Coping With Guilt

Pain Pills
1
Hi
I just wrote a "thousand worder" about some past issues that I am struggling with. It became apparent that it was too raw and personal to deal with so I deleted. I was basically about some things I did when using that affected my family. May have sounded very trivial to some but is still massive to me.
Neon
2
So sorry Paul, I can really feel your hurt. I think you're very brave for talking about it. Maybe this is part of the healing process. We can't take back our mistakes (and we all have made them) but we can do better and you are. In time you will make so many new and sober memories with you son, then that unfortunate one can take a back seat. Your a good man Paul, with a good heart, you son will remember that. There will be other concerts. Your son is lucky to have you for his dad. Love, Kat
3
I'm sorry Paul, I wrote that before I saw you edit it. Would you like me to edit my post to you? Tell me and I'll do so imediatly. Love, Kat
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Katt
Its OK I just could not bare for it to be there for a long time. I am still having painful memories that took by suprise.
Paul
5
Paul I too deal with the guilt and shame of what I've done. I've broke into tears on two separate occasion because it got to me so much. I can understand how you wouldn't want to share it with everybody. I hope in time I can be forgiven for the things I have done, I feel worse about how its affected the people I love than what I did to my body.
I hope you can find peace.

JohnDee
6
I understand totally Paul. I have a few memories I wish I had never made too. I try not to dwell on any of that too much. Guilt can be overwhelming. Love you, Kat
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John, I feel the same way. Paul, keep on writing, even if for only yourself. It helps to get it out.
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Paul (Neon),
What a subject this is "Guilt". I sometimes feel like I wake up and go to sleep feeling guilty. I bury it deep inside, but it's there. I always am reminded to live for today, yesterday is gone. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. We all have things we are not proud of. Our addiction seems to bring out everything that we didn't want to be or do. I think if we can get past it, it's a big step. And it must be done, or I would be afraid I could go back to "using". I think this is where NA/AA or counseling comes in. You have so much to be proud of, remember that!!!! I hope you have a nice evening. Take care, Best Wishes

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I don't know if this helps anyone or not...but when I was making amends for some of the things I had done or said when I was still drinking....and I was talking to my sister and apologizing for whatever....I will never forget what she said to me. She said "That isn't who you are, it is just what you did"...and now that I do not drink, I think I understand what she meant. While under the influence of whatever...(alcohol, pills), we are not really the person that we are when we are sober/clean...and those who love us know that and only wish for us to know it, too. Anyway, it helped me to get over some of the guilt I felt for just about everything, and maybe if you look at it that way...it will help you, too.
xoxo
10
Hi Paul,

I didn't read your original post, but can I just say that in my case, I don't give two hoots about anything my wife did when she was using.

All I care about is that she is working hard at recovery. You can't undo the past.. focus on the future; I am sure your family is

11
Thank you Betsy, that really helped me

Thanks
JohnDee
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i read your thing about guilt i am sure we all have skeletons in our closets some of us may have more than others not to get out of what i did or escape responsibilty but i wasn't in the right frame of mind to make the right decisions this may have caused harm to people i love and i might not be able to fix it but for now it is in the past and i only can try to prove that i am now a better man some of the things i am sure i will have to work out in counseling
13
I think once the fog wears off we all have to deal with gilt but its a matter of how long and for what REAL reason the mind keps throwing things back at you to make you feel like a heel and a no good looser. I HIGHLY recomen the book advertised on this site called the tao of sobriety , they go inot original innocence along with alowwing you to recognize the PARTICULAR parts of youself that keep throwing stuff at you to make you either want to use of to be a miserable guilt ridden sober person. Dont mean to sound harsh at all . The first thing that happens when I try to stop is I cry uncontrollably and feel like Im guilty of commiting murder which of course is ridiculous. but the same tapes play ie look what youve done to your family ,you god for nothing ,Im inherently flawed as a human being , Ill never amount to anything ,on and on and on. Even the smallest thing ie didnt pick up my clothes yesterday to help my wife and its like pressing play on the tape machine here we go again. Please spent the lousy 14 dollars on teh book it just might help if not Ill send yu a check for it promise. Best wishes give your self a break and do something good for you today. Ray
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Paul, I have some major guilt, too. But like ramon said, the tao of sobriety is a really great tool. It tells us to let go of the guilt.
The things I did under the influence I would have never done sober, and I am sure you wouldn't have either.
Just let it go....let it go....
The past is past. All we can do now is be better in the future...
kerry
15
It sounds like we all have lots of guilt. Of course, nobody likes to lie and cheat. It doesn't feel good. I guess what I am trying to say is that I carry lots of guilt. I feel like a cheated my husband and my kids of a mother and wife. I still can't quite pull it together. I ignore my kids and feel horrible. I want so bad to have that energy back so I can be a mother. My husband, bless his heart, has had to pick up the slack....homework, cooking, etc. I wonder if I will ever get my energy and drive back. bye
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Kat, I hear you. Sometimes I just want to run away from my kids...today is one of those days. I love them soooooo much, but somedays it sucks to be a mom..
Kerry
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Littlebeach...
OHMYG....I had one of those weekends where the kids were bugging the crap out of me. I just wasn't interested in anything. How sad is that? They made huge messes...I didn't even do their laundry, etc. Now it is Monday and there will be homework, dinner to make and I have to do the laundry. I can totally relate....I feel guilty when I'm not in the mood to be a mom.
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Nope. You aren't the only one... The messes are my biggest trigger.. The chaos is what me go out the last time. It just isn't an option now, but that and having to control them makes me want to just cry....I have days where I just want to give up. But I can't, so I don't...
hang in there Kat...
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Little- Right now I am playing Mr. Mom, because I've been pretty sick for the last 9 months. Finally turning the corner though. So my wife gets a new job and I'm chasing a 2 year old and a 4 year old around. She left me alone with them four 4 days last week when she went away on business!!!! My other 3 are much older. I'm like banging my head on the wall hehe...I've never done this stuff before..I've always been the guy that worked from 6am to 6pm..what do I know???? I just try to keep them from killing themselves or each other...or me..haha
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Danny, you are so funny!! Kids can be rutheless....lol...
I wish most dads had to do that for a month..it would bring ALOT more peace if people had to trade places..then they would understand...
Kerry