In December 2004 i lost my my left hand in a traumatic accident in all means I guess it just was meant to happen i was only 19 years old at the time of this serious accident. When it first happen i was in shock my whole body was I couldn't feel to much then it started to burn like a blow torch was on my arm it cartorised my wound the doctors said from the blast. All i know at the time the paramedics came
and i was slipping in and out of unconsciouses they said josh stay with us as the state police was searching my room for what took my hand off.it was a m80 fire work that i had found down at the park and i thought it was a dud. i had a cigarette in my right hand and the m80 in my left hand it matched together with out me knowing it them boom there goes my life. They flew me in a jet engine helicopter called north star to cooper memorial hospital in Camden county new jersey . They put me in th trauma unite and put me in a drug induced coma, until they had to clean the wound up because they said it was a dirty wound . i sat there with tears in my eyes asking can you save just a few fingers they said im afraid we cant josh.I was in shock but it didn't still settle in until the drugs that they gave me wore off which was secobarbital and xanax 2mgs. Then the wheeled me into the amputation room thats when i seen death man it had saws in there it looked like a horror movie i was so scared . They asked me what kinda flavored gas do you want to put me under i said root beer. Then i woke up with nothing just my wrist with piss in my bed a morphine pump that you push the button and it comes out just a little at once it wasn't strong enough they had to give me oxycontin 80ms every 12hrs plus the pump. After 4 days went buy the discharged me with 10mgs of oxy contin 4 times a day and 5mg percocets every 4hrs for the break through pain / klonopin & xanax. I came home i was so sad thinking nobody wanted me now no woman im 19years old i only had 2 more years of college to become a pharmacist it was just a nightmare and a bg accident. i guess not i have pot tramitic stress. and severe anxiety.
after all that i got hooked on so many narcotics almost every 1 because allot of doctors didn't want to deal with my type of pain so they would write me a script for each doctor i seen . until i found this family doctor in elmer thats when i really got addicted. you figure that there intentions are to help your pain well why don't they have a lience to give out suboxone or methadone. as of right now i have a suboxone doctor i take it twice a day 8mgs so that = 16mgs a day im fine but its bin so long since i felt normal with out being on drugs this month im done with suboxone on my own its just another drug replacing my other old drugs. i was no addict before this had happen . yes i will get the opiate weinging off instructions . then i go see another doctor for xanax 2mgs twice a day shes switching me over to klonopin soon. a longer active benzo .
Josh wow reading your story sent chills up my spine. Their are no words of wisdom I can give to relieve the pain both emotionally and physically of losing your hand but I can tell you this don't waste the rest of your life in a drug induced state. The drugs only intensify your depression. Find a "good" doctor and tell him/her about your problem they may be able to prescribe you an anti depressant. But you must get off the drugs. Are you still in pain now? You had said the accident was two years ago so I would not figure you are in any physical pain which means you are taking the pills to help with the emotional pain. Please stop now. Don't wake up one day and have your story be: I started taking pills when my hand was amputated, that was twenty years ago.....
Keep posting here there are some great people here.
Roxy
Keep posting here there are some great people here.
Roxy
Josh just wanted to let you know that the board is a little slow right now so don't get discourage it usually is good around10:00 - 12:00 and in the mornings. I will try to get on later but I have to put the boys to bed now.
Roxy
Roxy
Hi Josh,
Had to say something, and honestly I should be leaving words for your gf, as she posted on the love yah hate you board, opps, I mean the family board. I probably will......
But you wrote in such detail with all that happened and where you are from, a jerzey boy....To young for hell, don't you think. Sadly though you are not alone. Keep reading here some real smart people around, who can offer some good advice.
I just wanted to wish you the best. There is an end to the madness always.Fight that good fight for you....
Love,
Tina
Had to say something, and honestly I should be leaving words for your gf, as she posted on the love yah hate you board, opps, I mean the family board. I probably will......
But you wrote in such detail with all that happened and where you are from, a jerzey boy....To young for hell, don't you think. Sadly though you are not alone. Keep reading here some real smart people around, who can offer some good advice.
I just wanted to wish you the best. There is an end to the madness always.Fight that good fight for you....
Love,
Tina
Josh Oh goodness my heart goes out to you(which probaly is the last thing you want)
I do want to say something.I am on Suboxone,I have been for 2 years & may be on it for life.See I have medical issues that are very painful & without the Sub Im out of control as far as pain meds.
Josh Please Please know though you may feel so lost,so alone your not.May I ask if you are in therapy?what happen to you was so unfair so ????Sad but it will stay with you .I feel you may need to find a way to work out the anger,you must be feeling,the feelings of "not being good enough)Etc.
Josh Life offers many chances,we may never understand why things happen,but there may be a reason.
As for a woman wanting you...Josh your hand was only 1 part of Josh.It may be hard for you to see that right now but thats the truth.
Please keep posting & talking,this isnt something you need to carry alone.People here can be your shoulders until you are feeling stronger.
Take Care Josh...
molly
I do want to say something.I am on Suboxone,I have been for 2 years & may be on it for life.See I have medical issues that are very painful & without the Sub Im out of control as far as pain meds.
Josh Please Please know though you may feel so lost,so alone your not.May I ask if you are in therapy?what happen to you was so unfair so ????Sad but it will stay with you .I feel you may need to find a way to work out the anger,you must be feeling,the feelings of "not being good enough)Etc.
Josh Life offers many chances,we may never understand why things happen,but there may be a reason.
As for a woman wanting you...Josh your hand was only 1 part of Josh.It may be hard for you to see that right now but thats the truth.
Please keep posting & talking,this isnt something you need to carry alone.People here can be your shoulders until you are feeling stronger.
Take Care Josh...
molly
Josh,your story really breaks my heart. You sure have been through alot.
Im glad you found sub to help you (i am on it also)but like you,im ready to get off.Make sure you do it with the help of a dr though,coming off the sub will be a very hard thing to do(so ive heard)you must follow your dr instruction to ease through it.
How are you feeling these days.Do you have to take any anti depressents.Are you dealing better with the loss of your hand.It has to be very traumatic and iw ould think counseling,soemone to talk to about your feelings would but a huge benefit to you.Do you see anyone like that?
This board can be a great source to come to to talk and vent,please,continue to post your feelings.We all care and have been there(as far as the addiction goes)i cant imagine losing a limb,you do sound like a very strong and determined young man.I think you'll make it,better than you can even imagine.Kicking the pills is a huge step.Congrats on all youve accomplished.Look forward to hearing more from you.~KIM
Im glad you found sub to help you (i am on it also)but like you,im ready to get off.Make sure you do it with the help of a dr though,coming off the sub will be a very hard thing to do(so ive heard)you must follow your dr instruction to ease through it.
How are you feeling these days.Do you have to take any anti depressents.Are you dealing better with the loss of your hand.It has to be very traumatic and iw ould think counseling,soemone to talk to about your feelings would but a huge benefit to you.Do you see anyone like that?
This board can be a great source to come to to talk and vent,please,continue to post your feelings.We all care and have been there(as far as the addiction goes)i cant imagine losing a limb,you do sound like a very strong and determined young man.I think you'll make it,better than you can even imagine.Kicking the pills is a huge step.Congrats on all youve accomplished.Look forward to hearing more from you.~KIM
I would like to try & keep this bumped for Josh.As Im sure we all want him to know he is cared for
Thanks
molly
Thanks
molly
Josh
I so hope you come back we want to hear from you. It is too hard to do alone. Take care.
Roxy
I so hope you come back we want to hear from you. It is too hard to do alone. Take care.
Roxy
Hey Josh. I'm in Jersey as well, not an addict but my boyfriend is. I grew up in Pittsgrove(right next to your doc in elmer). Thats where I go to the doctor actually, right by the IGA. My boyfriend was a heroin addict/ alcoholic. He is in recovery now. Has been clean of all drugs and alcohol for over 4 months now. He is also on suboxone. He takes 12 mgs per day.
He was born without his right hand. If you have any questions or need helping trying to figure out how to do certain things you should let me know and maybe you guys could meet? Sounds weird but he has lived his whole life without a right hand.
Hope you are doing well and we all hope to hear back from you soon. I think you should try some AA or NA meetings and maybe consider staying on the suboxone until you are a bit more stable. It is supposed to help with urges, so the longer you are on it the better chance you have of staying clean for good.
He was born without his right hand. If you have any questions or need helping trying to figure out how to do certain things you should let me know and maybe you guys could meet? Sounds weird but he has lived his whole life without a right hand.
Hope you are doing well and we all hope to hear back from you soon. I think you should try some AA or NA meetings and maybe consider staying on the suboxone until you are a bit more stable. It is supposed to help with urges, so the longer you are on it the better chance you have of staying clean for good.
hey josh
please take the advice that has been offered to you in the above posts. i think that you may be numbing your emotional pain right now with mood altering substances, you dont want to walk down that path of life,thats for sure. see a therapist you may be suffering from ptsd-post traumatic stress disorder, its the same thing like the viet nam vets suffered or from anyone who has had a major trauma in their life. anti depressants too, help me out tremendously.
josh PLEASE PLEASE dont ever think you are not desirable because you lost your hand, i know it must be embarrassing for you but we have to accept the things we cannot change as the serenity prayer states.
there is a man at our church who was born with deformed hand, he always keeps it hidden in his pocket, he has a beautiful wife and 3 kids, such a nice family, l watch how the family interacts with one another , they obviously look in love, they help out each other keeping the children quiet during the service and i look at this man and i think man i wish he was my husband, or my husband could learn a few lessons from him. i am a woman and i look at this man with a deformed hand and he is no less good looking or desirable because his hand is messed up.
so please try to be positive that there is a woman out there who will love you no less because of your accident and the women you meet who find you less desirable are not worth it!!!! peace be with you josh, julie/ jewels
please take the advice that has been offered to you in the above posts. i think that you may be numbing your emotional pain right now with mood altering substances, you dont want to walk down that path of life,thats for sure. see a therapist you may be suffering from ptsd-post traumatic stress disorder, its the same thing like the viet nam vets suffered or from anyone who has had a major trauma in their life. anti depressants too, help me out tremendously.
josh PLEASE PLEASE dont ever think you are not desirable because you lost your hand, i know it must be embarrassing for you but we have to accept the things we cannot change as the serenity prayer states.
there is a man at our church who was born with deformed hand, he always keeps it hidden in his pocket, he has a beautiful wife and 3 kids, such a nice family, l watch how the family interacts with one another , they obviously look in love, they help out each other keeping the children quiet during the service and i look at this man and i think man i wish he was my husband, or my husband could learn a few lessons from him. i am a woman and i look at this man with a deformed hand and he is no less good looking or desirable because his hand is messed up.
so please try to be positive that there is a woman out there who will love you no less because of your accident and the women you meet who find you less desirable are not worth it!!!! peace be with you josh, julie/ jewels
Josh,
First off i want to tell you how sorry i am that you have had to suffer so much and deal with the loss of your hand, especially a young age..God has a plan for you and right now Im sure you dont have any idea what that is...i just know that 10 or more years from now when you look back over your life,it will all make sense to you..
Also as others have stated, any woman worth being with you wouldn't give two hoots about your hand being gone...women fall in love with a mans essence, the way he communicates; the way he shows his love for her..
Dont underestimate just how much you have to offer, and when your ready the right woman will come along and love you for who you are. period.
I have had bad bad panic attacks and they are no fun...i did get over them without the use of any benzos, which are as dangerously addictive as pain pills, with even more consequences of withdrawal.
Please be careful with benzos..they can really help when used short term while withdrawing etc...but do you really want to have to live your life controlling panic by taking pills? You honestly can learn to control them without medicating them away...
Mine are gone and havent come back in more than 15 years..and they were bad Josh..really bad...i was running into emergency all the time thinking i was going crazy or having a heart attack - such a horrible feeling of being out of body...
If you want to talk to me about how i was able to overcome them without using benzos ( and believe me the Drs at the time were more then happy to RX them to me...just to get me out of their office..lol) please let me know..id be happy to share what i learned with you..
Glad you are here, keep posting and share your journey with us..Life without the craziness of daily use of pills is a life well worth living..
Hugs
Ali
First off i want to tell you how sorry i am that you have had to suffer so much and deal with the loss of your hand, especially a young age..God has a plan for you and right now Im sure you dont have any idea what that is...i just know that 10 or more years from now when you look back over your life,it will all make sense to you..
Also as others have stated, any woman worth being with you wouldn't give two hoots about your hand being gone...women fall in love with a mans essence, the way he communicates; the way he shows his love for her..
Dont underestimate just how much you have to offer, and when your ready the right woman will come along and love you for who you are. period.
I have had bad bad panic attacks and they are no fun...i did get over them without the use of any benzos, which are as dangerously addictive as pain pills, with even more consequences of withdrawal.
Please be careful with benzos..they can really help when used short term while withdrawing etc...but do you really want to have to live your life controlling panic by taking pills? You honestly can learn to control them without medicating them away...
Mine are gone and havent come back in more than 15 years..and they were bad Josh..really bad...i was running into emergency all the time thinking i was going crazy or having a heart attack - such a horrible feeling of being out of body...
If you want to talk to me about how i was able to overcome them without using benzos ( and believe me the Drs at the time were more then happy to RX them to me...just to get me out of their office..lol) please let me know..id be happy to share what i learned with you..
Glad you are here, keep posting and share your journey with us..Life without the craziness of daily use of pills is a life well worth living..
Hugs
Ali
(To BECKY P) IM NOT SURE IF YOU KNOW WHO I AM BUT I THINK I HEARD OF YOUR BF BEFORE IM NOT SURE. ELMER FAMILY PRACTICE WAS THE PEOPLE WHO GOT ME HOOKED ON ON THESE PAIN KILLERS LIKE DR V WAS THE MAIN GUY SUCH AS MORPHINE, DEMERAL, OXYCONTIN PERCOCETS, HYDRCODONE TYNEOL DILUDED .
AND SO MANY MORE HARD CORE PAIN KILLERS. WHAT HAPPEN TO ME WAS DR V WANTED ME TO TAKE THEM EVERYDAY AND I JUST WANTED TO TAKE THEM AS NEEDED THATS WHEN THIS ALL STARTED . HE ALSO WAS TREATING ME FOR MY SEVERE ANIEXTEY WITH VALUM AND KLONPIN WHICH ARE BENZOS FOR 2 YEARS. 1 DAY I TOLD HIM EVERY TIME I WAKE UP IM SHIVERING AND CRYING LIKE IM IN HYPERTHERIA AS OF LIKE I JUMPED IN A COLD LAKE OF 15 BELOW OUT SIDE. AND HE SAID IT WAS JUST THE SIDE AFFECTS AND STUFF WELL I HE TRIED WEINGING ME OFF 7 TIMES IT DIDNT WORK BECAUSE I HAD SUCH CHRONIC PAIN AND A REAL BAD ADDICTION LIKE I WAS DIEING IF I DIDN'T HAVE THAT IN MY SYSTEM .
AS OF OPIODS ALL TOGETHER . AT THE END WAS ON OXY CONTIN 40MGS TWICE A DAY AND PERCOCETS FOR THE BREAK THROUGH PAIN BUT I WAS SO ADDICTED I WAS TAKING MORE AND MORE AND EVENTUALLY IT WAS TO SOON TO GET FILLED SO I CALLED DR V UP AT ELMER FAMILY PRACTICE AND TOLD HIM GET ME OFF THE CRAP IM DIEING FROM ADDICTION HE TRIED WITH 20MGS OF OXYCONTIN GAVE ME 30 I FORGET THE METHOD HE DID FOR ME BUT IT DIDN'T WORK. I WAS SHAKING AND SHIVERING FOR WEEKS SO I STARTED TO NOTICE MY TEETH WERE HURTING REALLY BAD LIKE MY RUTE CANAL TEETH I WAS GOING TO THE DENTIST AND THEY SAID THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG THEY WOULDN'T GIVE ME NOTHING FOR PAIN . I WAS RUNNING AROUND FROM HOSPITAL TO HOSPITAL YOU WANNA CALL DOCTORS GOOD DOCTORS THE ER DOCTORS GAVE ME A SHOT OF DEMERAL AND 20 PERCOCETS IF I LIED ABOUT A TOOTH ACE WHICH I HAD TO DO BECAUSE OF THE PAIN AND MY ADDICTION . BUT TO COME FIND OUT YOU KNOW AFTER SEEING 5 DENTIST THEY TOLD ME WHAT THE PROLEM WAS IT WAS MY RUTE CANALS THEY HAD FAILED BECAUSE SOME NIT WIT DENTIST DIDN'T KILL ALL THE NERVES RIGHT I I HAD TO GET THEM REDONE AGAIN THEY WERE GIVING ME PERCOCET 7.5 MG A 100 PILLS EVERY MONTH. THEN WHEN THAT WAS GONE I REASON WITH DOCTOR V TO GIVE ME MY PERCOCETS AND KLONPIN BACK BECAISE I WAS SUFFERING FROM SEVERE ARM PAIN KILLER TEETH PAIN . I WAS ON A CONTACT LIKE IF I WENT TO ANY OTHER DOCTORS OR HOSPITALS AND GOT MORE HE WOULD TAKE ME OFF OF IT FOR GOOD .SO I RAN OUT OF PERCOCETS I WAS RESTRICTED TO 1 PHARMICEY BY MEDICATE BECAUSE IN THE PAST I WAS JUST GOING TO ANY PHAMICEY WHEN I WASN'T HOOKED ON DRUGS . I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT THEY HAD A LOCK ON THE COMPUTER SAYING IF JOSH COMES IN ELMER HOME TOWN PHARMICEY WITH A NARCOTIC SCRIPT DON'T FILL . THEN THATS WHEN I LOST MY KLONPIN EVERYTHING I WENT TO HEROIN IN CAMDEN W3HITH SOME KIDS THAT I WAS FRIENDS WITH BACK A YEAR OR SO AGO OR MORE TO GET HEROIN I GOT HOOKED ON THAT BUT DIDN'T SEE NO DIFFERENCE FROM DOPE FROM OXYS OR MORPHINE . THEN I JUST HAD ENOUGH I WENT TO A SUBOXONE DOCTOR IN HADDON FIELD DR LEE HE CHARGED ME 250 FOR THE FIRST VIST THEN A 100 EVERY MONTH FOR 60 PILLS MY MEDICATE PAYS FOR THE REST ITS LIKE 400 BUCKS FOR THAT STUFF . IN THE MEAN TIME I WENT TO BAR TENDING SCHOOL IN MILLVILLE AT THE BEST WESTERN IN GOT MY DEGREE IN MIXOLOIGY AND MORE GOVERNMENT CERTIFICATIONS . SUBOXONE DID HELP ME BACK THEN SO MUCH BUT BEFORE I LOST MY HAND I WENT TO SCHOOL TO BE A PHARMACIST AND I HAVE A FEW YEARS UNDER MY BELT AS OF A COUNSILER. THEN I TRIED TO GET OFF SUBOXONE MY OWN DR V INSTEAD OF DOCTOR LEE GAVE ME INSTRUCTIONS TO GET OFF OF IT IT KINDA WORKED I WAS DOING WELL . BUT MY FAILED RUTE CANALS OMG IT HURT SO MUCH BUT THE DOCTOR GAVE ME ULTRAM AND THAT WAS THERE MISTAKE AND ULTRAM IS SYNTHETIC OPIOID BUT NOT A OPIOID AND I WAS UNDER THAT CONTRACT AND STILL TAKING KLONPIN 1MG BUT GUESS WHAT I CALLED DR V TELLING HIM WHY IS ULTRAM MAKING MY WITHDRAWALS GO AWAY HE SAID IT MUST BE MY ANXIETY IT WASN'T THEN THATS WHEN I RELAPSED AGAIN I WENT TO ELMER HOSPITAL THE ER DOC SAID WHAT WORKS BEST I SAID PERCOCET 10MGS HE SAID OK BECAUSE I FAKED A TOOTH ACHE
WELL I WAS JUST GETING IT TO GET OUT OF WITHDRAWAL AND FOR PAIN / TO GET HIGH . THEN I CALLED THE ELMER PRACTICE AND TOLD THEM WHAT HAPPEN THEY CALLED ME IN THERE GAVE MY BLOOD WORK FOR ALL DRUGS IN MY SYSTEM . AN I WAS HONEST THEY WANTED ME TO TAKE KLONPIN 3 TIMES A AY BUT I ONLY USE IT AS NEEDED BECAUSE WHEN YOU DO THAT YOU DEVOLPE A HUGE TOLERANCE TO IT SO I WAS HONEST ABOUT WHAT HAD HAPPEN TOLD THEM THAT THERE ULTRAM MADE ME GO BACK INTO DRUGS AGAIN . DR TADROS TOLD ME WELL WE WILL KEEP YOU ON KLONPIN STILL BU THE KLONPIN DIDNT SHOW UP IN MY BLOOD WORK NOR DID THE DONIBELATAL WIH IS A BARBITUATE THAT THEY GAVE ME FOR IRRTBLE BOWL JUST THE OPIODS SHOWED UP . SOP DR VENTRLLA TRIED TO WEIN ME OFF OF PERCOCETS YEA RIGHT I DIDN'T WORK I WENT DOWN THAT STAGE BEFORE I JUST TOOK THEM TO GET HIGH AND TO USE UNTIL I GOT TO DR LEE AGAIN THE SUBOXONE DOCTOR WELL THEY PICKED UP WHERE I LEFT OFF THEN I STARTED TAKING SUBOXONE AGAIN TO GET MEDICALLY CLEAN AGAIN . IN THE MEAN TIME DR VENTREALLA SAID I WILL KEEP YOU ON THE KLONPIN . THEN I GO AND GET THEM BOTH FILLED BENZOS AND SUBOXONE TOGETHER CAN KILL YOU SO THERE WE GO AGAIN THEY HAD TO CALL ALL AROUND I HAD TO STOP TAKING KLONPIN THE DOCTORS WENT DOWN THIS PATH WITH ME BEFORE WITH SUBOXONE AND KLONPIN I WOULD GER KLONPIN BY DOCTOR V AND GET MY SUBOXONE BY DR LEE AND I WAS ON BOTH FOR 9 MONTHS UNTIL LAST TIME I QUITE SUBOXONE ON MY OWN . AND THE DOCTORS WOULD HAVE TO CALL THE STATE AND GET THEM BOTH PAID FOR BY ME IT SEZ ONLY TAKE BENZODIAPINE ONLY DIRECTED BY DOCTOR WILE USING SUBOXONE . WELL THEY CUT ME OFF COMPLETELY WITH MY KLONPIN AND I NEVER ABUSED IT I WAS ALWAYS TRUTHFULLY ABOUT IT .
NOW I HAD TO GO BACK TO DR LEE TO GET BACK ON SUBOXONE THIS WAS ON DEC 27 A FEW MONTHS BACK THIS ALL HAPPEN . SEE WHAT MAKES NO SENSE WAS THEY WOULD WEIN ME OFF PERCOCETS BUT NOT OFF BENZOS WHICH CAN KILL ME IN A SEIZURE SO I WENT COLD TURKEY . BENZOS AND SUBOXONE DOESN'T GIVE ME NO BAD SIDE AFFECTS IT MIGHT EVEN IT OUT BUT NEVER GETS ME HIGH . DR V AND ALLOT OF OTHER DOCTORS DIAGNOSED ME WITH SEVERE CHRONIC ANIXITEY DISORDER AND TRUST ME I BIN ON ALL THE NON CONTROLLED ANTIDEPRESSANTS AND NON CONTROLLED ANTI ANIXTEY AGENTS BENZOS WAS MY LAST RESORT . AND YES I DID GIVE ALL THESE ANTIDEPRESSANTS A TRY FOR MONTHS I BIN ON THAT STUFF SINCE I WAS 10 YEARS OLD SO I DO KNOW MY BODY IM ALSO AWARE THAT BENZOS ARE VERY ADDICTIVE TO BUT EVERYBODY DIFFERENT.
P.S BECKY MY E-MALE ADDRESS IS DRFEELG@NETZERO.NET YOU CAN SEND ME AND MY GF MESSAGES
MY NAME IS JOSH B. I LIVE IN PITTSGROVE NEAR GREEN BRANCH PARK
AND SO MANY MORE HARD CORE PAIN KILLERS. WHAT HAPPEN TO ME WAS DR V WANTED ME TO TAKE THEM EVERYDAY AND I JUST WANTED TO TAKE THEM AS NEEDED THATS WHEN THIS ALL STARTED . HE ALSO WAS TREATING ME FOR MY SEVERE ANIEXTEY WITH VALUM AND KLONPIN WHICH ARE BENZOS FOR 2 YEARS. 1 DAY I TOLD HIM EVERY TIME I WAKE UP IM SHIVERING AND CRYING LIKE IM IN HYPERTHERIA AS OF LIKE I JUMPED IN A COLD LAKE OF 15 BELOW OUT SIDE. AND HE SAID IT WAS JUST THE SIDE AFFECTS AND STUFF WELL I HE TRIED WEINGING ME OFF 7 TIMES IT DIDNT WORK BECAUSE I HAD SUCH CHRONIC PAIN AND A REAL BAD ADDICTION LIKE I WAS DIEING IF I DIDN'T HAVE THAT IN MY SYSTEM .
AS OF OPIODS ALL TOGETHER . AT THE END WAS ON OXY CONTIN 40MGS TWICE A DAY AND PERCOCETS FOR THE BREAK THROUGH PAIN BUT I WAS SO ADDICTED I WAS TAKING MORE AND MORE AND EVENTUALLY IT WAS TO SOON TO GET FILLED SO I CALLED DR V UP AT ELMER FAMILY PRACTICE AND TOLD HIM GET ME OFF THE CRAP IM DIEING FROM ADDICTION HE TRIED WITH 20MGS OF OXYCONTIN GAVE ME 30 I FORGET THE METHOD HE DID FOR ME BUT IT DIDN'T WORK. I WAS SHAKING AND SHIVERING FOR WEEKS SO I STARTED TO NOTICE MY TEETH WERE HURTING REALLY BAD LIKE MY RUTE CANAL TEETH I WAS GOING TO THE DENTIST AND THEY SAID THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG THEY WOULDN'T GIVE ME NOTHING FOR PAIN . I WAS RUNNING AROUND FROM HOSPITAL TO HOSPITAL YOU WANNA CALL DOCTORS GOOD DOCTORS THE ER DOCTORS GAVE ME A SHOT OF DEMERAL AND 20 PERCOCETS IF I LIED ABOUT A TOOTH ACE WHICH I HAD TO DO BECAUSE OF THE PAIN AND MY ADDICTION . BUT TO COME FIND OUT YOU KNOW AFTER SEEING 5 DENTIST THEY TOLD ME WHAT THE PROLEM WAS IT WAS MY RUTE CANALS THEY HAD FAILED BECAUSE SOME NIT WIT DENTIST DIDN'T KILL ALL THE NERVES RIGHT I I HAD TO GET THEM REDONE AGAIN THEY WERE GIVING ME PERCOCET 7.5 MG A 100 PILLS EVERY MONTH. THEN WHEN THAT WAS GONE I REASON WITH DOCTOR V TO GIVE ME MY PERCOCETS AND KLONPIN BACK BECAISE I WAS SUFFERING FROM SEVERE ARM PAIN KILLER TEETH PAIN . I WAS ON A CONTACT LIKE IF I WENT TO ANY OTHER DOCTORS OR HOSPITALS AND GOT MORE HE WOULD TAKE ME OFF OF IT FOR GOOD .SO I RAN OUT OF PERCOCETS I WAS RESTRICTED TO 1 PHARMICEY BY MEDICATE BECAUSE IN THE PAST I WAS JUST GOING TO ANY PHAMICEY WHEN I WASN'T HOOKED ON DRUGS . I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT THEY HAD A LOCK ON THE COMPUTER SAYING IF JOSH COMES IN ELMER HOME TOWN PHARMICEY WITH A NARCOTIC SCRIPT DON'T FILL . THEN THATS WHEN I LOST MY KLONPIN EVERYTHING I WENT TO HEROIN IN CAMDEN W3HITH SOME KIDS THAT I WAS FRIENDS WITH BACK A YEAR OR SO AGO OR MORE TO GET HEROIN I GOT HOOKED ON THAT BUT DIDN'T SEE NO DIFFERENCE FROM DOPE FROM OXYS OR MORPHINE . THEN I JUST HAD ENOUGH I WENT TO A SUBOXONE DOCTOR IN HADDON FIELD DR LEE HE CHARGED ME 250 FOR THE FIRST VIST THEN A 100 EVERY MONTH FOR 60 PILLS MY MEDICATE PAYS FOR THE REST ITS LIKE 400 BUCKS FOR THAT STUFF . IN THE MEAN TIME I WENT TO BAR TENDING SCHOOL IN MILLVILLE AT THE BEST WESTERN IN GOT MY DEGREE IN MIXOLOIGY AND MORE GOVERNMENT CERTIFICATIONS . SUBOXONE DID HELP ME BACK THEN SO MUCH BUT BEFORE I LOST MY HAND I WENT TO SCHOOL TO BE A PHARMACIST AND I HAVE A FEW YEARS UNDER MY BELT AS OF A COUNSILER. THEN I TRIED TO GET OFF SUBOXONE MY OWN DR V INSTEAD OF DOCTOR LEE GAVE ME INSTRUCTIONS TO GET OFF OF IT IT KINDA WORKED I WAS DOING WELL . BUT MY FAILED RUTE CANALS OMG IT HURT SO MUCH BUT THE DOCTOR GAVE ME ULTRAM AND THAT WAS THERE MISTAKE AND ULTRAM IS SYNTHETIC OPIOID BUT NOT A OPIOID AND I WAS UNDER THAT CONTRACT AND STILL TAKING KLONPIN 1MG BUT GUESS WHAT I CALLED DR V TELLING HIM WHY IS ULTRAM MAKING MY WITHDRAWALS GO AWAY HE SAID IT MUST BE MY ANXIETY IT WASN'T THEN THATS WHEN I RELAPSED AGAIN I WENT TO ELMER HOSPITAL THE ER DOC SAID WHAT WORKS BEST I SAID PERCOCET 10MGS HE SAID OK BECAUSE I FAKED A TOOTH ACHE
WELL I WAS JUST GETING IT TO GET OUT OF WITHDRAWAL AND FOR PAIN / TO GET HIGH . THEN I CALLED THE ELMER PRACTICE AND TOLD THEM WHAT HAPPEN THEY CALLED ME IN THERE GAVE MY BLOOD WORK FOR ALL DRUGS IN MY SYSTEM . AN I WAS HONEST THEY WANTED ME TO TAKE KLONPIN 3 TIMES A AY BUT I ONLY USE IT AS NEEDED BECAUSE WHEN YOU DO THAT YOU DEVOLPE A HUGE TOLERANCE TO IT SO I WAS HONEST ABOUT WHAT HAD HAPPEN TOLD THEM THAT THERE ULTRAM MADE ME GO BACK INTO DRUGS AGAIN . DR TADROS TOLD ME WELL WE WILL KEEP YOU ON KLONPIN STILL BU THE KLONPIN DIDNT SHOW UP IN MY BLOOD WORK NOR DID THE DONIBELATAL WIH IS A BARBITUATE THAT THEY GAVE ME FOR IRRTBLE BOWL JUST THE OPIODS SHOWED UP . SOP DR VENTRLLA TRIED TO WEIN ME OFF OF PERCOCETS YEA RIGHT I DIDN'T WORK I WENT DOWN THAT STAGE BEFORE I JUST TOOK THEM TO GET HIGH AND TO USE UNTIL I GOT TO DR LEE AGAIN THE SUBOXONE DOCTOR WELL THEY PICKED UP WHERE I LEFT OFF THEN I STARTED TAKING SUBOXONE AGAIN TO GET MEDICALLY CLEAN AGAIN . IN THE MEAN TIME DR VENTREALLA SAID I WILL KEEP YOU ON THE KLONPIN . THEN I GO AND GET THEM BOTH FILLED BENZOS AND SUBOXONE TOGETHER CAN KILL YOU SO THERE WE GO AGAIN THEY HAD TO CALL ALL AROUND I HAD TO STOP TAKING KLONPIN THE DOCTORS WENT DOWN THIS PATH WITH ME BEFORE WITH SUBOXONE AND KLONPIN I WOULD GER KLONPIN BY DOCTOR V AND GET MY SUBOXONE BY DR LEE AND I WAS ON BOTH FOR 9 MONTHS UNTIL LAST TIME I QUITE SUBOXONE ON MY OWN . AND THE DOCTORS WOULD HAVE TO CALL THE STATE AND GET THEM BOTH PAID FOR BY ME IT SEZ ONLY TAKE BENZODIAPINE ONLY DIRECTED BY DOCTOR WILE USING SUBOXONE . WELL THEY CUT ME OFF COMPLETELY WITH MY KLONPIN AND I NEVER ABUSED IT I WAS ALWAYS TRUTHFULLY ABOUT IT .
NOW I HAD TO GO BACK TO DR LEE TO GET BACK ON SUBOXONE THIS WAS ON DEC 27 A FEW MONTHS BACK THIS ALL HAPPEN . SEE WHAT MAKES NO SENSE WAS THEY WOULD WEIN ME OFF PERCOCETS BUT NOT OFF BENZOS WHICH CAN KILL ME IN A SEIZURE SO I WENT COLD TURKEY . BENZOS AND SUBOXONE DOESN'T GIVE ME NO BAD SIDE AFFECTS IT MIGHT EVEN IT OUT BUT NEVER GETS ME HIGH . DR V AND ALLOT OF OTHER DOCTORS DIAGNOSED ME WITH SEVERE CHRONIC ANIXITEY DISORDER AND TRUST ME I BIN ON ALL THE NON CONTROLLED ANTIDEPRESSANTS AND NON CONTROLLED ANTI ANIXTEY AGENTS BENZOS WAS MY LAST RESORT . AND YES I DID GIVE ALL THESE ANTIDEPRESSANTS A TRY FOR MONTHS I BIN ON THAT STUFF SINCE I WAS 10 YEARS OLD SO I DO KNOW MY BODY IM ALSO AWARE THAT BENZOS ARE VERY ADDICTIVE TO BUT EVERYBODY DIFFERENT.
P.S BECKY MY E-MALE ADDRESS IS DRFEELG@NETZERO.NET YOU CAN SEND ME AND MY GF MESSAGES
MY NAME IS JOSH B. I LIVE IN PITTSGROVE NEAR GREEN BRANCH PARK
hi everybody
Actually Josh, I won't say you need to worry about yourself. Ya, it starts there but in reality, in my opinion, you are really wrapped up in this girl and you love her and she loves you and I personally thinking at this stage, that is good for you. It's given you the desire to quit, that's for sure.
There are a lot of people on the board who can advise you on weaning off of Sub. I myself never took it. And yes, you are right, the benzo's are dangerous. Probably more so than the pain meds but one thing at a time, right?
Have ever tried just going CT?
There are a lot of people on the board who can advise you on weaning off of Sub. I myself never took it. And yes, you are right, the benzo's are dangerous. Probably more so than the pain meds but one thing at a time, right?
Have ever tried just going CT?
as of right now im kinda getting worried and scared. i went to go to see a doctor for suboxone 8mgs/ 2mgs of naloxne. I used it before for 8 months then i tried to get off of it . i was doing ok until the doctor superscribe me ultram then thats when i went back on suboxone because of the withdrawals and my body reamebers the opioid that i use to take .i bin on suboxone again since dec 26th i think i bin doing very well on it. but after a while i started to think i cant be on opioid for ever suboxone is like methadone its considered being clean but i know im not because every day when i take suboxone it has a opioid in it and i still fell that narcotic feeling that my body craves every day. to me its like after a while going from drug to another .
well its almost bin 3 months or less i bin on suboxone im supposed to take 2 8 mgs pills a day but since im trying to take less more like 1 and 1`1/2 sometimes i only take just 1 pill . I SWORE TO GOD TO MY GIRLFRIEND AND MY SELF THAT I WAS GOING TO WEIN OFF OF IT NOW I DO HAVE 44 PILLS LEFT I THINK AND IM ON MEDICATE I ONLY GET 210 A MONTH 100 GOES TO THE SUBOXONE DOCTOR THE OTHER 100 USUALLY GOES TO SOMETHING HAVING TO DO WITH MY GF.
WELL IM REALLY SCARED OF NOT HAVENING WEEING INSTRUCTIONS TO GET OFF OF IT AND I REALLY DON'T WANT TO SPEND ANOTHER 100 TO GO THERE AGAIN . MY GF TELLS ME JUST USE THE AMOUNT YOU GOT TO GET OFF OF IT YOU KNOW IM IN A HUGE STUCK SITUATION BECAUSE SHES NOT A DOCTOR I DIDN'T EVEN TELL THE SUBOXONE DOCTOR THAT I WASN'T EVER COMING BACK .
IM STUCK BECAUSE I ONLY HAVE A WEEING PAPER FROM A FAMILY PRACTICE DOCTOR NOT DOCTOR LEE WHICH IS MY SUBOXONE DOCTOR .SHE WANTS ME TO DO THIS ON MY OWN . AND I KNOW I SHOULD FINISH THAT BOTTLE OF SUBOXONE AND GO BACK TO DR LEE AND TELL HIM I WANT TO WEIN OFF OF IT . BUT IM SCARED IM GOING TO GET INTO A FIGHT WITH MY GIRLFRIEND OVER IT. I REALLY NEED TO DO IT THE RIGHT WAY THIS TIME BECAUSE THIS IS Y .
NUMBER 1 IM TIRED OF HAVENING TO BE DEPENDANT ON OPIODS ALL DAM DAY .
NUMBER 2 ME AND MY GIRLFRIEND WE BIN TOGETHER FOR ALMOST 5 MONTHS AND IM IN SERIOUS LOVE WITH HER AND I KNOW SHE IS WITH ME..AND ME AND HER ARE MOVING UP TO BEDFORD PA IN FISHER TOWN IN A FEW MONTHS LIKE NEAR THE SUMMER TIME AND I NEED TO GET OFF OF HIS STUFF ANY WAYS ..SHE WANTS TO GO AND VISIT HER FARTHER WHERE WE ARE STAYING UNTIL I GET A BAR TENDING JOB UP IN PA WHEN WE MOVE AND I CANT BE ON THIS STUFF NO MORES .
BUT I WAS OFFERED TO GO DOWN THERE THIS WEEK ON FRIDAY WITH HER AS WELL BUT I WOULD HAVE TO PAY MY PARENTS BACK LIKE 80 BUCKS AND I HAVE TO PAY HER FINE FOR TRAFFIC COURT BECAUSE IT WAS KINDA MY FOUGHT AS WELL AND IF I DON'T SHE WOULD GO TO JAIL. SO EITHER WAY I WILL NOT HAVE MONEY TO GO UP THERE TO SEE THE DOCTOR AGAIN AND IT WILL MESS ME ALL UP .BUT IN THE MEAN TIME I AM GOING TO GO DOWN TO SMALL DOSES AS WELL .AND TRY TO DO IT ON MY OWN THE SUBOXONE DOCTOR WONT LET ME CALL HIM ANY MORES I BURNT MY BRIDGES WITH HIM . MY GF THINKS I BIN AVOIDED HER ALL DAY BECAUSE THIS HAS BIN ON MY MIND FOR WEEKS NOW AND I HAVE 2 BAD RUTE CANALS THAT ARE CAUSING SEVERE PAIN I WANT TO GET THAT DONE WHILE IM ON THIS MEDICATION
IM REALLY DEPRESSED AND WORRIED AND SO SCARED. MY BIRTHDAY S MARCH 8TH . I WILL BE 23
AND IF I DON'T GO THIS WEEK I WILL HAVE TO GO IN A FEW WEEKS THEN THAT 100 I WILL NEED WILL GO AS THE SAME AS T WOULD .. IM TRYING TO GET A BAR TENDING JOB BUT IM BEING JERKED AROUND IM TRYING SO HARD MY NERVES ARE SHOT .
ANY MONEY I GET FROM TODAY AND UP IM TRYIN TO SAVE TO GET DOWN THERE HER FARTHER SAID HE WANTS ME ON THAT BUS WITH HER . IM SCARED AS WELL THAT THIS WHOLE SUBOXONE THING IS GOING TO RUIN MY REALTIONSHIP. I DUNNO WHAT TO DO .
THE REASON Y I WANT TO WATE UNTIL IM DONE WEEING OFF AND BEING SICK IS BECAUSE I BIN ON OPIODS FOR 3 YEARS HARD STUFF EVERY DAY AND MY BODY TAKES FOR EVER TO GET BETTER I DO WANT TO GET A JOB BUT MAN THE SHAKES AND THE SHIVERING THE MENTAL MOOD CHANGES THE HOT AND COLD FEELING THE SEVERE DEPRESSION I JUST WANT TO DO IT RIGHT THIS TIME . I SAID I WILL LET HER READ THIS BUT I KNOW IM GOING TO GET UPSET WITH HER REACTION TO THIS .
IM ON BENZOS BECAUSE MY NERVES ARE SO BAD I CANT TAKE IT AND I BIN TO PHYCATRIS AND REHABS AND EVERYTHING I BIN ON EVERY ANTIDEPRESSANT AND EVERY NON CONTROLLED ANTI ANIEXTEY AGENT IT JUST DON'T HELP ME IM NOT LOOKING FOR NO HIGH ON BENZOS I ALWAYS TAKE THEM PROPERLY I KNOW THE RISK . IM NOT ABUSING NO DRUGS AT ALL I HAVE NOT SINCE DEC I NEVER ABUSED BENZOS . I DUNNO WTF IM GOING TO DO . I DUNNO IM JUST GOING TO GO .
I DUNNO WHAT TO DO I JUST love my girlfriend so much i got so many problems i just don want to loose her or nothing over this . i really am in true love i bin through so many relationships and i bin used left over stuff that could be fixed in time used for money cheated on left because they didn't have security i guess i shouldn't of got into a realizations unless i had my stuff straighten out i don't got no car no job nothing im on welfare i do have allot of knowledge. i just hope she understands i think she will . i just need you guys to maybe give me support thats all i ask . shes bin doing good helping me and supporting me not with money just with trust and love she is te 1 i want to marry i just know it but i know the feed back i will get is you need to worry about your self for now then you can worry bout others later or just stuff i have already heard. she wants to do everything in 1 time span time dont work that way . time is so unpredictable and you know that us addicts cant be rushed in recovery . i think if she really loves me she will not rush me and tay with me through this and give me support as of right now her car is broke down she has to job offers and there is just alot to deal with money issues so forth im trying so dam hard . she does alot for me as well as do for her . love u always shawna she wants me to come to bed . .
as of right now im kinda getting worried and scared. i went to go to see a doctor for suboxone 8mgs/ 2mgs of naloxne. I used it before for 8 months then i tried to get off of it . i was doing ok until the doctor superscribe me ultram then thats when i went back on suboxone because of the withdrawals and my body reamebers the opioid that i use to take .i bin on suboxone again since dec 26th i think i bin doing very well on it. but after a while i started to think i cant be on opioid for ever suboxone is like methadone its considered being clean but i know im not because every day when i take suboxone it has a opioid in it and i still fell that narcotic feeling that my body craves every day. to me its like after a while going from drug to another .
well its almost bin 3 months or less i bin on suboxone im supposed to take 2 8 mgs pills a day but since im trying to take less more like 1 and 1`1/2 sometimes i only take just 1 pill . I SWORE TO GOD TO MY GIRLFRIEND AND MY SELF THAT I WAS GOING TO WEIN OFF OF IT NOW I DO HAVE 44 PILLS LEFT I THINK AND IM ON MEDICATE I ONLY GET 210 A MONTH 100 GOES TO THE SUBOXONE DOCTOR THE OTHER 100 USUALLY GOES TO SOMETHING HAVING TO DO WITH MY GF.
WELL IM REALLY SCARED OF NOT HAVENING WEEING INSTRUCTIONS TO GET OFF OF IT AND I REALLY DON'T WANT TO SPEND ANOTHER 100 TO GO THERE AGAIN . MY GF TELLS ME JUST USE THE AMOUNT YOU GOT TO GET OFF OF IT YOU KNOW IM IN A HUGE STUCK SITUATION BECAUSE SHES NOT A DOCTOR I DIDN'T EVEN TELL THE SUBOXONE DOCTOR THAT I WASN'T EVER COMING BACK .
IM STUCK BECAUSE I ONLY HAVE A WEEING PAPER FROM A FAMILY PRACTICE DOCTOR NOT DOCTOR LEE WHICH IS MY SUBOXONE DOCTOR .SHE WANTS ME TO DO THIS ON MY OWN . AND I KNOW I SHOULD FINISH THAT BOTTLE OF SUBOXONE AND GO BACK TO DR LEE AND TELL HIM I WANT TO WEIN OFF OF IT . BUT IM SCARED IM GOING TO GET INTO A FIGHT WITH MY GIRLFRIEND OVER IT. I REALLY NEED TO DO IT THE RIGHT WAY THIS TIME BECAUSE THIS IS Y .
NUMBER 1 IM TIRED OF HAVENING TO BE DEPENDANT ON OPIODS ALL DAM DAY .
NUMBER 2 ME AND MY GIRLFRIEND WE BIN TOGETHER FOR ALMOST 5 MONTHS AND IM IN SERIOUS LOVE WITH HER AND I KNOW SHE IS WITH ME..AND ME AND HER ARE MOVING UP TO BEDFORD PA IN FISHER TOWN IN A FEW MONTHS LIKE NEAR THE SUMMER TIME AND I NEED TO GET OFF OF HIS STUFF ANY WAYS ..SHE WANTS TO GO AND VISIT HER FARTHER WHERE WE ARE STAYING UNTIL I GET A BAR TENDING JOB UP IN PA WHEN WE MOVE AND I CANT BE ON THIS STUFF NO MORES .
BUT I WAS OFFERED TO GO DOWN THERE THIS WEEK ON FRIDAY WITH HER AS WELL BUT I WOULD HAVE TO PAY MY PARENTS BACK LIKE 80 BUCKS AND I HAVE TO PAY HER FINE FOR TRAFFIC COURT BECAUSE IT WAS KINDA MY FOUGHT AS WELL AND IF I DON'T SHE WOULD GO TO JAIL. SO EITHER WAY I WILL NOT HAVE MONEY TO GO UP THERE TO SEE THE DOCTOR AGAIN AND IT WILL MESS ME ALL UP .BUT IN THE MEAN TIME I AM GOING TO GO DOWN TO SMALL DOSES AS WELL .AND TRY TO DO IT ON MY OWN THE SUBOXONE DOCTOR WONT LET ME CALL HIM ANY MORES I BURNT MY BRIDGES WITH HIM . MY GF THINKS I BIN AVOIDED HER ALL DAY BECAUSE THIS HAS BIN ON MY MIND FOR WEEKS NOW AND I HAVE 2 BAD RUTE CANALS THAT ARE CAUSING SEVERE PAIN I WANT TO GET THAT DONE WHILE IM ON THIS MEDICATION
IM REALLY DEPRESSED AND WORRIED AND SO SCARED. MY BIRTHDAY S MARCH 8TH . I WILL BE 23
AND IF I DON'T GO THIS WEEK I WILL HAVE TO GO IN A FEW WEEKS THEN THAT 100 I WILL NEED WILL GO AS THE SAME AS T WOULD .. IM TRYING TO GET A BAR TENDING JOB BUT IM BEING JERKED AROUND IM TRYING SO HARD MY NERVES ARE SHOT .
ANY MONEY I GET FROM TODAY AND UP IM TRYIN TO SAVE TO GET DOWN THERE HER FARTHER SAID HE WANTS ME ON THAT BUS WITH HER . IM SCARED AS WELL THAT THIS WHOLE SUBOXONE THING IS GOING TO RUIN MY REALTIONSHIP. I DUNNO WHAT TO DO .
THE REASON Y I WANT TO WATE UNTIL IM DONE WEEING OFF AND BEING SICK IS BECAUSE I BIN ON OPIODS FOR 3 YEARS HARD STUFF EVERY DAY AND MY BODY TAKES FOR EVER TO GET BETTER I DO WANT TO GET A JOB BUT MAN THE SHAKES AND THE SHIVERING THE MENTAL MOOD CHANGES THE HOT AND COLD FEELING THE SEVERE DEPRESSION I JUST WANT TO DO IT RIGHT THIS TIME . I SAID I WILL LET HER READ THIS BUT I KNOW IM GOING TO GET UPSET WITH HER REACTION TO THIS .
IM ON BENZOS BECAUSE MY NERVES ARE SO BAD I CANT TAKE IT AND I BIN TO PHYCATRIS AND REHABS AND EVERYTHING I BIN ON EVERY ANTIDEPRESSANT AND EVERY NON CONTROLLED ANTI ANIEXTEY AGENT IT JUST DON'T HELP ME IM NOT LOOKING FOR NO HIGH ON BENZOS I ALWAYS TAKE THEM PROPERLY I KNOW THE RISK . IM NOT ABUSING NO DRUGS AT ALL I HAVE NOT SINCE DEC I NEVER ABUSED BENZOS . I DUNNO WTF IM GOING TO DO . I DUNNO IM JUST GOING TO GO .
I DUNNO WHAT TO DO I JUST love my girlfriend so much i got so many problems i just don want to loose her or nothing over this . i really am in true love i bin through so many relationships and i bin used left over stuff that could be fixed in time used for money cheated on left because they didn't have security i guess i shouldn't of got into a realizations unless i had my stuff straighten out i don't got no car no job nothing im on welfare i do have allot of knowledge. i just hope she understands i think she will . i just need you guys to maybe give me support thats all i ask . shes bin doing good helping me and supporting me not with money just with trust and love she is te 1 i want to marry i just know it but i know the feed back i will get is you need to worry about your self for now then you can worry bout others later or just stuff i have already heard. she wants to do everything in 1 time span time don't work that way . time is so unpredictable and you know that us addicts cant be rushed in recovery . i think if she really loves me she will not rush me and stay with me through this and give me support as of right now her car is broke down she has to job offers and there is just alot to deal with money issues so forth im trying so dam hard . she does alot for me as well as do for her . love u always shawna she wants me to come to bed . .
well its almost bin 3 months or less i bin on suboxone im supposed to take 2 8 mgs pills a day but since im trying to take less more like 1 and 1`1/2 sometimes i only take just 1 pill . I SWORE TO GOD TO MY GIRLFRIEND AND MY SELF THAT I WAS GOING TO WEIN OFF OF IT NOW I DO HAVE 44 PILLS LEFT I THINK AND IM ON MEDICATE I ONLY GET 210 A MONTH 100 GOES TO THE SUBOXONE DOCTOR THE OTHER 100 USUALLY GOES TO SOMETHING HAVING TO DO WITH MY GF.
WELL IM REALLY SCARED OF NOT HAVENING WEEING INSTRUCTIONS TO GET OFF OF IT AND I REALLY DON'T WANT TO SPEND ANOTHER 100 TO GO THERE AGAIN . MY GF TELLS ME JUST USE THE AMOUNT YOU GOT TO GET OFF OF IT YOU KNOW IM IN A HUGE STUCK SITUATION BECAUSE SHES NOT A DOCTOR I DIDN'T EVEN TELL THE SUBOXONE DOCTOR THAT I WASN'T EVER COMING BACK .
IM STUCK BECAUSE I ONLY HAVE A WEEING PAPER FROM A FAMILY PRACTICE DOCTOR NOT DOCTOR LEE WHICH IS MY SUBOXONE DOCTOR .SHE WANTS ME TO DO THIS ON MY OWN . AND I KNOW I SHOULD FINISH THAT BOTTLE OF SUBOXONE AND GO BACK TO DR LEE AND TELL HIM I WANT TO WEIN OFF OF IT . BUT IM SCARED IM GOING TO GET INTO A FIGHT WITH MY GIRLFRIEND OVER IT. I REALLY NEED TO DO IT THE RIGHT WAY THIS TIME BECAUSE THIS IS Y .
NUMBER 1 IM TIRED OF HAVENING TO BE DEPENDANT ON OPIODS ALL DAM DAY .
NUMBER 2 ME AND MY GIRLFRIEND WE BIN TOGETHER FOR ALMOST 5 MONTHS AND IM IN SERIOUS LOVE WITH HER AND I KNOW SHE IS WITH ME..AND ME AND HER ARE MOVING UP TO BEDFORD PA IN FISHER TOWN IN A FEW MONTHS LIKE NEAR THE SUMMER TIME AND I NEED TO GET OFF OF HIS STUFF ANY WAYS ..SHE WANTS TO GO AND VISIT HER FARTHER WHERE WE ARE STAYING UNTIL I GET A BAR TENDING JOB UP IN PA WHEN WE MOVE AND I CANT BE ON THIS STUFF NO MORES .
BUT I WAS OFFERED TO GO DOWN THERE THIS WEEK ON FRIDAY WITH HER AS WELL BUT I WOULD HAVE TO PAY MY PARENTS BACK LIKE 80 BUCKS AND I HAVE TO PAY HER FINE FOR TRAFFIC COURT BECAUSE IT WAS KINDA MY FOUGHT AS WELL AND IF I DON'T SHE WOULD GO TO JAIL. SO EITHER WAY I WILL NOT HAVE MONEY TO GO UP THERE TO SEE THE DOCTOR AGAIN AND IT WILL MESS ME ALL UP .BUT IN THE MEAN TIME I AM GOING TO GO DOWN TO SMALL DOSES AS WELL .AND TRY TO DO IT ON MY OWN THE SUBOXONE DOCTOR WONT LET ME CALL HIM ANY MORES I BURNT MY BRIDGES WITH HIM . MY GF THINKS I BIN AVOIDED HER ALL DAY BECAUSE THIS HAS BIN ON MY MIND FOR WEEKS NOW AND I HAVE 2 BAD RUTE CANALS THAT ARE CAUSING SEVERE PAIN I WANT TO GET THAT DONE WHILE IM ON THIS MEDICATION
IM REALLY DEPRESSED AND WORRIED AND SO SCARED. MY BIRTHDAY S MARCH 8TH . I WILL BE 23
AND IF I DON'T GO THIS WEEK I WILL HAVE TO GO IN A FEW WEEKS THEN THAT 100 I WILL NEED WILL GO AS THE SAME AS T WOULD .. IM TRYING TO GET A BAR TENDING JOB BUT IM BEING JERKED AROUND IM TRYING SO HARD MY NERVES ARE SHOT .
ANY MONEY I GET FROM TODAY AND UP IM TRYIN TO SAVE TO GET DOWN THERE HER FARTHER SAID HE WANTS ME ON THAT BUS WITH HER . IM SCARED AS WELL THAT THIS WHOLE SUBOXONE THING IS GOING TO RUIN MY REALTIONSHIP. I DUNNO WHAT TO DO .
THE REASON Y I WANT TO WATE UNTIL IM DONE WEEING OFF AND BEING SICK IS BECAUSE I BIN ON OPIODS FOR 3 YEARS HARD STUFF EVERY DAY AND MY BODY TAKES FOR EVER TO GET BETTER I DO WANT TO GET A JOB BUT MAN THE SHAKES AND THE SHIVERING THE MENTAL MOOD CHANGES THE HOT AND COLD FEELING THE SEVERE DEPRESSION I JUST WANT TO DO IT RIGHT THIS TIME . I SAID I WILL LET HER READ THIS BUT I KNOW IM GOING TO GET UPSET WITH HER REACTION TO THIS .
IM ON BENZOS BECAUSE MY NERVES ARE SO BAD I CANT TAKE IT AND I BIN TO PHYCATRIS AND REHABS AND EVERYTHING I BIN ON EVERY ANTIDEPRESSANT AND EVERY NON CONTROLLED ANTI ANIEXTEY AGENT IT JUST DON'T HELP ME IM NOT LOOKING FOR NO HIGH ON BENZOS I ALWAYS TAKE THEM PROPERLY I KNOW THE RISK . IM NOT ABUSING NO DRUGS AT ALL I HAVE NOT SINCE DEC I NEVER ABUSED BENZOS . I DUNNO WTF IM GOING TO DO . I DUNNO IM JUST GOING TO GO .
I DUNNO WHAT TO DO I JUST love my girlfriend so much i got so many problems i just don want to loose her or nothing over this . i really am in true love i bin through so many relationships and i bin used left over stuff that could be fixed in time used for money cheated on left because they didn't have security i guess i shouldn't of got into a realizations unless i had my stuff straighten out i don't got no car no job nothing im on welfare i do have allot of knowledge. i just hope she understands i think she will . i just need you guys to maybe give me support thats all i ask . shes bin doing good helping me and supporting me not with money just with trust and love she is te 1 i want to marry i just know it but i know the feed back i will get is you need to worry about your self for now then you can worry bout others later or just stuff i have already heard. she wants to do everything in 1 time span time don't work that way . time is so unpredictable and you know that us addicts cant be rushed in recovery . i think if she really loves me she will not rush me and stay with me through this and give me support as of right now her car is broke down she has to job offers and there is just alot to deal with money issues so forth im trying so dam hard . she does alot for me as well as do for her . love u always shawna she wants me to come to bed . .
this is drfeelgood i was accidentally logged on my gfs name and wrote a post so now there is 2 post under mine and hers of the same name so she knows sorry about that . it was a accident we tried to edited it or delete 1 we couldn't.
( TO WINKLE)
As of me taking Benzos I have been taking them for 3 years almost all of them I have tried as a trial an error from 1 doctor who has legally superscribe me these medications i have written about. I have been on and off of Benzos for 3 years or more.
I think that they help me a lot with my anxiety disorder. To me it's when they want you to take them 3 times a day, thats when you become dependent or addicted to these drugs. Myself, I was treated with Klonopin 1mg 3 times a day which I think was the best and most effective for me because of its half life, to me its like a long active Xanax pill. But the truth is I hate taking medication for depression/ anxiety & Benzos. I have been on all the SSRI medications and the MAOIs and they were trial and error as well. As for me, I don't think that Benzos are addictive in my situation, I take them for the anxiety, not to get high, some people need to do that. As for other Benzo's, yes, they are very additive drugs and dangerous as well. In my opinion the opioid addiction is the most worse and violent out of all of them. These are only my feed backs and opinions and WINKLE I did hear from 1 of your post ok that I shouldn't be saying nothing about medical advice number 1 I'm not abusing superscription pain killers I use to but not anymore & I'm using Suboxone in medical terms its called medically being clean. Suboxone.com check it out
and no I'm not addicted to Benzo's. So for you to make such remarks and criticisms go some where else with that BS. I'm sure I will get feed back from you again . I realize that I don't know it all but I have enough knowledge and a lot of personal and college experience to know what I'm talking about possibly more than you. I just come on here and share but you criticize and you are the 1 that knows it all . And the spelling I type quick and I have ONE FREAKING HAND so I think that my spelling has nothing to do with my knowledge, and sometimes I don't know all the spellings of these narcotic medications but in all honesty i give the facts the truth and my information is not false guy go look at a PDR or to college. You seem like a g** damn cyber bully. I'm prob not going to use this site no mores but you get on my dam nerves. and the rest of you guys on here I'm sorry for this I'm just speaking out for myself this has nothing to do with any of you guys except this dude or woman. This is what I KNOW I HAVE ENOUGH COLLEGE EDUCATION WISE / I HAVE ENOUGH PSYCHO THERAPY WISE/ I HAVE ENOUGH STREET WISE/ I HAVE 3 YEARS OF HARD CORE ADDICTION WISE/ AND A LOT MORE. I BELIEVE IF MY DOCTOR WANTS ME TO BE ON BENZOS ITS UP TO HIM NOT ME AND YES I TRULY NEED THEM (NOT TO GET HIGH ON ) AND NO I'M NOT GOING TO LEARN THE HARD WAY BECAUSE I ALREADY DID. I HAVE ENOUGH KNOWLEDGE AND TOOLS TO TAKE CARE OF MY OWN PROBLEMS AND ADDICTIONS I WAS TRAINED FOR THIS STUFF OK. SOMETIMES I JUST NEED TO LET MY FEELINGS Any ways when I take these Benzos what happens is the so called high goes away from it and the high from them suck anyway and the high feelings goes away then it just gives me panic I don't buy these drugs at all on the streets I never did the ones I took are the 1s I showed you and the people who become addicted to them I just give reiterate the medical advice that I was given it's not like I can write them the scripts for it and know what to do when you get hooked on Benzos but opioid are so horrible it just takes over your soul, and at 1 point I was taking Klonopin 3 times a day and yes I got withdrawal from it 3 days later and it wasn't that bad its just like a crack withdrawal for a few weeks . I didn't get any medical help I tried but they said I was fine with out it . And thats what happens when you use it every day thats y i don't use them every day. Everyone's body's are different, I heard that the higher your metabolism is, the easier the withdrawals are and it depends how long you been on these drugs as well, but yes I would advise medical attention to anybody is going to go through withdrawal. A lot of times, winkles, I just type what you want to hear and the rest because of my liability's. I don't think that it's a good idea for me to be on this message board anymore because if everyone else is allowed to express their opinions and I'm not, it doesn't seem very fair. You may hear from me again, you may not.
As of me taking Benzos I have been taking them for 3 years almost all of them I have tried as a trial an error from 1 doctor who has legally superscribe me these medications i have written about. I have been on and off of Benzos for 3 years or more.
I think that they help me a lot with my anxiety disorder. To me it's when they want you to take them 3 times a day, thats when you become dependent or addicted to these drugs. Myself, I was treated with Klonopin 1mg 3 times a day which I think was the best and most effective for me because of its half life, to me its like a long active Xanax pill. But the truth is I hate taking medication for depression/ anxiety & Benzos. I have been on all the SSRI medications and the MAOIs and they were trial and error as well. As for me, I don't think that Benzos are addictive in my situation, I take them for the anxiety, not to get high, some people need to do that. As for other Benzo's, yes, they are very additive drugs and dangerous as well. In my opinion the opioid addiction is the most worse and violent out of all of them. These are only my feed backs and opinions and WINKLE I did hear from 1 of your post ok that I shouldn't be saying nothing about medical advice number 1 I'm not abusing superscription pain killers I use to but not anymore & I'm using Suboxone in medical terms its called medically being clean. Suboxone.com check it out
and no I'm not addicted to Benzo's. So for you to make such remarks and criticisms go some where else with that BS. I'm sure I will get feed back from you again . I realize that I don't know it all but I have enough knowledge and a lot of personal and college experience to know what I'm talking about possibly more than you. I just come on here and share but you criticize and you are the 1 that knows it all . And the spelling I type quick and I have ONE FREAKING HAND so I think that my spelling has nothing to do with my knowledge, and sometimes I don't know all the spellings of these narcotic medications but in all honesty i give the facts the truth and my information is not false guy go look at a PDR or to college. You seem like a g** damn cyber bully. I'm prob not going to use this site no mores but you get on my dam nerves. and the rest of you guys on here I'm sorry for this I'm just speaking out for myself this has nothing to do with any of you guys except this dude or woman. This is what I KNOW I HAVE ENOUGH COLLEGE EDUCATION WISE / I HAVE ENOUGH PSYCHO THERAPY WISE/ I HAVE ENOUGH STREET WISE/ I HAVE 3 YEARS OF HARD CORE ADDICTION WISE/ AND A LOT MORE. I BELIEVE IF MY DOCTOR WANTS ME TO BE ON BENZOS ITS UP TO HIM NOT ME AND YES I TRULY NEED THEM (NOT TO GET HIGH ON ) AND NO I'M NOT GOING TO LEARN THE HARD WAY BECAUSE I ALREADY DID. I HAVE ENOUGH KNOWLEDGE AND TOOLS TO TAKE CARE OF MY OWN PROBLEMS AND ADDICTIONS I WAS TRAINED FOR THIS STUFF OK. SOMETIMES I JUST NEED TO LET MY FEELINGS Any ways when I take these Benzos what happens is the so called high goes away from it and the high from them suck anyway and the high feelings goes away then it just gives me panic I don't buy these drugs at all on the streets I never did the ones I took are the 1s I showed you and the people who become addicted to them I just give reiterate the medical advice that I was given it's not like I can write them the scripts for it and know what to do when you get hooked on Benzos but opioid are so horrible it just takes over your soul, and at 1 point I was taking Klonopin 3 times a day and yes I got withdrawal from it 3 days later and it wasn't that bad its just like a crack withdrawal for a few weeks . I didn't get any medical help I tried but they said I was fine with out it . And thats what happens when you use it every day thats y i don't use them every day. Everyone's body's are different, I heard that the higher your metabolism is, the easier the withdrawals are and it depends how long you been on these drugs as well, but yes I would advise medical attention to anybody is going to go through withdrawal. A lot of times, winkles, I just type what you want to hear and the rest because of my liability's. I don't think that it's a good idea for me to be on this message board anymore because if everyone else is allowed to express their opinions and I'm not, it doesn't seem very fair. You may hear from me again, you may not.
Rolling eyes.
Anyone who knows me knows I am anything but a cyber bully.
Anyone who knows me knows I am anything but a cyber bully.
Dr. Feel Good, What is up with you? That post was totally uncalled for. Danny has always been there for me whenever I needed to talk. He is a good person. I am gonna stop typing before I get banned. I noticed you tried to start s*** with him on another site what is your beef with him? Shantel
