Hey everyone!
I am having a super tough night. I was riding horses with my daughter tonight, and I had a super bunny run in front of my horse, and I got thrown. I ended up going into the fence shoulder and arm first. I dislocated the left shoulder, and fractured my humerous (upper arm) in two spots. They already reduced the shoulder, but who ever said that the crap they gives you knocks you out so you don't remember is full of s***!
Anyhoo, I have some really bad stinkin' thinkin' attacking me. I have been dealing with some depression since I got sick, and when I got the all clear from my oncologist, I decided that I would get off the anti-depressant. It didn't work, and I went into some worse depression, and went back on the Cymbalta, only to have it not work anymore. They are trying new ones but alas, the depression is still gripping me.
I was sitting in the er, and the nurse walked in with some pain medication, and I was actually excited. It dawned on me that I was happy to see it, and thought, ut oh..... I asked the nurse for the phone, and yes, I called my sponsor. Right there in the er..... Of course she was still at work, and I told her they planned to let me go, with a script, and I needed a meeting in the worst way. She fought me a bit, with the new injury, but agreed to come over, take my script, and hand me what I needed only, and to take me to a meeting.
When she got here at 7:30, I had to have her help me get into a new shirt, and of course, almost passed out, she stayed with me for just about an hour, and I didn't get to go to the meeting. I feel ok to sit now, but I get woosie when I stand.
I am frustrated, and pissed off. I can not believe that I felt that, and I am scared. I know that I can call my sponsor at any time tonight, but I figured I would let her eat, and get home. Fortunately she only lives a few blocks from me too. I just don't get it, I had to deal with pain medications while fighting the cancer, and never employed that stupid thinking. Maybe I was too sick to care, but why now? Of course, why not now?
Send some a** kicking my way please...... I need to hear that tough love.....
Love
Carrie
Carrie,
You are a heck of a lot stronger than I am...I am a wussy when it comes to pain.
a** kickin? Girl, I think you already got one! Good for you for calling your sponsor!
Take it easy and get some rest, I'm sure that you will be even more sore tomorrow...try to take a hot bath, if you can!
Prayers and healing hugs going your way!
You are a heck of a lot stronger than I am...I am a wussy when it comes to pain.
a** kickin? Girl, I think you already got one! Good for you for calling your sponsor!
Take it easy and get some rest, I'm sure that you will be even more sore tomorrow...try to take a hot bath, if you can!
Prayers and healing hugs going your way!
Hi,
Get Off The Cross We Need The Wood! ............ *wink*
Take care.......Bob
Get Off The Cross We Need The Wood! ............ *wink*
Take care.......Bob
Thanks Bob, You know that is my favorite saying.........LMAO
Janet, thanks, and you are not a wuss.... as for the bath, I have a super deep tub, I would be the commercial of "I've fallen and I can't get up!"
Carrie
Janet, thanks, and you are not a wuss.... as for the bath, I have a super deep tub, I would be the commercial of "I've fallen and I can't get up!"
Carrie
one of my favorite lines "no human power could have relieved our alcoholism (addiction) I don't think our will is strong enough, with one hour or one year, to fight our addiction. maybe the ER setting, or the chaos revolving around the injury was a trigger......for me, there are alot of old memories involving the fantasy pain mediciation walking in the door of that ER room. All i can say, is that you have made my night.....with two words
sponsor and meeting
remember, if recovery was easy everyone would be doing it
thanks
sponsor and meeting
remember, if recovery was easy everyone would be doing it
thanks
Thanks Hangin, I appreciate you taking time to write to me..... and I already got the sponsor, just want the meeting.....hehe........... well, talking with the good people here is doing its trick. So, til tomorrow, I will hang on.
Love
Carrie
Love
Carrie
Carrie,
What Bob said!! The rest I said on the phone to you..LOL..
love ya,
gi
What Bob said!! The rest I said on the phone to you..LOL..
love ya,
gi
Super bunny? lol
Seen a few of those. Horses think they are fire breathing dragons.
So yea, it sucks. You broke your arm, you have to deal with meds. It's life. You did the right thing, you called someone. There's not much else you can do except check your motives for using again...when the pains not that bad, you have to really question yourself, do I still need these?
Ease up on yourself a bit. I thought I was the only one that was so bad with that.
Take care
Seen a few of those. Horses think they are fire breathing dragons.
So yea, it sucks. You broke your arm, you have to deal with meds. It's life. You did the right thing, you called someone. There's not much else you can do except check your motives for using again...when the pains not that bad, you have to really question yourself, do I still need these?
Ease up on yourself a bit. I thought I was the only one that was so bad with that.
Take care
Ouch Carrie!
You did the right thing. I agree with Lisa. Time to check yourself and see what the trigger is that has you wanna use again.
You've come a long way. Don't blow it now. There's too much to live for.
peace,
pm
You did the right thing. I agree with Lisa. Time to check yourself and see what the trigger is that has you wanna use again.
You've come a long way. Don't blow it now. There's too much to live for.
peace,
pm
Super Bunny indeed. I am doing better this morning with the feelings, but I know that something triggered me, and I know now what it is. It is the stupid depression. I have never dealt with it until this last year, and I guess you can say that I am a novice when it comes to depression.
I never knew it could cause this, all though I have heard it can all the time. I just thought it was the one thing I would not have to deal with.
I woke at 4am with severe pain, and I am irritated with it, but I know that is normal. I am going to a meeting at noon today. I have also spoken with my counselor at my clinic, and since they need me to do something for them for the next four weeks, then I got my counselor to agree to see me each Friday as well. I know that I need that extra support right now, and as Amy said, throwing all this away, I just can't. I just got my year November 20th, and I don't want to lose it. Starting over is sooooo hard.
Well, thanks everyone! It means so much that you all cared to post to me. I knew I could count on you all to give me the help last night, and Bob and Gina, I let someone else have my wood.... It is getting really cold here in Colorado this weekend, so it can heat someone's house..... I love you all and thanks again!
Love
Carrie
I never knew it could cause this, all though I have heard it can all the time. I just thought it was the one thing I would not have to deal with.
I woke at 4am with severe pain, and I am irritated with it, but I know that is normal. I am going to a meeting at noon today. I have also spoken with my counselor at my clinic, and since they need me to do something for them for the next four weeks, then I got my counselor to agree to see me each Friday as well. I know that I need that extra support right now, and as Amy said, throwing all this away, I just can't. I just got my year November 20th, and I don't want to lose it. Starting over is sooooo hard.
Well, thanks everyone! It means so much that you all cared to post to me. I knew I could count on you all to give me the help last night, and Bob and Gina, I let someone else have my wood.... It is getting really cold here in Colorado this weekend, so it can heat someone's house..... I love you all and thanks again!
Love
Carrie
Hey happy one year a little late.
Don't throw it away Carrie. You are doing the right things.
Be tough as nails. You can do it.
Depression is no fun but it can be worked with. Be patient and don't give up.
peace,
pm
Don't throw it away Carrie. You are doing the right things.
Be tough as nails. You can do it.
Depression is no fun but it can be worked with. Be patient and don't give up.
peace,
pm
Carrie... i just read your post and i just wanted to say WOW! I am seriously proud of you! That took alot of guts calling your sponsor... i think you should give yourself a pat on the back for that. I know that those feelings of "excitement" make you feel like crap... i experienced them recently myself... and i cried for at least three days...lol! But, i think that its okay because you are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing... congrats for that! I will be keeping you in my prayers for a fast healing of those injuries! Love and God Bless, Bri :)
ahhhhh carrie - i'm so sorry to read you broke your arm. i broke the radial head of my left arm a few weeks after the surgery i had in september. wish i had a bunny/horse to blame it on, but alas, i misjudged a step, as i was bringing some laundry downstairs to wash - and to think - i had 10 years of professional dance!?!
i know how difficult it is to try to dress yourself - the cast is cumbersome and simple movement is painful. my cast has been off for about 2 weeks now and i'm doing some PT at home. my arm still hurts and it certainly gets my attention when i do something that is stressful to it. my pain index i now rate as directly proportional with the barometric pressure.
i keep telling myself - this too shall pass...this too shall pass and have noticed over the past week that i am able to do things (ROM) that i couldn't do 2 weeks ago. prescription strength motrin worked wonders for me in dealing with the acute pain.
you are in my thoughts and prayers, dear one. i hope you feel better soon.
xoxoxoxo
sammy
i know how difficult it is to try to dress yourself - the cast is cumbersome and simple movement is painful. my cast has been off for about 2 weeks now and i'm doing some PT at home. my arm still hurts and it certainly gets my attention when i do something that is stressful to it. my pain index i now rate as directly proportional with the barometric pressure.
i keep telling myself - this too shall pass...this too shall pass and have noticed over the past week that i am able to do things (ROM) that i couldn't do 2 weeks ago. prescription strength motrin worked wonders for me in dealing with the acute pain.
you are in my thoughts and prayers, dear one. i hope you feel better soon.
xoxoxoxo
sammy
The very fact you called your sponsor and handled it is huge!!!
Congrats on making the right choice. Feels good doesnt it?
Hugs,
Ali
Congrats on making the right choice. Feels good doesnt it?
Hugs,
Ali
Amy, thanks hun, I am working hard to not throw it away. I went to two meetings yesterday, and did a ton of sleeping in between. I see you are off to the races with that knee, and I want you to call me! If you need some help with stuff, I may be limited, but I can prepare you some meals you can just heat up sweetie. Just let me know, and I will whip you up some stuff, and run it over. OK, maybe not WHIP it up, but I do have the help of the girls, and they can move faster than I.
Bri, Oh yes, I cried over those crappy thoughts. I tried to figure out if they were feelings of pity, or just plain pissed off that I can't enjoy that feeling. I am afraid if I let myself enjoy that, I am heading into the world I don't want to go to again. Thanks for letting me know that I am not the only one with the tears of shame or self-pity. Whichever they were, I am glad that I shed them, as I feel better for it.
Sammy, OMG, now I understand what Gina meant when she asked if I was competing with you for the clutzy award.....LMAO.... I did not know you got hurt darlin, and I am sooo sorry. I wish I knew, I would have been lending you an ear or shoulder. We have sort of fell out of touch, and I miss you and our conversations. We need to catch up Sammy, maybe this weekend we can talk for a while. I am glad you are already out the cast, I don't get mine until Monday. In the meantime, I am exposed, and I think I have banged this freaking arm on everything in the house. That makes me sort of grouchy let me tell ya. I am sure you know that through. I will be really glad when my bones get a bit more stronger. My density is still low, but it has improved over the last few months. I remember when I could take a fall like that, brush myself off, call the horse a butthead, and jump back on. I had no way of getting back in the saddle the other day, but I did go out and visit the scaredy cat yesterday, and took both horses some of their cookies. I got several horsey hugs, and a ton of attention from them both. My big boy acted so ashamed of himself, I just had to cuddle him and tell him it was ok. I know that those fire-breathing bunnies are so scary ya know.....I saw the other horse freak on a mouse once.... it seems the smaller the animal, the more the horse freaks out. Weird eh? Thanks for the advice, and lets talk again soon.
Ali, thank you for the support, and I do feel better about the feelings I had the other night. My meetings really helped me out. I look forward to getting to know you a bit better. Hope your tapering is going well.
Love ya all....
Carrie
PS A quick hello is from August... Rachel, Carol, and Lisa, I saw you said to tell him hi last week sometime, and I was emailing back and forth yesterday with him, and let him know, so he said to extend the hello back to you.....
Bri, Oh yes, I cried over those crappy thoughts. I tried to figure out if they were feelings of pity, or just plain pissed off that I can't enjoy that feeling. I am afraid if I let myself enjoy that, I am heading into the world I don't want to go to again. Thanks for letting me know that I am not the only one with the tears of shame or self-pity. Whichever they were, I am glad that I shed them, as I feel better for it.
Sammy, OMG, now I understand what Gina meant when she asked if I was competing with you for the clutzy award.....LMAO.... I did not know you got hurt darlin, and I am sooo sorry. I wish I knew, I would have been lending you an ear or shoulder. We have sort of fell out of touch, and I miss you and our conversations. We need to catch up Sammy, maybe this weekend we can talk for a while. I am glad you are already out the cast, I don't get mine until Monday. In the meantime, I am exposed, and I think I have banged this freaking arm on everything in the house. That makes me sort of grouchy let me tell ya. I am sure you know that through. I will be really glad when my bones get a bit more stronger. My density is still low, but it has improved over the last few months. I remember when I could take a fall like that, brush myself off, call the horse a butthead, and jump back on. I had no way of getting back in the saddle the other day, but I did go out and visit the scaredy cat yesterday, and took both horses some of their cookies. I got several horsey hugs, and a ton of attention from them both. My big boy acted so ashamed of himself, I just had to cuddle him and tell him it was ok. I know that those fire-breathing bunnies are so scary ya know.....I saw the other horse freak on a mouse once.... it seems the smaller the animal, the more the horse freaks out. Weird eh? Thanks for the advice, and lets talk again soon.
Ali, thank you for the support, and I do feel better about the feelings I had the other night. My meetings really helped me out. I look forward to getting to know you a bit better. Hope your tapering is going well.
Love ya all....
Carrie
PS A quick hello is from August... Rachel, Carol, and Lisa, I saw you said to tell him hi last week sometime, and I was emailing back and forth yesterday with him, and let him know, so he said to extend the hello back to you.....
Carrie:
I hope you are feeling better. Thanks for telling August hello. I really miss him and appreciate you taking the time to do that.
Rachel
Carrie,
Yeah and you and Sammy in some kind of competition??? Just stop it you guys!!! But you know I'm not sure what kind of fire breathing dragons Sammy's feet saw that threw her off her rocker! hehe.
It sounds like you have a good handle on things right now and sound better. Sometimes we just go into those phases and it's not so important we go into those phases but rather what we do about it that counts most. Depression is a battle for anyone addict or not so throw a desire to get high in there and there is quite a combo for disaster and darkness.
Darkness you've already seen the likes of and know you never really wanna go back to. So not worth it. Esp when you have fought so hard to have your life. So just keep reaching out for help.
Thanks for your offer to help me out. I might take you up on it. Seems like you have enough to deal with. Keep talking like this though and I'll make you cook til your fingers fall off and walk my dog 3 times a day. hahahahahahahah!!!!! I'll make you so sick of me you'll wish I never moved so close. lmao. Is that 30 minutes with traffic or without?! This city is really messed up as far as traffic goes. I'm wondering how that stick shift car is going to work out for me with my left leg. I have all these odd thoughts roaming through my head. Sure would like to go buy a automatic! lol
Anyway, good you are doing some better.
love,
pm
Yeah and you and Sammy in some kind of competition??? Just stop it you guys!!! But you know I'm not sure what kind of fire breathing dragons Sammy's feet saw that threw her off her rocker! hehe.
It sounds like you have a good handle on things right now and sound better. Sometimes we just go into those phases and it's not so important we go into those phases but rather what we do about it that counts most. Depression is a battle for anyone addict or not so throw a desire to get high in there and there is quite a combo for disaster and darkness.
Darkness you've already seen the likes of and know you never really wanna go back to. So not worth it. Esp when you have fought so hard to have your life. So just keep reaching out for help.
Thanks for your offer to help me out. I might take you up on it. Seems like you have enough to deal with. Keep talking like this though and I'll make you cook til your fingers fall off and walk my dog 3 times a day. hahahahahahahah!!!!! I'll make you so sick of me you'll wish I never moved so close. lmao. Is that 30 minutes with traffic or without?! This city is really messed up as far as traffic goes. I'm wondering how that stick shift car is going to work out for me with my left leg. I have all these odd thoughts roaming through my head. Sure would like to go buy a automatic! lol
Anyway, good you are doing some better.
love,
pm
Rachel..I have his email address, I'll ask him if it's ok to give it to you.
I haven't written him for awhile and that's my fault.
Carrie, I got your email and thank you. It means alot.
I haven't written him for awhile and that's my fault.
Carrie, I got your email and thank you. It means alot.
Hey Carrie -
Just saw that you had an accident on your horse. I'm so sorry to hear that. I know it sucks - having to use pain meds when you're an addict to begin with, but you really need them for the legit pain. You did the right thing by calling your sponsor and I'm so proud of you.
I hope the arm and shoulder get back soon. Like Lisa said - dont be so hard on yourself, girl friend.
Love ya,
Marie
Just saw that you had an accident on your horse. I'm so sorry to hear that. I know it sucks - having to use pain meds when you're an addict to begin with, but you really need them for the legit pain. You did the right thing by calling your sponsor and I'm so proud of you.
I hope the arm and shoulder get back soon. Like Lisa said - dont be so hard on yourself, girl friend.
Love ya,
Marie
Amy,
I will never get sick of ya darlin, and I know Shelby would have a ball with that pup of yours.....Just be thankful you don't have to walk someone like Joker! I am really regretting moving where there are a million bunnies, he drives me nuts too. There are plenty of meals that I can make here and you can freeze and cook there. The car should be interesting, I would think about that automatic.
Lisa, You are more than welcome, it was a long time coming, and I am glad it made you feel good. I know I feel better for it myself.
Marie,
I MISS YOU! Where ya been you brat? I would love to chit chat with ya, but you either are sleeping, or gone when I call. Sniff, I am NOT feeling the love..... but I am feeling my arm today.....sigh. I will be so glad when I don't have a constant ouchie, it is the story of my life, not to mention, the whole house is sick with either the flu, or a head cold. I WILL SURVIVE....lalalalala.....hehehe
So, next time I call you brat, you better wake ur butt UP....lol... I will talk to ya later.
Love
Carrie
I will never get sick of ya darlin, and I know Shelby would have a ball with that pup of yours.....Just be thankful you don't have to walk someone like Joker! I am really regretting moving where there are a million bunnies, he drives me nuts too. There are plenty of meals that I can make here and you can freeze and cook there. The car should be interesting, I would think about that automatic.
Lisa, You are more than welcome, it was a long time coming, and I am glad it made you feel good. I know I feel better for it myself.
Marie,
I MISS YOU! Where ya been you brat? I would love to chit chat with ya, but you either are sleeping, or gone when I call. Sniff, I am NOT feeling the love..... but I am feeling my arm today.....sigh. I will be so glad when I don't have a constant ouchie, it is the story of my life, not to mention, the whole house is sick with either the flu, or a head cold. I WILL SURVIVE....lalalalala.....hehehe
So, next time I call you brat, you better wake ur butt UP....lol... I will talk to ya later.
Love
Carrie
