good morning sweetheart! i hope you are slumbering sweetly as it is still night time in hawaii now, man i wish i lived there, i was fortunate enough to be able to see paradise before i leave this earth, with my fear of flying now i dont think i will ever see it again, but back in 1977 i had the luxury of seeing oahu and kaui,
i went all by myself too.
got to go up the wailua river to see the fern grotto too!
so how are you feeling today? pain any better? which bone got broken?
i am on my fourth day of my sub taper, i started to just chip off an edge on the 8 mg tablets with the new pill cutter i bought. cutting them in half and then again made them dissolve too fast and omg! they taste nasty!
i dont feel anything different, i suppose i wouldnt with that small of a taper, but that is the whole plan for me to taper SLOWLY!!!!!!!!!. i plan to stay at this dose for a month?
howareyou managing to care for kearra? i remember when i had bunion surgery, omg! crutches and walkers suck! like i told you before they broke the big toe bone and the scraping of the bone is what really really hurt, aching throbbing pain, i was literally bedridden the first week, had to use a bed pan! and i told everyone when i had two shoulder operations the recovery was so much easier than ones
feet because at least with shoulders you dont have to walk on your incisions! so i was helpless, so i imagine you must be too. and of course need i mention i got absolutely no help whatsoever from the husbutt either. i really never thought that a person could be so cold hearted to ignore someone when they are helpless. but i guess i need to consider the source. but i am a strong one, i later learned how to roll myself around the house in a chair with wheels so i was able to make something to eat etc when my sons were at school or work and were not there to help me
this is where the disease of addiction took a hold of me, it was a relief for me to just close out the world and all the stress and get that warm fuzzy feeling from the pain meds and just "check out" that is what i did and when the pills were gone all i did was call for a refill thinking there is no way he is gonna fill them and i was thrilled when i saw the refill was honored with ES vicodin 3 REFILLS!!!that is where i lost control, because i thought for sure the doctor wouldn't play my game, it became too easy i dialed the number for the phamacy and then pressed 8 and it automatically took care of anything else i needed, so i didnt have to speak to a person to get refills, then i was like really sucked in now because he honored those refills with 3 refills again so it just went on and on for a few months! i am angry when i look back that this doctor obviously didnt care one bit that i was becoming
addicted but at the time i told everyone he is the BEST doctor ever! so after i learned i could play his game the nightmare really started to continue as i scheduled another bunionectomy and 2 shoulder operations and then a third!!! yes third foot operation because i felt he didnt remove enough bone on the one foot because there still was a bump on it, now both feet are nice and smooth and flat no bunion what so ever. but i payed a big price for it,i had no idea what i was getiing myself into because at this point i didnt have a period where i ran out of the drugs yet.
doctor said that i needed to be hospitalized for 4 days to have pain control management after the two shoulder operations soi was like pain control??? that must mean morphine!!!!! LETS DO IT!
This is where i get introduced to morphine, hypo shots every 4 hours, next hospital admission for the 2nd shoulder i now request the morphine drip omg!!! i thought i had died and went to heaven, the nurse was like you are pressing this button too much, i thought to myself shut up b*tch and just refill the morphine on that little machine! She was the only nurse on all the shifts that gave me a hard time about it but as i look back she was probably the best nurse who could see the game i was playing, the next morning i woke up to a hand swollen twice the size it should be and painful! i call for the nurse to come check it and she said that the needle from the IV has come out of the vein so all the fluids were going into my skin, she was like i need to remove this, i PANICKED NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! reinsert it! please reinsert it! my fun will be over is what i was thinking. she said now you will get oral vicodin...
vicodin didnt even cut it after having morphine,
so that is my story on how i got addicted, it took some clean time for me to reflect back on all that now and look at how bad i was. 5 yrs later here i am,finally got off those suckers by the grace of God and sub, could never have done it with out sub.
the reason i was asking you about precipated withdrawals is now i may need to have carpal tunnel and elbow surgery.
surgery and emergency rooms were my favorite stopping grounds before... some people went to bars, i went to er's.
so i hope i am doing the right thing this time, i am not RUSHING into this with out thinking of a strategy to protect my recovery,
before i would of had a big bottle of thise bad boys for pain and i would have done the surgery tomorrow if i could.
so i saw a my primary dr who sent me to a neurologist for a nerve test who sent me to an ortho who sent me to a hand surgeon who i will see on the 28th.
i told all the drs. right up front, i am a recovering addict, where before i purposely avoided that statement, i am asking many questions as to other alternatives, where before i wouldnt even consider listening to other non-surgical options, here is what the dros say
neurologist: significant carpal tunnel disorder, with the ulnar nerve showing significant delay upon testing. this explains why the elbow is painful and why my pinky finger is having painful electrical pulses shooting through it.
i dont see that any therpapy would be helpful and the ortho dr is probably gonna tell you that they will have to operate to release the tension on the bundle that the nerves go through.
ortho dr: well, think surgery is an option, dont know if i would do the elbow at this time since the symptoms just started with the pinky, but then i said i dont want to have to do this twice????
Well, lets have the hand surgeon look at it. 70% of a diabetic people will see good results.... i have diabetes.
so if it ends up that surgery is what will need to be done to relieve the constant numbness, and then i asked about pain meds could i just do advil etc? He said that there would be a 4 to 6 week recovery time and the post operative pain is gonna hurt alot. someone posted here that they went to work 3 hrs after the surgery????? i told the dr about that and that is when he said it would be 4 to 6 weeks!
and just like you i have started my taper, if surgery is the only option then i will be patient maybe wait until summer but then on the day of the surgery will i be able tohave a narcotic like he suggested with sub still in my system? i know you said they gave you demoral and it didnt throw you into w/d's??
alot to consider here and i am trying to play my cards right.
as far as the heel spur goes, once again i didnt beg for pain meds, he prescribed an asaid ketoprophen and i refused to take that because the print out from the pharmacy said: warning, can increase heart attack and stroke
and do not take this if you are on fluoxetine, (PAXIL) i forgot to mention paxil as i was listing all my meds to him, when i called him back on this he said just take advil, go figure.
so i got fitted for these really nice orthotics and picked those up yesterday and hopefully that will be the end of that problem.
i swear once i hit 50 i started falling apart! menopause, thinning out of my hair, and i dont even want to start complaining that my knees are absolutely killing me and have been for about a year now. i walk down the stairs like a grandma now, all those years of waitressing and hair styling standing all day, what really makes me feel so old also is i have orthotics and now COMPRESSION STOCKINGS! OH thats gonna look real cute with capri's and sandals! i hate this! but i have to say that the stockings have helped immensely for the swelling in my ankles for which i posted a few months back that i thought the swelling maybe a side effect of the sub because it started in rehab the week i was induced to sub; and im imelda marcos when it comes to shoes sandals boots you name it. i have at least 50 pairs of shoes and now this. oh well julie count your blessings, gratitude, gratitude.
boy you can tell i have a day off today as i have rambled on and on and have had fun posting to gina and the goos! i am a total procrastintor, i have a list at least a mile long of what needs to be done and here i sit typing away. my kids think i have substituted ne addiction for the other, they swear i am addicted to the computer and of i course i say no i'm not! denial, denial oh well have a good day.and i hope you are feeling better today love jewels.
this ones for KEE KEE!!!!!!!
Hi Jewels,
Sorry I never saw this post until now! Thank you for taking the time to post. I for one enjoy your posts. I feel like its therapeutic to you and that you get alot out of it!
To be perfectly honest now that the shock and horror of what I did to myself has worn off a bit. I am so miserable and trying to see what the "test" is here. I am not one to wallow in self pity...trust me if I were I would be dead meat at this point in my life.
BUT, I do believe most things in life happen for a reason...good and bad and yes this was an accident however....just what does God want to me gain from this???
I have been tested to nth degree lately and I guess am just feeling a little sorry for myself. I know it will pass and I should be truly grateful for my life...but one thing this has brought into focus once again is....how useless my husband is. A few things have happened that disturb me to no end....I just don't want to get into it right now..because it depressing.
I certainly don't want to bring anyone down.
I am still hurting but believe it or not I have been answering my phone (work) and my emails...I am sick...I feel compelled and responsible. Truth be told I should just let it go until Monday because I don't think I have left a very favorable impression.
Anyhow...you will be ok with your sub taper...you need to absolutely stick to your plan and stay steadfast. Had this happened pre 12 steps and the love that I hav gotten from that group...I fear I would be off and using again, without a second thought because I would have justified it. Not now, no way!
I am clear and accountable on what I am putting in my body and I want you to stay that way too!
Take care....limping around in paradise!!
Sorry I never saw this post until now! Thank you for taking the time to post. I for one enjoy your posts. I feel like its therapeutic to you and that you get alot out of it!
To be perfectly honest now that the shock and horror of what I did to myself has worn off a bit. I am so miserable and trying to see what the "test" is here. I am not one to wallow in self pity...trust me if I were I would be dead meat at this point in my life.
BUT, I do believe most things in life happen for a reason...good and bad and yes this was an accident however....just what does God want to me gain from this???
I have been tested to nth degree lately and I guess am just feeling a little sorry for myself. I know it will pass and I should be truly grateful for my life...but one thing this has brought into focus once again is....how useless my husband is. A few things have happened that disturb me to no end....I just don't want to get into it right now..because it depressing.
I certainly don't want to bring anyone down.
I am still hurting but believe it or not I have been answering my phone (work) and my emails...I am sick...I feel compelled and responsible. Truth be told I should just let it go until Monday because I don't think I have left a very favorable impression.
Anyhow...you will be ok with your sub taper...you need to absolutely stick to your plan and stay steadfast. Had this happened pre 12 steps and the love that I hav gotten from that group...I fear I would be off and using again, without a second thought because I would have justified it. Not now, no way!
I am clear and accountable on what I am putting in my body and I want you to stay that way too!
Take care....limping around in paradise!!
