I have no right to be here...I was supposed to be " the perfect child" "ms goody too shoes" etc... Have been told my whole life (I'm 45)...
I had trouble with my 20 y/o daughter ( I have 4 2 older and two babies)...she was constantly acting out and I sent her 15 miles away to live with my sister (also a rebel when young). Twink has a great heart she was just always rebeling(nothing serious). Well my sister was (so I thought) was a former drug user (Coke & speed). She has had a child and I thought she had pulled her stuff together (8years).
Well this morning at 4 am I had to talk my 20 y/o daughter off the roof of my home.. she just moved back home. Come to find out that she and my 40 y/o sister do cystal meth together..My daughter was "tripping" said demons and angels were fight over her..
I had to make the toughest decision of my life..and that was to stick her on a plane to go live with her father (a former Coke addict), who told me for along time she had a problm ...but I point blank asked her and she said NO and dead panned me in the eyes. and I spent 16 years not believeing her father (Xhusband) he was able to bluff me too (infidelity and drugs)..
She hates her father (never had relationship with her) but he is sober now and wants to help. I have 2 babies (New Husband of 7 years ) and her violent behavior is too much. Also I want to add my youngest is a adopted baby girl the birth mother was a drug user (speed).
My daughter could manilpulate and fool me....she was an all american cheerleader (seriously) she was an amazing dancer very talented..
I know it's never one person that can switch a person...but she got involved with an older guy before she went away too college...(2 months before) she eneded up coming home.... but he broke up with her. He was an addict and sold drugs BEFORE he met my daughter he cleaned up for the first two months he was with her and when she left for school he went "back" (her story)...she has spent th last 1 1/2 years trying to prove to him she is just like him.
Hence the move in with my ( I thought was sober for 8 years sister)...yes she fooled me too...and of course when the S*** hit the fan this AM sis was busy covering her a** in this....she makes me sick...I needed her (for the first time in my life) ...noted I took her in for 3 years to help her years before...I also gave her money to help so it was not like she was put out...well hell
I found out this morning MY DAUGHTER supplied her drugs (daughters drugs)
sis had not changed...still using people to get what she needs...LOVELY..
So tonight I sit here mourning the loss of my daughter and the relationship with my sister. My sis is 40 y/o and she has played this game for years...she fooled me, even when her Husband told me a couple of years ago..I didnt believe him. he was a user and an abuser..so I didnt like him. I am a smuck
I hate my stupidity...I hate that I coulld not SEE what was right in front of me
I hate that I believe what people tell me...I hate I could not save my daughter
I Love my "fairy Princess" She was "my special angel from the stars ABOUT"
(what she sang back to me when she was 2) this was of course instead of the word "above" I am crushed..My heart is broken like I have ever had it broken before..a huge piece of me is gone...I feel so empty.. I dont know if anyone is out there..But I need to talk to thse daughters (or sons) that became sober and came back home..
Do you still hate your parents? Did you understand WHY they needed to remove you from your enviorment? do you know how much your parents love you??? God help me I am in so much pain..I cant stand it... I dont know your pain (though I witnessed it on my baby's face)...I just want her whole again..
So sorry. My mom is dealing with this issue with my 23old brother. I finally convinced her to change the locks.
I have a daughter and cannot imagine playing tough love but when it affects your world and the world of the family, you HAVE to, as mommy you signed on for living a life that she can mimic. IF she gets and stays clean, I PROMISE you she will thank you for all you've done. In the meantime, don't have ANY expectations of her behavior. Despite what you may think, she can read your pain of having to let her go...just as you read her pain of using.
My suggestion, stay out of the drama. Fill up your life with things you love instead of trying to fix her. She will live or die, don't let her take you on the bumpy road...just the smooth one.
XXOO
Deb
I have a daughter and cannot imagine playing tough love but when it affects your world and the world of the family, you HAVE to, as mommy you signed on for living a life that she can mimic. IF she gets and stays clean, I PROMISE you she will thank you for all you've done. In the meantime, don't have ANY expectations of her behavior. Despite what you may think, she can read your pain of having to let her go...just as you read her pain of using.
My suggestion, stay out of the drama. Fill up your life with things you love instead of trying to fix her. She will live or die, don't let her take you on the bumpy road...just the smooth one.
XXOO
Deb
