Hi, this is my first time researching and finding support online & i want to thank everyone for being so supportive and helping others who are going through the same issues. I just want to get my story out there because today I finally had the strength to leave my bf who abuses meth and ruined our relationship. I want to talk about the characteristics and patterns meth users have and I would really appreciate advice on how to heal from all the pain the loved one on meth has caused us/me.
Heres my story:
I've never had the courage to leave my BF of 6 years. I'm 26 years old, mature for my age but he wasn't and still isn't. The first two years were fine, we met in Long beach Ca. dated, met each other's family, became really close, lived with each other etc. the next couple years just killed me and tore me up emotionally and mentally inside. I would find him cheating on me 3-4x over 6 years, also massive sexual perverse actions, excessive porn, and also trying to post on CRAIGSLIST about finding another girl to smoke dope with and give him pleasure, etc. I was terrified, I told him i couldn't be with someone like that, but still came back to him after he proved to me that he would change, which he did- for maybe like a week but it went back to the addiction and lying.
He would be giving me excuses like "I'm just stressed" "It's not even a big deal, it doesn't do anything to me." Well, because I was in a s***ty situation at home with my mother, and my father and oldest brother passed away within the past two years, i tended to lean towards him for emotional support which was I regret so much, it just caused more pain and financial debt in my life as well as a disconnection from the ppl who actually cared about me- my family. I don't do drugs, I drink occasionally but that's all. I'm also a nurse, I graduated last summer with a MSN. from UC Irvine. So I'm not a stupid person, I'm just stuck in this painful situation in my life where I feel like my heart's been ripped out and trampled on. I was always the provider after he lost his job. I've always been loyal. Why do meth users abuse the ppl who love them? Why are they so paranoid? Why do they bite the hand that feeds them? Questions I always wake up and think about.
I broke up with him at 4 PM today, I met him at his house (still lives with his parents) i grabbed all my things and talked to him, BUT all he could do and say is blame me and push me out of the door saying I'm setting him up and that I'm bad luck? He told me I was cheating-which i wasn't. then he blanked out and said that I'm trying to kill him and that he's going to call the police on me? okay...even though he was being crazy i still felt so so bad for leaving him, but i had to. I needed to do it for ME. I have sacrificed my whole life being with him, making dumb decisions just to keep him happy and satisfied, and this is how he repays me? He wasn't the same person I fell in love with. His pupils were so intensified and lost while i cried and yelled. He was never like this..he has always had a big heart. But it's so sad how someone u fall in love with can deteriorate and become somewhat of a possessive paranoid addicted demon that can't stop the ride.
So I left without looking back, got into my car, got my things and headed back to my city 45 min. away. I finally did it. My heart is hurting though, 6 years down the drain. i am home now feeling relieved, yet sad..mad? hurt the most :( Just because i've worked so hard to keep us strong and it all ends because of meth. i truly hate it.
I just want to know if anyone has advice on coping and healing from being emotionally and mentally abused from their loved one on drugs, & how can i move forward? We were very close and lived together so you can see why i'm having such a hard time thinking positive :( honestly i'm feeling very damaged and beaten up from the manipulation and lies, nothing can take that back. I just want to move forward and heal.
Thank u so much u guys for reading, i'm sorry if its long, i just had to get this off my chest because I want to let ppl know that if you're in an abusive relationship pertaining drugs, please think about yourself and the mental abuse you will be putting yourself through.
xoxo
It's so sad that it took you 6 years to start thinking of yourself and your well being but you finally did and that's what counts. Come on here often and read stories. It will help you feel like you aren't alone. You should also look into a Nar Anon meeting for your area and go. No matter what kind of guilt trip he tries to lay on you, understand that you did not cause his addiction, you cannot control it and you cannot cure it. He needs to fight this demon himself. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like he's ready to do that yet. You have to look out for yourself. God bless you.
Michelle
Michelle
Good for you for getting out of there, it doesn't matter how long it took!! Anyone who hasn't been in love with an addict can't imagine what that entails and how much strength it takes to finally leave. As Michelle said, Nar-Anon is a good place to start looking for help to get back on your feet. You might also look into a therapist to work on the problems you have undoubtedly accumulated over these past 6 years. I personally have found that to be very helpful.
Now you have to re-learn what it means to take care of YOU and only you. It's scary at first but it becomes very liberating as you get used to it again. Sign up for a class at a gym (or exercise on your own if the gym isn't your thing), do things that you find fun (that maybe you've stopped doing because you didn't have the energy or your ex thought was a waste of time), learn how to do something new that you've always wanted to try but haven't had a chance to, spend time with people who care about you and love you, make a conscious effort to eat well and keep yourself healthy and keep busy so you're not wallowing in the aftermath of this very difficult situation.
Remember that you're not alone and that it does get better, no matter how much it sucks right now. Take care of yourself and I wish you the best of luck.
Sadie
Now you have to re-learn what it means to take care of YOU and only you. It's scary at first but it becomes very liberating as you get used to it again. Sign up for a class at a gym (or exercise on your own if the gym isn't your thing), do things that you find fun (that maybe you've stopped doing because you didn't have the energy or your ex thought was a waste of time), learn how to do something new that you've always wanted to try but haven't had a chance to, spend time with people who care about you and love you, make a conscious effort to eat well and keep yourself healthy and keep busy so you're not wallowing in the aftermath of this very difficult situation.
Remember that you're not alone and that it does get better, no matter how much it sucks right now. Take care of yourself and I wish you the best of luck.
Sadie
Dear Shell2639,
thank you so much for the support and reply. I didn't think anyone would even read my story. It makes me feel so relieved that people have been through similar situations, and yes I'm definitely going to look into those meetings and start fixing myself back up into the person I use to be. It's crazy how even though we aren't the ones abusing substances, the damaged feelings and aftermath are still reflected upon us maybe even more than the meth user themselves.
Thank you for your support, I will be researching much more and staying active on these sites! <3
thank you so much for the support and reply. I didn't think anyone would even read my story. It makes me feel so relieved that people have been through similar situations, and yes I'm definitely going to look into those meetings and start fixing myself back up into the person I use to be. It's crazy how even though we aren't the ones abusing substances, the damaged feelings and aftermath are still reflected upon us maybe even more than the meth user themselves.
Thank you for your support, I will be researching much more and staying active on these sites! <3
Dear sadie284,
You are absolutely right, I do need to start doing positive things and look into replenishing myself and start my life fresh. Theres no looking back..This is day 1 of not being together with him and I'm feeling sick inside like sad, upset to be honest. It's more of the the fact that I keep thinking about how much I sacrificed my whole life devoting my time and money to someone who i thought i was going to marry someday. Literally juggled college, work, deaths of family and a meth user all for years and years.I never received any help from anyone and I succeeded in every aspect of my life EXCEPT helping/obtaining a healthy relationship with the bf. It hurts that it shattered and obliterated right before my eyes because of drugs.
Right now I'm just moping around, I think ill invest my time in working out like you said and also sign up for things I could of never done with my bf since he controlled everything. On a brighter note, I feel relieved! Like this whole time i was in a dream, a foggy unclear nightmare dream but now I'm awake and attentive, and I will never allow someone maliciously mentally and emotionally abuse me from here on out. It's easier said than done, but I know I can do it. Things sure do happen for a reason and I'm certain that this opportunity will lead me to something much more greater and happier =)
Thank you so much Sadie!!
You are absolutely right, I do need to start doing positive things and look into replenishing myself and start my life fresh. Theres no looking back..This is day 1 of not being together with him and I'm feeling sick inside like sad, upset to be honest. It's more of the the fact that I keep thinking about how much I sacrificed my whole life devoting my time and money to someone who i thought i was going to marry someday. Literally juggled college, work, deaths of family and a meth user all for years and years.I never received any help from anyone and I succeeded in every aspect of my life EXCEPT helping/obtaining a healthy relationship with the bf. It hurts that it shattered and obliterated right before my eyes because of drugs.
Right now I'm just moping around, I think ill invest my time in working out like you said and also sign up for things I could of never done with my bf since he controlled everything. On a brighter note, I feel relieved! Like this whole time i was in a dream, a foggy unclear nightmare dream but now I'm awake and attentive, and I will never allow someone maliciously mentally and emotionally abuse me from here on out. It's easier said than done, but I know I can do it. Things sure do happen for a reason and I'm certain that this opportunity will lead me to something much more greater and happier =)
Thank you so much Sadie!!
Sorry to hear what your going through. It's not easy having an addict in your life but you absolutely did the right thing. You can't look at those 6 years as "wasted time". Look at it as a learning experience. I truly believe We make the choices we make at the time for a reason.
Keep your head held high and move forward. Your still so young and have a wonderful life ahead if you. The pain will go away. You'll see....
Keep your head held high and move forward. Your still so young and have a wonderful life ahead if you. The pain will go away. You'll see....
Dear Lisalisa,
Thank you for the support and you're right, It was a learning experience, a very long one, but it all happens for a reason. I will keep my head up and work on having a healthier state of mind. thank u for the kind words
xoxo
Thank you for the support and you're right, It was a learning experience, a very long one, but it all happens for a reason. I will keep my head up and work on having a healthier state of mind. thank u for the kind words
xoxo
I'm so sorry for the pain you're going through.
But I'm glad you finally got up the courage to leave. The relationship you had was entirely one sided. You gave, and he took. You see that now, right? His first and only love is meth and how he's going to get it.
I was going to suggest you go for counseling too. Sometimes we don't realize why we choose the men we do and we choose similar types throughout our lives. You're a nurse. You're used to seeing people in need and caring for them. Maybe there was a hope in you that you could fix him? These are questions that you'd figure out the answers to in therapy. Nar Anon meetings are another great idea. They'll keep you strong.
Just please be strong and continue to stay away from him. He's not healthy for you. He'll probably try all different methods to encourage you to come back to him. He'll try to manipulate you by promises that he never intends to really keep, or threats against himself. Please don't fall for it. Addicts lie and they're adept at manipulating loved ones. I'm sorry to come off sounding so harsh but with you gone, half his income just walked out the door.
You're so young. You deserve a loving equal partner in your life and you deserve to be happy.
hugs, L
But I'm glad you finally got up the courage to leave. The relationship you had was entirely one sided. You gave, and he took. You see that now, right? His first and only love is meth and how he's going to get it.
I was going to suggest you go for counseling too. Sometimes we don't realize why we choose the men we do and we choose similar types throughout our lives. You're a nurse. You're used to seeing people in need and caring for them. Maybe there was a hope in you that you could fix him? These are questions that you'd figure out the answers to in therapy. Nar Anon meetings are another great idea. They'll keep you strong.
Just please be strong and continue to stay away from him. He's not healthy for you. He'll probably try all different methods to encourage you to come back to him. He'll try to manipulate you by promises that he never intends to really keep, or threats against himself. Please don't fall for it. Addicts lie and they're adept at manipulating loved ones. I'm sorry to come off sounding so harsh but with you gone, half his income just walked out the door.
You're so young. You deserve a loving equal partner in your life and you deserve to be happy.
hugs, L
Dear themom,
you are so sweet and thank you for the motivation and support <33 I really feel so much comfort and relieved when I hear people just like u coming on here and giving advice, talking about their own problems, sharing tips etc.
Yes you're so right, i did think I was going to save him. I remember days when he would randomly be in bed for 2-3 days, sweating, i was like oh maybe he's recovering? Maybe he's trying to stop? So I took care of him, laid by him every step of the way. Took days off just to be with him and i was concerned for his well being. But now that I look back, I was just stupid and he was just having his "come down" and used me as comfort and manipulated me into staying until he felt better and start using again.
I definitely will look into the meetings/therapist. I am scared to go, I'm not sure why, I guess its because it is something new and I still haven't 100% fully understood that this is my life and I'm barely coming to light with all the problems and damage this relationship has caused me over time.
Thank you so much, if you can keep in touch i would love that.
xoxo
you are so sweet and thank you for the motivation and support <33 I really feel so much comfort and relieved when I hear people just like u coming on here and giving advice, talking about their own problems, sharing tips etc.
Yes you're so right, i did think I was going to save him. I remember days when he would randomly be in bed for 2-3 days, sweating, i was like oh maybe he's recovering? Maybe he's trying to stop? So I took care of him, laid by him every step of the way. Took days off just to be with him and i was concerned for his well being. But now that I look back, I was just stupid and he was just having his "come down" and used me as comfort and manipulated me into staying until he felt better and start using again.
I definitely will look into the meetings/therapist. I am scared to go, I'm not sure why, I guess its because it is something new and I still haven't 100% fully understood that this is my life and I'm barely coming to light with all the problems and damage this relationship has caused me over time.
Thank you so much, if you can keep in touch i would love that.
xoxo
