I read your diary about the meeting...just go and sit silently if you want...feel it out...no need to spill your guts unless you want to. Where you're at is no one's business but yours and you can keep the methadone to yourself. One addict is no better and no more righteous than another...for that matter, no person is any better or more righteous than any other. I, too attended a meeting for the first time last night and I too made excuses not to go or to put it off. I'm not sure I'll go often, maybe I will, but I'm sure glad I tried it. For me it felt right to share, but I didn't know that going in...and what I shared wasn't much. And you know what? I got a hug from a complete stranger...that's all, just a hug and a 'good luck'...and that serenity prayer is a good one, says it all just right.
Just listening to others can be a help...to know that they understand your struggle and won't judge you. Hope it goes the way you want it to...and you always have us honey.
Peace~MomNMore
Thanks ....ya...Im pretty nervous....thanks for the support M&M...means a lot
Bump for Con...how'd the meeting go? Enquiring minds want to know...yeah, I'm pretty nosy...dish, Con.
s***..I freakin cried through the whole damn meeting....Im such a wuss...christ....they handed me a box of kleenexs...were real nice about it...were more than nice about it...I knew I needed to be there as soon as the sharing thing started...thats when I started crying...couldnt for the life of me of stopped if you had offered me a million dollars...couldnt have even told you why either...whatever...guess.im going back tonight...some of the people have even emailed me this morning with some support and saying they hope i will be there tonight...so...not much more I could have asked for...the druggie in the AA meeting...but it didnt seem to bother them all that much....im relieved for the moment...feel better somewhat...turmoil seems to be receding...thank God...
M&M...read your update...relief seems to be in the picture for both of us at the moment...Im so glad...Im so very very glad we both got a moment to breathe !!
M&M...read your update...relief seems to be in the picture for both of us at the moment...Im so glad...Im so very very glad we both got a moment to breathe !!
See...those teas are cleansing...gotta get that stuff out...whatever it is. I felt EXACTLY the same way when I walked into the meeting, only difference was I didn't actually cry, just had that lump in my throat and full eyes the whole time until I shared. You know Con, I want to get to where some of those people are...I want their faith, I want their calm...
And yeah, for the moment we can breathe...and it's all about the moment...that's all we've really got is the right-this-second.
So glad you made it...so very glad.
Calm~MomNMore
And yeah, for the moment we can breathe...and it's all about the moment...that's all we've really got is the right-this-second.
So glad you made it...so very glad.
Calm~MomNMore
wow-you guys are amking me wanna go to a meeting RIGHT NOW, i really gotta get back with it, i am just so busy all the time, and the transportation thing--yeah i know...i found a way to get to the dope house and found time to get high...but reality is i have alot mor to do now that my life isnt centered around getting high, ok excuses aside i gotta get my tail back around fellow addicts...that is where i belong--thats why i practically live here--but dont worry everyone you can never be replaced, so dont go getting jealous on me LOL
MOM--you are awesome, always so uplifting
MOM--you are awesome, always so uplifting
I'm fakin' it till I'm makin' it, Amity...trying real hard to take care of my own stuff...it begins with me. Thanks for the boost honey =)
Dear Con,
I did the same thing when I went to my first alanon meeting. The tears just would NOT stop! I tried to tell myself to stop, but I must have had too many stored up in there trying to stay strong that they just flooded out! The people there were very compassionate and caring....all strangers sharing the same pain just like us on here....but in person.
I'm glad you had just a good experience with all the support you received. :)
Love,
Susan
I did the same thing when I went to my first alanon meeting. The tears just would NOT stop! I tried to tell myself to stop, but I must have had too many stored up in there trying to stay strong that they just flooded out! The people there were very compassionate and caring....all strangers sharing the same pain just like us on here....but in person.
I'm glad you had just a good experience with all the support you received. :)
Love,
Susan
Oh Man...sooooo much in my head this morning...soooooo much...I cant even figure out where to start....went to another meeting last night and after it a woman came up to me and gave me some guidance on how to proceed and gave me a copy of the book and then pretty much proceeded to talk my ears off for like an hour and a half....dont get me wrong....she was very nice...and she explained all about sponsors and how Im suppose to pick one or even a temp one if I want to begin...and It really kind of seemed to me like she wanted to be my sponsor....and well...I felt like I was 5 years old again...and I did something I probably would have never done before...I didnt ask her...I normally would have felt all guilty for not asking her because she was trying to be so nice and understanding but...I didnt...I knew she wasnt the one I wanted to have for a sponsor...like..first of all I dont want to begin this with someone who makes me feel like Im a 5year old and second off...I really HATE people that talk and talk and makes me want to scream to them to please shut up...so...no...not going there with her...but grateful that she DID take the time for a new person and give me some direction on what the hell I was suppose to do there...FUNny thing happened thugh while she was talking...junkie humor coming up warning...:)...shes like all going on about how its a disease and then decided to use the diabetic analogy...and shes going on about needles and such and oh how she hates needles and...oh ya...Con had to burst out laughing there...and...she STILL never got it...no prob...ha ha...anyways...going on back tonight...ya ...again...s*** this recovery crap is exhausting....between the clinic on the wekends, the doc, the meetings every night and work...jeesh...im dam exhausted...but its all good...all good...I think....
Hey Con, something similar happened to me at my last night meeting. The topic was how you perceive your HP working in your life...so I shared the bit about the man in my driveway when I got home from my last meeting, the one who got my girl into detox and interceded with her employer. I saw that as something of a minor miracle so it seemed an appropriate share. Anyway, on the way out a woman stopped me to say 'good luck with your daughter'...but there was more there and she rattled on about her 18 year old son shooting OCs, told me his name, a fair bit of his history, etc...I started to say something then realized that my daughter's addiction is her business and not for public consumption, I didn't want to trash my daughter to a stranger, and we are not supposed to specify substances, etc, because this is supposed to be about recovery and focused on US. She also asked me if I knew of a group called...yes, I did...but I already have a group (You guys!) Mostly all I said was, "I'm fairly well along in my recovery thanks to my online community, I have tremendous support and friendships there, but I thought this might help me with the faith and acceptance part and to see if I want to work the steps, I'm not sure." Maybe she was reaching out and needs to talk to someone...or maybe she was someone who likes to be in other people's business...or just someone who talks too much (shut up is right!)...either way, I'm sorry for her struggles, but I'm not going there in that way.
I'm there to work on me, not to talk about my daughter, except to describe how her addiction affects my thinking...and that's what I'm trying to break out of.
On a another note, I read your diary again and it made me cry...for you...for your family...for how much of my daughter in I see in the ending of that post. I wish you girls would see what the rest of us see...the beauty, the intelligence, the all over wonderfulness that is you. Don't feel guilt right now, no room for it...save it for later when you can work through it...too fresh now, Con. As a parent I can say that there was a time when I tried to make my daughter feel guilt...would've been grateful to think she had it in her. But later, when I saw what all that guilt and shame did to her...how it ate her up...I was the one ashamed...I don't want that for her. Please let it go...please...I promise you it is not what anyone who loves you wants from you...all we want is for you to beat this.
Peace, Con~ M&M
I'm there to work on me, not to talk about my daughter, except to describe how her addiction affects my thinking...and that's what I'm trying to break out of.
On a another note, I read your diary again and it made me cry...for you...for your family...for how much of my daughter in I see in the ending of that post. I wish you girls would see what the rest of us see...the beauty, the intelligence, the all over wonderfulness that is you. Don't feel guilt right now, no room for it...save it for later when you can work through it...too fresh now, Con. As a parent I can say that there was a time when I tried to make my daughter feel guilt...would've been grateful to think she had it in her. But later, when I saw what all that guilt and shame did to her...how it ate her up...I was the one ashamed...I don't want that for her. Please let it go...please...I promise you it is not what anyone who loves you wants from you...all we want is for you to beat this.
Peace, Con~ M&M
M&M...your a good Mom...you really amaze me at how much you love your daughter...she has to know that...and dont feel too sorry for my family M&M...they were nothing like you...I think sometimes...I think actually a LOT of times that if I had had even a millimeter of the love you show your daughter from my own Mom then it may not have taken me almost half of my life to get clean....:) Im not bashing my Mom...she did the best she could...shes just not really cut out for motherhood I guess...some are not...and...well...guilt..ya thats a pretty big one for me...think it always has been...but guess it comes with the territory of getting clean...Ive got a lot stuff to sort out from a whole lot of years...thanks for being kind and as wonderful as always....and ya know what ? I told that lady last night the same exact thing about our online group !!! :) :)
con dont u darepick a sponsor till u have sussed them all out ya nut.eck
yeah--do NOT feel bad about not picking her, a sponsor has to be someone you feel comfy with, and youll know when you meet her, you can pick a temp one till u figure it out, but i had real issues with asking for help, just like i do now so I started working the steps in an NA Workbook, and that really helped, you can order then online I believe, take your time, its not a race-in fact I think the slower you do the steps the better--ans trust--there are some real nuts and frusterating people in those rooms, so prepare to be patient and try not to feel guilt about being hinest with yourself and others...u are so funny!!!
Hey mom--still havent gotten my e-mail? can u e-mail me a letter,I must be doing something wrong.. kcbbbamity@birch.net
thanks
amity
Hey mom--still havent gotten my e-mail? can u e-mail me a letter,I must be doing something wrong.. kcbbbamity@birch.net
thanks
amity
