Hi would love feed back from people , can you tell when your addict has used? may seem a silly question, but I can never tell, always suspicious, and I am always wondering but he just seems normal, but I knew he is using! When he does it I just do not know, lives at my place, son in his middle 20s, sighns all ther never has money, but works full time, been working at same place for a year, never misses, there never seems the crash! Ime going with my gut and I know things aren't right, thanks for any feed back
I would just ask him and see what he says. There are some red flags from your post. He's in his mid twenties, works full time, and has no money? Why doesn't he get his own place if he works full time? I would search his room when he's not there and if there are drugs or drug paraphernalia if it was me he'd have to leave. I wouldn't live with someone who has drugs in my home and he needs to be out living independently anyway if he's got a full time job and is in his mid twenties.
As noted no money is a flag.
Also in many workplaces the addict or alcoholic is frequently covered for if it's only something like lateness or a simple mistake. Right now it seems no major screw ups at work but he could be always late, making careless mistakes and frequently winds up having his co workers pick up his slack. Or more troubling is that some of his co workers participate in bad behavior.
Also in many workplaces the addict or alcoholic is frequently covered for if it's only something like lateness or a simple mistake. Right now it seems no major screw ups at work but he could be always late, making careless mistakes and frequently winds up having his co workers pick up his slack. Or more troubling is that some of his co workers participate in bad behavior.
What is his past drug history and what is his drug of choice? There are specific tell tale signs based on what he may be using.
I have posted on here before as sad mamma but had trouble with password so had to create new account, sorry should of said a bit of background, regards work he's not in big workforce, he and another guy a lot of travelling, to me I don't think he's ever late, doc is meth the worst choice by far, I have stopped going into where he lives as over the years I have found it isent doing me any good, my counciller told me that a while ago, I keep thinking Li,e everyone does he has to work it out himself, but quite clearly it's not working for him, when I have approached the subject a while ago I did go in and find things confronted him, and he says you know ime struggling, why go in it isent doing you any good, I can't help you , you can't help me!!he said he know and wants to move out but is not ready ATM, ( I think mentally and financially ) he means, I know he earns good money, i feel ime just turning a blind eye to things, as he seems normal, never disrespectful most of the time pays board, he has been in rehab, couple of years ago, I feel things are going downhill, thanks Sally Anne and same game for your responses, I do visit this site a lot, and feel it helps, another day struggle at work for me
I'm sorry sad momma i didn't realize it was you. Your son sounds like he's trying and from what you say he's responsible with going to work and paying you rent. What is it specifically that is bothering you? Do you think he's back using meth?
Yes diffanetly meth, found bits of paraphernalia about, he never goes out, so I reckon it's just self medicating, I get excited if he goes out, he's my youngest we've always been good but this is just awful you wanna see your kids move on, Ne is very tuned into what's happening sees a counciller, what he could have but hasent, think I have to lay rules for 2019
I know it's very hard and sad for all of us to be in this situation. I can tell you are torn about asking him to leave and understandly so....Its really hard..so sorry sad momma
Do you feel uncomfortable with him in your house?
No sally ane I dont, he has dinner at night with me, he is a man of few words so never get much out of him, many props have said this before, its in the eyes, and I think ime getting that, theres nothing there, I said that to him a while ago,and he said thats because theres not,expressionless he is, if I remember your daughter is the same age, my main worry is, is this going to be his life??? Thanks for your replies
Gee IDK sad momma. Does he have depression? Does he see a therapist? Has his personality changed over time or has he always been this way?
sad--
Unfortunately, my son is 47 y/o meth addict. He doesn't live with us and never has since he was 18. Problem with meth is depression and lack of affect or emotion because meth destroys all the pleasure sensors in their brain and they can't enjoy or find pleasure in anything.
This never heals even if they were to quit meth. The damage is permanent, but with therapy and nutrition and exercise they can gain some of their health back if they haven't been meth heads for too long. Our son is lost to his addiction and will probably always be.
Praying you can find some answers, but I would set boundaries if he was living with me and some future goals unless you are content to continue on this path for a long time. Why should he change if things are comfortable for him? I would set a time for moving out on his own so his money can be spent on the things we all have to pay instead of meth. I would sit him down and tell him a date and the rules. If your gut says he is using then he probably is!
One other thing--be careful with meth users because even if he has been respectful that can all change in a heartbeat. Meth addicts are unpredictable and it is brain altering so be aware.
Lori
Unfortunately, my son is 47 y/o meth addict. He doesn't live with us and never has since he was 18. Problem with meth is depression and lack of affect or emotion because meth destroys all the pleasure sensors in their brain and they can't enjoy or find pleasure in anything.
This never heals even if they were to quit meth. The damage is permanent, but with therapy and nutrition and exercise they can gain some of their health back if they haven't been meth heads for too long. Our son is lost to his addiction and will probably always be.
Praying you can find some answers, but I would set boundaries if he was living with me and some future goals unless you are content to continue on this path for a long time. Why should he change if things are comfortable for him? I would set a time for moving out on his own so his money can be spent on the things we all have to pay instead of meth. I would sit him down and tell him a date and the rules. If your gut says he is using then he probably is!
One other thing--be careful with meth users because even if he has been respectful that can all change in a heartbeat. Meth addicts are unpredictable and it is brain altering so be aware.
Lori
He has always been the quieter one of the 3, always had a way in younger years he could make me laugh, he is seeing a Councilor, he seem a few over the years, think you have to find s good one, thanks sally anne, also duchess mamma I have read a lot of your posts, sorry for the situation your in,I have that in my mind to give him a time limit, to move out, not very good at discussions me but know it has to be done
When my daughter was actively using she would appear almost normal. It was when she didn't have drugs that she would be at her worst. She did opiods for 10 years,as long as she had pills she was almost normal,but spent every penny she made on pills.
When she got on meth, thats when the horrible delusions started. I can always tell when she is using,her voice changes
When she got on meth, thats when the horrible delusions started. I can always tell when she is using,her voice changes
I talked to my addicted daughter about how she seemed so normal sometimes and how she seemed so basically out of it sometimes. I assumed that when she was out of it, she was using. She said "No, Mom, when I seemed normal I was using. Using made me feel normal. When I was out of it. I didn't have anything and I was withdrawing."
my 44 y/o son has been using meth since high school. he also has anxiety & depression and in my opinion may be high functioning bipolar, if that is possible. He struggled with work for years, then when he was in his early 30's got a great job with great pay & full benefits. Still abused, went to rehab when his wife threatened to leave. Didn't stay clean one day after that 30 day retreat. Went for a "tune up" a few months later. Eventually he & wife moved to another state, things got worse between them & with his abuse. Moved back to CA, to old neighborhood, things got bad & he was miserable, blamed it on her. He was suspicious of everyone, never came around for family functions, was ALWAYS a no show. Wife left, they divorced. He was lonely & depressed but wouldn't see a doctor. Would take anti depressants. This lasted 2 or 3 years, he was in a car accident with company truck - automatic drug test & failure, however they agreed to rehab, paid with his insurance. 90 rehab, 1 year probation at work, lost his seniority but kept his job. Got out of rehab, didn't get a sponsor & didn't go to meetings or anything. But he started working out & got very healthy. But NOW I don't feel he was completely clean, I think he was still smoking but was keeping it under control & that can only last so long. Now he is using again, fired from his job, homeless (at least he says he is) & goes from not speaking to everyone to ranting, cursing, yelling & blaming. Unfortunately for our own mental health, we can't do it for him. I don't have the money & I'm done trying to help & it doesn't help at all. :( I think it is easier on us when they aren't causing problems at home, but he is slowly killing himself. My son is the life of the party when he is sober. You have to start the conversation of him either moving out or getting help & stop using drugs in your house. You may have to insist on random drug tests too...
Yes walkedon and angel mom I have thought the same, sometimes he seems nicer?? ie do a job for me or say Ill do that , and I have often wondered then, had he, I have to have a plan of action to put out!!
I dont know how your son acts but sounds like he is doing pretty well. When my son is using it makes him manic, sweaty, irritable, irrational and not in the least able to sit down for a meal with anyone. I noticed glazed eyes and flat affect in his voice if he had been up awhile. Paranoia and delusions became regular things. Are you sure your son is using meth? Maybe he switched to something else. Sometimes paraphernalia is used for various substances. My son uses one thing to stop using another. Your son sounds too mellow to be on Meth but I guess everyone can react differently. My son would have no patience at all and could not keep a job. Mine would not be unable to sit when using Meth unless he was crashing and unable to stand.
Not sure about your son .. maybe he just needs more time to get things together. He is seeing a counselor which is good. Maybe he just wants you to think he has no money or maybe he is bad with money. My son would sometimes give what he had to friends in need. Wasnt his money but he didnt care.
Maybe he is smoking weed on the way home from work. I cant imagine that he has had a good job for a year while using Meth. It seems very unlikely. Actually sounds like he may be trying to get things together.
Not sure about your son .. maybe he just needs more time to get things together. He is seeing a counselor which is good. Maybe he just wants you to think he has no money or maybe he is bad with money. My son would sometimes give what he had to friends in need. Wasnt his money but he didnt care.
Maybe he is smoking weed on the way home from work. I cant imagine that he has had a good job for a year while using Meth. It seems very unlikely. Actually sounds like he may be trying to get things together.
Thank you bugging me for the words, you did seem to hit the nail on the head when you mentioned a glaze look in the eyesi sometimes see that and wonder, he messes about making things, and I have thought it could be welder he uses, but I go with my gut, diffinetly meth found all related to it, I do honestly believe he is trying, but not sure how hard, like I have said he hardly goes out, so he is using to self medicate, sorry you have not seen your son in a long while, not sure which is best them livywith you or they are away from home, whichever we worry
I learned that it depends on the drug. My son seems ok when hes high (particularly on cocaine), almost too good. At first I thought he was actually doing well, then I realized it was the drug that made him that way. If hes on a dissociative drug his texts are usually full of spelling errors and it takes him hours to respond. And when hes desperate - crying, parasuicidal, etc - he is usually crashing off a drug.
It took a while for me to figure this out. I wish I didnt have to.
It took a while for me to figure this out. I wish I didnt have to.
