Please just let this guy go. He will always put the drugs first. Opiates cause profound changes in the brain. He won't stop until he is so profoundly sick of the addiction that he decides for himself, and even then it is very hard. He won't stop for you. Addicts can be charming liars but they will choose the addiction over everything else every time. They will literally die for for the drug. I am not bashing the guy, I am bashing the addiction. He will break your heart, waste your time and emotion, and never be a suitable partner. I have been there. My husband became an opiate addict after we were married for 15 years. I love him, stayed with him, and he has now been clean for 11 years. I am very proud of him for the strength he showed however, we had about 6 absolutely miserable years that I wouldn't wish on anyone. You are young, you have very little time invested in the relationship, so move on to someone without an addiction.
I need some help I've been dating this girl for 6 months now it's been a long distance relationship she was on methadone and was using heroin for about a year and a half she went to jail got out and got placed on the methadone program also house arrest so I barely got to see her now that's she's off house arrest she came up to me two weeks ago and I was helping her go through the withdrawal however I could she has 3 kids so she had to go back on the weekend to be with them because that's when she gets them so she left Thursday told me she'll be back Monday but never showed up the whole week she made excuses and didn't come back now 2 weeks later she says she's ready to come back but I started doing research on that type of addiction because I didn't really think about it in the way that once your an addict your always and addict I thought she would just be ok since she's not on it now bit after all the research I realized a lot of things such as the lies and change of attitude suddenly after the week she was here she deleted everything off her phone which I found suspicious but I found an email from some guy stating in it negative things about me being so you I'm 26 and she's 33 but when I confronted her about it she told me she's just doing it to get her car fixed for free because she's always apparently done that kind of thing to guys without sleeping with them but I don't trust her now and don't believe anything she says she also makes a lot of excuses and I gave her a few hundred dollars recently which after doing research was also a bad idea and everything she told me it was for was word for word told on a article about the lies they use I love this woman but I'm starting to think she's using again and maybe even putting me at risk for any type of disease if she's sleeping with these men for drugs or anything else but she swears I don't have to worry about any other man and tells me all these things about how good I am to her and how she loves me so much wants to marry me have a baby but I'm not so sure anymore I've never been a trusting person but now it seems all signs are pointing towards not trusting her at all I may have forgotten a lot of details on here but typing it on a phone so trying to finish it as soon as possible maybe also get some replies before she gets here later tonight so I can have a long talk with her about my limits and that I need her complete honesty
I also forgot to mention I got it out of her that she used coccaine the Monday she was supposed to come back and when we got into a fight Wednesday night she used heroin she told me she's disappointed and she wants to change her life she's trying to get her career going but idk if I should just stop seeing her before I get hurt bad by all this because all I can do is support her if she's just saying she wants to change but is lying I'll really be wasting my time and going through hard times for no reason
Jay,
I hate to tell you THIS but RUN AS FAR AWAY AS YOU CAN AND SAVE YOURSELF BEFORE YOU GET IN OVER YOUR HEAD AND GET HURT.
And PLEASE go over to the Family Board so you can talk to some great people who have been right where you are.
Good luck sweetie!
Granny
I hate to tell you THIS but RUN AS FAR AWAY AS YOU CAN AND SAVE YOURSELF BEFORE YOU GET IN OVER YOUR HEAD AND GET HURT.
And PLEASE go over to the Family Board so you can talk to some great people who have been right where you are.
Good luck sweetie!
Granny
This is my first time writing on a forum so please bare with me ..
I've been with a recovering addict for over a year now. He's an amazing person and means the world to me. He's relapsed twice since we've been together and I've been there for him every step of the way. I care more about his health, well being and recovery than I do about us being together. He has trouble talking about things and holds a lot in but I felt he was able to open up to me a lot more than he could anyone else and he seems to be the only person I fully trust to open up completely and tell everything about myself to. I have only smoked a little weed back in high school never touched any hard drugs but I occasionally drink so I don't understand much about it. I have tried to educate myself the best I could by reading up on addiction and recovery and listening to what he would tell me about it. He has an amazing family who I love and loves me in return and his brother has made it a point to a mutual friend that he doesn't want his brother to be with anyone else but me and wants him to marry me. I've always been more than understanding to his situation and to the fact that he can't have a girlfriend right now because he needs to focus on his recovery and it would be too hard (which I've never pushed on him). I've always been supporting of him and stood by him no matter what. Always letting him know how proud I am of him and his accomplishments. I always tell him I'll be here no matter what and would send him texts on big days of sobriety congratulating him 60,7,80, etc. Right before his second relapse while we were together we decided to take things slow because he was nervous about being home and he didn't want to rush anything and risk losing me. I also mentioned to him if talking to me was too much on him and if so let me know because as much it would hurt I would step back and walk away for him. Then one day he took something I said the wrong way and blew it out of proportion and after a couple days when we talked he said he couldn't do this right now because he needs to focus on himself and life and what he wants out of our situation. I initially was upset but after I thought about it I understood and kept reminding myself it wasn't because of another girl or anything along those lines. He wanted to stay in contact which we did and he became very distant it hurt but I tried to stay positive and whenever I asked if he's moved on from us he would say no. Than we went two full months no contact. My friends were trying to get me to move on and I just couldn't do it my feelings for him were just as strong as they were when we were together. Now don't get me wrong yes I was very upset but I wouldn't sit home an cry myself to sleep every night I would keep busy an workout hang with my friends. Than this past April we reconnect he explained to me the reason for him pushing me away was because he was using agin and thats what he does he pushes the people closest to him away so he doesn't hurt them and so they don't see what he's doing. We talked a little bit and he told me he doesn't want to sound selfish but he needs to focus on himself but he does want to work on things again between us so I agreed he needs to focus on himself before anything else and he's not being selfish and agreed to working on things again between us. So things were very slow between us for the first month and than went right back to normal but he was the one who acted on it first. I didn't rush anything between us. So now during our no contact his ex gf from 3 years ago who is no good and is no married with a child would 21 question me about him every time she saw me and I told I don't like talking about but still was invasive and asking. She than apologized and than would bring him or his family up in conversation for no reason out of nowhere basically to get under my skin. She went behind my back and asked around to all my friends about us and said I know he really really liked her he told me before which put in my head they had contact not knowing he was away at his point. So she still to this day continues to do it saying she doesn't think she likes m because I'm talking to him and my friends shut her down before she can keep going but still I was thinking if she's still obsessed about it I wonder if he feels anyway about it. So I vented to him about her about what she's doing and than I asked if he still had feelings for her. Now mind you he never did anything for me to think he did it was her that made me ask. He said no but he was annoyed I even would ask that understandable. Long story short he now gets distant with me I apologized more than once try to explain why I asked he just says ok or says I brought something up I shouldn't have and it bothered him. So after a week I tell him if he doesn't want this anymore just get it out in the open now because I can't feel bad or worry about this anymore. He ignored it after an hour I call no answer I see he's tagged in a picture with a girl he's friends with but never talks of and his roommate at a bar. So I text again he read it I called no answer after a few ignored calls and ignored texts I sent him a long text basically saying how I always care about him and his well being before anything and he's the one who wanted to work on things and if he really wanted to end it to be a man an say it not to pull this crap and cut me off .. after two weeks of no contact i reached out and sent him a text asking if we can talk nothing i called a few days later and left a voicemail asking to call me back I just wanted to talk nothing. Now idk if its something I did wrong here or theres something I don't know about and my friends are telling me forget him blah blah but my love for him is the same and I feel like it doesn't make sense after everything to cut me off. I'm big with my faith and to this day I still pray for him and his recovery every night. I'm just looking for some sort of answer if anyone can help ..
I've been with a recovering addict for over a year now. He's an amazing person and means the world to me. He's relapsed twice since we've been together and I've been there for him every step of the way. I care more about his health, well being and recovery than I do about us being together. He has trouble talking about things and holds a lot in but I felt he was able to open up to me a lot more than he could anyone else and he seems to be the only person I fully trust to open up completely and tell everything about myself to. I have only smoked a little weed back in high school never touched any hard drugs but I occasionally drink so I don't understand much about it. I have tried to educate myself the best I could by reading up on addiction and recovery and listening to what he would tell me about it. He has an amazing family who I love and loves me in return and his brother has made it a point to a mutual friend that he doesn't want his brother to be with anyone else but me and wants him to marry me. I've always been more than understanding to his situation and to the fact that he can't have a girlfriend right now because he needs to focus on his recovery and it would be too hard (which I've never pushed on him). I've always been supporting of him and stood by him no matter what. Always letting him know how proud I am of him and his accomplishments. I always tell him I'll be here no matter what and would send him texts on big days of sobriety congratulating him 60,7,80, etc. Right before his second relapse while we were together we decided to take things slow because he was nervous about being home and he didn't want to rush anything and risk losing me. I also mentioned to him if talking to me was too much on him and if so let me know because as much it would hurt I would step back and walk away for him. Then one day he took something I said the wrong way and blew it out of proportion and after a couple days when we talked he said he couldn't do this right now because he needs to focus on himself and life and what he wants out of our situation. I initially was upset but after I thought about it I understood and kept reminding myself it wasn't because of another girl or anything along those lines. He wanted to stay in contact which we did and he became very distant it hurt but I tried to stay positive and whenever I asked if he's moved on from us he would say no. Than we went two full months no contact. My friends were trying to get me to move on and I just couldn't do it my feelings for him were just as strong as they were when we were together. Now don't get me wrong yes I was very upset but I wouldn't sit home an cry myself to sleep every night I would keep busy an workout hang with my friends. Than this past April we reconnect he explained to me the reason for him pushing me away was because he was using agin and thats what he does he pushes the people closest to him away so he doesn't hurt them and so they don't see what he's doing. We talked a little bit and he told me he doesn't want to sound selfish but he needs to focus on himself but he does want to work on things again between us so I agreed he needs to focus on himself before anything else and he's not being selfish and agreed to working on things again between us. So things were very slow between us for the first month and than went right back to normal but he was the one who acted on it first. I didn't rush anything between us. So now during our no contact his ex gf from 3 years ago who is no good and is no married with a child would 21 question me about him every time she saw me and I told I don't like talking about but still was invasive and asking. She than apologized and than would bring him or his family up in conversation for no reason out of nowhere basically to get under my skin. She went behind my back and asked around to all my friends about us and said I know he really really liked her he told me before which put in my head they had contact not knowing he was away at his point. So she still to this day continues to do it saying she doesn't think she likes m because I'm talking to him and my friends shut her down before she can keep going but still I was thinking if she's still obsessed about it I wonder if he feels anyway about it. So I vented to him about her about what she's doing and than I asked if he still had feelings for her. Now mind you he never did anything for me to think he did it was her that made me ask. He said no but he was annoyed I even would ask that understandable. Long story short he now gets distant with me I apologized more than once try to explain why I asked he just says ok or says I brought something up I shouldn't have and it bothered him. So after a week I tell him if he doesn't want this anymore just get it out in the open now because I can't feel bad or worry about this anymore. He ignored it after an hour I call no answer I see he's tagged in a picture with a girl he's friends with but never talks of and his roommate at a bar. So I text again he read it I called no answer after a few ignored calls and ignored texts I sent him a long text basically saying how I always care about him and his well being before anything and he's the one who wanted to work on things and if he really wanted to end it to be a man an say it not to pull this crap and cut me off .. after two weeks of no contact i reached out and sent him a text asking if we can talk nothing i called a few days later and left a voicemail asking to call me back I just wanted to talk nothing. Now idk if its something I did wrong here or theres something I don't know about and my friends are telling me forget him blah blah but my love for him is the same and I feel like it doesn't make sense after everything to cut me off. I'm big with my faith and to this day I still pray for him and his recovery every night. I'm just looking for some sort of answer if anyone can help ..
