Hey there
Need some advice
I just found out that my hubbys nephew was in a really horrible car crash last week and we only found out now...
He lives and works in Dubai (sp?)
He was apparently removed from the car with the jaws of life, and has serious head injuries and possible brain damage, though to what extent we dont know..
He was scalped when his car slid underneath a huge semi..hes lucky he has his head...
This particular nephew ( son of Hubby's brother..) is a big time brat...lives life fast and hard, is irresponsible and the "black sheep" of that branch of the Family..I hate to say it but we all felt it was a matter of time before something like this happened, and thank God no one else was killed.
When he was 18, he was even involved in a drinking driving accident which caused a girl to be in a wheel chair for life....we still see this girl at church from time to time and shes lovely....the family was left to deal with the guilt and anguish and he moved away right after, never to return for good...
That says a lot about the kind of guy he is...drinking, drugs, partying...was put in so many rehabs that they lost count...He has no scruples , no honor and is totally irresponsible for a man of his age....never married....no kids ( thank goodness)
As my hubby is now the only remaining Patriarch of the Family, he feels a certain obligation to watch over his brothers children, even though these children are well into their 40s....it makes me sick....Hubbys own children do not have any such problems but were raised quite a bit differently then his brothers chose to raise theres...( allowance vs no allowance) what a difference in values...
Hubby and i have always felt that giving grown children allowance is the most insidious form of child abuse...its saying.."I dont think you can go out in the world and make a living for yourself so i will take care of you for the rest of your life..."
The difference and the outcome as a result of these differences in raising their children is like black and white. Every child of my husbands brothers are alcoholics and or drug users and have been of serious concern from their teens on..
I dont feel hubby should have to go to Dubai and arrange for long term care, but what can i do? What would you do?? Any advice???
P.S. It seems that "nephew" has amnesia...doesnt know who he is or why hes there....
Any suggestions would be appreciated...
hugs
Ali
My guess is your husband is a very loyal, loving man, so this is where he feels needed and even expected?
Just like Ted Kennedy, he took care of his brothers children and still does to a degree. Some were less than stellar kids. It didn't nor should make any difference.
Perhaps it will make him feel at peace to do whatever he wants to for his nephew. I don't think how he lived plays any part of it. Or it shouldn't.
Let's say he doesn't want to go, he may feel a since of responsibilty to see that his own blood is taken care of especially in this situation.
Be thankful you guys are blessed financially to do this and thankful he didn't die.
Bottom line is it is up to your husband to decide.
Just like Ted Kennedy, he took care of his brothers children and still does to a degree. Some were less than stellar kids. It didn't nor should make any difference.
Perhaps it will make him feel at peace to do whatever he wants to for his nephew. I don't think how he lived plays any part of it. Or it shouldn't.
Let's say he doesn't want to go, he may feel a since of responsibilty to see that his own blood is taken care of especially in this situation.
Be thankful you guys are blessed financially to do this and thankful he didn't die.
Bottom line is it is up to your husband to decide.
I agree with Brooke. I don't pretend to make decisions for my husband or give him advice when it comes to his family. Just as he respects my feelings and reasons about mine. Both families, drive eachother nuts. We can't pick our relatives unfortunately and your husband is a very loyal family man. You're lucky.
Just support his decision and do what you can. Could be this young man will finally get some much needed help with his disease.
hugs
Lisa
Just support his decision and do what you can. Could be this young man will finally get some much needed help with his disease.
hugs
Lisa
Hey you two ladies...
Thanks for giving me your opinion on this...if i made it sound like i have the deciding opinion as to hubby going or not, I erred..
I knew however that hubby would be asking my opinion on this and would take into account how i feel...my worry of course is the stress that this causes him and i wasnt sure if him going and dealing with this type of thing and traveling that far would be just too much on him...
The alternative being to have the step Mother deal with it herself...well the traveling part ...to be totally honest part of me isnt as sympathetic as i should be and youd have to know t what degree this kid has caused my hubby stress..HUGE stress...even when my hubbys brother was alive, ( and fighting Cancer ) it was hubby that would step in to prevent his brother from dealing with the repercussions of this kids mistakes...trying to keep his brother from all the pain that it would cause him if he knew the things his kid was still involved with..
I know you are both right in having to stand behind ones husband but there are times that and causes where as his wife ; i feel compelled to speak up, and say NO, i think your wrong...this will cause us or you grief and please dont do it...I pick my battles but cant sit idly by watching him doing something that could ultimately cause him mental and physical duress 7 months after his T.I.A. incident...
I had to smile at your emails...doubt either of you would do so either, of all the women here, i just dont picture you two to be the "Stand by your Man" at all costs kinda women...lol
Although i like to think he takes into account my feelings on things...Ultimately he will do what he is going to do, trust me...lolol
Heres the most incredible news on our nephew....He not only has no recollection of anything, but has forgotten that he drinks and or smokes, that part of his brain that triggers memory has been damaged and so he has no recollection of ever using drugs of any kind...told the shrink in residence there that hes never tried or done them, never smoked...He also doesnt remember his Uncle or his family, but apparently much of this can come back in time..
Pretty unbelievable stuff and I wonder if and how that would impact him later to make the changes he will need to in his life...its almost like he really can start with a clean slate if he never remembers..pretty interesting in that respect..
Anyway..thanks for writing..will be back in the New Year and hope that your Christmas is going well...Lisa you must be so glad to have the operation behind you..hope you are feeling well and arent in any pain..
Hugs
Ali
Thanks for giving me your opinion on this...if i made it sound like i have the deciding opinion as to hubby going or not, I erred..
I knew however that hubby would be asking my opinion on this and would take into account how i feel...my worry of course is the stress that this causes him and i wasnt sure if him going and dealing with this type of thing and traveling that far would be just too much on him...
The alternative being to have the step Mother deal with it herself...well the traveling part ...to be totally honest part of me isnt as sympathetic as i should be and youd have to know t what degree this kid has caused my hubby stress..HUGE stress...even when my hubbys brother was alive, ( and fighting Cancer ) it was hubby that would step in to prevent his brother from dealing with the repercussions of this kids mistakes...trying to keep his brother from all the pain that it would cause him if he knew the things his kid was still involved with..
I know you are both right in having to stand behind ones husband but there are times that and causes where as his wife ; i feel compelled to speak up, and say NO, i think your wrong...this will cause us or you grief and please dont do it...I pick my battles but cant sit idly by watching him doing something that could ultimately cause him mental and physical duress 7 months after his T.I.A. incident...
I had to smile at your emails...doubt either of you would do so either, of all the women here, i just dont picture you two to be the "Stand by your Man" at all costs kinda women...lol
Although i like to think he takes into account my feelings on things...Ultimately he will do what he is going to do, trust me...lolol
Heres the most incredible news on our nephew....He not only has no recollection of anything, but has forgotten that he drinks and or smokes, that part of his brain that triggers memory has been damaged and so he has no recollection of ever using drugs of any kind...told the shrink in residence there that hes never tried or done them, never smoked...He also doesnt remember his Uncle or his family, but apparently much of this can come back in time..
Pretty unbelievable stuff and I wonder if and how that would impact him later to make the changes he will need to in his life...its almost like he really can start with a clean slate if he never remembers..pretty interesting in that respect..
Anyway..thanks for writing..will be back in the New Year and hope that your Christmas is going well...Lisa you must be so glad to have the operation behind you..hope you are feeling well and arent in any pain..
Hugs
Ali
If I misunderstood your post I apologize, I read it again, and opinions are just that, you tell him how you feel about it, but I stand by what I said, it is his decision regardless. I would also say how I felt just as you did, again his decision to make. Sometimes people need to hear the other side of a situation that perhaps they don't think about given these circumstances. No doubt he will do what is best.
