Selfishnessself-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of all our troubles. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 62
How amazing the revelation that the world, and everyone in it, can get along just fine with or without me. What a relief to know that people, places and things will be perfectly okay without my control and direction. And how wordlessly wonderful to come to believe that a power greater than me exists separate and apart from myself. I believe that the feeling of separation I experience between me and God will one day vanish. In the meantime, faith must serve as the pathway to the center of my life.
Dammit. I hate when The Daily Reflections smacks me in the head! :) And Step 2 (Hope) rears its ugly head! LOL
Do you really believe that? That at the root of most alcoholic's problems is selfishness? I like the big book and I read it a lot but like any book I have read I certainly don't agree with everything it purports. Yes, I'm not denying that I have been selfish in my life but who hasn't to some extent be they alcoholic or not?
I mean, when I was at my worst and if some well meaning AA member approached me and said "do you know what Ruth, I think the root of your troubles is probably selfishness" I would have told them to F*** off. Don't get me wrong, I am SO happy to have found AA. I am sober today because of it. But I question things I guess.
Personally, I think its just a bit more complex than self-centeredness.
As you go through your 4th Step, the second part to it is asking yourself, "What was MY part in all of this?" WHY do you resent the event/place/thing? Selfishness. I thought I was the most giving person on the planet--until I did my 4th Step and found that my upside-down perception of service to others was just a selfish means of acceptance. "Want to REALLY be of service?" someone one told me, do something for someone else and don't tell ANYone. ~DING~ Got me. Yep. The second part of the 4th should shed some light in those dark corners... :)
Well, I can sure relate to having been an incredibly self - ish person. Everything was completely about me. It still is to a certain extent, but I am learning how to value other people more and take more interest in their lives. Normally I will be thinking so much about myself that things other people tell me about themselves just go in one ear and out the other, and I have found myself pretending I remember really awful things they have told me when they bring them up again, but I don't really. Nowadays, I am really trying to listen more.
Also, everybody else used to be the problem - never me. I found fault with everything but myself. But on the flip side had a complete guilt complex and blamed myself for everything. Therein lies one difficullty - alcoholics tend to have split personalities so nothing is ever simple, it always tends to be contradictory!!
In the beginning, which was many yrs. ago drinking wasn't selfish. But thats exactly what it became for me. Drinking was my excuse to escape people, events, places, things that happened to me. Justified or not it does not matter. It was selfish to myself and to others.
I have done step four in my group at Church. I see my part, my actions, it's ugly. Amends have and are still being made. It's so freeing.From guilt, shame and pain.
I confused self care with selfishness for many yrs. it was working with another person from AA a little over 3 yrs. ago. The seed was planted. Now it's been fertilized, watered and given love. That I'm able to see the difference.
This is what powerlessness means for me when were talking about alcohol. Once I put one drink into my body and my system metabolizes the alcohol I have an uncontrolable craving, urge to have more and more. Until I'm bloody a** drunk, really super drunk. Well around 80% of the time this is what happened to me.
Now I can see when I was drinking what a selfish pig I was to everyone, including truly yours, me. Yes, and to God to.
If you have ever done something nice for someone and taken no credit for it, it's an incredible feeling. Yes, DING, DING, DING
