This week we have attended meetings necessary to our situation. My fiance (the addict) went to chemical dependency classes and has an appointment one on one with a psychiatrist that specializes in meth addiction. I, in the other hand, attended co-dependecy classes and have been actively seeing a therapist. Well last night was not good. I knew he was high, but I didn't know if he had brought some meth back with him. I put my toddler to sleep and went to sleep right after. He as usual being high, stayed in the living room on his ipad watching porn. I find it so disgusting that when he is high he can watch porn for 12-24 hrs on and off! Anyway, my toddler's bed is also located in our bedroom as we only have one in our apt. My toddler started coughing around 2 AM and was having a hard time falling back asleep. She is a very heavy sleeper and has been sleeping through the night ever since she was 8 months old! I got up and smelled meth. I know meth does not have a very distinctive smell like marijuana, but I know the smell very well being around him for a long time! I went out of our bedroom and low and behold he was there on couch smoking out of his pipe!!!!! The couch is located right under our vents that connected through out the apt! I fckn lost it! Not in a violent way, but I had told him before, HE NEEDS TO LEAVE IF HE HAS METH WITH HIM!!! I never wanted that around my daughter! The living room looked almost like a steam bath but from meth smoke! I was livid! I opened all windows, turned on all ceiling fans, kitchen fan, and placed one air purifier in my bedroom and one in the living room. I told him to leave the house now! He left and didnt come back til morning. During the time he was gone, I packed my clothes and my daughter's as well. I asked my mom this morning if we can stay a week at her place since I'm on vacation. My parents don't know our story. I'm afraid to tell them. He said he was really sorry and it wont happen again! I had no response, but in my head I wanted to say yeaaaa right...just like how you promised never to smoke meth again right?!? But I knew that would lead to a longer argument of why he needs to smoke and the blame game. I had no time nor did I wanna give time for that. I did tell him though that if HE CAN'T PUT OUR DAUGHTER AND OUR FAMILY FIRST THEN I DEFINITELY CAN. I'm so tired of the lies and broken promises. Now my daughter's health is at risk for 2nd hand smoke from meth?!? I can't. What kind of mother would I be if I continue to put him and his addiction first? Now I just need to figure out where to stay after a week at my parents. Im unemployed and was relying on my fiance financially. F M L.
How come nobody every replies to my post????? I come here to vent, to get your opinions and support....(sigh). I'm new to this only posted a few times, but it feels just like the co-dependency meetings I've recently attended, nobody seems to really care.
Dear Kat, Good for you finally getting the strength up and leaving him....You nor your daughter need or deserve to be in that kind of envoirment. ..He has no regards for either of you ...he's an addict putting his selfish wants and needs first he has no respect for you smoking the meth watching the porn...smoking with his child there...I'm glad you left and I'm hoping you stay out...call the social services dept. In your community....I'm sure they have temporary housing and I'm sure Mom and Dad aren't about to throw you out...if you return and he has meth in the house what if the child got into it...what about if cps got involved...no you have made a statement to him...now you have to stick to it and be firm...why settle for that type of life. ...call social services ...they can advise you on housing...also child support...also you might want to consider talking to Mom and Dad...unless you are protecting him and his addiction.You state your enemployed and we're relying on your fiance financially. ..there are services food stamps temporary housing Mom Dad....your fiance needs to go into a rehab and then a half way home counseling on the outside is not working....He needs a more serious approach to recovery...if you return he may behave but he will believe he can get away with it and do it again....You have to be strong and take a stand ...not run back to him cause your unemployed...I'd ask Mom and Dad if they could possibly help you out babysitting so you might be able to get a job.....don't settle for that kind of life because he pays bills....what happens when the dealer knocks on the door cause he owes money...it's a dangerous envoirment. ..stay out of it and keep you and your daughter safe.
Do what your motherly instincts tell you!!! You are right to leave, you have to protect your child now no matter how hard it maybe! I wish you the best of luck.
I know a woman, well I don't, my husband did, whose children were taken from her because she was smoking crack in the place they were living. Children's services tested them and found they had small amounts of cocaine in their systems that they were inhaling second hand. This can too happen to you if you don't leave. At least if you leave now, there is a chance for your family. If you continue to allow this to happen, it will only get worse. You may have to step out on faith, ask for help as Christopher's mom stated and be strong for your children. Meth is terrible for the human body. If it is circulating through your home, there is a high chance your children are inhaling it as well.
Tell your parents your story. There is no shame in what is happening, it is not your fault, you didn't cause it. Your parents may be a huge support for you and your daughter. Take any help you can get with this situation because it is too heavy a burden to carry around by yourself.
Good luck
Good luck
Thank you everyone! Still trying to gather up the strength to tell my parents and push my pride aside. I would just hate for them to see me as a failure. He's been calling (which I ignore) and texting things like he won't smoke anymore, he will leave the drugs alone, he can't be without us and wants us to come home. But I feel like these are just words, I need to see him act and get help.
Dear Kat, Huge Hug....You are not a failure. ..don't allow his addiciton make you feel like a failure. ...a addict isn't a failure they are people like you and I...they aren't failures they just made a lousy decision and they are now enslaved by their want for the drug...My son isn't a failure ....what is he ...He is a kind funny personable guy who has sold himself short..he is now feeling the fall out of his addiction and I pray he has the strength to rebuild all he so carelessly threw away...but Kat you are not a failure you cannot make decisions for anyone and you cannot be responsible for their choices...Kat I'm rather proud of you taking your daughter away from that envoirment and safe guarding her....I'm sure Your Mom and Dad will not look at you as a failure...they might be a wonderful source of support and strength....You are protecting him and his addiction ....part of the journey Is understanding the enabling you add ....please go to counseling ....don't hold all this in....and don't own his mistakes. ..You did nothing wrong to consider yourself a failure...and as far as he goes words are merely that...what actions has he put into motion to address his addiction and recovery. .don't allow his lip service to trick you into believing he won't do the drug......if you give into his words ...He will never change..you have to be strong and show him you mean what you say....
You are 100% correct, don't believe any words, tell him he needs to show you by his actions by getting clean and staying clean for a long time and then maybe you have a chance. Addicts in active addiction are very manipulative and will say whatever they need to, to get their way. Stay strong and look for support in family, friends and support groups. Do this for you and your daughter.
You did the right thing by leaving. Have you stayed gone? I agree with the others that you should talk to your parents about this. You have to keep in mind that the addict is going to say whatever they need to to try and convince you they won't do it again. Once separated from you they will also make it appear as though they have changed, in all reality it is just a ploy to get back in the house or for you to come back. Chances are not a single thing has changed. I have lived with a drug addicted husband for 8 years. He will always " never do it again", this time was always "the last time", and he's always "gonna quit". It will be hard doing it alone, but it can be done. Take advantage of resources available to you as a single mother and move on and away from this negative and unhealthy situation. I wish you the best.
KatKarr your actions of leaving are the actions of a STRONG, BRAVE and LOVING mother! Please consider the future or lack of if you return to him. He is an actively using addict. You are protecting yourself and your daughter. Continue to be strong. If his lips are moving he is telling you a lie. He needs to prove his "love" for you with actions. Long term sobriety, random clean drug tests and meetings 90 in 90 is a great start. You are NOT a failure ! Your daughter is blessed to have you. You owe him nothing but the opportunity to make his own choice and the freedom to experience the consequences of those and you owe your daughter safety, protection love and security. You Go Girl!
