does anyone know of any newsgroups that talk about co-dependents? thanx for any info!!
one of the best sources is "Co-Dependent No More" by Marianne Goldsby (whoops, i think that's her name -- somebody correct me if I'm wrong).
Also, check the Al Anon website.
Also, check the Al Anon website.
Melody Beattie is the author. sorry.
Here's some questions composed by the author to identify co-dependent tendenies:
Do you feel responsible for other people--their feelings, thoughts, actions, choices, wants, needs, well-being and destiny?
Do you feel compelled to help people solve their problems or by trying to take care of their feelings?
Do you find it easier to feel and express anger about injustices done to others than about injustices done to you?
Do you feel safest and most comfortable when you are giving to others?
Do you feel insecure and guilty when someone gives to you?
Do you feel empty, bored and worthless if you don't have someone else to take care of, a problem to solve, or a crisis to deal with?
Are you often unable to stop talking, thinking and worrying about other people and their problems?
Do you lose interest in your own life when you are in love?
Do you stay in relationships that don't work and tolerate abuse in order to keep people loving you?
Do you leave bad relationships only to form new ones that don't work, either?
Do you feel responsible for other people--their feelings, thoughts, actions, choices, wants, needs, well-being and destiny?
Do you feel compelled to help people solve their problems or by trying to take care of their feelings?
Do you find it easier to feel and express anger about injustices done to others than about injustices done to you?
Do you feel safest and most comfortable when you are giving to others?
Do you feel insecure and guilty when someone gives to you?
Do you feel empty, bored and worthless if you don't have someone else to take care of, a problem to solve, or a crisis to deal with?
Are you often unable to stop talking, thinking and worrying about other people and their problems?
Do you lose interest in your own life when you are in love?
Do you stay in relationships that don't work and tolerate abuse in order to keep people loving you?
Do you leave bad relationships only to form new ones that don't work, either?
Take what you need and leave the rest ---
About Codependendency and Recovery from Addictions:
Addictions and Codependency are family and relationship issues as well as a primary illness for the addict. Modern treatment methods address the entire family and relationship structure.
Ironically, codependency isn't about other people - it's about the relationship with the self. Codependents often believe that if the addict in their life sobered up their problems would go away.
Countless addict / alcoholics find their relationships end or change radically when they get clean and sober. The family / relationship dynamic was predicated on the addict being "the sick one." As the addict gets well they may find their partners and family members have no idea how to adjust to the changes.
Enabling codependents may subvert the addict's recovery so the unhealthy relationship dynamics can be preserved.
Addicted codependents who hid behind another's more dramatic problem may leave the relationship rather than give up their own using. Addicted codependents often progress in their own addictions more rapidly when their partner enters recovery. (Since the change in the relationship is stressful.)
Codependents in denial cannot adjust to the relationship changes that occur when their partner begins recovery. They may move on to other addictive relationships so they can cling to their own dysfunctional patterns. (The controlling codependent is often lost without someone to blame, fix and control.) How many times have you heard of people who leave one alcoholic only to enter a relationship with another one?
All people involved in the addictive cycle need a solid recovery program if relationships are to be preserved and they are to lead happy, fulfilling lives.
About Codependendency and Recovery from Addictions:
Addictions and Codependency are family and relationship issues as well as a primary illness for the addict. Modern treatment methods address the entire family and relationship structure.
Ironically, codependency isn't about other people - it's about the relationship with the self. Codependents often believe that if the addict in their life sobered up their problems would go away.
Countless addict / alcoholics find their relationships end or change radically when they get clean and sober. The family / relationship dynamic was predicated on the addict being "the sick one." As the addict gets well they may find their partners and family members have no idea how to adjust to the changes.
Enabling codependents may subvert the addict's recovery so the unhealthy relationship dynamics can be preserved.
Addicted codependents who hid behind another's more dramatic problem may leave the relationship rather than give up their own using. Addicted codependents often progress in their own addictions more rapidly when their partner enters recovery. (Since the change in the relationship is stressful.)
Codependents in denial cannot adjust to the relationship changes that occur when their partner begins recovery. They may move on to other addictive relationships so they can cling to their own dysfunctional patterns. (The controlling codependent is often lost without someone to blame, fix and control.) How many times have you heard of people who leave one alcoholic only to enter a relationship with another one?
All people involved in the addictive cycle need a solid recovery program if relationships are to be preserved and they are to lead happy, fulfilling lives.
Its funny when I talk to her she knows she f***ed up things in the relationship and wants to take things back and make everything better but says she cant.. I guess she is blowin smoke up my a** cause if she really wanted to she would!!
She still doesnt know that I know she smokes marijuana and is into coke (or so I believe) its like I assume she goes out at nite with her new boyfriend does the s*** and then when she is coming down, thats when I get her phone calls cause she knows how good she had it with me and i get the i miss you, and want to hang out with you and the blah blah blah that everyone else gets... Shes not so much dragging me down at this point, but I wish she just would open up to me at some point.. Im not going to force the issue, I guess she will when she really wants to, and I guess just dropping everything as hard as it is going to be is going to make her realize she is messed up!! AHHHHHHHHHHH IM SO CONFUSED!!
She still doesnt know that I know she smokes marijuana and is into coke (or so I believe) its like I assume she goes out at nite with her new boyfriend does the s*** and then when she is coming down, thats when I get her phone calls cause she knows how good she had it with me and i get the i miss you, and want to hang out with you and the blah blah blah that everyone else gets... Shes not so much dragging me down at this point, but I wish she just would open up to me at some point.. Im not going to force the issue, I guess she will when she really wants to, and I guess just dropping everything as hard as it is going to be is going to make her realize she is messed up!! AHHHHHHHHHHH IM SO CONFUSED!!
