I need help because I am madly in love with a man that has been fighting heroin addiction for 7 yrs. I never had a clue, guess I'm stupid and don't read signs, but I am at a loss. I have been in love with who I met my freshman year of college as my chemistry tutor and we became best friends. We were always close. It wasn't until recently that I learned about the addiction, and that drove us apart. Love and fate brought us back together, but he he has not quit using. It hurts me so bad b/c I have never loved and connected with anyone like him, but I cannot understand the problem. He relapses, and it is not once in awhile, and his excuse is that he is way better than what he was, but I do not see an improvement, just more lies. Yes, he does not do it as much, but it happens, and on a monthly basis, which unfortunately is an improvement. I love this man with everything in my heart, and it hurts that I have no way of helping him and it kills me to watch him destroy himself... it has made me, an obnoxiously happy person to become chronically depressed...it literally breaks my heart to watch him destroy everything he has, and what we have. I really do not know how to help or even understand...I have never felt this way about a person, and I do not want to lose him, but I know deep down the addiction will break us, which is what I do NOT want..... HELP
I (as an old heroin addict) would love it if you didnt give up on this guy- - BUT- they,re only so many chances, so much dissaopointment, so many lies and cover-ups (that will be soon to come) that you should really put yourself through.
Your a young person- read around this board for awhile - and post back, Its a very involved, all comsuming (and selfish) job being a heroin addict-
I hate to scare you away- when you may be a reason his guy opens his eyes- -so its a tough call for advise - at least with me-
Others will be around soon- - listen and read past posts relating to this issue which has come up many times- - then get back to us-
with respect
jack
Your a young person- read around this board for awhile - and post back, Its a very involved, all comsuming (and selfish) job being a heroin addict-
I hate to scare you away- when you may be a reason his guy opens his eyes- -so its a tough call for advise - at least with me-
Others will be around soon- - listen and read past posts relating to this issue which has come up many times- - then get back to us-
with respect
jack
i can only respond as a mother of an addict, i used to hear his same rationale, im not as bad as i was...well thats like saying i dont beat you as often as i once did...it is a nasty addiction and they almost always choose the drug over everything else, keep your eyes open, dont doubt what you see, dont isolate yourself with the thought that you have the best love ever..it wont make any difference unless he decides he wants to quit entirely, stay in the social world, do things, go places, see him if you want and he's not screwed up, maybe get to an alanon meeting or just continue to read here, stories are the same over and over no matter how different we think our loved one is....keep posting come to the family board also for support
You have to know what you can live with...I too am an old heroin addict and I too, like jack would love it if you would stay with him...but you have to know he isn't going to give it up for you or for your love...he has to want to do it himself and for himself... asking him, nagging him, pleading and threatening him about it wont do either of you any good...you have to let it be HIS thing, not yours and you need to decide if its something you can live with....if it is...then state what it is and what it isn't you will be able to deal with....we are always addicts...clean or not...its not something that is suddenly cured from one day to the next...its for life...so think carefully about it...
Constantine
Constantine
I to would like there to be a nice happy ending or some answer we could share with you, what hit me was
it has made me, an obnoxiously happy person to become chronically depressed..
we only have a limited time in this form sometimes its time to look after our own need as opposed to others, if this is impacting you like this now what will you be like in 6 months or a year
take a good look in the mirror I think you already know what to do but living in denile
what ever happens I hope you become all you can be
BOB
it has made me, an obnoxiously happy person to become chronically depressed..
we only have a limited time in this form sometimes its time to look after our own need as opposed to others, if this is impacting you like this now what will you be like in 6 months or a year
take a good look in the mirror I think you already know what to do but living in denile
what ever happens I hope you become all you can be
BOB
Hello
I have been in a relationship with an addict for 4 years now, what started of as a hedonistic experiment(for him) has subsequently caused alot of pain.. it has taken a long time for me to realise that the addiction is nothing to do with me, he has to be ready to stop and it is a long and arduous process. My bf went onto a programme about 2 and half years ago, he has been on low doses of methodone and currently subutex...yep he has also lasped at times...these times being christmas and birthdays! But all the time in between is what I now focus on as he still admits that he wants to get high everyday...in the beginning when I understood nothing I allowed myself to become ill with worry, I have had tantrums, screamed , shouted, on more than one occassion felt like leaving...all this gave way to acceptance and a strong belief that he will get through this.
Nobody can tell you what to do but I will say it is good to have some boundaries, nagging etc won't do any good and you will just feel bad about yourself or like his mum...I guess where I am with it is that when he laspes and then worries about being put on the methadone again instead of the tablets, I give no sympathy...its his choices and he knows the consequences so maybe next time he may think twice, its his journey. Yes it hurt that he never just quit for our love but your guy has to stop for the love of himself. Don't put everything on hold either, I gave too much of myself and became ill with panic attacks, now I have formed some distance to the addiction without losing any love or closeness and this has been the best way for us. However, if I had been coming home to find him smashed out all the time I may not have stuck around ...as it happened that period was very short lived and you would not know he was on anything now...its the recovery from that that is here for the forseeable future.
At the moment my bf is dropping down, when this happens the happy go lucky man I love disappears and a morose, depressed shell of a man resides...this is very difficult and saddening to witness and admittedly difficult to live around so be prepared...it helps if you have a large enough flat for you both to have space (we don't)...at this time even having a conversation with me is difficult for him and any question/eyecontact can nearly have him in tears...so its best to make sure you have lots of tv channels, soup and for you to be busy.
Not sure if this is any help, only you know yourself and your relationship. Its a rollercoaster for sure but we are cracking on with life and a fulfilling relationship together all the same and now planning for a baby!...I really hope you both have a good support network and whatever you decide to do I hope it works out. Love and light x
I have been in a relationship with an addict for 4 years now, what started of as a hedonistic experiment(for him) has subsequently caused alot of pain.. it has taken a long time for me to realise that the addiction is nothing to do with me, he has to be ready to stop and it is a long and arduous process. My bf went onto a programme about 2 and half years ago, he has been on low doses of methodone and currently subutex...yep he has also lasped at times...these times being christmas and birthdays! But all the time in between is what I now focus on as he still admits that he wants to get high everyday...in the beginning when I understood nothing I allowed myself to become ill with worry, I have had tantrums, screamed , shouted, on more than one occassion felt like leaving...all this gave way to acceptance and a strong belief that he will get through this.
Nobody can tell you what to do but I will say it is good to have some boundaries, nagging etc won't do any good and you will just feel bad about yourself or like his mum...I guess where I am with it is that when he laspes and then worries about being put on the methadone again instead of the tablets, I give no sympathy...its his choices and he knows the consequences so maybe next time he may think twice, its his journey. Yes it hurt that he never just quit for our love but your guy has to stop for the love of himself. Don't put everything on hold either, I gave too much of myself and became ill with panic attacks, now I have formed some distance to the addiction without losing any love or closeness and this has been the best way for us. However, if I had been coming home to find him smashed out all the time I may not have stuck around ...as it happened that period was very short lived and you would not know he was on anything now...its the recovery from that that is here for the forseeable future.
At the moment my bf is dropping down, when this happens the happy go lucky man I love disappears and a morose, depressed shell of a man resides...this is very difficult and saddening to witness and admittedly difficult to live around so be prepared...it helps if you have a large enough flat for you both to have space (we don't)...at this time even having a conversation with me is difficult for him and any question/eyecontact can nearly have him in tears...so its best to make sure you have lots of tv channels, soup and for you to be busy.
Not sure if this is any help, only you know yourself and your relationship. Its a rollercoaster for sure but we are cracking on with life and a fulfilling relationship together all the same and now planning for a baby!...I really hope you both have a good support network and whatever you decide to do I hope it works out. Love and light x
