting off a lot more substances when I got clean so I'm not sure what part of the withdrawal was speed. But I know the depression was awful. Does your doctor know what's going on with you? Maybe some antidepressants would help for a while.