Hello
I am trying to get through this day. I started looking for help sites because this is a Saturday night and I don't know who to call in this small town to get help. I was in an accident that left me with a reattached leg, back/neck herniations, and alot of nerve damage. I get daily headaches. So for years I had my doctor prescribe pain meds. For years I took 6 -9 a day Darvon, 3 at a time. Then the next thing I know I am taking 20 or so. You know I can't even remember when that started! I know two years ago I had no problem tapering to 4 a day. Recently I found myself going to Emergency rooms, bouncing between doctors, juggling pharmacies, paying cash, calling in meds for my husband and taking them myself. I feel so very ashamed. My husband doesn't know any of this. No one does. I am too ashamed to tell my family. They all depend on me. I am the glue. The level head. The go-to person. I have an appointment on Monday at 9:45 a.m. at the pain clinic. They called to remind me. Funny thing, I never made that appointment. The machine called and reminded me yesterday. I almost cancelled but for some reason I forgot. Then, when I was juggling pharmacies today, the pharmacist came out and said it was too soon. I just had one filled at another pharmacy on Thursday and they called them. The jig was up. I have enough to taper off to avoid withdrawal I think until my appointment Monday. I just hope they have something they can do to help me through the withdrawal. I have a second job interview on Tuesday and no pills to make me painless. I just hope to get some encouragement and support from others. I just never knew there were so many like me.
Thank you for listening to me.
Lynn
Lynn,
I totally know how you are feeling. Right now everything probably seems so overwhelming. It is good that you have some medicine to hold you over until Monday. You should definitly talk to your Dr. about this. I know you may be embarressed, but I bet your Dr. has other patients dealing with addiction, and will be understanding. Just be honest, and I know it sounds cliche bu things will get better. I'll be praying for you.
Shelly
I totally know how you are feeling. Right now everything probably seems so overwhelming. It is good that you have some medicine to hold you over until Monday. You should definitly talk to your Dr. about this. I know you may be embarressed, but I bet your Dr. has other patients dealing with addiction, and will be understanding. Just be honest, and I know it sounds cliche bu things will get better. I'll be praying for you.
Shelly
Dear Lynn Welcome.I can understand how scarey this must be for you.By you comming here though is a good step.You are realizing you have a problem.To admit that is the first step in trying to get help.Please dont take this the wrong way cause Im just trying to understand ok?Is your goal to stop abusing & useing or just to try & make due until you can get more??As I said Im only trying to understand so I know where your at....mj
Thank you Michelle
I need every bit of encouragement. Hey, on the bright side, It has been 4 hours and I am still o.k!
I need every bit of encouragement. Hey, on the bright side, It has been 4 hours and I am still o.k!
Dear Lyn,
Yes many people here have been or are exactly where you are now. You are in the right place. WELCOME!!!!!!!
There is a list of OTC medicines you can take to help with withdrawals...sounds like youve had w/d's before so probably know what to expect...i will look for the thread and bump it up for you.
Support is incredible important, wish your family could be here to back you up...there is no shame in becoming addicted to something, only in refusing to recognize it has to stop......
When you know better you can do better....read through some threads here and dont forget to turn the page at the bottom.
There are so many great people here, Im so glad you found this site!
Hugs,
Ali
Yes many people here have been or are exactly where you are now. You are in the right place. WELCOME!!!!!!!
There is a list of OTC medicines you can take to help with withdrawals...sounds like youve had w/d's before so probably know what to expect...i will look for the thread and bump it up for you.
Support is incredible important, wish your family could be here to back you up...there is no shame in becoming addicted to something, only in refusing to recognize it has to stop......
When you know better you can do better....read through some threads here and dont forget to turn the page at the bottom.
There are so many great people here, Im so glad you found this site!
Hugs,
Ali
Ali
The tears are definately flowing. I am so grateful to have caring people who don't judge me. It is funny how I can be so honest with so many but yet can't say a word to my family. I hope that will change too.
Lynn
The tears are definately flowing. I am so grateful to have caring people who don't judge me. It is funny how I can be so honest with so many but yet can't say a word to my family. I hope that will change too.
Lynn
Hi Lynn, I hope you're doing OK. You've taken the first step towards leading a better life. You do have legitimate pain problems that you must address hence, you must get super honest with your doctor for starters. Lynn, you're one of 22 million people in the United States with the same problem. You are not alone. Repeat that to yourself. I came on here for almost the same reason as you. I was being treated by a strength and conditioning coach who was giving me percs and oxys by the boatload and to make a long story short, he was fired and I was up s***'s creek with no more pills. This place was a springboard to many different experiences that have helped me maintain my sobriety. You'll get through this and there's nothing to be scared about, you did nothing wrong and there's nothing you should be ashamed about. Nobody's tougher than my wife and I was pleasantly surprised at how amiable and compassionate she was with me through all the rough spots. You might be surprised when you open yourself up. I'm sorry if I'm not making any sense as I'm out the door and typing faster than my brain is working, (which is on the slow side) but I'd like to speak with you further and the point of this message is that you're not alone and start with baby steps. Talk to your doctor on Monday and disclose everything and I mean everything. Good for you in coming here and sharing your story, you won't be disappointed. G-d bless you. Everything will work out if you put forth the effort.
Dear Sewing,
honey, i am tapering off of a 25-30 pill a day narcotic.....have taken them for about 10 years..though abused them only in the last 2.....I have been able to stick to it for the last 3 weeks..one day i even FORGOt to take the 2nd dose..
Atttitude is EVERYTHINg, you have to be absolutely positively SICK of being chained to the pills just to function...
I was never able to taper before...had a friend who did it and it scared me so much...i thought gosh..im really adddicted...i cant do that...........
I just wasnt ready.....
Dont give up hope....
Hugs
Ali
honey, i am tapering off of a 25-30 pill a day narcotic.....have taken them for about 10 years..though abused them only in the last 2.....I have been able to stick to it for the last 3 weeks..one day i even FORGOt to take the 2nd dose..
Atttitude is EVERYTHINg, you have to be absolutely positively SICK of being chained to the pills just to function...
I was never able to taper before...had a friend who did it and it scared me so much...i thought gosh..im really adddicted...i cant do that...........
I just wasnt ready.....
Dont give up hope....
Hugs
Ali
By the way, if you ever want to talk you can email me at flipperbaby4747@hotmail.com.
You're not alone.
You're not alone.
Please belive me when I say your not alone in this.So many of us have felt & some still are feeling as you are.I think what your doing by being here by talking with your Dr is a great thing for you.As I said admitting can be so hard & you say you feel like the glue,the strong one.so that must really make it hard for you.But Ill tell ya sometimes being the strong one mean being able to say "Hey I cant do this alone"
Is there anyway you can let your husband know whats going on.Do you have anyone close to you you feel you can open up to?The reason I ask is because without my girls & my Bf support I dont know how far I would be.This time last year I was taking about 20 Ultram a day.The at home support(hugs & stuff)& the support here has helped me become such a better person...
Sorry I just wanted to say I need to sign off & put in some mom time.But there are alot of good people here with alot of knowledge.Not only that but they can truley understand how you feel.Please try to remember even though it may take time you can & will start to feel better.I will look for you next time I am on.Until then Take Care & know your not alone....mj
Is there anyway you can let your husband know whats going on.Do you have anyone close to you you feel you can open up to?The reason I ask is because without my girls & my Bf support I dont know how far I would be.This time last year I was taking about 20 Ultram a day.The at home support(hugs & stuff)& the support here has helped me become such a better person...
Sorry I just wanted to say I need to sign off & put in some mom time.But there are alot of good people here with alot of knowledge.Not only that but they can truley understand how you feel.Please try to remember even though it may take time you can & will start to feel better.I will look for you next time I am on.Until then Take Care & know your not alone....mj
MJ hit the nail on the head. As far as being the strong individual in the circle, what better way of leading by example by getting honest. It's an extremely virtous act that can only result in a reputation of integrity and righteousness in the long run. Don't get me wrong, only you know these people, but if there is a possibility in your mind, then I say go for it. Slowly though. Walk before you run.
Well put MJ.
Have a good night all.
Well put MJ.
Have a good night all.
My god, I thought I was the only person in the whole world who was taking so many pills. I hope my doctor at the pain clinic has heard this one before. The last time I lied and said I was taking 8 or 9 (big lie) he really lit into me about it. So I never told the doctors. They have all been on my case about taking 6 or 7 (or so I said). If they only knew.... I think I can tell me husband. I just don't want to upset him. He is not well. He has heart trouble and diabetes and yes, arthritis. I always kept a few pain pills hidden for him so he wouldn't know I was taking his. He only needs his once a month or so. He is in pain all the time too but he doesn't take pain pills like I do. He has had Enbrel, Vioxx, etc etc. but never finds relief. Yet he keeps himself from becoming dependent. I had hoped I would be that strong.
Lynn
Lynn
Lynn, I was taking aprox. 40 pills a day at my apex. I quit cold turkey on June 25 and may I mention that I have the willpower of a snowpea. You have to want it and I see good things for you.
I really have to go now. Speak to you soon Lynn.
I really have to go now. Speak to you soon Lynn.
Lynn
I am SOO HAPPY you took my advise and came here. I know you are going to receive so much good advise on here and You're going to get through this and we're all gonna help you.
Don't hesitate to email me EVER.
Stacey
I am SOO HAPPY you took my advise and came here. I know you are going to receive so much good advise on here and You're going to get through this and we're all gonna help you.
Don't hesitate to email me EVER.
Stacey
Lynn
I hope you keep posting here...knowing your not alone is huge...
I thought my amount was very shameful too...and thats taking into account that I reaaly do have a very high tolerance to them...a 10 year tolerance...
But once you start reading and sharing stories, you'll KNOW your not alone...
Im so sorry to hear your husbands not well...Mine has a heart condition too...and has bad arthritis.....I understand not wanting to upset him
Knowing your not alone is important, and getting support is huge...so glad stacey referred you here from...well wherever..lolol
I cant believe your pain clinic shames you like that..when i used to go to mine,they did the opposite...told me not to feel so damn guilty, that tolerance happens and the amount that Im on isnt something that should keep me feeling guilty..that it will only add to the pain...but thats when i wasnt even taking them for NON pain..;as I mentioned earlier this morn...i started taking them for non pain in the last couple of years....out of the ten....
I wonder if anyone can take pills that long even if it iS for pain and NOT get addicted to them...i dont know.
Fact is if you are really really ready to come off of them, when you are more afraid to take themn then you are not take them...you can stop.
How you do that is up to you...there is PA ( Pills anonymous) NA
( narcotic ananymous) there is rehab or one on one with your doctor, tapering....counceliing with an addiction specialist etc....
keep posting and reading..you'll get through this
We are all here for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hugs
Ali
I hope you keep posting here...knowing your not alone is huge...
I thought my amount was very shameful too...and thats taking into account that I reaaly do have a very high tolerance to them...a 10 year tolerance...
But once you start reading and sharing stories, you'll KNOW your not alone...
Im so sorry to hear your husbands not well...Mine has a heart condition too...and has bad arthritis.....I understand not wanting to upset him
Knowing your not alone is important, and getting support is huge...so glad stacey referred you here from...well wherever..lolol
I cant believe your pain clinic shames you like that..when i used to go to mine,they did the opposite...told me not to feel so damn guilty, that tolerance happens and the amount that Im on isnt something that should keep me feeling guilty..that it will only add to the pain...but thats when i wasnt even taking them for NON pain..;as I mentioned earlier this morn...i started taking them for non pain in the last couple of years....out of the ten....
I wonder if anyone can take pills that long even if it iS for pain and NOT get addicted to them...i dont know.
Fact is if you are really really ready to come off of them, when you are more afraid to take themn then you are not take them...you can stop.
How you do that is up to you...there is PA ( Pills anonymous) NA
( narcotic ananymous) there is rehab or one on one with your doctor, tapering....counceliing with an addiction specialist etc....
keep posting and reading..you'll get through this
We are all here for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hugs
Ali
