Here's my question. Can someone gets high once a week and be sober through the whole week? I did it last week and it was only by chance that I found a little but. But if I want it this weekend it means I have to purchase some. But purchasing means I get a whole bag and knowing myself I wont be able to fight the temptation to just use some on Friday night and keep the rest for next weekend so I'll get high the whole week and after that stopping would be a long agonizing process. I don't wanna go through That.
So maybe it's just tomorrow and I'm going to be free then. I said no to the cravings didnt try to call anyone. I decided that I can have fun without it. I can overeat and ruin my sleep routine without it. I'll find passion again for sth legit. I thought I need love but thats not the case either. Maybe being fungal is a good thing. I can't spend money for sth that can turn into a monster for me,then devour all my money time energy and motivation. I need to take care of myself.
Sorry for grammatical errors, English is not my first language. I'm in my pms. Everything is so tense and gloomy. I didn't want to watch the full moon either. I must admit I am waiting fora random call or text from someone who smokes and then I can borrow as much as a joint. I want it but I hope it doesn't happen.
Okay I'm updating my message. I didn't get high and I knew I was not going to be able to handle it anyway. Let's be honest. I was even having dreadful thoughts last time I thought I was a total loser and disappointment to my parents. It's funny how marijuanna induces these thoughts in my head and I still crave it. I went for a walk in the sun and music was as good as when I'm high and I was able to spend time with my family without worrying that they find about it. So this once a week is not for me. I'm sure.
Hey! Friend, I sympathize, I understand how difficult it can be, don't blame yourself. You are trying to overcome yourself and this is already worthy of praise
Thanks for your kind words. I'm glad I didn't relapse cause a little bit of it can make all the cravings come back. I just pray and made list of things to do next time I felt like I am losing control.
Update: so I got 3grams and got high couple of times. But for once in my life I have it and just don't wanna do it. It's quite simple. If you need weed to enjoy sth that s*** sucks and you can't avoid pain there's pain in discipline and pain in regret. I think I know thw s*** I choose.
I'm listen....and learning.
Be well,
Larry
Be well,
Larry
Update:
I admit that this was a fkin relapse.
I admit that this was a fkin relapse.
I remember the last time I was trying to get back on recovery track. It was September. Feverish and sweaty days where all my thoughts were leading me to dark cold places. I woke up in the morning and I realized that I have no purpose but to get the good s*** out of my system. I'll be at the same square where I started this journey.
I had a chance to meet a special man that I admired and it's so difficult to try to meet someone new. I don't have the emotional strength of getting into a relationship cause I know there will be heart breaking moments and I'm not that tough. But I can't even talk to him, I'm just so scared. My heart starts beating so fast and I know if I let this man go I'll miss him forever. I have this feeling I've been borrowing happiness from future and I'm not even mature enough to talk to anyone. I need to find meaning.
I had a chance to meet a special man that I admired and it's so difficult to try to meet someone new. I don't have the emotional strength of getting into a relationship cause I know there will be heart breaking moments and I'm not that tough. But I can't even talk to him, I'm just so scared. My heart starts beating so fast and I know if I let this man go I'll miss him forever. I have this feeling I've been borrowing happiness from future and I'm not even mature enough to talk to anyone. I need to find meaning.
I think I'm back on track. Worked out and drank lots of water. My sleep and appetite is ok, but there's only one explanation for the feeling I had, I was feeling a bit down. My brain needs to get used to natural dopamine again. My heart beat is like crazy. I think relationship and stuff is a no no for now, 'cause its stressful and it takes responsibility to make it work and I know I'm not ready for. Can't believe this s***. The main reason I relapsed was this random dude with whom I thought I could be involved and in the course of few hours I remembered all my reasons for not getting into relationships. I got so lonely I was pretending to be ready for that s*** first date pretty normal and even fun. I just don't know why I was waiting for sth more and it ruined my mood the whole fckin week. I was in bed and it felt like withdrawal symptoms. It was crazy.
Still on recovery path. No hesitation no doubts. I'm so grateful & feel free and strong. I pray for all you guys. I pray for my strength too.
It's such a lonely weekend and it's mine. So I pushed all toxic friends away and Im waiting for spring with a story collection by Raymond Carver. But it's so sad and lonely. I think I know the feeling. I think I am going to be better tomorrow. I ate a lot. Just because. I don't crave weed or even alcohol. You may think its a success. If you told me one day I would be without temptations I would be so excited. Now I'm like yeah now you just get to the point where you were supposed to be 5,6 years ago. Doesn't mean I wasted my life. But yeah I didn't make the best choice and there isn't many memories I'm comfortable to keep.
Better day than yesterday. I hope and pray every day that this time its for real.
Maybe tonight when I'm feeling down and I don't take sleeping pills or think of numbing the pain or distract myself maybe here I know that I am free...yeah maybe baby.
hey Momo,
sorry I have not been around, so many forums and so little time in my life.
Hope all is well with you and your journey.
Regards,
Larry
sorry I have not been around, so many forums and so little time in my life.
Hope all is well with you and your journey.
Regards,
Larry
Thanks Larry
I hope you're doing great. I'm fine and still on recovery path I think I have more control over my habits and my life in general. My mom is very happy that I'm leading a healthy lifestyle. I haven't found a full-time job but still make a little money by doing translation and editing. I hope I make more progress and work harder and stay in control of my life.
I hope you're doing great. I'm fine and still on recovery path I think I have more control over my habits and my life in general. My mom is very happy that I'm leading a healthy lifestyle. I haven't found a full-time job but still make a little money by doing translation and editing. I hope I make more progress and work harder and stay in control of my life.
OmG you guys,
So I had cravings and didn't find any way to get high and I managed to do without it. I recalled the anxiety and insatiable hunger it gave me and decided I don't need huge joy and huge sadness afterwards . I'm just fine.
So I had cravings and didn't find any way to get high and I managed to do without it. I recalled the anxiety and insatiable hunger it gave me and decided I don't need huge joy and huge sadness afterwards . I'm just fine.
I'm high since 25th of june.
So I totally relapsed. I'm not sure if I can or want to get it right any time soon. I'm lonely as hell and live in one of the worst countries that exist I think I deserve a happy time with myself.
