Spent a couple of years addicted to cocaine, went to rehab but began using again right away, then tried crack a few times but didnt get to into it. Then early this year things in my life really took a turn and I tried crack again. I began using it every single day until I acquired such a habit that I could not be awake and function without it longer than 5 minutes. Everything I did, thought, or said was some form of manipulation to get more of the drug. I lied to everyone who cared about me, including myself. I ended up in rehab again, spent two months there learned a lot of tools and got 95 days clean. Though I was sober I wasnt really putting in the work to live a new life and so my addiction caught up with me yet again. It started slow as it does, but progressed much faster than last time. I have reached the point where my health is failing and I would soon be dead if I continued to use. Nobody believes a word I say anymore and even question that I ever was an honest person. Im so sick of living like this, and so embarrassed of who Ive become. I let it take everything from me just so I can get high and Ive had enough. Im 2 days sober and I feel like Im done but I cant get too confident as that has led me to relapse in the past. Im going to start attending meetings again and truly try to change my way of living. Any advice?
Hi, Barbie.
I too have been having trouble quitting powder and crack cocaine. And of course we feel like lousy humans. Although -- I say "of course" -- consider yourself at least, at MINIMUM --- someone who cares what kind of person you are. Not everyone seems to be there in their human journey.
As long as you care, you are good. All that matters is trying, as long as it takes. You made mistakes. You behaved poorly. You are trying now to change that. You are good. You deserve to be well and be happy.
I feel like I am rambling. I am new at this -- chatroom thing. I need help. I feel so frigging overwhelmed -- I am grateful for this outlet.
I too have been having trouble quitting powder and crack cocaine. And of course we feel like lousy humans. Although -- I say "of course" -- consider yourself at least, at MINIMUM --- someone who cares what kind of person you are. Not everyone seems to be there in their human journey.
As long as you care, you are good. All that matters is trying, as long as it takes. You made mistakes. You behaved poorly. You are trying now to change that. You are good. You deserve to be well and be happy.
I feel like I am rambling. I am new at this -- chatroom thing. I need help. I feel so frigging overwhelmed -- I am grateful for this outlet.
Hi guys,
I was addicted to crystal meth, methcathinone, cocaine and a drug called mandrax for about 8 years.
Eventually, it destroyed my whole life. Lost my family, reputation and career, criminal records, employment history, etc.
There was not one time when i received money and didn't spend basically every single cent on drugs. Even though every time i regreted it, i told myself that i would never do it again - my life seemed totally empty when i wasn't on drugs.
I was invited by a friend, to a Christian addiction program which set me free once and for all. It is absolutely free and they have centers all over the world. I would really love to share what I received. I have been 4 years clean and eventually the cravings dissapeared too.
If you are keen and willing to try anything, i am more than happy to refer you to them.
God bless
I was addicted to crystal meth, methcathinone, cocaine and a drug called mandrax for about 8 years.
Eventually, it destroyed my whole life. Lost my family, reputation and career, criminal records, employment history, etc.
There was not one time when i received money and didn't spend basically every single cent on drugs. Even though every time i regreted it, i told myself that i would never do it again - my life seemed totally empty when i wasn't on drugs.
I was invited by a friend, to a Christian addiction program which set me free once and for all. It is absolutely free and they have centers all over the world. I would really love to share what I received. I have been 4 years clean and eventually the cravings dissapeared too.
If you are keen and willing to try anything, i am more than happy to refer you to them.
God bless
HUGO,
MY LIFE HAS BEEN SPARED SO MANY TIMES. I'M 2CM AWAY FROM RUINING MY LIFE FOR GOOD. I DO ALMOST ANYTHING FOR IT. I LOSE ALL SELF RESPECT FOR MYSELF JUST FOR 1 MORE. I'M EXTREMELY SMART AND HAVE THE POTENTIAL TO BE WHO I'VE DREAMED ABOUT. THE DISTANCE FROM NOW AND THEN SEEMS FOREVER. I FEEL SURROUNDED BY PARANOIA AND FEAR. I TURNED OFF MY PHONE AND PLAN ON JUST STUDYING, PRAYING, RESEARCHING RECOVERY OF ALL THESE THINGS, STUDYING THE SCIENCE OF ADDICTION, AND NEVER TALK TO ANYBODY AGAIN. IM REALLY IN A DARK CORNER. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I'M LIKE THIS. IT SEEMS SO EASY JUST TO TURN AWAY AND NEVER LOOK BACK UNTIL I LOOK AT MY PHONE. I NEED HELP. I NEED HELP. I JUST NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO WITHOUT ANY JUDGEMENT. MY MIND IS SO WARPED WITH CONSPIRACY AND REGRET. I WANT TO BE A FATHER MY KIDS LOVE AND RESPECT AND LOOK UP TO. I DON'T WANT TO BE WEAK ANYMORE. THE STRENGTH IS HERE AND IT WILL BE REVEALED. IF THERE IS ANYBODY ON HERE I CAN TALK TO DAILY PLEASE RESPOND PLEASE!!!!!!
MY LIFE HAS BEEN SPARED SO MANY TIMES. I'M 2CM AWAY FROM RUINING MY LIFE FOR GOOD. I DO ALMOST ANYTHING FOR IT. I LOSE ALL SELF RESPECT FOR MYSELF JUST FOR 1 MORE. I'M EXTREMELY SMART AND HAVE THE POTENTIAL TO BE WHO I'VE DREAMED ABOUT. THE DISTANCE FROM NOW AND THEN SEEMS FOREVER. I FEEL SURROUNDED BY PARANOIA AND FEAR. I TURNED OFF MY PHONE AND PLAN ON JUST STUDYING, PRAYING, RESEARCHING RECOVERY OF ALL THESE THINGS, STUDYING THE SCIENCE OF ADDICTION, AND NEVER TALK TO ANYBODY AGAIN. IM REALLY IN A DARK CORNER. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I'M LIKE THIS. IT SEEMS SO EASY JUST TO TURN AWAY AND NEVER LOOK BACK UNTIL I LOOK AT MY PHONE. I NEED HELP. I NEED HELP. I JUST NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO WITHOUT ANY JUDGEMENT. MY MIND IS SO WARPED WITH CONSPIRACY AND REGRET. I WANT TO BE A FATHER MY KIDS LOVE AND RESPECT AND LOOK UP TO. I DON'T WANT TO BE WEAK ANYMORE. THE STRENGTH IS HERE AND IT WILL BE REVEALED. IF THERE IS ANYBODY ON HERE I CAN TALK TO DAILY PLEASE RESPOND PLEASE!!!!!!
