I've never posted like this before, just didn't know where to get advice. I speak to my family but they don't understand. I've been dating my bf for the past 11 years and everything was going great. Yea he smoked pot on and off, but it was a main issue. 4 years ago his dad died from cancer and he went spiraling. He started out taking pills, Trams and Vicodin, but than he escalated to Oxy. No job, pawning stuff, borrowing money to pay for pills. He promised me he was going to quit but never did, finally in 2013 he got a job and decided to get cleaned by doing the detox program Suboxene. Even though he was on it, I still had a feeling he was taking pills on the side but I wasn't sure. He was finally doing better and than got into a bad accident and needed pain pills, but because of his past they didn't give him anything. So he had to go and get his pills where ever he can. So he relapsed, he started back on suboxene in Oct of 2014 and he finally finished in April of 2015. But now hes on xanax and got really angry and was taken to the hospital because he was getting violent breaking stuff and cursing. I know hes trying to be a better person but I had to put my foot down. We were suppose to get married back in 2011 and that didnt go as plan. Because of his depression, anxiety and addiction everything has gone to hell in a hand-basket. A week ago I told him we needed a break and after having time to think... I really dont know if I want to get back with him. I'm scared he will relapse again. I want him to get straighten out his life. I love him so much it hurts. I cant stop crying and I just need advice. Did I do the right thing? Has anybody else gone through this. Please Help
I'm so scared i'm doing the wrong thing. I'm scared he will relapse if I do break up with him.
I've had a very familiar experince. My ex an I were together for 4 years , on and off for the last year.Hes addicted to oxys, coke and now crack. He did the methadone treatment but relapsed as well and he also went for treatment and just when I thought we got through everything, he relapsed and the troubles started back up again.. after only 3 months of this break-up i'm now realizing hes the problem, not me. Addicts have a way of making you feel awful about trying to move on in life and its only because they want you to give in and go through this cycle with them. You did the right thing and dont think for a secound you didn't. He needs to get help (if he hasnt) and oxys are very hard to quick, recovery is the worst thing in the world, physicallly and mentally.
i hope i helped in some way. chin up ..
i hope i helped in some way. chin up ..
HopelessLove21, I am so sorry for your pain. Many of us have been there, including me, so I know how difficult and confusing this must be for you.
I noticed you wrote on my post, so you must know the story with my ex. He started on pain pills and eventually jumped to IV heroin. I didn't know this was going on for a whole year and a half, but I noticed he was different and kept asking...he kept lying, until I finally learned the truth.
Anyway, you did the right thing. You CANNOT help him. If he relapses, it is NOT your fault. These forums are great in helping navigate these things, but you MUST go to a local AA or Nar-Anon meeting. I did that and it really helped me so much. You will meet amazing, kind people who are going through the same thing as you. Many have been dealing with it for years and so they are a great resource. You will learn things like how to detach with love and the three c's -- you didn't cause it, you can't cure it and you can't control it.
Addiction is powerful and insidious -- opiates are the worst. The recovery rate is so slim and those who stay clean have to work really, really hard at it. Your boyfriend needs professional help. He needs to attend meetings and find support. He has to WANT to get better though. He can't be doing it for you or your relationship. It's so hard, because you love him and want him to be safe and sound, but there is really nothing you can do. If he wants to use/relapse, he will and nothing will stop him.
I will tell you that it took me awhile to get where I am today and I'm still not quite there yet. You are such a strong person, because you made the difficult decision to leave him. It is the right thing to do. You have to take care of yourself. Once I stopped contact with my ex, it was hard at first, but then it felt liberating. I still worried and do worry a bit, but I no longer am dealing with the lies, the disappointment, emotional roller coaster, etc. I am working on myself, inside and out and it feels good. If/when your boyfriend is ready to get better, he will and if/when he does, and you are meant to be together, you will be. I know it's annoying to hear that and I hated it when people said it to me, but it's true.
One more thing, addiction hurts the loved ones of the addict (like you and me) as much, if not more, than the addict. So we have to have our own version of recovery after dealing with our addicts. For me, I immersed myself in exercise/yoga, therapy, Nar-Anon meetings and forums like this. Your boyfriend needs to do the same. If you each don't get better, then your relationship will never work anyway. It can't work right now anyway while he is in active addiction and while you are hurt from all of the madness. Two broken people cannot make a whole. He needs at least a year of sobriety under his belt (that means no Subutex either, in my opinion -- my ex is on Suboxone and it is another problem on its own) as well as personal therapy and meetings.
I made a commitment to spend the next 6 months recovering, which means focusing on myself and healing from the pain. When I am healthy, I will attract someone healthy and I welcome that day...but I am in no hurry!
Again, I am truly sorry for your hurt -- no one deserves this. Let me know if I can help in any way at all. Take care of yourself.
I noticed you wrote on my post, so you must know the story with my ex. He started on pain pills and eventually jumped to IV heroin. I didn't know this was going on for a whole year and a half, but I noticed he was different and kept asking...he kept lying, until I finally learned the truth.
Anyway, you did the right thing. You CANNOT help him. If he relapses, it is NOT your fault. These forums are great in helping navigate these things, but you MUST go to a local AA or Nar-Anon meeting. I did that and it really helped me so much. You will meet amazing, kind people who are going through the same thing as you. Many have been dealing with it for years and so they are a great resource. You will learn things like how to detach with love and the three c's -- you didn't cause it, you can't cure it and you can't control it.
Addiction is powerful and insidious -- opiates are the worst. The recovery rate is so slim and those who stay clean have to work really, really hard at it. Your boyfriend needs professional help. He needs to attend meetings and find support. He has to WANT to get better though. He can't be doing it for you or your relationship. It's so hard, because you love him and want him to be safe and sound, but there is really nothing you can do. If he wants to use/relapse, he will and nothing will stop him.
I will tell you that it took me awhile to get where I am today and I'm still not quite there yet. You are such a strong person, because you made the difficult decision to leave him. It is the right thing to do. You have to take care of yourself. Once I stopped contact with my ex, it was hard at first, but then it felt liberating. I still worried and do worry a bit, but I no longer am dealing with the lies, the disappointment, emotional roller coaster, etc. I am working on myself, inside and out and it feels good. If/when your boyfriend is ready to get better, he will and if/when he does, and you are meant to be together, you will be. I know it's annoying to hear that and I hated it when people said it to me, but it's true.
One more thing, addiction hurts the loved ones of the addict (like you and me) as much, if not more, than the addict. So we have to have our own version of recovery after dealing with our addicts. For me, I immersed myself in exercise/yoga, therapy, Nar-Anon meetings and forums like this. Your boyfriend needs to do the same. If you each don't get better, then your relationship will never work anyway. It can't work right now anyway while he is in active addiction and while you are hurt from all of the madness. Two broken people cannot make a whole. He needs at least a year of sobriety under his belt (that means no Subutex either, in my opinion -- my ex is on Suboxone and it is another problem on its own) as well as personal therapy and meetings.
I made a commitment to spend the next 6 months recovering, which means focusing on myself and healing from the pain. When I am healthy, I will attract someone healthy and I welcome that day...but I am in no hurry!
Again, I am truly sorry for your hurt -- no one deserves this. Let me know if I can help in any way at all. Take care of yourself.
