Even on my methadone I'm having a real urge to use today. Life has been throwing me a lot of crap. On the 18th my friend was shot 2x by the police and killed David "Bones" Hebert you can look up the story "cincinnati ohio" town of Northside. On the 19th my moms dog of 15 years died. My Dad completed like 6 months of rehab got a apartment and relasped. A bunch of stressful situations. I'm not gonna use I don't want to lose my take home of methadone if i get a dirty test. Also i would not even get high if i tried because of the methadone. Super stressed out and depressed. I work 7 days a week I feel real trapped by my man my kids my house my job and the m done clinic. My last relaspe was kind of brought on as a way to excape all these presures of life.
ZG
Good to hear from ya, but sorry to hear all the drama your going thru
Hang in there, getting thrown of your medicine now would really not be a good thing
All of us in recovery might have the occasional trigger or urge to use drugs (or alcohol )in our lives.
Really it is just a matter of time. If we stay clean and sober for long enough, eventually something will spark in our minds or we will have just the right sort of day where forces align in such a way that our brain suddenly says AhI remember what using that drug was like, it would be nice to use it again right now Now this does not mean that we are going to automatically relapse against our will or anything, but we have to be prepared for such moments in our recovery. None of us are immune to the possible urge or trigger from happening in this fashion- - Your not alone-
You cannot predict every trigger or urge situation. Life is too random and you will walk into situations that catch you off guard at times. Not every single day, but eventually you will get thrown for a loop. Just a matter of time.
I dont have any answers- -but I can hope for you to find peace somehow. Keep remembering the consequences- -I know the heroin feeling better than most, even after so many yrs. I just think of it as a different life- -and I know that however nice and comforting it made me feel- -it certainly went bad fast.
It sounds like you need support or friends that are with you on this- -not always the easiest to find when your hurting and your self -esteem is shot.
I know from reading your notes thru thr yrs now, that you have to deal with lots of trying issues that many dont -its not easy- - but you dont want to make things harder-
be careful out there
jack
Good to hear from ya, but sorry to hear all the drama your going thru
Hang in there, getting thrown of your medicine now would really not be a good thing
All of us in recovery might have the occasional trigger or urge to use drugs (or alcohol )in our lives.
Really it is just a matter of time. If we stay clean and sober for long enough, eventually something will spark in our minds or we will have just the right sort of day where forces align in such a way that our brain suddenly says AhI remember what using that drug was like, it would be nice to use it again right now Now this does not mean that we are going to automatically relapse against our will or anything, but we have to be prepared for such moments in our recovery. None of us are immune to the possible urge or trigger from happening in this fashion- - Your not alone-
You cannot predict every trigger or urge situation. Life is too random and you will walk into situations that catch you off guard at times. Not every single day, but eventually you will get thrown for a loop. Just a matter of time.
I dont have any answers- -but I can hope for you to find peace somehow. Keep remembering the consequences- -I know the heroin feeling better than most, even after so many yrs. I just think of it as a different life- -and I know that however nice and comforting it made me feel- -it certainly went bad fast.
It sounds like you need support or friends that are with you on this- -not always the easiest to find when your hurting and your self -esteem is shot.
I know from reading your notes thru thr yrs now, that you have to deal with lots of trying issues that many dont -its not easy- - but you dont want to make things harder-
be careful out there
jack
Thanks for the reply Jack. The craving has for the moment passed. To add to my stress my health is poor also. This Friday I'm having breast surgery. For three months I have had a lump that the doctor has been concerned about. In December I noticed a raised red lump left breast. It was very noticable I was not doing a breast exam just saw it in the shower. It feels solid and non moveable. I'm only 33 women don't get regular mamograms till they are in their 40's. It grew quick in Jaunary I had a mammogram and ultersound. The lump was rated on the (BI-RADS)"" Breast Imaging Reporting and Database System scale"" as Category 4 Suspicious abnormality which required a core biopsy. I had the biopsy done the doctor took 3 samples the 1st sample he skirted the lesion the 2ed he went through the lesion the 3rd was a core sample however the lab sent back a report of undeterminable. The mass was taged and I had a 3 month follow up ultersound. On the follow up the mass has grown bigger so the doctor is doing a lumpectomy. I'll be glad to have it gone on friday and maybe get better answers as to what it is.
good luck on the lump! I had something very similar and it was fine so I will pray for the same for you
How are you doing ZG?
I got the results on my lump, it was a benign tumor. I am left with a HUGE surgery Incision on my breast. They cut across the tumor, which had a fluid sac around it. To remove the whole thing they went 2 inches deep nearly 5 inches across """for my facebook friends I have a non grapic photo posted on facebook of the lumpectomy incision""". The hospital gave me Percocet post surgery and 2 weeks before that I got valuim at the hospital. I Did not abuse either but, having them did trigger thoughts and urges. In general my mood and emotions are not stable. I just don't feel good about myself. I need to get active in trying to feel better. I have been in a depression sience my relaspe in May 2010 went on methadone in September 2010 have never got back to feeling okay. I had disconnected from life in general. I don't visit here "the board" much. I make little effort to keep in touch with friends or family I usually don't answer my phone. I don't know what's wrong with me I just know things are not right.
ZG, it's obvious you're depressed...not sad, depressed.
That is EXACTLY what you need, girl. I know how you feel about NA, but something's gotta give...I doubt it would be painful to at least try...lol. Or something else, therapy, Smart Recovery, anything, ZG...this is not a good head space for you.
Really glad the lump was benign...really glad. Take care of you.
Peace and healing ~ M&M
| QUOTE |
| I need to get active in trying to feel better. |
That is EXACTLY what you need, girl. I know how you feel about NA, but something's gotta give...I doubt it would be painful to at least try...lol. Or something else, therapy, Smart Recovery, anything, ZG...this is not a good head space for you.
Really glad the lump was benign...really glad. Take care of you.
Peace and healing ~ M&M
Yeah- I kind agree with M&M- (it seems like we have been keeping this board alive lately)
I think you need to force yourself to get out a bit and find some people who are going thru some of the emotions that you are- - easier said than done- I know
Also- sometimes if they dont want to put you on a dose that is correct for YOU- you will feel fatigued and lazy instead of motivated and energetic
It is hard to diagnose ya, as Im not qualified- but I really feel your pain. Dont forget that you are a good person with a bad decease- -its important not to beat yourself up over things you cant control- -counterproductive and sh8t* *
keepintouch
jack
I think you need to force yourself to get out a bit and find some people who are going thru some of the emotions that you are- - easier said than done- I know
Also- sometimes if they dont want to put you on a dose that is correct for YOU- you will feel fatigued and lazy instead of motivated and energetic
It is hard to diagnose ya, as Im not qualified- but I really feel your pain. Dont forget that you are a good person with a bad decease- -its important not to beat yourself up over things you cant control- -counterproductive and sh8t* *
keepintouch
jack
keep your chin up champ , i detect a bit of fight from within your "spirit" , i discoverd this site yesterday from way "down under" in australia and i am super impressed the way you all rally round each other with support / advice . . . love that bout the human spirit , it's the very thing i thrive on to help keep my head above water over the last 20 odd years of treading water in the "ocean of addiction"
Today the "ocean" is pretty calm where i'm floating but in stormy waters when i felt like giving up in the past . . . i have found a really lame joke . . . silliya the better often brought a wee smile out the depths of my despair just helped take the edge off the biggest waves until the sea would calm . . .
e.g.
What would you call someone who really really really . . . really liked fishing ?
. . . ROD . . .
ha ha har harrr ogh er erm ...umm . . .
. . . well like i was saying i love the spirit generated by this site and thanks again to a couple of your peers for the support i received yesterday when i got a little tired of ped-ling water myself . . .
I still have a very strong feeling you will be able to keep a float . . .and i pray your storm passes quickly . . good luck mate !
. . .bye the way . . . did you hear bout that junkie with a real bad st-stu-stut-stutter ? . . .
n-ne-nee-need-needle was st-stu-stuck . . . xxx
Today the "ocean" is pretty calm where i'm floating but in stormy waters when i felt like giving up in the past . . . i have found a really lame joke . . . silliya the better often brought a wee smile out the depths of my despair just helped take the edge off the biggest waves until the sea would calm . . .
e.g.
What would you call someone who really really really . . . really liked fishing ?
. . . ROD . . .
ha ha har harrr ogh er erm ...umm . . .
. . . well like i was saying i love the spirit generated by this site and thanks again to a couple of your peers for the support i received yesterday when i got a little tired of ped-ling water myself . . .
I still have a very strong feeling you will be able to keep a float . . .and i pray your storm passes quickly . . good luck mate !
. . .bye the way . . . did you hear bout that junkie with a real bad st-stu-stut-stutter ? . . .
n-ne-nee-need-needle was st-stu-stuck . . . xxx
Hi,new here.Apparantly we're only given what we can cope with,no more no less!So you must be doing really well.I don't even need an excuse to use ,20 in my pocket is enough to trigger me off.I suppose it's not so much what happens to us in life ,it's how we deal with it.I've got to apoint in my life where I really can't afford to bury my head in the sand anymore,even though I've got plenty of reasons to.Am also on a methadone script,so I should be grateful that I don't have to be physically ill,but the craving still lingers.What I really mean to say to you is that I really admire you for being honest but still staying strong with so much going on.This has given me some inspiration not to use(for today at least).So thankyou,+ I hope things get better for you.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh ZG I had no idea you were going through all that.
I'm so sorry.
Glad to hear the word "benign" though.
You mentioned isolating. Women I am so isolated I ain't even looked at FaceBook.
Know I care my dear. Again I am so sorry. Hope you're feeling more well more however we're supposed to feel.
Much love.
I'm so sorry.
Glad to hear the word "benign" though.
You mentioned isolating. Women I am so isolated I ain't even looked at FaceBook.
Know I care my dear. Again I am so sorry. Hope you're feeling more well more however we're supposed to feel.
Much love.
Lady where are you?
How ya feeling?
How ya feeling?
