Back On The Road Of Recovery

Pain Pills
1
Well I did it. Ive been reading everybodies posts and replied a few times but held back. I have been clean for 30 hours now. I took some of your suggestions and did it. (esp kiwi's) I got of my horse of excuses and stopped the pity party and said enough is enough. I was clean for 15 months until 3 months ago. I did it before and dammit I can do it again. No more excuses!!!!!! I have 2 beautiful children, my oldest just turned 8 yesterday and I will not hurt them anymore. I love my hubby and kids too much to hurt them. I know I need to love myself too but in time that too will come. I have hesitated posting because of all the bickering going on in here but I thought "what the heck" Thats life. we bicker in real life why not in cyber. So many of us are hurting and in time hopefully we will all find peace in our hearts and in others. I hope everyone is doing well in their recovery and I wish everyone a HAPPY TURKEY DAY. peace and love Ann
2
dear zanny I'm new here and so far I really haven't been in any bickering.Is there anything I can do to help you.You seem real mad at yourself.Anger motivated me enough to reach out.Everyone here has been sooo nice I'm glad I took the first steps.Don't hate yourself.Our greatest achevments are not never falling but is to pick ourselfs up after falling ...Take care Mollyjean
3
I am so proud of you for giving yourself a swift kick in the a** and getting on with getting yourself clean. You know the drill I'm sure.....15 months clean......
Take it one day at a time and don't give up on the fight.
Good Luck,
Tina
4
I'm sorry but there are a handful of people in here that do most of the bickering. I am not holding it against anyone. I am not one to pass judgement on anyone. I was just voicing my opinion. I am angry with myself for letting the disease defeat me once again. I was using excuses to continue popping those nasty pills and I decided enough is enough. Yes I was using them for a broken arm, but I should have stopped over a month ago. I used the medical reason to contuinue my using but I know that was a lie. I hope I didn't offend anyone by talking about the bickering but I say it as I see it. love Ann
5
Mistyeyes, thanks but it was more like an a-- whooping than just a kick!! lol I am taking it hour by hour cause right now a day seems like an eternity!! Thanks and lots of love Ann
6
Way to go Ann -- you're in to Day 2 already. Hang in, and congratulations on making the commitment to start again. M.
7
Thats all you can do Ann. Keep pushing along!
8
Hi Ann- way to go on your decision to get clean and venture on the path of recovery! There was a person on this forum awhile back who simply posted "suck it up". It's not that he invented the saying, and it's certainly not that these words had never occurred to me at certain times in my life. The point is that we often encounter periods in our lives, and this is not just in reference to drugs, when we simply have to take responsiblility for ourselves and our actions and move forward. We all have problems, face obstacles, etc. But it's how we react to life's lessons that ultimately determines our lot in life. I applaud you for your decision to get clean. It's not easy, but it is so worth it. Please stay strong and know that so many are behind you 100%. And please, and this is a suggestion based solely on my experience in going through wd's three times now, make a plan for recovery. As is said all the time, it's not just about getting clean, it's about staying clean. All the best to you. Jim
9
Dear Ann I just wanted to say hello and I hope all works out for you.Try and have a Happy Thanksgiving....Mollyjean
10
Hi ann. 30 hours is huge. Just don't go back. I was there, what you are doing isn't easy. Hugs to you and keep posting...
Be really kind to yourself then next few weeks. Don't use, but try positive thinking, call people, cry if you have to...whatever.
Good luck and it does get better.
kerry
11
thank you all for your support. I am starting into my day 3 and I feel so horrible. I know in time this will pass, but it is soooo f----ing hard. I am not giving up though. just venting. Ann
12
Hang in, Ann. You're almost over the hump, physically. I bet you'll begin to feel better after today. Happy Thanksgiving to you. M.
13
Hi Ann its Molly I hope you are still doing good.As far as Quitting.....WAY TO GO.This site is so great sometimes talking with people you don't know but have a problem like yours can be a GOD sent.I know yesterday I felt like just saying the Heck with it and forget all about this straight life but time is a wounderful thing.As long as we have time we also have a chance to try again.Keep up with the hard work.Everyone says its worth it and I myself need to know if its true Happy Turkey Day........Mollyjean
14
Hi Zannie (Ann)

I was just reading your post and wanted to wish you all the best on your way to recovery. Day 3 is hard, I know - but just remember, it will get better. Please dont hold it against me that I might have been part of the bickering (in one situation lately) - but usually dont go there or try not too. Its just that I'm just in the beginning of recovery myself and very "sensitive" to put it mildly. So, I'm getting off my "pity pot" also and trying to focus on recovery. WAY TO GO TO YOU!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving.

Love,
Marie
15
I'm sorry I'm on the "pity pot". I have the worst flu and I just want some turkey!! But I know if I do, ugghhhhhhh....someone have some extra turkey and stuffing and have it for me!!! And a huge piece of pumpkin pie with whip cream!!!!!
16


Hey Zany.......Hope you are having a good evening! Congrats on your decision to get clean..Doing it isn't as hard and making the decision in my book. Having been there and done it before I am sure you will make it!
Also, self-hate is a bad thing. But if you need to use your kids and husband as a reason to get through this, it's fine. Right now, I would take a pill if not for what my husband has done to help me get to day 10. He has been such an angel, I wouldn't take a pill because it would hurt him so badly. I couldn't betray him after the love, understanding and $$$ he has put in to me and my recovery. Hang in there, it does get better after a few days.
17
Thank allof you for your replys. It helps to know there are people out there going through the same thing. I am on day #5 and doing OK. the w/d aren't to bad but the psych part of it is killing me. Dannyob I hope your getting over the flu. I'd send ya over some turkey but we ate it all. Marie I don't hold it against anyone who was bickering, believe me I have no room to talk, just ask my friends and family. I stopped taking my antideppresants over a month ago and I think I need to get back on them. I've found that my mood swings are getting worse. Well have to get back to work. Take care and good luck to all in thear recovery. Ann
18
Ann, you are doing so good! I'm 1 1/2 months in and I still have bad mood swings. My energy level is low, but now that I've thought about it, I'm comparing itto the energy that pills used to give me which was "false" energy, so my energy level is probably normal! Physically, I feel fine. I should probably exercise more and my mood seems to drop from time to time. But I think that's normal for anyone. I was just so used to being "happy" ALL the time. I know it seems like w/ds will never end, but they do. Mine seemed to last longer than "average" for some reason (13 days), but I hear people saying that they feel better after 4 or 5 days! So hang in there and you will be fine....no great!
19
Zannie, still not over the flu. It seems to have gotten worse. It's been since like Tuesday.