Let me start off by saying I'm fairly new to this board! I will start my story from the beginning hoping I can get some clarity. I am a 22 yr old stay at home mom with 2 beautiful daughters. My husband is the only one working. Since Nov of 14. I started snooping around through my husband's stuff since I noticed he was acting some what different. I never found anything but weed with still see off the wall. One day I found a little black pebble which I later found out it was Heroin. I kept this to myself n kept seeing how he was acting constricted pupils falling asleep while driving in the bathroom long periods of time serious at times then happy at others sweating profusely etc.. I confronted him n we got into a huge fight about a wk later he said he was going to stop but I knew that to be a lie. Now 4 months later I have kicked I'm out n he said he will be clean n come back. Prior to kicking him out he said he jus smoked it so he can go to work and not get sick that he is slowly cutting himself off and using it only 2-3 a wk so he doesn't feel with drawl. I know this is not true since he uses before work n after n sometimes even in the afternoons. What I want to know is how much does this thing cost! He does not steal an pretty much always has money. Is he an addict? He seems to control himself pretty well. Is smoking it the same as injecting it? Like is it highly addictive even if he's just smoking it? Also what are other signs that he may be smoking Heroin? I grew up in a drug free home and honestly for the life of me can not just let this, "fly by" any input would be appreciated thanks!
Sassy,Is he an addict you ask ...YES...first off he is making stupid excuses I'm cutting down amongst other red flags . He's smoking it.......honey either you want to stop or you don't there is no cutting down.....He is playing you for a fool...Herion is not an expensive drug ....but what herion will do is bait the addict...make them feel good and then they are hooked....they want more and more herion becomes the most important thing in their life ...they will lie steal cheat do things they might not normally do....yet the demon herion implants in them becomes the master..they become it's slave....You cannot allow him to play you...it's like an alcoholic saying their going to cut down they'll drink only half the bottle. ..He needs to admit his problem admit his addiction. and get help....the addiction has already progressed he is lying making excuses and trying to make sense to him using 2 times a week....Sassy my son was a herion addict...notice I said was. ...we had ten years of herion ...sadly sassy my beautiful Chris passed away March 25 ...we lost the battle to herion ....his torment is over mine is ongoing for I'm struggling with the loss of my beautiful son...He maybe able to kid you but trust me he ain't gonna kid me.....I'm here for you...if you need to talk ......don't let him fool you.Signs of herion. Losing weight waxy type looking hair if he begins injecting marks on his inner arm spending time away from the family sleeping alot money disappearing...lying ...there's many...He will blame things on you make it look like it's you ...yup I'm here for you sassy....
I am so, so, so sorry to hear about your son I can't even imagine what that would be like! Well Idk what to believe.. When I first found out he was really bad. He would literally be falling asleep and awake 1 - 2 hours a day. Since he's the one with the money Idk how much he is spending. But he never wants to be with us and he always I with a friend whom is addicted to pills alcohol meth n Heroin he lies and steals from his wife. Since I've kicked him out he came back a month later and is now supposedly clean. It's been only 3 days but it's still to soon to tell. The first day he was back he slept all day. These 2 days he's been good n hasn't been gone very long when he goes out. He does lie a lot about who he's with n where he is going which os why I can't trust him. I've offered to help him in anyway I can be it getting money from someone to go to rehab to even taking walks with him when he is what they call "sick". Nothing, he says he Cando it on his own I just don't know what to do.. Stick around until it gets better or worse n have him around my girls like that? Or leave n hope he comes to his senses but I scared he will lose him self in a drug coma.. I never thought he'd be an addict since he's a good worker doesn't steal inject or anything.. I just don't know the power. I would really appreciate any information or advice you are able to give me! I've confronted his family but since he seems healthy, always eating, always has money, they think I am making everything up!
Dear Sassy, Addiction is a hard thing to try and understand. ..it is a disease more so of the mind then the flesh....So it is hard to understand something you cannot see...they don't see his problem...You live with him you see what it is doing the patterns of lies the nodding out,you have found the drugs..Sorry Sassy do I believe he can get better on his own ...Sassy if that was the case would we all be here would there be a need for rehabs and counseling a need for suboxone. ..Once herion is introduced into the flesh whether it be injecting snorting smoking it has an effect in the brain....it effects the receptors in the brain...to explain it in a way you might understand it makes like holes.....those holes must be patched ....they will remain open....that's why it craves the drug viciously. ...My son Chris had such an amazing heart....even the day he died there was a dog cowering on a busy highway all the cars zooming around this defenseless animal....Chris ran onto the highway dodging the cars and scoped the dog up....He bought the dog home with him......what point I'm trying to make is they aren't bad people ....what it is is the drug controls them...they become the puppet the drug the puppeteer. ..it pulls the strings it controls them both mentally and physically. ...He will not get better on his own...He will to be better at hiding his addiction. ....but as the addiction. Progresses which it will.......then it'll become harder to cover the lies....I'm not guessing these things it was my life for 10 years. ..Sassy Chris wouldn't have wanted to hurt me...we had a deep love ...He didn't want to be tormented by this addiction he loved his family if he could've won this battle he would have.....You have the right to ask him what is going on with him...how is he planning on recovery. ...what steps will he take ..you have children with him you cannot build a future with someone if you cannot talk to them about what is going on here....He needs to be honest this isn't just about him....addiction effects the entire family....You may not do herion. But it is effecting you both mentally emotionally and physically. ....You need to have a serious talk with him....I'm betting he will be defensive ....He will.try and cover his addiction .....if he will not be honest with you then I will put it to you straight you must take the steps to take care of yourself and your girls....addiction doesn't usually stop or fo away it.progresses....You can try and do all you can to hinder it but it's grasp is stronger then any human power.....they have to want to get better they have to be honest they have to work at getting better.....Sassy if I could've saved my Chris believe me I would've fought this to my death.....You are powerless.....and as I said you need to talk to him....his actions reactions will allow you to decide where to go from there....if something doesn't make sense trust yourself ...addicts are wonderful at lying and manipulating.
For a full-blown addict, a heroin addiction is usually at least $100 a day and often goes above $200 a day.
You need to be healthy, whether the addict is or not.
You are powerless over someone else's addiction.
Please find a Family Support program near you. Consider Al Anon or NAR Anon. You will not be disappointed.
You need to be healthy, whether the addict is or not.
You are powerless over someone else's addiction.
Please find a Family Support program near you. Consider Al Anon or NAR Anon. You will not be disappointed.
I also was going to mention that, while heroin in small quantities isn't necessarily expensive, it's the addict's habit that makes it expensive. In my area, a gram of heroin is broken down into what is called "packs" on the street, about 10-15 packs per gram. A pack goes for $20 and will get an infrequent user pretty intoxicated. However, someone in full heroin addiction will probably need about half a gram each day in order to keep withdrawal at bay, which can be upward of $100 or more. It's not uncommon for heroin addicts to begin selling it in an effort to offset the cost of their habit.
In any event, don't let him play you, Sassy. You're either using or you're not. It's not like smoking cigarettes where people cut back and cut back, then switch to patches and eventually quit. When a heroin user tries to use less heroin today than they did yesterday, they experience withdrawal. When they begin to feel that sickness, they'll think, "Well I'll use the normal amount today and cut back tomorrow since I don't want to experience withdrawal." And then tomorrow because the next day, ad infinitum. And they'll never willingly give up heroin.
I'm an ex-addict myself. It was my goal to be a functional addict, being high all the time without my habit preventing me from my goals. It was my own warped version of the American Dream. However, once my boyfriend discovered I was using, he dropped me like a bad habit and even though he said there was no chance he'd take me back, I immediately entered a program and decided I'd rather give up heroin than my relationship.
I'm telling you this because oftentimes this is the sort of thing a heroin addict needs in order to finally choose to give up heroin: Consequences and sacrifices. When they start losing things that are important, they'll be more likely to accept treatment. You should be aware that there's no guarantee of course, but this is the one of the few ways to encourage an addict to begin recovery. If they accept the consequences and continue to use, there's nothing more you can do. At that point, they're a lost cause until they get so low that they essentially have no other choice, but they still must choose. Otherwise they'll find a way to justify their continued use, which they'll become quite good at hiding. Even the most honest people become liars under heroin's influence, and they'll find ways to justify their lies too.
I hope this helps. Good luck to you.
In any event, don't let him play you, Sassy. You're either using or you're not. It's not like smoking cigarettes where people cut back and cut back, then switch to patches and eventually quit. When a heroin user tries to use less heroin today than they did yesterday, they experience withdrawal. When they begin to feel that sickness, they'll think, "Well I'll use the normal amount today and cut back tomorrow since I don't want to experience withdrawal." And then tomorrow because the next day, ad infinitum. And they'll never willingly give up heroin.
I'm an ex-addict myself. It was my goal to be a functional addict, being high all the time without my habit preventing me from my goals. It was my own warped version of the American Dream. However, once my boyfriend discovered I was using, he dropped me like a bad habit and even though he said there was no chance he'd take me back, I immediately entered a program and decided I'd rather give up heroin than my relationship.
I'm telling you this because oftentimes this is the sort of thing a heroin addict needs in order to finally choose to give up heroin: Consequences and sacrifices. When they start losing things that are important, they'll be more likely to accept treatment. You should be aware that there's no guarantee of course, but this is the one of the few ways to encourage an addict to begin recovery. If they accept the consequences and continue to use, there's nothing more you can do. At that point, they're a lost cause until they get so low that they essentially have no other choice, but they still must choose. Otherwise they'll find a way to justify their continued use, which they'll become quite good at hiding. Even the most honest people become liars under heroin's influence, and they'll find ways to justify their lies too.
I hope this helps. Good luck to you.
Thank you everyone for your help.. It is hard for me to understand what is going on since I've never so much smoked a cigarette.. I don't know the effects of anything. Since then I had kicked him out for a month, which was the time he had said he needed to get clean, but I couldn't have him around the house with my girls since I don't know the reactions. He has come back and says he is clean now but I can't believe him... It is tearing me apart. I get so mad that he would even bring such a thing into our home I can't forgive him.. I've said I can help him go into rehab.. But how long are the programs?? And the cost, roughly? Also, what are the reactions they have? Any hallucinations or things like that? I feel like I am a bad person for being angry. I feel as though I should inspire him to change instead of being angry and going off on him all the time but I just can't deal with drugs in my home. But I also do not want to leave my girls with out their dad.. His family thinks I'm making things up because he talks eats and acts normal. I believe they think it's the same as weed.. Am I over reacting or is this really as serious as I think it is? Again, thank you for your help. I really appreciate everything you guys have to say as I am completely lost on this!
oh Sassy,
You sound so absolutely like me when I found out my husband was on heroin. It breaks my heart! It seriously took me about a year to process the fact that my husband, father of my children, who went to work everyday and was a great father, husband and professional, was doing heroin. From there it took me about another six months to begin to understand what that encompasses.
Like you, I was nt even overwhelmed, i was simply confused and bewildered and had no idea what heroin, addiction of any of it meant.
Here are some of the classic lines I heard when I began to confront him, taht confused me to end:
- you could nt possibly understand me or the kind of pressure I am under
- you are so nave. From another world. Do you think I am the only one who comes home and does a little heroin? Think again. Everyone who is working hard with a serious job is doing it.
- You are so ridiculous. You think I am a junky? Have you seen what junkies look like? Do they provide families? Put food on the table, take the family away for great vacations? Do they dress in a suit and tie?
- Dont you ever talk about this with anyone. You are an idiot who does nt know anything and you could ruin my entire career and this family's entire future.
It was nt long after that Sassy - and I mean months - that weird things indeed began to happen. Phone calls from work asking me if my Husband was feeling better and when he was coming to work. Having my card declined at at the super market. Him disappearing, saying he was going one place and calling me from another - the fake business trips abroad....and still I could nt quite fathom any of it.
The thing I learned, is if you have found out, the problem is already much worse than you could think. He spent a lot of time and energy hiding this from you and the fact that you found it, that you have realized he is not going where he sais he is etc. means he can no longer keep up all the hard work that comes with all t he hiding or he is begninning not to care.
When he left for a month, where did he go? How did he kick it? What is his plan to stay clean?
You will never be able to wrap your head around all of this in one go. So you should start from the beginning. You must know the following
- you did not cause this. Nothing you did or did not do made him do heroin. In fact this has very little to do with you. Its not that he does nt love you or that you dont love him enogh, you will never please him enough, encourage him enough, scream at him enough, manipulate him enough for him to stop. Its not you. It really is nno. He has to change.
- You cannot control him. You wont be able to watch him 24/7, you cant follow him to work or out with his friends. If you set certain rules, you cant nag him into following them, scream for him not to leave the house, make sure everything at home is perfect so he wont need to use. He will anyway.
- You wont be able to cure him. No more than you are equipped to cure cancer, or an infection. You cannot cure him.
So what can you do? Begin to focus on you and your kids. What can you do for yourself? How can you remove yourself from his toxic situation? How will you get through this? Where do you need to be? Who do you need around you? Focus on you. Dont worry about he is doing today.
Oh and come here, read, read, read, read - you are not alon in this. So many of us have been there, are there. Our stories are all very similar in the end, and the more you begin to understand the stronger you will be. I have no doubt you have a hard road ahead. I also have no doubt that you can walk. Your pace, as best you can.
Take care. Really
You sound so absolutely like me when I found out my husband was on heroin. It breaks my heart! It seriously took me about a year to process the fact that my husband, father of my children, who went to work everyday and was a great father, husband and professional, was doing heroin. From there it took me about another six months to begin to understand what that encompasses.
Like you, I was nt even overwhelmed, i was simply confused and bewildered and had no idea what heroin, addiction of any of it meant.
Here are some of the classic lines I heard when I began to confront him, taht confused me to end:
- you could nt possibly understand me or the kind of pressure I am under
- you are so nave. From another world. Do you think I am the only one who comes home and does a little heroin? Think again. Everyone who is working hard with a serious job is doing it.
- You are so ridiculous. You think I am a junky? Have you seen what junkies look like? Do they provide families? Put food on the table, take the family away for great vacations? Do they dress in a suit and tie?
- Dont you ever talk about this with anyone. You are an idiot who does nt know anything and you could ruin my entire career and this family's entire future.
It was nt long after that Sassy - and I mean months - that weird things indeed began to happen. Phone calls from work asking me if my Husband was feeling better and when he was coming to work. Having my card declined at at the super market. Him disappearing, saying he was going one place and calling me from another - the fake business trips abroad....and still I could nt quite fathom any of it.
The thing I learned, is if you have found out, the problem is already much worse than you could think. He spent a lot of time and energy hiding this from you and the fact that you found it, that you have realized he is not going where he sais he is etc. means he can no longer keep up all the hard work that comes with all t he hiding or he is begninning not to care.
When he left for a month, where did he go? How did he kick it? What is his plan to stay clean?
You will never be able to wrap your head around all of this in one go. So you should start from the beginning. You must know the following
- you did not cause this. Nothing you did or did not do made him do heroin. In fact this has very little to do with you. Its not that he does nt love you or that you dont love him enogh, you will never please him enough, encourage him enough, scream at him enough, manipulate him enough for him to stop. Its not you. It really is nno. He has to change.
- You cannot control him. You wont be able to watch him 24/7, you cant follow him to work or out with his friends. If you set certain rules, you cant nag him into following them, scream for him not to leave the house, make sure everything at home is perfect so he wont need to use. He will anyway.
- You wont be able to cure him. No more than you are equipped to cure cancer, or an infection. You cannot cure him.
So what can you do? Begin to focus on you and your kids. What can you do for yourself? How can you remove yourself from his toxic situation? How will you get through this? Where do you need to be? Who do you need around you? Focus on you. Dont worry about he is doing today.
Oh and come here, read, read, read, read - you are not alon in this. So many of us have been there, are there. Our stories are all very similar in the end, and the more you begin to understand the stronger you will be. I have no doubt you have a hard road ahead. I also have no doubt that you can walk. Your pace, as best you can.
Take care. Really
Thank you
