I know. And not only that, the day before and that day both he and his dumb gf told my daughter "we would pick you up but your mom won't let us."
Now they blame his abandonment on ME? Now that's low. My daughter knew it wasn't true; I used to tell her to call him every weekend to come get her. He, of course, blew her off.
One week (right before Halloween) he agreed to pick her up. Friday came, and he blew her off. That night, my daughter SAW HIM GETTING IN THE CAR AT THE SCHOOL'S HALLOWEEN THINGY WITH THAT OTHER LITTLE GIRL.
Her anger started that day.
I do hope that there is a place like that for men like that.
There is good news, though. I called this investigator in Honolulu who has been compasonate and helpful. He told me today that there is a new head guy in CSEA. He of course reiterated your no anger approach, and suggested I write a letter. maybe someone will listen.
Danny, I promise I will email you soon. I have been swamped. We saw tons of whales today!
Hi Kerry!
Just keep doing the right thing even when it seems so unfair and unjust. When you do the right things...somehow some way the right things always happen.
I agree with you on that one!
A very special place in deed!
Don't you wonder what the hell you ever saw in him? I use to do that all the time and then when I looked at my kids...I was grateful for him! Uuuuugggggghhhhhhh! Now I feel nothing but pity for him. You will get there one day too, this will all be behind you one day!
Whales! you are so lucky! I have been so busy...I haven't been able to see any for a few weeks now. I am afraid I will miss it all! I have been so busy. My hubby left for Canada last night on business and he is freezing his rear end off!!! LOL...we are at this very moment getting some ferocious thunder!! I mean its loud you can probably hear it over there!!
Have a good one Kerry! from the other Kerri!!!
Just keep doing the right thing even when it seems so unfair and unjust. When you do the right things...somehow some way the right things always happen.
I agree with you on that one!
A very special place in deed!
Don't you wonder what the hell you ever saw in him? I use to do that all the time and then when I looked at my kids...I was grateful for him! Uuuuugggggghhhhhhh! Now I feel nothing but pity for him. You will get there one day too, this will all be behind you one day!
Whales! you are so lucky! I have been so busy...I haven't been able to see any for a few weeks now. I am afraid I will miss it all! I have been so busy. My hubby left for Canada last night on business and he is freezing his rear end off!!! LOL...we are at this very moment getting some ferocious thunder!! I mean its loud you can probably hear it over there!!
Have a good one Kerry! from the other Kerri!!!
I don't have any advice, but I just wanted to say I am sorry you are dealing with this. It is so wrong in every sense of the word. Just don't stop fighting. With each passing month his payment in arrears grows larger.
You believe in karma, right?
I have to agree with and quote Gina:
"Remember, revenge is a dish best served cold. Your ex has a nine-course banquet due him and I'll keep my fingers crossed that you are there to see him choke on it."
It all comes back around, Kerry. It doesn't help you now, but try and believe that with persistance and a good lawyer, things will balance out eventually.
I hope he is haunted by what he did at the school with the g/f's child. Very wrong.
You're in my thoughts.
You believe in karma, right?
I have to agree with and quote Gina:
"Remember, revenge is a dish best served cold. Your ex has a nine-course banquet due him and I'll keep my fingers crossed that you are there to see him choke on it."
It all comes back around, Kerry. It doesn't help you now, but try and believe that with persistance and a good lawyer, things will balance out eventually.
I hope he is haunted by what he did at the school with the g/f's child. Very wrong.
You're in my thoughts.
I could tell you so many similar stories, Kerry.
I would have accepted lack of child support if the ex had only loved and been kind to my boys. Sadly, this lack of affection and involvement leaves its scars.
I got a card one year from my oldest. He told me that every good in him had been put there by me. I cried.
Everything good in your precious children is being put there by you too.
I may have had to struggle more, but the rewards were all mine. Their love is worth it all.
Even when you're frustrated, remember, you got the best the loser had to offer and their kisses are saved for you.
xxxxxxooooo
I would have accepted lack of child support if the ex had only loved and been kind to my boys. Sadly, this lack of affection and involvement leaves its scars.
I got a card one year from my oldest. He told me that every good in him had been put there by me. I cried.
Everything good in your precious children is being put there by you too.
I may have had to struggle more, but the rewards were all mine. Their love is worth it all.
Even when you're frustrated, remember, you got the best the loser had to offer and their kisses are saved for you.
xxxxxxooooo
Thank you ladies. Yep, I wonder what I ever saw. Denial is a powerful thing.
One day, they will know. My son does. He wrote me a letter also, and he understands.
I am not gona give up!
One day, they will know. My son does. He wrote me a letter also, and he understands.
I am not gona give up!
| QUOTE |
| Yep, I wonder what I ever saw. Denial is a powerful thing. |
Kerry, We're different people than we were back then. Sometimes you grow and they don't -- motherhood has a way of doing that. (Fatherhood, too, Danny, for some. Okay, you Black Irish thug? LOL)
Of course, you won't give up. You're too smart and far too strong for that.
The letter from your son must be very precious to you.
Love,
Gina
I've been thinking about you and your children a lot, Kerry. Your daughter is so young to be processing these complex emotional issues.
You know what a reader I am; I count on fiction to distill the epiphany of truth. Fairy tales are not fashionable nowadays, but I wonder if reading "Hansel and Gretel" with your daughter would give her a vehicle for working out her anger. It's a story, not unlike her own, of children left to die by a weak father at the behest of his new wife. I don't like the ending (they reunite with a repentant father after they conquer the witch and win her treasure), but I do like that the active character in the tale is a girl, who uses her wits to save her brother.
It's a roundabout way of addressing painful issues with your 8 year-old, but maybe if she can see things one step removed, she will be able to talk it out and resolve some of her anger and hurt. (You could ask her how she thinks Gretel feels for having been abandoned by her father; what she would do with the witch's treasure if she were in Gretel's place; what she thinks of Gretel's father; whether she thinks the father would have been so happy at their return if it weren't for the treasure and the fact that the stepmother had died in the interim, etc.).
You know what a reader I am; I count on fiction to distill the epiphany of truth. Fairy tales are not fashionable nowadays, but I wonder if reading "Hansel and Gretel" with your daughter would give her a vehicle for working out her anger. It's a story, not unlike her own, of children left to die by a weak father at the behest of his new wife. I don't like the ending (they reunite with a repentant father after they conquer the witch and win her treasure), but I do like that the active character in the tale is a girl, who uses her wits to save her brother.
It's a roundabout way of addressing painful issues with your 8 year-old, but maybe if she can see things one step removed, she will be able to talk it out and resolve some of her anger and hurt. (You could ask her how she thinks Gretel feels for having been abandoned by her father; what she would do with the witch's treasure if she were in Gretel's place; what she thinks of Gretel's father; whether she thinks the father would have been so happy at their return if it weren't for the treasure and the fact that the stepmother had died in the interim, etc.).
Gina, that is simply BRILLIANT!
Kerry,
You can thank my developmental psychology professor, William Ball (Yeah, Bill Ball, and dont think we didnt rag him about it, lol) who introduced me to the work of Bruno Bettelheim.
Id like to know your daughters response to the fairy tale, if youd care to tell me either here or in email.
Good luck. If nothing else comes of it, what could be better than sharing a story with your child?
Love,
Gina
You can thank my developmental psychology professor, William Ball (Yeah, Bill Ball, and dont think we didnt rag him about it, lol) who introduced me to the work of Bruno Bettelheim.
Id like to know your daughters response to the fairy tale, if youd care to tell me either here or in email.
Good luck. If nothing else comes of it, what could be better than sharing a story with your child?
Love,
Gina
I definately will. I am on my way to run errands, so I will stop at Borders.
I have been trying to communicate to her that she is priceless, even when she is mean to me and her little sister.
I know it has to do with a sense of rejection because this girl was simply an angel. Always. Now, she can be so mean.
I saw my son on Wed (he is sailing from Oahu to Maui on the Gilligan's boat) and we talked about his dad's lack of contact and his habitual blaming of everyone else.
At least my son gets it. He does, however, now have the guts to go past his guilt trips.
Life is good, though. I have to keep reminding myself that they are much better off without him anyway. His abscence is actually a blessing.
I have been trying to communicate to her that she is priceless, even when she is mean to me and her little sister.
I know it has to do with a sense of rejection because this girl was simply an angel. Always. Now, she can be so mean.
I saw my son on Wed (he is sailing from Oahu to Maui on the Gilligan's boat) and we talked about his dad's lack of contact and his habitual blaming of everyone else.
At least my son gets it. He does, however, now have the guts to go past his guilt trips.
Life is good, though. I have to keep reminding myself that they are much better off without him anyway. His abscence is actually a blessing.
Kerry,
Your daughter will get it, too. At Borders, can you see if you can find an original translation of Grimms' Fairy Tales rather than a bowdlerized edition? I think your daughter has faced so much already in her short life, a few fictional wicked witches and evil stepmothers aren't going to faze her.
I agree, you and your kids are better off with the ex out of their lives. But I do think he still needs to pay up th $64K.
Love,
Gina
Your daughter will get it, too. At Borders, can you see if you can find an original translation of Grimms' Fairy Tales rather than a bowdlerized edition? I think your daughter has faced so much already in her short life, a few fictional wicked witches and evil stepmothers aren't going to faze her.
I agree, you and your kids are better off with the ex out of their lives. But I do think he still needs to pay up th $64K.
Love,
Gina
