Believing

Pain Pills
1
Felt moved to post this. Some may think it is strange, but I think it may be what is helping me stay clean. I have done things my way for many years, and it did not get me very far. On Sept 20th of this year I was at my low, I remember asking for help. I asked for help here on this board, and I also asked for help when I would be laying in bed at night. I dont really remember how it started, but I do remember saying " show me what I need to do " and that was different. I usally would say what I wanted to do, never did I ask what I needed to do.

Well lets move to last night, day 49...I was laying in bed and I said " God thank you for helping me stay clean today " and it hit me. Something has really changed with me, I have this calm that has entered my life. I layed in bed last night thinking about what I was feeling, and for the first time I was not alone. I cant explain what is happening, but I know something is. I was trying to think when it happened, and I dont know.

I know this may sound crazy to some of you, and I am trying to understand it also. I have not had any desire for any drug, and pills, nothing...

Not sure how to end this one, so maybe others can give me some feedback.

Thanks
2
this is without a doubt one of the most awe inspiring messages i have ever read in a recovery club!

what you are describing is that psychic change, o'neill.

my heart thanks you for this great big dose of hope!

namaste'

sammy

3
Hey O, that's great -- really happy for you. You worked for it, stayed honest, and kept an open mind.....you deserve peace of mind. M.
4
Hi oneill.....that was a nice message. It is so good to hear from you. You are an ispiration, so keep posting.
I think you would classify that under "spritual awakening." More will be revealed now...so hang on. Wink, wink...
Peace to you big guy....
kerry
5
O'Neill, like you, I found release from the obsession soon after getting sober, and I attribute that to getting in touch with my HP. Congratulations!

I remember telling someone about this experience and she smiled at me and said, "this too shall pass." I thought it was kind of cynical at the time, and in truth, the validity of those early experiences never did pass. They stayed with me and gave me the committment to move forward. This is not to say that I did not have some "dark and tender moments of the heart" after that, but from that point on I always knew that an alternative to using existed for me, and the thought of using continued to dimish with the passage of time.

Thanks for sharing your moment of inspiration with us.

August
6
O..than you so much for sharing that hope..I'm still waiting, but then again I'm still struggling with letting go and letting god. Like you, I want to do things my way. I'm getting better at it..but after 6 months to your 49 days, you beat me to the punch. You have so much to give. I can't wait for that day when your very first sponsee is lucky enough to have you in their corner.

Love,
Cowgirl
7
In reading your post's..I really dont know what I did to feel this way. I do know that I did not want to live the way I was anymore. That I was beaten down. That for 20 years my way was the only way, and over those years it brought me alot of problems. Like I said it just struck me last night that I was not asking for anything, but instead asking for direction, what do I need to do to make this work, and to THANK my HP, well that would never have happen, he worked for me !!!

I said this from day 1, that this was going to be a journey...I had no idea where it was going to take me, but that I would stick it out.

Thanks Again for your post, I just wanted to know what others thought, if you had ever felt this feeling, and so on.

We all can do this...just not alone