All right here I am on day 3. 72 hours without vicodin. The withdrawls aren't so bad but the cravings sure are. It's all I can do to do a load of dishes and make lunch or supper. The really hard thing is that I have a refill I can get in 7 days and I find myself counting down the days. I know I don't want to get it filled but my addiction is saying do it and all this will go away. I guess what is so frustrating is feeling like not wanting to do anything, and craving. That's the two things I am struggling with right now. If the day will ever come when I can wake up, enjoy the day, clean my house and do chores without thinking how much easier it would be to clean with a vicodin. Will that day ever come??
I'm also really mad at myself for not sticking with recovery when I tried it 2 years ago. If I would have done it back then, I'd be where I need to be. Seems like time is crawling at a snails pace. Hope everyone else is having a good day today.
Amy
Amy ~
Honey your doing it ! You have started your recovery/ withdrawal.
The thing is if you get that refill you will have ended all the
time and work you put into it. You are day 3 keep going unitl
you don't need those pills.
Honey your doing it ! You have started your recovery/ withdrawal.
The thing is if you get that refill you will have ended all the
time and work you put into it. You are day 3 keep going unitl
you don't need those pills.
Hi Amy:
That day will come if you feed your recovery and not feed your addiction. Meaning, don't use, work through it, play the tape all the way through...What's the end result? Trapped in the cycle of addiction if you pick up just one pill. However, I find that if you don't use and work through it, ie post here, call sober friends, go to a meeting your feeding your recovery and adding just one more sober experience into your recovery arsenal...Good luck
RAchel
That day will come if you feed your recovery and not feed your addiction. Meaning, don't use, work through it, play the tape all the way through...What's the end result? Trapped in the cycle of addiction if you pick up just one pill. However, I find that if you don't use and work through it, ie post here, call sober friends, go to a meeting your feeding your recovery and adding just one more sober experience into your recovery arsenal...Good luck
RAchel
I know what your feeling it is only been 18 and half hours and i slept very little of those. My mind is going crazy here. I wish you all the luck and i have NO advice for you i am so new at this myself but good luck to you and hang in there.
tracey
tracey
Amy
there are over the counter things you can take to help you get trough this part.
1 : Imoduim - for your stomach
2: Bendrly - for cold like sysptoms and for rest
3 : Ibuprofen - for pian
4: Hot bath - for leg cramps
5: Chamomile tea - to clam you down anf relax
Tracy how are doing so far ?
there are over the counter things you can take to help you get trough this part.
1 : Imoduim - for your stomach
2: Bendrly - for cold like sysptoms and for rest
3 : Ibuprofen - for pian
4: Hot bath - for leg cramps
5: Chamomile tea - to clam you down anf relax
Tracy how are doing so far ?
Hi Amy, 72 hours is great -- those cravings won't always be so strong. One thing that helped me was to constantly remind myself -- almost beat into my brain -- that there will never be enough. Like the old saying, "One is too many, a thousand is never enough."
About that refill though.....that's kind of like having a bottle of pills locked up in a time-releae safe that will open in 7 days....if it were me, no matter how determined I was, I'd refill it. That's the nature of addiction. Too strong a pull, too early in your newfound sobriety. If you can, cancel that refill during a moment when you're feeling particularly determined and good about your new freedom.....I'd hate to see you go through all this, only to pick up again in 7 days. I've only cancelled refills with online pharmacies, which I could do with a phone call and no questions asked -- maybe some others on the Board have experience with real-world pharmacies?
Hang in, you're doing great. M.
About that refill though.....that's kind of like having a bottle of pills locked up in a time-releae safe that will open in 7 days....if it were me, no matter how determined I was, I'd refill it. That's the nature of addiction. Too strong a pull, too early in your newfound sobriety. If you can, cancel that refill during a moment when you're feeling particularly determined and good about your new freedom.....I'd hate to see you go through all this, only to pick up again in 7 days. I've only cancelled refills with online pharmacies, which I could do with a phone call and no questions asked -- maybe some others on the Board have experience with real-world pharmacies?
Hang in, you're doing great. M.
Tracy and Amy, hang on...............brighter days are coming. Try to keep busy if you can, it will help.
Good Luck to both of you!
Tina
Good Luck to both of you!
Tina
My,
I am going to say something to you that you wont do and you wont hear but I need to say.... if you are really wanting your recovery... truely... you must know and really get your heart wrapped around the fact that you are powerless over your addiction... so .. having said that .... call the pharmacy and tell then not to fill that refill ... cancel it... just that statement .. you dont need to go into any other details... just take that step.. you are done with the w/d for the most part.. now take the next right step... it is hard but I guarentee if you dont do this you will fill that script and the cycle will continue .. i have done it.. I was clean for 3 months and filled one.. and I was out for another month and went back to jail for 24 hours after breaking bond... so i know...
Just my 2cents.... good luck..
Teresa
I am going to say something to you that you wont do and you wont hear but I need to say.... if you are really wanting your recovery... truely... you must know and really get your heart wrapped around the fact that you are powerless over your addiction... so .. having said that .... call the pharmacy and tell then not to fill that refill ... cancel it... just that statement .. you dont need to go into any other details... just take that step.. you are done with the w/d for the most part.. now take the next right step... it is hard but I guarentee if you dont do this you will fill that script and the cycle will continue .. i have done it.. I was clean for 3 months and filled one.. and I was out for another month and went back to jail for 24 hours after breaking bond... so i know...
Just my 2cents.... good luck..
Teresa
Okay, I'm trying to get to the point of calling and canceling it. If I had the nerve to flush my last few down the toilet 3 days ago, I'm sure I can do this too. I just need to get to that point again. Usually I feel good in the early afternoon so maybe I can talk myself into it around 1-2 pm. I was thinking of just not refilling it when I started to detox but I don't think I can recover with a refill in the background. You guys are right, I need to cancel it. I wish UPS would speed it up and deliver my darn book I ordered. It's a recovery addiction book. I was thinking of reading it while taking baths which I do when I am at a low point in recovery. Honestly, the first 12-24 hours were the worst. The third day isn't so bad, not as anxious or crampy. Just craving and hoping the day comes when I can live without pills dominating my every thought. I spend so much time on this board just reading and it as really helped my get through rough spots.
Posted by you:
I'm also really mad at myself for not sticking with recovery when I tried it 2 years ago. If I would have done it back then, I'd be where I need to be. Seems like time is crawling at a snails pace. Hope everyone else is having a good day today.
If you get that refill filled, you're gonna be right back where you started . What if it takes another 2 years to get the courage up to quit again? Thats 2 years of your life. You are almost over the physical symptoms, you need to get some help with the mental part. You deserve to live life free of these pills, you need to do everything possible to end it. Call and cancel it NOW! Please...
God Bless,
Deb
I'm also really mad at myself for not sticking with recovery when I tried it 2 years ago. If I would have done it back then, I'd be where I need to be. Seems like time is crawling at a snails pace. Hope everyone else is having a good day today.
If you get that refill filled, you're gonna be right back where you started . What if it takes another 2 years to get the courage up to quit again? Thats 2 years of your life. You are almost over the physical symptoms, you need to get some help with the mental part. You deserve to live life free of these pills, you need to do everything possible to end it. Call and cancel it NOW! Please...
God Bless,
Deb
hiya amy -
welcome to the forum. just thought i would take a break from an otherwise busy day and post a little about my experience with refills, addiction and recovery.
a few 24 hours ago, when i was trying with all my might to embrace recovery; i was newly out of rehab, going to meetings, looking around for a sponsor, and attending an outpatient group. it was suggested to me to call the pharmacies that i had any refills with and cancel them. it was also suggested to me to go to my physician(s) and make my addiction known.
well - i was fortified with program people around me, encouraging me, loving me and i did this. i called the pharmacies, spoke with the pharmacist and requested the refills to be cancelled. then i made an appointment with my PCP and explained that i had just gotten out of rehab for chemical substance abuse and i am an addict. he duely noted this on my chart and that was that.
i went back to my outpatient group, my friends, whom i had met in the rooms, and boastfully declared what i had done. like i needed some kind of reward for taking measures to save my life? at least looking back on it, this was what motivated me - my new friends and counselors might not like me if i didn't do what was suggested and once again, unbeknownst to me, i was caught up in that people pleasing mentality that had followed me for most of my life.
however (i just love that word however *wink-wink*), here was the really baffling part. as i was boastfully making my announcement of what i had just done, i failed to recognize that there was one physician whom i did not contact. this was my OB/GYN, who was always a good source for manipulating whatever i wanted. i didn't tell him about going to rehab and trying embrace recovery because deep down i was afraid that the day may come that i might need something for some pain and not be able to get it. i was projecting into the future and not being rigorously honest with myself. i had reservations.
the NA basic text tells us the following about reservations:
Reservations are places in our program that we have reserved for relapse. They may be built around the idea that we can retain a small measure of control, something like, "Okay, I accept that I can't control my using, but I can still sell drugs, can't I?" Or we may think we can remain friends with the people we used with or bought drugs from. We may think that certain parts of the program don't apply to us. We may think there's something we just can't face clean-a serious illness, for instance, or the death of a loved one - and plan to use if it ever happens. We may think that after we've accomplished some goal, made a certain amount of money, or been clean for a certain number of years, then we'll be able to control our using. Reservations are usually tucked away in the back of our minds; we are not fully conscious of them. It is essential that we expose any reservations we may have and cancel them, right here, right now. Have I accepted the full measure of my disease?
==> Do I think I can still associate with the people connected with my addiction? Can I still go to the places where I used? Do I think it's wise to keep drugs or paraphernalia around, just to "remind myself" or test my recovery? If so, why?
==> Is there something I think I can't get through clean, some event that might happen that will be so painful that I'll have to use to survive the hurt?
==> Do I think that with some amount of clean time, or with different life circumstances, I'd be able to control my using?
==> What reservations am I still holding on to?
the reservation i was holding onto was that i could not trust in the God of my understanding to take care of my every need and provide me with a supportive measures to take, if or when the time came that i needed them. i could not live in the here and now and still wanted to control what was going on with my life where my addiction was concerned. i didn't understand how things like feelings of false pride that i felt when i was boasting about what i had done, and feelings of wanting to fit in (i desperately wanted to fit in) affected me. my mind was so busy/noisy, i became engulfed with fear that someone would reject me - even if it took not being honest with myself and them to overcome this fear! my motives were not pure and i didn't understand this because i had not afforded myself the time to walk this path of recovery. i wanted recovery in this instant and what i have gone on to learn, is that it doesn't work like that - it's a process, not an event.
eventually, i ended up going back to that doctor whom i had not shared my addiction with (within the first 6 months after being in rehab) and i asked for and received mood altering scripts that i had filled. gosh those thoughts of using and knowing this doctor was my 'ace in the hole' became stronger and stronger as each day passed. i couldn't get honest and i didn't know didily squat about who i was or what i was doing when i started recovery, which stands to reason. i had run for most of my adult life from my emotions/feelings. none of us come to this point (the first stages of recovery) knowing the solution and briming with willingness to take the action suggested. yet this much we do know - nothing makes sense when using - nothing. when i didn't have energy to wash a dish, or fix a meal, is that not yet more proof at how my life had become unmanageable?
today i am adding you to my prayers, amy that you will summons that awesome source of courage that has enabled you to post here (some pretty terrifice stuff) and ask for more courage, more willingness to do the next right thing. cancel those scripts - let all of your contacts know you are now in recovery from drug addiction and continue on this healing path with some support and help in your face to face encounters to change the things that you can.
anyone who can put it out here as honestly and open as you have done i find so hopeful. i believe in you, my friend!
thanks for letting me share.
namaste'
sammy
welcome to the forum. just thought i would take a break from an otherwise busy day and post a little about my experience with refills, addiction and recovery.
a few 24 hours ago, when i was trying with all my might to embrace recovery; i was newly out of rehab, going to meetings, looking around for a sponsor, and attending an outpatient group. it was suggested to me to call the pharmacies that i had any refills with and cancel them. it was also suggested to me to go to my physician(s) and make my addiction known.
well - i was fortified with program people around me, encouraging me, loving me and i did this. i called the pharmacies, spoke with the pharmacist and requested the refills to be cancelled. then i made an appointment with my PCP and explained that i had just gotten out of rehab for chemical substance abuse and i am an addict. he duely noted this on my chart and that was that.
i went back to my outpatient group, my friends, whom i had met in the rooms, and boastfully declared what i had done. like i needed some kind of reward for taking measures to save my life? at least looking back on it, this was what motivated me - my new friends and counselors might not like me if i didn't do what was suggested and once again, unbeknownst to me, i was caught up in that people pleasing mentality that had followed me for most of my life.
however (i just love that word however *wink-wink*), here was the really baffling part. as i was boastfully making my announcement of what i had just done, i failed to recognize that there was one physician whom i did not contact. this was my OB/GYN, who was always a good source for manipulating whatever i wanted. i didn't tell him about going to rehab and trying embrace recovery because deep down i was afraid that the day may come that i might need something for some pain and not be able to get it. i was projecting into the future and not being rigorously honest with myself. i had reservations.
the NA basic text tells us the following about reservations:
Reservations are places in our program that we have reserved for relapse. They may be built around the idea that we can retain a small measure of control, something like, "Okay, I accept that I can't control my using, but I can still sell drugs, can't I?" Or we may think we can remain friends with the people we used with or bought drugs from. We may think that certain parts of the program don't apply to us. We may think there's something we just can't face clean-a serious illness, for instance, or the death of a loved one - and plan to use if it ever happens. We may think that after we've accomplished some goal, made a certain amount of money, or been clean for a certain number of years, then we'll be able to control our using. Reservations are usually tucked away in the back of our minds; we are not fully conscious of them. It is essential that we expose any reservations we may have and cancel them, right here, right now. Have I accepted the full measure of my disease?
==> Do I think I can still associate with the people connected with my addiction? Can I still go to the places where I used? Do I think it's wise to keep drugs or paraphernalia around, just to "remind myself" or test my recovery? If so, why?
==> Is there something I think I can't get through clean, some event that might happen that will be so painful that I'll have to use to survive the hurt?
==> Do I think that with some amount of clean time, or with different life circumstances, I'd be able to control my using?
==> What reservations am I still holding on to?
the reservation i was holding onto was that i could not trust in the God of my understanding to take care of my every need and provide me with a supportive measures to take, if or when the time came that i needed them. i could not live in the here and now and still wanted to control what was going on with my life where my addiction was concerned. i didn't understand how things like feelings of false pride that i felt when i was boasting about what i had done, and feelings of wanting to fit in (i desperately wanted to fit in) affected me. my mind was so busy/noisy, i became engulfed with fear that someone would reject me - even if it took not being honest with myself and them to overcome this fear! my motives were not pure and i didn't understand this because i had not afforded myself the time to walk this path of recovery. i wanted recovery in this instant and what i have gone on to learn, is that it doesn't work like that - it's a process, not an event.
eventually, i ended up going back to that doctor whom i had not shared my addiction with (within the first 6 months after being in rehab) and i asked for and received mood altering scripts that i had filled. gosh those thoughts of using and knowing this doctor was my 'ace in the hole' became stronger and stronger as each day passed. i couldn't get honest and i didn't know didily squat about who i was or what i was doing when i started recovery, which stands to reason. i had run for most of my adult life from my emotions/feelings. none of us come to this point (the first stages of recovery) knowing the solution and briming with willingness to take the action suggested. yet this much we do know - nothing makes sense when using - nothing. when i didn't have energy to wash a dish, or fix a meal, is that not yet more proof at how my life had become unmanageable?
today i am adding you to my prayers, amy that you will summons that awesome source of courage that has enabled you to post here (some pretty terrifice stuff) and ask for more courage, more willingness to do the next right thing. cancel those scripts - let all of your contacts know you are now in recovery from drug addiction and continue on this healing path with some support and help in your face to face encounters to change the things that you can.
anyone who can put it out here as honestly and open as you have done i find so hopeful. i believe in you, my friend!
thanks for letting me share.
namaste'
sammy
Dear MM I know when I handed my mom the last of my pills Sunday I actually shook & got teary eyed(thats happening alot)but I knew that if I EVER had a chance to beat this demon I had to stay far far away from those darn pills.Even now when I can truly say I DONT WANT THEM I still keep hopen I won't find any stashes left here.I really think I would flush them just because I feel so much better but just thinking of them being here somewhere is scarey.PLEASE keep up the fight.I feel you can do this.It may be one of the hardest things you have ever done but WOW the rewards of being clean,,,,,,mj
Sammy:
As usual, excellent post.
Rach
As usual, excellent post.
Rach
