Wohhoooo! Where have I gone you say, recovery, yay! I did it of my own will this time, well, mine and death's... was in the hospital, now on mmt... got to go there now, explain later.... but I'm f***ing alive, and taking somemgood advice I learned in NA over the last few years of trying to get clean and failing. Honesty, personal inventory, and keeping it simple. Today is a great day to start in my recovery program. Hell yeah! I'm more alone this year and time in alotmof years but I've kept good people around that I usually shut out, and anticipating some positive changes as long as i can change myself.
Merry christmas!!!
trooper
Wot a christmas present you have given yourself.
Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Trooper....at least yer climbing and not digging .....fairplay to ya .All the best in the coming weeks............Davey
It's those people that you shut out, yet always seem to be there when you come to your sense's, that are truly a gift. We all need people that can see things in us, that we don't see ourselves. If you have friends like that, then you've got a lot. Hang on to them my friend.
Good luck and have a great Holiday
That goes for everyone.
Good luck and have a great Holiday
That goes for everyone.
Way to go, trooper! Hang in there! There's a rainbow awaiting you at the end of that road out of hell!
Yo, Trooper..............you go on...........like Davey said you are climbing.
thanks everyone, I was in a fab mood this morning, now morbidly depressed.... eck. Well, found this in my phone, someone took it of me im ICU... maybe it will be a reminder to me of how physically painfull dying actually is, because for some reason or another I can't remememer and want to die again already... vivious huh? wow. Going to a meeting tomorrow, couldn't get a conseor today so I just hung at home and cried. Got to get up and into recovery...
Boyfriends workplace burnt down last night, he wont file for unemployment, but theres nothing I can do to change him I guess
going to chill with some good family members tomorrow, did alot for me when I was kicking dope the first time 4 years ago and I spit in thier face... hope all is well. merry xmas
Boyfriends workplace burnt down last night, he wont file for unemployment, but theres nothing I can do to change him I guess
going to chill with some good family members tomorrow, did alot for me when I was kicking dope the first time 4 years ago and I spit in thier face... hope all is well. merry xmas
WOW!
Man, Trooper ya think your photograph there would have ya never again even think about dope.............that's horrific..........alas, we're dope addicts and that's what we do................and I agree the dying part somehow don't seem all that bad sometime..........BUT last thing you need to be doing is looking like that again.............right?
The emotional part you already know the drill, honey...............up/down/up/down and on and on..........cry when ya want like ya did..............no weakness in it...........and on the good side ya got them good family and friends on your side........try and stay tough, O.K.? You can do this, Trooper...........I don't want to ever see a pic like that of you again or worse.
Stay tight, K? Thanks for the support.........we could have hung together and cried............much respect.
Man, Trooper ya think your photograph there would have ya never again even think about dope.............that's horrific..........alas, we're dope addicts and that's what we do................and I agree the dying part somehow don't seem all that bad sometime..........BUT last thing you need to be doing is looking like that again.............right?
The emotional part you already know the drill, honey...............up/down/up/down and on and on..........cry when ya want like ya did..............no weakness in it...........and on the good side ya got them good family and friends on your side........try and stay tough, O.K.? You can do this, Trooper...........I don't want to ever see a pic like that of you again or worse.
Stay tight, K? Thanks for the support.........we could have hung together and cried............much respect.
Troop--wow, you are going through alot right now as well as most of us are... after I read your post i was thinking of saying congrats and thats awesome that your feeling so good then on second thought my mind told me I had better let you know to be carefull because not everyday will feel taht way and you have to be able to cope with whatever then BAM I read your second post. You are in the early stages of recovery wich definatley has its positivews and negatives--the silverlining--enjoy it, the newness and the ability to rejoice at the ability to live "normal" and do everyday things--i tend to forget these things after ive been clean for awhile--its harder to remember the bad times and revel in the moment. So anyway i knowim mumbling--i feel for you, but if you are true to your name--youll trudge through the bad picking up the tools you need and soak in the good, i hope to see you around alot more now that your back on your path of recovery--or discovery as i like to think of it!!!!!!
thanks amity. I remember this phase all too well, honestly it's he best part of recovery. I discover alot about myself everytime I go through it, and mostly with confidence, Getting sober gives me purpose, just got to put myself in a situation where I stay sober with a purpose. All of that time alone on xmas gave me small bits of clarity, and when i get calm, i can produce some rational ideas, so who knows where I'll be tomorrow after my clinic and counseling. Hopefully moving forward,
Trooper:
Hey, I am Sarah from the PP forum, but we have posted to one another a couple of times in the past.
Just wanted to say, I am rooting for you! I hope you find out what the issue with your lungs is...and it is manageable. I know how hard it is to keep your head up when you feel as though you have "fallen backwards"...but the last time you use is the last time you use...and all the other tries don't really matter. Just the one that sticks...and I think you are there!
Sounds like you have the right tools...heading in the right direction with counseling and meetings. Also, gratefully you have family that will give you some safe space. I would imagine that "spit in the face" will be forgotten...as all most people who are willing to lend someone a hand, really want...is your well being. So, your recovery and happiness will wipe that away in time.
I will surely be thinking of you, and hoping that the first part of your recovery...talking with someone, will bring you peace. You deserve happiness trooper....we all do.
God Bless and Take Care,
Sarah
Hey, I am Sarah from the PP forum, but we have posted to one another a couple of times in the past.
Just wanted to say, I am rooting for you! I hope you find out what the issue with your lungs is...and it is manageable. I know how hard it is to keep your head up when you feel as though you have "fallen backwards"...but the last time you use is the last time you use...and all the other tries don't really matter. Just the one that sticks...and I think you are there!
Sounds like you have the right tools...heading in the right direction with counseling and meetings. Also, gratefully you have family that will give you some safe space. I would imagine that "spit in the face" will be forgotten...as all most people who are willing to lend someone a hand, really want...is your well being. So, your recovery and happiness will wipe that away in time.
I will surely be thinking of you, and hoping that the first part of your recovery...talking with someone, will bring you peace. You deserve happiness trooper....we all do.
God Bless and Take Care,
Sarah
thanks sarah. I hope your holidays are great too! :D
The family was actually very caring and supportive (these are my blood relatives now, jeez) It kind of humbled me, made me a bit emotional which I am alot of latley, but that's good, letting out all of that poison through tears ya know?
The family was actually very caring and supportive (these are my blood relatives now, jeez) It kind of humbled me, made me a bit emotional which I am alot of latley, but that's good, letting out all of that poison through tears ya know?
Absolutely I understand the water works! Crying is cleansing!
I saw an art exhibit a few weeks ago...this woman was talking about water in her work. How the water now, is the same water the dinosaurs drank...just reprocessed through its endless loop of reabsorption, evaporation, rain, etc. Your tears are a part of that too....mine too. It is natural and healthy and right!
Just be wherever you need to be right now trooper...as long as you are being gentle with yourself, allowing yourself some time to heal, and doing the next right thing.
Hang tough...it will get easier, and it won't be very long either!
Much love,
Sarah
I saw an art exhibit a few weeks ago...this woman was talking about water in her work. How the water now, is the same water the dinosaurs drank...just reprocessed through its endless loop of reabsorption, evaporation, rain, etc. Your tears are a part of that too....mine too. It is natural and healthy and right!
Just be wherever you need to be right now trooper...as long as you are being gentle with yourself, allowing yourself some time to heal, and doing the next right thing.
Hang tough...it will get easier, and it won't be very long either!
Much love,
Sarah
