I had a revelation this morning. Unfortunately I believe I am reaching the part where all the emotions come to the surface like pond scum.
I need to chat with you, when you can.
Rea: I need you too. This s*** is coming on strong (emotions). I read a post that punched me in the face and I now know what is wrong with me inside.
I'm here, babe. Just woke up but I have coffee in hand so I should be semi-intelligent.
cg
cg
Mrs. Understood,
Please excuse me if I am speaking out of turn.
As I read your posts in the other thread (Thoughts on Pain) I noticed that you referred to your inner child as "she" and "I", which is perfectly natural. But this is a way of still pushing the angry, sad, lonely little girl you were away from the person you are now, rather than caring about her, as you say you wish to.
It helps, I have found, if we can honor our pasts, as undesirable as they were. Not that you ARE an angry, sad or lonely woman, but that you are a happy, together and cherished woman who sometimes STILL FEELS angry, sad and lonely and all the other painful emotions of your childhood. That's hard to do because having those feelings reminds you of a past that obviously still hurts and the hurt may feel even now, as overwhelming as they did to an unprotected child.
Do you see the distinction I am trying to make? I'm sorry if I am not being clear. It's accepting your feelings without letting them define who you are or what you do. Which is something I work on everyday so I know it's not easy.
Best wishes. Be well.
Gina
Please excuse me if I am speaking out of turn.
As I read your posts in the other thread (Thoughts on Pain) I noticed that you referred to your inner child as "she" and "I", which is perfectly natural. But this is a way of still pushing the angry, sad, lonely little girl you were away from the person you are now, rather than caring about her, as you say you wish to.
It helps, I have found, if we can honor our pasts, as undesirable as they were. Not that you ARE an angry, sad or lonely woman, but that you are a happy, together and cherished woman who sometimes STILL FEELS angry, sad and lonely and all the other painful emotions of your childhood. That's hard to do because having those feelings reminds you of a past that obviously still hurts and the hurt may feel even now, as overwhelming as they did to an unprotected child.
Do you see the distinction I am trying to make? I'm sorry if I am not being clear. It's accepting your feelings without letting them define who you are or what you do. Which is something I work on everyday so I know it's not easy.
Best wishes. Be well.
Gina
Soccermom:
We are so on the same page today that it is almost freaky. As a matter of fact, I addressed this today with a friend. I said "it is weird that I am referring to myself... seperate from myself. I think it is taking me a minute to soak it all in. To accept it.. this challenge. I have to love me, all of me, even the little girl I was. What sucks is I have to think about that stuff. All my life I have refused to give the abuser the power over me to make me sad or ashamed. To do that meant never thinking about it.
Honestly, I dont even tell people I was touched because as sick as this sounds it is so very common. Many/Most of us were. I was always afraid of making that a reason to never amount to anything. I feared pity.
Soul searching is not a fun thing. I really dont feel up to this. I have alot of stuff coming up in the next few months (that I wont share as not to be accused of bragging).
Maybe before I go digging too deep I should get a therepist. At least I have discovered the problem of why everyone else can be happy but even though I am, something is always missing.
It probably trips you out that your post had such a profound effect on someone. Goes to show how powerful this board can be when we all work together. I hope it made you feel good, you sure deserve to.
What I did for wiversen made me so proud of us both. I felt higher than I ever have knowing my information made her trash her 'script. I'll never forget either of you.
We are so on the same page today that it is almost freaky. As a matter of fact, I addressed this today with a friend. I said "it is weird that I am referring to myself... seperate from myself. I think it is taking me a minute to soak it all in. To accept it.. this challenge. I have to love me, all of me, even the little girl I was. What sucks is I have to think about that stuff. All my life I have refused to give the abuser the power over me to make me sad or ashamed. To do that meant never thinking about it.
Honestly, I dont even tell people I was touched because as sick as this sounds it is so very common. Many/Most of us were. I was always afraid of making that a reason to never amount to anything. I feared pity.
Soul searching is not a fun thing. I really dont feel up to this. I have alot of stuff coming up in the next few months (that I wont share as not to be accused of bragging).
Maybe before I go digging too deep I should get a therepist. At least I have discovered the problem of why everyone else can be happy but even though I am, something is always missing.
It probably trips you out that your post had such a profound effect on someone. Goes to show how powerful this board can be when we all work together. I hope it made you feel good, you sure deserve to.
What I did for wiversen made me so proud of us both. I felt higher than I ever have knowing my information made her trash her 'script. I'll never forget either of you.
Mrs. Understood,
Well, you're not alone and it wasn't your fault. One out of three girls are sexually abused. Don't feel shame. You didn't do anything wrong. You were a child. The other person was the adult and responsible.
I'm proud of you for refraining from bragging. The pleasure of bragging comes out of that childhood feeling of "less than" and you've shown that you are, as an adult, capable of overcoming that childhood need. Good for you.
You're pretty unforgettable yourself. And yes, find a therapist whom you can really trust.
Best of luck,
Gina
Well, you're not alone and it wasn't your fault. One out of three girls are sexually abused. Don't feel shame. You didn't do anything wrong. You were a child. The other person was the adult and responsible.
I'm proud of you for refraining from bragging. The pleasure of bragging comes out of that childhood feeling of "less than" and you've shown that you are, as an adult, capable of overcoming that childhood need. Good for you.
You're pretty unforgettable yourself. And yes, find a therapist whom you can really trust.
Best of luck,
Gina
Im thinking of trying to find a woman therepist. Then I can deal with issues as to better handle women, as my mother wasnt around to teach me and my friends have always been guys.
I feel comfortable around women... they just dont care for me much hehe. So, actually maybe they need the therepy.
Ouch, therepy is expensive. My husband said he would pay anything to 'fix my head ha!" I told him if he said something like that again he was going to need someone to fix his head *giggle*
I feel comfortable around women... they just dont care for me much hehe. So, actually maybe they need the therepy.
Ouch, therepy is expensive. My husband said he would pay anything to 'fix my head ha!" I told him if he said something like that again he was going to need someone to fix his head *giggle*
