I am new to this, about 5 months ago I found out my boyfriend of 1.5 years has been a herion addict for the past 5 years. Crazy to think someone so human, could be so ugly inside because of drugs. We met through mutual friends, our relationship has been rocky since we met. We were young and didn't want a relationship at the beginning. But feelings were made, and things got serious. He initially called things off because he was scared of commitment.... And we officially got back together a little over a year ago. Every 3-4 months we would have these knock down drag out fights.... They would last all day screaming yelling cussing, we would go a few days without speaking and then we would show up to a party that friday like nothing had happened. This happened a few times before he came out with the truth and even after the truth came out we were still rocky. He went to rehab for 28 days too short. Reality set in a few weeks after and what do you know, we had another infamous fight and broke up. This time was different because while apart he slept with another girl. When I initially found out I was so upset. Drugs had always been an issue, but never females. We recently got back together about 3-4 weeks ago and let me tell you...... We have been AMAZING. Counseling every two weeks, I read literature& go to coda and Al Anon! He goes to AA & NA and meets with his sponsor. My higher power knew this was truly our last shot, and I think he made this one real. YES we have a long want to go. But I'm so thankful for my higher power because he gave me the strength to start forgiving and for me to educate myself on addiction& codependentcy. I still get upset from time to time about the other girl... But I know deep down she meant nothing. He relapsed the same time they hung out, so I truly know she meant nothing. I just wanna say even though his addiction will leave scars on my heart, there is more room for love from him. I love him because he is human. I too make mistakes. I hope the lost ones can relate to my story and know there is a light at the end of yalls tunnel! I promise. Sometimes I wish I could find people my age struggling with this issue, seeing as Im only 21!
I'm glad you had the opportunity to have some quality time with your bf. I'm sure he was impressed that you took the initiative to get educated.. If you intend to have to work me concerned about your relationship every minute of the day then stay in it otherwise you need to get out as fast as you can. run away don't look back. Take care of yourself and enjoy a better life.
Dear Serendipity,
I am glad you reached out for help as a codependent. This will help you be healthy, whether your bf is or not.
I assume you've heard the following, but I am compelled to share my experience along this point: Recoverying addicts are incredibly vulnerably espeically during the first year of sobriety. Sometimes having a loving, supportive friend who is in a codepedent program (Al Anon or NAR ANon) is helpful to the recoverying addict. Other times a newer, ermerging relationship it is a risk.
I recommend you stay connected to Al Anon or NAR Anon. Your bf's recovery program has just started. The first few bricks are being installed in the foundation, but he has a lifetime of recovery ahead of him.
Good luck,
Fly
I am glad you reached out for help as a codependent. This will help you be healthy, whether your bf is or not.
I assume you've heard the following, but I am compelled to share my experience along this point: Recoverying addicts are incredibly vulnerably espeically during the first year of sobriety. Sometimes having a loving, supportive friend who is in a codepedent program (Al Anon or NAR ANon) is helpful to the recoverying addict. Other times a newer, ermerging relationship it is a risk.
I recommend you stay connected to Al Anon or NAR Anon. Your bf's recovery program has just started. The first few bricks are being installed in the foundation, but he has a lifetime of recovery ahead of him.
Good luck,
Fly
Thank you both for responding to my post. Even though he never seems too emotional or sensitive to anyone, he is with me since we have gotten back together. I am extremely proud of him for his openness for communication and willingness to accommodate me and my needs.
He got out of rehab December 21st 2014, and I thought we were going to be great; but in reality I had morphed into a toxic human because of my worry, and obsession with his addiction. I lost myself.
But now that we have gotten back together, and we have sought outside help (relationship counseling) I have found who I am again, and it is fantastic. I attend college and am passing, I am attending 2-3 meetings a week, and I pay my bills and have money because I used to fund his drug problem, even though I didn't know it. And I see my friends, healthy friends!
Today, we are both healthy but I know if he relapses, because of Al Anon and Coda I am and will continue to be healthy! I committed to this relationship even though I am so young. "There are more fish in the sea" is the worst saying in my opinion... you cannot help who you fall in love with, nor can you just stop loving someone.
This go around for our relationship is great because we are both happy. I was extremely resentful towards him, even though he didn't MAKE me do anything I did. I just felt obligated, but that was in my brain. This first year will be a test, but I am willing to stay.
I read an article today saying the difference between being "in love" and "loving" someone, and I discovered I truly am in love with my boyfriend. I admire him in more ways than one, and even if we don't work out (which my intention is to last) but if we don't at least we are healthy for each other right now.
Thank you for letting me share!
He got out of rehab December 21st 2014, and I thought we were going to be great; but in reality I had morphed into a toxic human because of my worry, and obsession with his addiction. I lost myself.
But now that we have gotten back together, and we have sought outside help (relationship counseling) I have found who I am again, and it is fantastic. I attend college and am passing, I am attending 2-3 meetings a week, and I pay my bills and have money because I used to fund his drug problem, even though I didn't know it. And I see my friends, healthy friends!
Today, we are both healthy but I know if he relapses, because of Al Anon and Coda I am and will continue to be healthy! I committed to this relationship even though I am so young. "There are more fish in the sea" is the worst saying in my opinion... you cannot help who you fall in love with, nor can you just stop loving someone.
This go around for our relationship is great because we are both happy. I was extremely resentful towards him, even though he didn't MAKE me do anything I did. I just felt obligated, but that was in my brain. This first year will be a test, but I am willing to stay.
I read an article today saying the difference between being "in love" and "loving" someone, and I discovered I truly am in love with my boyfriend. I admire him in more ways than one, and even if we don't work out (which my intention is to last) but if we don't at least we are healthy for each other right now.
Thank you for letting me share!
I never read ur post until now and it reminds me of me. Do you mind emailing me? I am struggling about my situation and would love someone to talk to who has experienced it first hand.
I don't know how it works to email on here but my regular email is
**please do not post personal contact information. thank you, the moderators***
**please do not post personal contact information. thank you, the moderators***
Thank you! I emailed you.
