Please help me on this. I am new to this board and I need opinions. I also posted this on the families board because I need as much help on this that I can get.
Just found out today my son & daughter-in-law are vicodin addicts for the past 8 years! (20 tabs per day each) They are going to go to detox together, both insist they can not do it alone.
My thoughts are that they need to fix themself first.....that trying to do this together or for each other will lessen thier chance of recovery............I don't think an addict can help an addict......................am I way off base here?
I know vicodin controls brain process so I do not know if they are thinking clearly right now or not.
I feel that they can not work on thier relationship until they are both 100% clean....I have always heard that recovey can only succeed if you are doing it for yourself.................and that putting 2 addicts together during recovry will lessen both chances of recovery.
They tried to check themselves into a place last night but were turned away because the place would not treat couples together.
Please give me your thoughts on this!!
My son said if I could confirm my feelings by getting backup from people who have gone through this he would be more convinced that I might be right.
I am not concerned about being right.......I just want them both to have the best chance possible at full recovery...there are 2 small children that will be greatly effected by thier recovery.
Thanks to all in advance for any help you can offer.
Welcome,
I can only give you my opinion, if they are doing this together, what a wonderful gift. They can support each other, and hopefully both will come home clean.
Although not impossible for one to get clean while the other in the household is a user, it does present a challenge.
Whether they do it for themselves or for the children, the other person, in my opinion, doesn't matter. They both decided at this point to accomplish this as a team. They had to have that ' we both need to get clean mentality' to take this huge step. I applaud them. A Step in the right direction. What matters as well are the tools they will learn in detox, and that they are applied once they get home.
Good Luck.
I say be as positive as you can, give them the support they need, educate yourself. Perhaps an alanon meeting.
Keep trying detox units until they find one that will treat both. Or they can always go to two different centers.
I can only give you my opinion, if they are doing this together, what a wonderful gift. They can support each other, and hopefully both will come home clean.
Although not impossible for one to get clean while the other in the household is a user, it does present a challenge.
Whether they do it for themselves or for the children, the other person, in my opinion, doesn't matter. They both decided at this point to accomplish this as a team. They had to have that ' we both need to get clean mentality' to take this huge step. I applaud them. A Step in the right direction. What matters as well are the tools they will learn in detox, and that they are applied once they get home.
Good Luck.
I say be as positive as you can, give them the support they need, educate yourself. Perhaps an alanon meeting.
Keep trying detox units until they find one that will treat both. Or they can always go to two different centers.
Welcome joesuzzi,
It's wonderful that you love your Son and Daughter in Law so much that you have chosen to get involved.
There isn't a right way or a wrong way to stop taking pills. What works for one person may not work for the other person. If one "method" doesn't work, try another "method". You and your family are in this for the long haul. There isn't a quick fix to this.
Quiting is a frightning thing. I don't know why, a frear of the unknown I guess. Knowing that someone is supporting you no matter what is the best gift you can give them. The support I got was and is priceless to me.
Your trust and support is so very important. Whatever decision they make be their biggest supporter. Cheer them on. Get those pom poms out and jump up and down like a crazy person.
Catherine
It's wonderful that you love your Son and Daughter in Law so much that you have chosen to get involved.
There isn't a right way or a wrong way to stop taking pills. What works for one person may not work for the other person. If one "method" doesn't work, try another "method". You and your family are in this for the long haul. There isn't a quick fix to this.
Quiting is a frightning thing. I don't know why, a frear of the unknown I guess. Knowing that someone is supporting you no matter what is the best gift you can give them. The support I got was and is priceless to me.
Your trust and support is so very important. Whatever decision they make be their biggest supporter. Cheer them on. Get those pom poms out and jump up and down like a crazy person.
Catherine
The fact that they know they can't do it alone and need rehab is a hugely positive step forward, whether they go together or separately. It is great that you care enough to do your own fact finding, but unfortunately you are one of the least effective people in giving them advice right now, unless of course they ask you for it. No offense -- it's the same for all immediate family. They'll hear what they need to hear, when they're ready to hear it, and it most likely will be from a 3d party who can share their actual experience.
You're scared for them, which is completely understandable. You are clearly a very caring and loving person. But if If you can be supportive of their recovery w/out trying to control it -- even when they take wrong turns along the way (and they will) -- it will be much easier on you, and probably more helpful to them. It's easier said than done, I know. I've tried it both ways. But in the long run, I don't think you'll regret it. Best of luck to you, None.
You're scared for them, which is completely understandable. You are clearly a very caring and loving person. But if If you can be supportive of their recovery w/out trying to control it -- even when they take wrong turns along the way (and they will) -- it will be much easier on you, and probably more helpful to them. It's easier said than done, I know. I've tried it both ways. But in the long run, I don't think you'll regret it. Best of luck to you, None.
one addict can help another addict when the first addict has some considerable clean time and can help the "newcomer" with their hope experience and strength. that is what the Narcotics' anonymous program teaches.
if they cant go as a couple then definately get them in to a rehab facility asap as single patients, maybe the same place or maybe they could be in separate facilities.
they will need to work a program of abstinance and meetings, getting a sponsor, and following 12 step recovery living, its not just quitting drugs, its learning new behaviors and a new way of living which can be accomplished thru the NA program and sponsorship.
i think once that has happened then they could work on their program together and it could be quite a good experience, because i am clean and working the program of NA and my spouse in an alcoholic in denial and it has been a living h*ll trying to deal with that on a daily basis. i wish i has a partner who understands and would be supportive. jewels k-9
if they cant go as a couple then definately get them in to a rehab facility asap as single patients, maybe the same place or maybe they could be in separate facilities.
they will need to work a program of abstinance and meetings, getting a sponsor, and following 12 step recovery living, its not just quitting drugs, its learning new behaviors and a new way of living which can be accomplished thru the NA program and sponsorship.
i think once that has happened then they could work on their program together and it could be quite a good experience, because i am clean and working the program of NA and my spouse in an alcoholic in denial and it has been a living h*ll trying to deal with that on a daily basis. i wish i has a partner who understands and would be supportive. jewels k-9
I agree with all of the advice.
What is really great is that they both want to be clean.
Maybe they can go separately; I think the reason behind not treating them together is that they need to focus on themselves right now; not each other.
Good luck and I like None's advice.
They just need to do it. There are usually reason's beyond their understanding right now why they can't be together; this is a good step for them in learning how to relinquish control.. some believe to be a huge part of recovery.
What is really great is that they both want to be clean.
Maybe they can go separately; I think the reason behind not treating them together is that they need to focus on themselves right now; not each other.
Good luck and I like None's advice.
They just need to do it. There are usually reason's beyond their understanding right now why they can't be together; this is a good step for them in learning how to relinquish control.. some believe to be a huge part of recovery.
I see absolutely nothing wrong with going to detox together,rehab...well thats another issue.Detox is just that,getting the drugs out of your system and i think having each other to lean on would be great.
Rehab,meetings,etc...they will have to definitley concentrate on their own selves,their own thoughts,feelings,but they are very lucky to have each other to share them with too.
Stay strong for them,knowing you care,and that they can turn to you when they need to has got to be a very great help to them both.God luck to you all~KIM
Rehab,meetings,etc...they will have to definitley concentrate on their own selves,their own thoughts,feelings,but they are very lucky to have each other to share them with too.
Stay strong for them,knowing you care,and that they can turn to you when they need to has got to be a very great help to them both.God luck to you all~KIM
Wow, Thanks to all of you for making me feel so welcome,....and for opening my eyes too.
You are all SO RIGHT....it does not really matter HOW they get help, only that they GET help.
Yup, I am terrified for them. I don't know much about drug addiction but I plan on learning all I can. I want them to succeed more than anything ! Now I see they have to do it on thier own terms.
It took alot for them to tell me about the addiction today. Son said it was one of the hardest things he has ever had to do and was very worried that I would be disappointed in him!!
I do not need to try to control this (I couldn't anyway)....but I will be by thier side each step of the way........with my pom-poms !
Looks like they found a place that can take them in on Tuesday, but right now they are sick..is the only option to self-medicate until then??
You are all SO RIGHT....it does not really matter HOW they get help, only that they GET help.
Yup, I am terrified for them. I don't know much about drug addiction but I plan on learning all I can. I want them to succeed more than anything ! Now I see they have to do it on thier own terms.
It took alot for them to tell me about the addiction today. Son said it was one of the hardest things he has ever had to do and was very worried that I would be disappointed in him!!
I do not need to try to control this (I couldn't anyway)....but I will be by thier side each step of the way........with my pom-poms !
Looks like they found a place that can take them in on Tuesday, but right now they are sick..is the only option to self-medicate until then??
joesuzzi,
That sure to a lot of guts for your Son to tell you.
I know you want to take their pain away but there is nothing you can do. If they need to "self medicate" to feel better before they enter detox then thats what they have to do.
Can they contact the detox center or their doctor to ask for any medical help before they enter detox? Are they home with you?
Your job is to get your Pom Poms and put cold cloths on their heads, force them to eat or just leave them alone. Just being there for them is priceless.
You have already been told to contact NA/AA. Call them tonight. This will be less frightening to you once you know more about addiction.
Catherine
That sure to a lot of guts for your Son to tell you.
I know you want to take their pain away but there is nothing you can do. If they need to "self medicate" to feel better before they enter detox then thats what they have to do.
Can they contact the detox center or their doctor to ask for any medical help before they enter detox? Are they home with you?
Your job is to get your Pom Poms and put cold cloths on their heads, force them to eat or just leave them alone. Just being there for them is priceless.
You have already been told to contact NA/AA. Call them tonight. This will be less frightening to you once you know more about addiction.
Catherine
Hi Catherine,
No, they are not home with me.....I have the children.
I have asked them to come here, offered to do the complete Christmas here, we have a motorhome that they could stay in while they are feeling so badly so the children would not have to see it all, but so far they have not decided to come here.
They are both really sick right now..........
They spent 7 hours at a center yesterday, waiting to be admitted. They were finally told that the center does not treat couples but one of them could be admitted. They are frightened and sick. One would not go in without the other. They are very sick........
A friend (?) gave them each a pill to help take the edge off but one pill each is not going to do much for them.
They did find a place for Tuesday.......but that is a long time from now.
To make matters worse, they have no insurance....and no money. The place they are going to tuesday told them to self-medicate until then.
I did call the state today to see if there were any government funded programs or centers in thier area.........I left messages with my call back number but no one has called back yet.
I have poured through the pages on this board, and on this site to try to get some understanding of what they are going through....and if there is anything I can do to help.
I just want to be able to fix this for them..............................and for the first time in my life...... I can't.
No, they are not home with me.....I have the children.
I have asked them to come here, offered to do the complete Christmas here, we have a motorhome that they could stay in while they are feeling so badly so the children would not have to see it all, but so far they have not decided to come here.
They are both really sick right now..........
They spent 7 hours at a center yesterday, waiting to be admitted. They were finally told that the center does not treat couples but one of them could be admitted. They are frightened and sick. One would not go in without the other. They are very sick........
A friend (?) gave them each a pill to help take the edge off but one pill each is not going to do much for them.
They did find a place for Tuesday.......but that is a long time from now.
To make matters worse, they have no insurance....and no money. The place they are going to tuesday told them to self-medicate until then.
I did call the state today to see if there were any government funded programs or centers in thier area.........I left messages with my call back number but no one has called back yet.
I have poured through the pages on this board, and on this site to try to get some understanding of what they are going through....and if there is anything I can do to help.
I just want to be able to fix this for them..............................and for the first time in my life...... I can't.
The rehab center I went to wouldn't allow couples to be on the same floor together, but they would allow them both in the same facility. Your son and daughter-in-law may have to go to different places but I think it's for the better. Anyway, I can't offer much more advice then you've already been given but I will be praying for your family. Best wishes.
Shelly
Shelly
I know how much you want to fix this but your hands are tied. They have to do this. Quiting isn't easy, if it were none of us would be here on this board talking about it.
Don't let not having any insurance stop them. There is a lot of low/no care programs.
I understand that they want to stay away while they are sick. Withdrawls aren't fun to go through or nice to watch. I don't have a problem with "friends" giving them pills until tuesday. I'm sure there are a lot of people that would shoot me for saying that but I understand. I'm not saying it's right I understand.
Here is some information. This should keep you busy for a while. lol
Here is information on suboxone. This site also describes addiction really well. There are doctors listed. I took suboxone, it really helped me.
http://www.buprenorphine.samhsa.gov/about.html
This is the first phone call I made. They can give you information on just about anything.
The National Council on Alcoholism.
Fights the sigma and the disease of alcoholism and other drug addictions
http://www.ncadd.org/
You call AA and NA for support for YOU. You need help with this too!
Alcoholics Anonymous web site:
http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org...Media=PlayFlash
Narcotics Anonymous web site:
http://www.na.org/
Keep your eyes on them and make sure they are OK until Tuesday. Call every so often and see if they need anything.
I think it's great they are doing this together. "There is strength in numbers" This is going to be over in no time.
Keep posting. It really helps to talk about it. Lets us know how you and "the kids" are doing.
Catherine
Lets us know if you need more info.
Hi Joe,
You asked is there anything you can do to help....
Well "help" can take this twisted turn with those we love, as we watch the pain of addiction....
Help them by letting them find thier way. They really are capable of doing that, whether alone, together, The fact that they have come out and said they need help and are seeking it is a big step.
Help with the children is wonderful. Help by educating yourself on addiction, and what you can do for YOU. It is important to help you.
Love and support them, but ultimately help you.
This takes a big toll on parents ( I know ), some so eaten alive with worry, in this sense of loss, helplessness....We so want them to ( to what, their life)....we so wish they hadn't, we so think we can fix this, save them. When in reality this is their life, this is the choice they made. And now what you see are the consequences of their actions. Ones that they must feel, ones that they should/can/will learn from.....
It is ok that you can't fix them you aren't suppose to. Please understand that. And know that they will be ok. They really will. If they want this then they will make it happen. It will not be easy, but it is so doable....
Sending prayers,
Love,
Tina
You asked is there anything you can do to help....
Well "help" can take this twisted turn with those we love, as we watch the pain of addiction....
Help them by letting them find thier way. They really are capable of doing that, whether alone, together, The fact that they have come out and said they need help and are seeking it is a big step.
Help with the children is wonderful. Help by educating yourself on addiction, and what you can do for YOU. It is important to help you.
Love and support them, but ultimately help you.
This takes a big toll on parents ( I know ), some so eaten alive with worry, in this sense of loss, helplessness....We so want them to ( to what, their life)....we so wish they hadn't, we so think we can fix this, save them. When in reality this is their life, this is the choice they made. And now what you see are the consequences of their actions. Ones that they must feel, ones that they should/can/will learn from.....
It is ok that you can't fix them you aren't suppose to. Please understand that. And know that they will be ok. They really will. If they want this then they will make it happen. It will not be easy, but it is so doable....
Sending prayers,
Love,
Tina
Suboxone, like Sarah said, is a medicine by a doctor in an office that will stop withdrawls.
You can make appoinments, but I would assume that Tuesday would be the first space..not sure where you are, but that might be an option. There is a "suboxone physician locator" and you can find a doctor in your area.
I think the rehab thing, if they can swing it, is the best option.
They will probably feel very sick; and hot baths, immodium AD, and comtrex flu and cold really helped me. Irritablity, sweating, sneezing, restless legs, dialated pupils, and the runs are all part of w/d. It isn't fun. Oh yea, insomnia.
You watching the kids is great! Tell them that it is possible to do this; lots of us here have.
Merry Holidays
You can make appoinments, but I would assume that Tuesday would be the first space..not sure where you are, but that might be an option. There is a "suboxone physician locator" and you can find a doctor in your area.
I think the rehab thing, if they can swing it, is the best option.
They will probably feel very sick; and hot baths, immodium AD, and comtrex flu and cold really helped me. Irritablity, sweating, sneezing, restless legs, dialated pupils, and the runs are all part of w/d. It isn't fun. Oh yea, insomnia.
You watching the kids is great! Tell them that it is possible to do this; lots of us here have.
Merry Holidays
i am currently withdrawing from a much smaller daily amt of vicodin, but i have been taking for many years. fortunately my husband doesn't have a problem and has allowed me to heal. they are going to need full time help with the children for a while. neither of them will probably have the energy to care for their children. this will be the best support you could offer. you can't do it for them, but you can help allow them the opportunity. it's hard to describe the discomfort of withdrawal to someone who is not withdrawing, but vicodin or opiates are the worst. ie i felt like i had been hit by a truck yesterday and its been over 3 wks for me. some days i feel better and i can definitely see clearer and focus. my thoughts are more reasonable. make it as easy for them as possible as far as the household is concerned. hope this helps.
