We are back. Good and bad news. Good news It was a great time, i have tons of awsome photos. No troubles far as car/hotel/travel exc. The baby got a minor cold the last day on the trip i think from "swimming in the ocean". My son Ben who's 12 was great on the trip but, he talks way to much. Disney was beautiful the weather was kind to us. We only got caught in the rain once "it rains a lot in FLORDIA". I went off my diet i ate way too much good food "i am sure i'm up a few pounds" hey you only live once.
Bad news my daughter "10 years old" was a real #1 BRAT. I have never saw a more ungreatful person. She is snotty and spitful. She is getting more and more out of hand. The day we got back I had to take her to the hospital for a psychiatric evaluation. She recentaly started Ritalin along with other meds she is already on for ADHD bi-polar and ODD......she has became VERY VERY ANGERY and Dangerous in the last few weeks. She was a screaming kicking out of control monster. She is hurting the baby pulling his arms and legs starting fights with the whole family. Told me she is going to stab all of us. The hostial has her for the next week for a med adjustment. She claims i ruined her life she hates me she is never coming home. I went to see her today she had not had a bath or combed her hair she smelled bad she had garabage from food mixed in with her clothes at the hospital. It was 3 in the afternoon no teeth brused hair a mess room a mess. She said she was HAPPY THERE she liked the hospital. OH I BET SHE LOVES it long as there are no rules shes a angel. That hospital is a joke. They let the kids toss balls in the halls color on the floors. I'm so tired of YEARS of dealing with the mental health system with her. She pounded on the glass window in the car she has bruises all over her hand from it she told her doctor she likes to hurt her self. I am so lost as to what to do with her. She is very mentally ill. She told the hospital she won't come home with me. She said she hit the window because Ben "her brother" rolled his eyes at her. She said she was going to pull all of the baby's hair out.
I think her issue is her FATHER. Both my boys have a active father they see who they do things with. Her dad and her dads family walked out on her she was 5. She is so resentful that she don't have her dad. I have no way to contact him or his family. I KNOW HER ANGER is due in large part because of this daddy issue. She feels so alone ben and robbie have Dad ally dont. She must tell me everyday HOW great her dad is. She has him built up in her head as a Roman God. It's sad. I don't know what to do with her she get in RAGES she will laugh and cry all at once roll on the floor stomp bang into stuff.
She is spoiled a true actress at sea world in a crowd she rolled on the ground screaming. ONCE THE CROWD PASSED she got up and was FINE!
At least your vacation sounded OK- - -
You probably have more experience dealing with mental health people than I do,ZG- - but I think Id reevaluate that hospital she,s in. It sounds like they let the kids have way to much freedom. Mixing food in the laundry? To coin an old phrase "it sounds like the inmates are running the Asylum.
It has to be tough to leave a 10 yr old with authorities who probably care & do the best they can- -but at the end of the day- >its not their kid,& they get paid by the state or if its a private hospital they get an even better pay check (without the pension).
When my son was about 9 or 10 ,we (my parents & me) brought him to a child psychologist. She recommended Ritalin, but I over-ruled her. Now its been 11 yrs since then & the kid is fine. However,he wasnt acting out & causing trouble. He was in a fire when he was 2 yrs old & although the house burned down, he was rescued by a fireman who jumped thru a window into the smoke filled house to save his life.- He had issues with loud noises & was just a scared kid growing up.(without his mom, because it was her fault the house burned down,& me & my parents got custody)
Well he,s 21 now & although he lacks any ambition he pretty much a normal kid . - more on how normal some other time-
I guess all Im saying is be careful, they are so young & they do need us. Hang in there as frustrating as it gets. It sounds like your doing a great job on yourself & your family- -sometimes one of the ducklings takes awhile to catch up
All the best
much peace,
jack
You probably have more experience dealing with mental health people than I do,ZG- - but I think Id reevaluate that hospital she,s in. It sounds like they let the kids have way to much freedom. Mixing food in the laundry? To coin an old phrase "it sounds like the inmates are running the Asylum.
It has to be tough to leave a 10 yr old with authorities who probably care & do the best they can- -but at the end of the day- >its not their kid,& they get paid by the state or if its a private hospital they get an even better pay check (without the pension).
When my son was about 9 or 10 ,we (my parents & me) brought him to a child psychologist. She recommended Ritalin, but I over-ruled her. Now its been 11 yrs since then & the kid is fine. However,he wasnt acting out & causing trouble. He was in a fire when he was 2 yrs old & although the house burned down, he was rescued by a fireman who jumped thru a window into the smoke filled house to save his life.- He had issues with loud noises & was just a scared kid growing up.(without his mom, because it was her fault the house burned down,& me & my parents got custody)
Well he,s 21 now & although he lacks any ambition he pretty much a normal kid . - more on how normal some other time-
I guess all Im saying is be careful, they are so young & they do need us. Hang in there as frustrating as it gets. It sounds like your doing a great job on yourself & your family- -sometimes one of the ducklings takes awhile to catch up
All the best
much peace,
jack
Thanks Jack for the reply. I had a talk today with the social worker at the hospital. The worker told me they try to not trigger a reaction out of the children, every child there is not stable. The child is at the facility mainly for med adjustments. That is why they don't inforce rules like bathing, clean clothes, untill their mental state is more under control. Sounded TOTALLY WRONG to me, excuess for the staff not to do anything. For the most part they are allowed to do as they want. This her her 6th-7th time in the unit. It is super hard to leave her with a whole group of unstable kids age 9-14. I don't ever know if it's the best thing to do. Also I know she has some DEEP mental issues. I did try her off all her meds she lost it mentally. She was biting her lips had huge sores on her face from biting. She started wetting the bed leaving clothes full of pee under the bed. She was wondering the house all hours of the night. She said my fiance was touching her "which she saw a sex abuse person for" They said they could not get any helpful info out of her. She changed the story many times. Everything got so nasty. She was telling stories about hearing a spirt in her room. I WILL NEVER have her off meds again she got terrible. I have little hope that she will ever be stable. I don't acually know what is wrong with her. Her personality is so weird.
Kids are hard no matter their age. I know you know that. I'm 30 i still depend on my mother.
Kids are hard no matter their age. I know you know that. I'm 30 i still depend on my mother.
ZG - I don't have enough time right now to talk, but I'll be back in the next few days and will dig up this thread because there's lots to say about it. I know you're in it with her and this must be hell for you.
Hang in there and we'll talk later...I do understand, ZG, really I do.
Peace~M&M
Hang in there and we'll talk later...I do understand, ZG, really I do.
Peace~M&M
ZG ive read yer post a few times and it makes my situation seem breezy....as ya know(maybe)ive got an 8yr.old on my own wwith the help of my Ma.It breaks my heart to see what yer girl is putting yer family and hereself through.I thought about yer girl in the instituition....her breakdowns and anger....the guilt put on you.....awful stuff ZG.....Im thinking of you and yours.....take care of yerself ..........Davey
ZG feel out of my depth replying... thinking of you, Kev
Thanks to everyone. Just a update she is home now. I had a talk with her Behavior Specialist at the hospital. I got a lot of good info and feed back and parenting technics. The meeting lasted about a hour. 1st this specialist thought my daughter showed many signs of a reactive attachment disorder. She went in detail with me about how Ally shows signs of children who have not attached to their parents/caregivers. I ALREADY KNEW THIS. I know she is not attached to me. She has been to a diffrent school almost every year of her life. Her father left she was five. I was a addict from the time she was born. She spent two years with my mom. She said Ally screams and hits to push us out she don't mentally want to get close enough to get hurt. She even thought the sex abuse story ally told was to push Rob out. Ally's father left Ally would much rather push us out then to have us walk out. I told her that ally is very loud, very messy she said that's because ally's mental emotional state is loud and messy. Very sad thing to hear. I was a real junkie mother for a long long long time "to her" I was using more of her life then what i've been clean. Clearly it has caused lasting harm to her mentally. My son is not like her. Things bounce off him. He also ALWAYS has had a devoted loving faher who never let him down. So my kids a mess I may well be the cause plus crappy genes and a absent Dad = unhappy kid. She had many things stacked against her from birth . I wanted to use after that meeting soberity is painful at times.
Yeah it is painful sometimes ZG, but things will get better. You are not doing what you did back then now..... you can work and build on the relationship in the coming years. All the best, Kev
I'm a counsellor but not a mental health expert so cn't give you the advice I wish I could...you're really going through it. The only thing I would say is...you said "lasting" harm...she is young and with the right help she will heal. You obviously care greatly about her and are making sure you get the right help for her...that is what will be lasting. I have a ten year old daughter too and she has real anger issues associated with the violence she suffered before I left her father...it's tough. You love her...don't underestimate the power of that. Mental illness is very common in adults and also in children but so often goes undiagnosed for too long. You're doing the right things.
Thinking of you ZG and hoping things get easier for you.
Maddy x
Thinking of you ZG and hoping things get easier for you.
Maddy x
TY kev and Maddy. Yes Kev it is great for her and I both that i'm not doing now what I was then. In fact if i were still using it would be much less painful for me, more painful for her i'm sure. Thing is when crappy things come up that i did high I have to face them now it makes me want to get high now.
Maddy; my mom was the one that had my daughter put on meds sought out help got her diagnosed. Together we have been working with the mental health system nearly 4 years now. Meds, docs, hospital stays, she just never gets better. I read before we pass on our problems to our children "so true in this case".
Maddy; my mom was the one that had my daughter put on meds sought out help got her diagnosed. Together we have been working with the mental health system nearly 4 years now. Meds, docs, hospital stays, she just never gets better. I read before we pass on our problems to our children "so true in this case".
J, my heart goes out to ya..........U r so strong........And in my prayers all the time.....Ill email ya more on this
Don't beat yourself up about what has happened in the past...none of us has nothing to regret. It's what you are doing now that you should be proud of...and one day when she is old enough to understand the monkey, she'll be proud of you too.
Children are people...and just like you took what you learned from your parents...and chose the path you chose...and now the path that you are walking now...YOU made decisions...you are you...yes there are influences from outside, parents, peers, teachers, etc...but you are you. Your daughter will find her way regardless. And...we are ultimately powerless over how our kids turn out.
It does sound as though they haven't got things right for her yet though. I really hope they can come up with something that suits you all. Take care ZG and remember...lots of kids have these problems whose mum's have never touched a drug in their life...this is NOT you fault.
Maddy x
Children are people...and just like you took what you learned from your parents...and chose the path you chose...and now the path that you are walking now...YOU made decisions...you are you...yes there are influences from outside, parents, peers, teachers, etc...but you are you. Your daughter will find her way regardless. And...we are ultimately powerless over how our kids turn out.
It does sound as though they haven't got things right for her yet though. I really hope they can come up with something that suits you all. Take care ZG and remember...lots of kids have these problems whose mum's have never touched a drug in their life...this is NOT you fault.
Maddy x
ZG, I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry I hadn't even seen your post.
Man, oh man. If anything girl you are here for her NOW. Does that count?
I know it never helps although my mom's thing was always tell the kids how bad off someone else is. I don't buy it, but used to. Could you tell her what my friend says to her grandchild when she acts out? "You ain't got a dad? Guess what sweet cheeks. My father beat my mom so bad she left.He left. Left us in a house alone. Little kids. My baby brother in the crib. Ya think at 5 I cared that baby died cause I couldn't feed him? Yeah, yeah I did. Guess what? He had a mom and a dad, and they walked out. How ya like that?"
Oh dear Lord.
Who in life gets any breaks? I swear. I am just so sorry, ZG. Sorry for Ally and you. I hate it all.
I'm sorry I hadn't even seen your post.
Man, oh man. If anything girl you are here for her NOW. Does that count?
I know it never helps although my mom's thing was always tell the kids how bad off someone else is. I don't buy it, but used to. Could you tell her what my friend says to her grandchild when she acts out? "You ain't got a dad? Guess what sweet cheeks. My father beat my mom so bad she left.He left. Left us in a house alone. Little kids. My baby brother in the crib. Ya think at 5 I cared that baby died cause I couldn't feed him? Yeah, yeah I did. Guess what? He had a mom and a dad, and they walked out. How ya like that?"
Oh dear Lord.
Who in life gets any breaks? I swear. I am just so sorry, ZG. Sorry for Ally and you. I hate it all.
Hey ZG, very tough diagnosis to hear. It's especially hard with other little ones to be concerned about and to protect...you must feel torn in so many directions No doubt you've some research on this and have some insight about it; learning those parenting skills specific to her disorder will help both of you. It sounds like you've accepted the reality of how things were for her in her early life and now you can only move forward and try to do those things that will allow her to rebuild trust in adults and caregivers. Don't let anyone be defeatist with you...as hard as it is and as sad as it is there are resources that can help lighten your burden. Be kind to yourself and don't dwell on the past...there is not one thing that can alter that...the present is what you've got, so just keep showing her you're here for her now.
Wish I had a magic wand to take it away...I'll be praying for you ZG, and for Ally too.
Peace~MomNMore
Wish I had a magic wand to take it away...I'll be praying for you ZG, and for Ally too.
Peace~MomNMore
