Hi there I noticed you posted on a thread about things you have done in the past and wanted to make amends. If you read and go to Step 9, it will give you a better understanding how to approach that. " We make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others." Just want to say you are amazing and I have great respect for you
Sincerely
Carol
Hey Roe, it has been a hectic day and I have not caught up on all the posting. I saw Carol's post though and wanted to add my two cents.
Roe, you need to work the steps in order. If you try to make amends before you have worked the underlying steps, the results (both for you and them) may not be as you expect them.
The steps are in the order they are in for good reason, Roe. If I can locate the post that Carol is referring to, I may post more on this later on, but for now, I will say that a 9th step amends should only be approached after we are clear as to our role in the matter as well as our motives. There is a little more to it than simply trying to jettison our guilt.
Hey, how is that search for a sponsor going?
Love,
August
Roe, you need to work the steps in order. If you try to make amends before you have worked the underlying steps, the results (both for you and them) may not be as you expect them.
The steps are in the order they are in for good reason, Roe. If I can locate the post that Carol is referring to, I may post more on this later on, but for now, I will say that a 9th step amends should only be approached after we are clear as to our role in the matter as well as our motives. There is a little more to it than simply trying to jettison our guilt.
Hey, how is that search for a sponsor going?
Love,
August
Hi Carol,
Thank you, that means alot to me.
I don't know anything about the steps yet. I haven't gotten a sponsor yet, and I think I have to do that first, but I'm not sure.
Do you think I could start on step 3? Because the first one is admitting we're powerless. I am. The second one is beleiving in God. I do. Does that make me eligible to go to step 3? Or is there more to it than that?
I know I ask alot of questions.
Thanks for being happy for me for being clean. I love to hear that (don't mean to sound arrogant). I think a major reason I'm sticking it out this time is because I called my doctor and told him I've been abusing them. I also have a flag at Walgreens so even if I went to another doctor, I couldn't fill anything narcotics wise.
All the other times, Lisa would tell me to tell on yourself, burn your bridge, burn your bridges, but I never could quite bring myself to do that. This time I did Lisa kept popping into my head "burn your bridges" and finally I just did it. There have been times, honestly that I've thought "what the heck did you do" but I am glad.
Plus I wanted to really bad, be clean I mean.
I look forward to a time when I have more clean time, know alot more, and am able to help others here on the board because i've been helped so much. Still am. I carry August around with me like a security blanket, have since day one. So if it weren't for this board, I could have no way done it.
And when we moved here to AZ, I signed my kids up at a really good doctor close by, but I didn't go to him because he didn't do pain contracts, didn't like to prescribe narcotics. So I looked and looked and finally found my doctor. He's pretty far away so I quit him shortly after I told on myself, he did say he'd still be my doctor but wouldn't rx narcotics anymore. (wasn't any good to me after that) so I had my records sent over here, to my kids' doctor. On the records it says about me being an addict, and anywhere I go, they'll know. I can't beleive how much time and effort I've put into finding doctors and all the tests I went through for documentation. I even went to the emergency room a few times and faked an appendix attack when I'd be in w/d's really bad. Isn't that awful?
I even went as far as to have a laparoscipy (minor surgery) to see how much scar tissue I had because they couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. Nothing was wrong.
I just can't beleive I did all that. And before I'd never tell anyone any of the stuff that now I talk about openly like I'm talking about the weather.
I like the person I am becoming since I quit pills. I feel bad at some of the things I did while I was doing them, but somehow, did them anyway. But like I said, it amazes me how all these dirty little secrets are just pouring out, it was wrong I know, and I feel bad, but to talk about this stuff is something I never thought I'd do.
I don't say much at the meetings, but here I'm comfortable to talk about anything.
This post is probably longer than you bargained for.
Thanks for posting to me though. I appreciate it.
Your friend,
Roseanne
xx
Thank you, that means alot to me.
I don't know anything about the steps yet. I haven't gotten a sponsor yet, and I think I have to do that first, but I'm not sure.
Do you think I could start on step 3? Because the first one is admitting we're powerless. I am. The second one is beleiving in God. I do. Does that make me eligible to go to step 3? Or is there more to it than that?
I know I ask alot of questions.
Thanks for being happy for me for being clean. I love to hear that (don't mean to sound arrogant). I think a major reason I'm sticking it out this time is because I called my doctor and told him I've been abusing them. I also have a flag at Walgreens so even if I went to another doctor, I couldn't fill anything narcotics wise.
All the other times, Lisa would tell me to tell on yourself, burn your bridge, burn your bridges, but I never could quite bring myself to do that. This time I did Lisa kept popping into my head "burn your bridges" and finally I just did it. There have been times, honestly that I've thought "what the heck did you do" but I am glad.
Plus I wanted to really bad, be clean I mean.
I look forward to a time when I have more clean time, know alot more, and am able to help others here on the board because i've been helped so much. Still am. I carry August around with me like a security blanket, have since day one. So if it weren't for this board, I could have no way done it.
And when we moved here to AZ, I signed my kids up at a really good doctor close by, but I didn't go to him because he didn't do pain contracts, didn't like to prescribe narcotics. So I looked and looked and finally found my doctor. He's pretty far away so I quit him shortly after I told on myself, he did say he'd still be my doctor but wouldn't rx narcotics anymore. (wasn't any good to me after that) so I had my records sent over here, to my kids' doctor. On the records it says about me being an addict, and anywhere I go, they'll know. I can't beleive how much time and effort I've put into finding doctors and all the tests I went through for documentation. I even went to the emergency room a few times and faked an appendix attack when I'd be in w/d's really bad. Isn't that awful?
I even went as far as to have a laparoscipy (minor surgery) to see how much scar tissue I had because they couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. Nothing was wrong.
I just can't beleive I did all that. And before I'd never tell anyone any of the stuff that now I talk about openly like I'm talking about the weather.
I like the person I am becoming since I quit pills. I feel bad at some of the things I did while I was doing them, but somehow, did them anyway. But like I said, it amazes me how all these dirty little secrets are just pouring out, it was wrong I know, and I feel bad, but to talk about this stuff is something I never thought I'd do.
I don't say much at the meetings, but here I'm comfortable to talk about anything.
This post is probably longer than you bargained for.
Thanks for posting to me though. I appreciate it.
Your friend,
Roseanne
xx
Hey August,
We must have been posting at the same time. I have my eye one one girl. I've been thinking about her for a while, but didn't think she'd be a good fit because she's really young, then I read on here, Alice maybe? that someone had a 22 year old sponsor.
Then I started thinking about this girl more. She can't be more than 25, but she's amazing. She's been in the program for around 3 years and had used since the age of 13. Can you beleive that? How do kids get away with using drugs at 13?
Should the age difference matter? Tonight I'm going to talk to her, but I'm not going to ask her yet. I'm old enough to be her mother. There are a couple more girls I like, but they're at different meetings and after I finish my 90 day sentence (imposed by you) if I only go twice a week to my home meeting, that's not their home meeting. Does that matter?
Another one I like is an old man. He's really nice and we talk quite a bit. Chit chat mainly, he likes to talk about his drinking days and can quote AA stuff like you wouldn't beleive.
But he's a guy and you're not suppose to do that.
So thats where I am at for now, I was just going to do my "check in" with you in a little bit. Its becoming routine, which is a good thing. I don't know what I'd do without you.
Tell me what you think. I like the meetings, but you think I'm ready for the next thing, yes? Just seems like i do what you say and I stay clean and am becoming more and more happy with myself. Just don't start telling me to show up at a meeting and cluck like a chicken.
Love ya,
Roe
We must have been posting at the same time. I have my eye one one girl. I've been thinking about her for a while, but didn't think she'd be a good fit because she's really young, then I read on here, Alice maybe? that someone had a 22 year old sponsor.
Then I started thinking about this girl more. She can't be more than 25, but she's amazing. She's been in the program for around 3 years and had used since the age of 13. Can you beleive that? How do kids get away with using drugs at 13?
Should the age difference matter? Tonight I'm going to talk to her, but I'm not going to ask her yet. I'm old enough to be her mother. There are a couple more girls I like, but they're at different meetings and after I finish my 90 day sentence (imposed by you) if I only go twice a week to my home meeting, that's not their home meeting. Does that matter?
Another one I like is an old man. He's really nice and we talk quite a bit. Chit chat mainly, he likes to talk about his drinking days and can quote AA stuff like you wouldn't beleive.
But he's a guy and you're not suppose to do that.
So thats where I am at for now, I was just going to do my "check in" with you in a little bit. Its becoming routine, which is a good thing. I don't know what I'd do without you.
Tell me what you think. I like the meetings, but you think I'm ready for the next thing, yes? Just seems like i do what you say and I stay clean and am becoming more and more happy with myself. Just don't start telling me to show up at a meeting and cluck like a chicken.
Love ya,
Roe
Should the age difference matter?
Roe, there are three absolutes in sponsorship
Same gender;
Clean and sober for more than one year; and
Has worked the steps with a sponsor.
I think the idea of finding the perfect person as a sponsor is overrated. They are not supposed to be your best friend nor your therapist. They are there to help us work the steps, and if the relationship does not gel, we can always find another sponsor. I think it is more important to move forward.
and after I finish my 90 day sentence (imposed by you) if I only go twice a week to my home meeting, that's not their home meeting. Does that matter?
Your sponsor does not have to be a member of your home group, but it is not a bad idea to make sure you run into each other quite bit. I would not let either the age thing or the different groups stop me.
Oh, BTW, I got so much out of my first 90 in 90 that I did another 26 in a row just to make sure I really got it. I was a tough case though. I was smarter than everyone else, and that means it was harder from me to get it.
Another one I like is an old man.
Ix-nay on the old An-May. If he has a decent program, if you ask him, he will decline. If you ask him and he does not decline, run toward the light.
Just dont ask me to show up at a meeting and cluck like a chicken.
Um, how about bark like a dog? OK, just asking.
Hang in there, Roe, you are doing great. Just dont me so nice to me. My ego is already larger than the State of Montana.
Love,
August
Roe, there are three absolutes in sponsorship
Same gender;
Clean and sober for more than one year; and
Has worked the steps with a sponsor.
I think the idea of finding the perfect person as a sponsor is overrated. They are not supposed to be your best friend nor your therapist. They are there to help us work the steps, and if the relationship does not gel, we can always find another sponsor. I think it is more important to move forward.
and after I finish my 90 day sentence (imposed by you) if I only go twice a week to my home meeting, that's not their home meeting. Does that matter?
Your sponsor does not have to be a member of your home group, but it is not a bad idea to make sure you run into each other quite bit. I would not let either the age thing or the different groups stop me.
Oh, BTW, I got so much out of my first 90 in 90 that I did another 26 in a row just to make sure I really got it. I was a tough case though. I was smarter than everyone else, and that means it was harder from me to get it.
Another one I like is an old man.
Ix-nay on the old An-May. If he has a decent program, if you ask him, he will decline. If you ask him and he does not decline, run toward the light.
Just dont ask me to show up at a meeting and cluck like a chicken.
Um, how about bark like a dog? OK, just asking.
Hang in there, Roe, you are doing great. Just dont me so nice to me. My ego is already larger than the State of Montana.
Love,
August
Roe I am not sure what 12 step program you are in, the steps are the same, my sponser had me get the NA work book and work the steps that way, it is not necessary to do that but it helped me alot. It helps you examine the steps more than saying you are powerless and and your life is unmanageable, you begin to see everyday is a successful day no matter what happens. Step One means we do not have to use. page 22 Basic Text. Do you have a Big Book or Basic Text? I got mine for a small fee at a meeting.
Take Care
Carol
Take Care
Carol
There's a really good book that Hazelden Treatment Center puts out..can't think of the name though but it is a step by step guide to working the 12 steps of AA. It's the book my sponsor used the first time we did the steps together. It's in laymen's terms so really easy to follow. I'll try and find it for you...I'm sure they have one for NA too. If not, just changes the words alcohol to drug. All the same anyway.
Glad something I said stuck with you...all I can say now is it's about goddamn time. lol
Glad something I said stuck with you...all I can say now is it's about goddamn time. lol